flameburns623 Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 (edited) She will be going in for gallbadder surgery. She is already in late stages of Parkinson's disease and rather poorly both physically and emotionally. It is a riskier operation than it would be under better circumstances. As an aside: following my divorce in 1996, it was Mom who urged me tp go back to and get active again in the LDS Church. My first wife had attended a few times when we first got married (and her son had adored the Sunday School program). But my wife was uncomfortable and wouldn't go after a few weeks. Then she spent time at several family gatherings bad-mouthing the Church, although no one else really cared. (She also bad- mouthed my Sister-in-law's Pentecostal church to my other SiL and then that other SiL's church to the Pentecostal SiL. She just didn't much like churches). Anyhow after my separation from this woman, Mom felt that ny first spouse was to blame for me being inactive in the LDS Church,. While not Mormon herself, Mom felt being back in church would help me get over the divorce. Edited March 24, 2016 by flameburns623 Spelling Link to comment
Okrahomer Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 It is difficult coming to terms with the mortality of those we love so much. Your Mom sounds like a caring and loving person. We will include her--and you--in our prayers. Link to comment
Garden Girl Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 I add my prayers also, flame... GG Link to comment
Jeanne Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Many prayers for you. It sounds like as a mother should be..she always thinks what is in the best interest for her son. Hope all goes well. Hugs, Jeanne Link to comment
flameburns623 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 It emerges that she is going to surgery just now, within 5 minutes of my local time. Link to comment
Popular Post flameburns623 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Popular Post Share Posted March 24, 2016 Talked to a nurse. My mother just came out of surgery. They swept the gallbladder of stones, did balloon dilation of the blocked bile duct, and inserted a stent to keep it open. Mom is tired but hungry which is a good sign. 5 Link to comment
Jeanne Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 1 hour ago, flameburns623 said: Talked to a nurse. My mother just came out of surgery. They swept the gallbladder of stones, did balloon dilation of the blocked bile duct, and inserted a stent to keep it open. Mom is tired but hungry which is a good sign. Hungry is a good word! Hope progress is in the vocabulary too. You are a good son. Jeanne 1 Link to comment
MorningStar Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 Prayers for a fast recovery! Link to comment
flameburns623 Posted March 25, 2016 Author Share Posted March 25, 2016 The surgery has disclosed cancer. Given her age and other attendant health challenges, some already terminal, the situation is deemed to have no good treatments and she will receive hospice care until the inevitable outcome. Link to comment
mtomm Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 Blessings for you. These things are always hard. 1 Link to comment
Jeanne Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 Thinking of you and yours...my heart breaks for you. Use this time to talk memories with love and appreciation. Jeanne 1 Link to comment
bluebell Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 I'm so sorry. That's hard news. 1 Link to comment
Daniel2 Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 So sorry to hear of your news, Flame.... My father just passed in January after an 8 year struggle with Parkinson's. Never easy to loose a parent, but we take comfort in knowing we had time to cherish the beloved man that he was throughout our lives, and in knowing that his suffering was finally relieved. Best to you and your family, as well as to your dear mother. 1 Link to comment
flameburns623 Posted March 25, 2016 Author Share Posted March 25, 2016 Mom has been under a shadow since February, when we nearly lost her to aspiration pneumonia over Valentine's Day weekend. We know her time remaining is short. Thanks for the prayers and thoughts and expressions of comfort. Link to comment
Garden Girl Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 I, too, express my sympathy at this latest news, flame... I lost my mom very suddenly to her heart attack at age 80 when I was 58, and I've missed her terribly to this day... but, I have the faith that she is just fine... GG 1 Link to comment
Calm Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 How is your mom handling? How are you handling how your mom is handling it? Link to comment
Stargazer Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 On 3/25/2016 at 11:26 AM, flameburns623 said: The surgery has disclosed cancer. Given her age and other attendant health challenges, some already terminal, the situation is deemed to have no good treatments and she will receive hospice care until the inevitable outcome. Ah, yes. I've heard that particular news before in my own life. Hospice has its charms, although it can be slowly heart-wrenching as one watches the inevitable occur before one's own eyes. When my late wife got the news of her impending call into eternity, she gave me the news with a smile, would you believe? Not one to complain was she! And caring for her until the very end was simultaneously one of the greatest blessings of my life, and one of the most heart-ache-filled. I later realized that watching her breathe her last breath was rather less sad than it would seem at first thought, and more along the lines of witnessing the first flight of an angel! For all that writing about it brings copious tears to my eyes! I shall pray for both her and for you and your family! 4 Link to comment
