VideoGameJunkie Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Tell any Mormon jokes you know. I have one. I don't want a trophy wife, I want a Young Women's medallion wife. Link to comment
longview Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 What is the definition of a Mormon? One who is either going to or coming from a meeting. 1 Link to comment
Stargazer Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 Mary had a little lamb It turned into sheep And then it joined the Mormon church And died from lack of sleep 2 Link to comment
Rivers Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 (edited) Two departed souls show up at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks the first "What we're your life accomplishments?" He replied, "I was a faithful Christian convert who withstood endless persecution all my life and was stoned, flogged, beaten, and lastly fed to the lions by the Romans." Saint Peter responds, "Well done. You may enter the terrestrial kingdom." The other replied "I was a Mormon and sat through every sacrament meeting." Saint Peter responds, "Well done. You may enter the Celestial Kingdom." Edited December 11, 2015 by Rivers 1 Link to comment
strappinglad Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 Why do you always invite two Mormons to go fishing with you? Because if you invite just one , he will drink all your beer. 3 Link to comment
Coreyb Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 A jack Mormon joke.. ... When looking at the statue of Brigham Young on main and south temple did you ever notice how his a** is pointed toward the temple and arm is outstretched pointing to the bank 1 Link to comment
Rivers Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Why did the Mormon cross the road? To to go to another meeting. 2 Link to comment
salgare Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to change it, one to deny anything has been changed 2 Link to comment
longview Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 (disclaimer: I did not originate this joke but am trying to reconstruct it to the best of my memory) - - - The Pope was working in his office at the Vatican when he was suddenly interrupted by his agitated secretary. Pope: What is wrong? Sec: I'm afraid I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first? Pope: Well, give me the good news. Sec: Jesus is on the phone to announce His Second Coming. Pope: Glory be! What could POSSIBLY be the bad news? Sec: the call is coming from Salt Lake City . . . 3 Link to comment
JAHS Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Catholics might enjoy this joke: "Jesus saw the crowd about to stone a woman, and stepped forth, shouting, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!" Silence -- then a stone came flying from the crowd, and Jesus turned around and said "C'mon, Mom, I'm trying to make a point here..." 4 Link to comment
Rivers Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 President Monson, the Dalai Lama, and the Pope are out in a boat fishing. After they are done fishing, the Pope jumps out of the boat and walks across the water onto the shore. President Monson then gets out and walks across the water to the shore. The Dalai Lama jumps out of the boat and sinks. The Pope says to Pres. Monson, "Maybe we should have told him about the stepping stones." Pres. Monson replies, "What stepping stones?" 2 Link to comment
Avatar4321 Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Why did the relief society president stop having children at 35? Cause 36 is just to many 2 Link to comment
VideoGameJunkie Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 What do you call an LDS man on LSD? A High Priest. Link to comment
Eek! Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 How many home teachers does it take to change a light bulb? It only takes two, but you have to wait 'till the end of the month. 3 Link to comment
JLHPROF Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 Saw this on the Trib - Two missionaries were riding their bikes through a very bad part of town. A car pulled up along side of them and gun shots rang out. One Elder tumbled to the ground. The unhurt Elder rushed to his companion's side as the car drove off. "Elder, Elder!, Are you alright?" The First Elder begins to sit up, he feels around and finds no blood. Reaching into his suit's pocket he pulls out if copy of The Book of Mormon. There is a bullet hole in the book. It saved his life. They are both very thankful. The conclusion? The bullet couldn't get through the Isaiah parts in 2nd Nephi either. 1 Link to comment
Thinking Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 How do you tell the difference between a mormon and a non-mormon? The temperature of their caffeine. 2 Link to comment
Rivers Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 (edited) What did the Mormon say to the other Mormon? Good mormon Edited May 27, 2016 by Rivers Link to comment
Thinking Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 The younger generation might not understand this joke. A man wanted to talk to God so he contacted a local minister and asked for advice. The minister told him that he could use the telephone on his desk, but that it would cost $1,000. The man did not have that kind of money and left disappointed. On his way home he saw an LDS church and went inside. The bishop was in his office and told the man he could use the telephone on his desk. The man asked the bishop if it would cost $1,000 like with the local minister. The bishop told him there would be no charge because from his desk it was a local call. 1 Link to comment
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