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Mormon jokes


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Two departed souls show up at the pearly gates.  Saint Peter asks the first "What we're your life accomplishments?" 

He replied, "I was a faithful Christian convert who withstood endless persecution all my life and was stoned, flogged, beaten, and lastly fed to the lions by the Romans."

 

Saint Peter responds, "Well done. You  may enter the terrestrial kingdom."

The other replied "I was a Mormon and sat through every sacrament meeting."

Saint Peter responds, "Well done. You may enter the Celestial Kingdom."

 

Edited by Rivers
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 A jack Mormon joke..         

... When looking at the statue of Brigham Young on main and south temple did you ever notice how his a** is pointed toward the temple and arm is outstretched pointing to the bank

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  • 3 weeks later...

(disclaimer:  I did not originate this joke but am trying to reconstruct it to the best of my memory) - - -

The Pope was working in his office at the Vatican when he was suddenly interrupted by his agitated secretary.

Pope:  What is wrong?

Sec:  I'm afraid I have good news and bad news.  Which do you want first?

Pope:  Well, give me the good news.

Sec:  Jesus is on the phone to announce His Second Coming.

Pope:  Glory be!  What could POSSIBLY be the bad news?

Sec:  the call is coming from Salt Lake City . . .

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Catholics might enjoy this joke:

"Jesus saw the crowd about to stone a woman, and stepped forth, shouting, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!" Silence -- then a stone came flying from the crowd, and Jesus turned around and said "C'mon, Mom, I'm trying to make a point here..."

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President Monson, the Dalai Lama, and the Pope are out in a boat fishing.  After they are done fishing, the Pope jumps out of the boat and walks across the water onto the shore.  President Monson then gets out and walks across the water to the shore.  The Dalai Lama jumps out of the boat and sinks.  The Pope says to Pres. Monson, "Maybe we should have told him about the stepping stones."  Pres. Monson replies, "What stepping stones?"

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  • 3 months later...

Saw this on the Trib -


 Two missionaries were riding their bikes through a very bad part of town. A car pulled up along side of them and gun shots rang out. One Elder tumbled to the ground. The unhurt Elder rushed to his companion's side as the car drove off.
"Elder, Elder!, Are you alright?"
The First Elder begins to sit up, he feels around and finds no blood.
Reaching into his suit's pocket he pulls out if copy of The Book of Mormon.
There is a bullet hole in the book. It saved his life. They are both very thankful.

The conclusion? The bullet couldn't get through the Isaiah parts in 2nd Nephi either.

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The younger generation might not understand this joke.

A man wanted to talk to God so he contacted a local minister and asked for advice. The minister told him that he could use the telephone on his desk, but that it would cost $1,000. The man did not have that kind of money and left disappointed. On his way home he saw an LDS church and went inside. The bishop was in his office and told the man he could use the telephone on his desk. The man asked the bishop if it would cost $1,000 like with the local minister. The bishop told him there would be no charge because from his desk it was a local call.

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