flameburns623 Posted March 26, 2016 Author Share Posted March 26, 2016 1 hour ago, Calm said: How is your mom handling? How are you handling how your mom is handling it? My Mom is handling things poorly. This is an independent woman who, despite her tiny stature (5'00" and only briefly ever more than 115 lbs), spent a good deal of life keeping up with her men: she was married twice and buried both husbands; and gave birth to five sons, three of us surviving infancy. She'd been a cheerleader and taken part in competitive dancing, enjoyed getting dressy and dolled up, and could be as feminine as any woman. She could also hunt, fish, and drive a tractor or a flatbed truck as well as anyone. Although she had some Lucille Ball moments learning to do it, as some hedge rows and shed walls can attest to this day. It won't impress the LDS to hear me aay it, but she could hold her own beer and has drunk a few men under the table in her life. Which underscores her situation today. She canno t walk any distance: scarcely more than the length of a bed. She cannot dress herself. She cannot bathe herself. She needs help to do even the ordinary bodily functions. And she must eat even cheeseburgers and fries pureed. None of these were limitations six or eight months ago. Only four months ago she gave in and began staying with my middle brother for her own safety. Now, she cannot even be left on her own for eight hours while he and his girlfriend are at work. The helplessness has come upon her quickly. They are treating her for the emotional impact this is having on her, but she is still very low, wants badly to get out of the care facility and go home. And yet she is really just going through the motions in terms of cooperating with therapy: she senses the end is closer than she wants and is trying to resign herself to the inevitable. Family visit her as much as possible: I am six hours away so I see her less than my brothers or.my nephews & nieces. But I am making what trips I can make and speak to her often. She appreciates the visits but can tolerate company only a few moments at a time. And she neither wants to speak of old times nor is she much plugged into current affairs. She just wants the company for a little while. I'm approximately where my Mom is emotionally over all of this: appalled at how quickly she is failing, wanting her to stay as long as possible, recognizing that the nightfall is coming quickly and inexorably for her. I've many other changes happening at the same time: my company is going through some changes, I and my wife are hekping my daughter and her husband with their own speed bumps in life, and I am helping my stepdaughter plan a simple little wedding ceremony which they asked me to perform. (I am legally "ordained for life" thru a couple of organizations and have done this a time or two before). Things will be all right: Mom has made her peace with God, her pastor and Church are doing what they can. They bring her communion and uplift her as they can. (She was reared in a Campbellite tradition which shares some roots or influences with Mormonism). She is not so prayerful as some might be, not so fond of the Bible, but I send her cards and messages with uplifting content and she appreciates those. And we all knew we would face this with her, as we faced it with our grandparents, my Dad, and my stepdad. It's just the getting through it which is the strain. 2 Link to comment
Rain Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 *hugs* I'm sorry y'all are going through this. Wish I could make it better for you. 1 Link to comment
Popular Post flameburns623 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Popular Post Share Posted March 28, 2016 (edited) It's been like pulling teeth to talk to her since the surgery. Not to mention she probably hasn't gotten any of the cards I sent her, since she's still at intensive care in the hospital. Finally reached her today. She's even weaker than before the surgery. Clear-headed. But very low and very weak. Told her that I have been going to the Mormon Church. She reminded me she had told me to do that months ago. She did: I talked to her way many months back, maybe almost a year ago and said I'd just finished Mass. (She was in relative good health back then). She asked if I ever still went to the LDS Church and I said I didn't. She said that it seemed to her I was always busy and happy when I was a Mormon. So she has said something about Mormonism at least twice: it might have come up a couple of times. Anyhow I am making a quick drive down there this weekend. As frail as she sounds I have to worry how many more chances I will have to see her. Continued prayers appreciated. Edited March 29, 2016 by flameburns623 5 Link to comment
Stargazer Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 Man, can I ever relate to this! I took care of my late wife for her last six months on earth, and it was a sad thing to watch her gradually lose her physical and mental abilities little by little until she was totally withdrawn from life. And then she went peacefully back to the Lord one morning. She had always been the one to keep up with, always working, always accomplishing, until all that was taken away. You have my prayers for your ordeal -- may you have peace as the time approaches for her to return to the God who gave her life, my brother! 2 Link to comment
flameburns623 Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 2 minutes ago, Stargazer said: Man, can I ever relate to this! I took care of my late wife for her last six months on earth, and it was a sad thing to watch her gradually lose her physical and mental abilities little by little until she was totally withdrawn from life. And then she went peacefully back to the Lord one morning. She had always been the one to keep up with, always working, always accomplishing, until all that was taken away. You have my prayers for your ordeal -- may you have peace as the time approaches for her to return to the God who gave her life, my brother! Thanks.She's back at the care center now. Link to comment
Jeanne Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 (edited) 8 hours ago, Stargazer said: Man, can I ever relate to this! I took care of my late wife for her last six months on earth, and it was a sad thing to watch her gradually lose her physical and mental abilities little by little until she was totally withdrawn from life. And then she went peacefully back to the Lord one morning. She had always been the one to keep up with, always working, always accomplishing, until all that was taken away. You have my prayers for your ordeal -- may you have peace as the time approaches for her to return to the God who gave her life, my brother! Having watched my husband go from racquetball to merely bones in three months..I can understand. I found that to know what is needed best to real quite times,,,and listeninng. Hugs to all who have and are going through these things. My Dad and stepmother are both leaving us soon because of this darn cancer stuff. Flame, say all the things that you need to say..and listen. Edited March 30, 2016 by Jeanne 1 Link to comment
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