Jump to content

Our Little Story Of The Success Of Pastoral Care


Recommended Posts

This morning and last night, both, I almost posted here out of anxiety and desperation, but today I'm posting to celebrate.

Long story short: a renter-landlord arrangement can break a friendship. Complex problems came to a head on Friday. I was so anxiety-ridden that I've hardly been able to eat.

This morning, an early-rising child woke me and the sweet respite sleep had been was replaced by a gnawing ball of stress and fear. I sat with my baby and composed a cry for help from a trusted friend, and sent this in a text. Returning to my room later, my husband suggested texting this same friend.

She attends a branch an hour from our ward building, but today for the first time in years she attended our Sunday meetings. She hadn't received my text, though, phone malfunction.

Meanwhile, our bishop met with us and our renter friend. Though the conflict was far from resolved at this point, my fears were gone. The bishop promised to pay a visit later and finally came. We almost gave in to a feeling of futility to not dialogue again, but met again.

After an hour at least, we had a plan and a new communication strategy. We each apologised and we all cried and embraced by the end, talking about how we can preserve not only a civil rental agreement but nurture our friendship.

The friend I'd tried to text came and fed our children during our meeting.

This morning our friendship seemed an irreparable ruin. Now it's quite the opposite. Thanks to the pastoral care of another church member and our bishop.

And, I could eat again. Pork chops ;)

There aren't enough ways in English or French to say "grateful."

Link to comment
a renter-landlord arrangement can break a friendship.

 

Yep....we ended up not getting any rent for five months because we let friends stay in our home for the six months we were in Russia.  Thankfully we made enough there that we were able to wave it off without much concern, it was a single mom and her child, no way were we going to kick them out.  Some damage was done that wasn't replaced either which bothered me more.

 

Given you can never tell, in the end I don't think I will ever encourage family members to get into business together when money is essential to both.

 

Good wishes that you may continue working together in ways you both are happy with.

Edited by calmoriah
Link to comment
I've witnessed some of these situations. My father used an LDS property management firm, owned by former ward member friends, to manage his rental. They went under- along with the rent money they had collected. That caused some mixed feelings.

 

We take chances when we bet on the integrity of others. Sometimes we get hurt and sometimes we get edified. Either way, we get a growth experience.

 

Some quotes from "The God Who Weeps" provide some perspective on the emotional roller-coaster of life.

 

 

"If vulnerability and pain are the price of love, then joy is its reward."

 

"As surely as the dark gives meaning to the dawn, so does pain give meaning to pleasure, and sorrow to joy. All that we love, all that we strive for, all that we relish, we know only by contrast."

 


"The author of Genesis frames Eve’s choice as just such a dilemma, a choice between the safety and security of the Garden, and the goodness, beauty, and wisdom that come at the price—and only at the price—of painful lived experience. Her decision is more worthy of admiration for its courage and initiative, than reproach for its rebellion. "

 

Link to comment

 

I've witnessed some of these situations. My father used an LDS property management firm, owned by former ward member friends, to manage his rental. They went under- along with the rent money they had collected. That caused some mixed feelings.
 
We take chances when we bet on the integrity of others. Sometimes we get hurt and sometimes we get edified. Either way, we get a growth experience.
 
Some quotes from "The God Who Weeps" provide some perspective on the emotional roller-coaster of life.
 
 
"If vulnerability and pain are the price of love, then joy is its reward."
 
"As surely as the dark gives meaning to the dawn, so does pain give meaning to pleasure, and sorrow to joy. All that we love, all that we strive for, all that we relish, we know only by contrast."
 
"The author of Genesis frames Eve’s choice as just such a dilemma, a choice between the safety and security of the Garden, and the goodness, beauty, and wisdom that come at the price—and only at the price—of painful lived experience. Her decision is more worthy of admiration for its courage and initiative, than reproach for its rebellion. "
 

 

 

Thank you, Broker! You are right. There were moments when I felt my faith in these principles really tried by the experience.

 

If we can do this, however, I'm quite sure that both our families will be blessed immensely.

Link to comment

When money is important don't get into a business agreement that you ordinarily wouldn't because it would help someone.  If you want to help, do it to help without any expectations of a successful business outcome.  If the business outcome is important then don't add a humanitarian aspect. 

 

Don't get into business with friends and family if you are not prepared to forgive and forget should the worst happen.

Link to comment

When money is important don't get into a business agreement that you ordinarily wouldn't because it would help someone. If you want to help, do it to help without any expectations of a successful business outcome. If the business outcome is important then don't add a humanitarian aspect.

Don't get into business with friends and family if you are not prepared to forgive and forget should the worst happen.

Yup. We certainly didn't go in this for profit. We've already spent the equivalent of 2 years of rent for improvements and they've been here not yet a year, and they were still furious with us. Yet wouldn't talk about it till they both lost their tempers on Friday.

There were, however, many issues with our rental that we didn't know about...we're still discovering problems left by the previous owners on our side alone, 4 years after purchase.

Communication is probably the biggest barrier. My husband and I complicated things by both talking to them about rental issues, now we've agreed I should be the go-to person for them. The friends rely alot on subtext, for example, "I am painting my house today" means "please help me paint."

Another example: this morning they gave me their mail key before leaving on vacation. I had to run out to their car to ask if that meant they wanted me to check their mail, to them apparently, a key is enough signalling. And there's also a language barrier. Although we all speak French, mine is worse when I'm stressed.

And then there's their belief that we are rich and therefore, scripturally, we should take on all improvement costs (while not increasing rent.) I wish we were rich, but even then I would still want mutual respect for our moral right to fund or not fund discretionary projects.

So we'll be more clear and hopefully that will help. If we can manage this, we'll have accomplished something huge and good.

I'm optimistic.

Link to comment

Yup. We certainly didn't go in this for profit. We've already spent the equivalent of 2 years of rent for improvements and they've been here not yet a year, and they were still furious with us. Yet wouldn't talk about it till they both lost their tempers on Friday.

There were, however, many issues with our rental that we didn't know about...we're still discovering problems left by the previous owners on our side alone, 4 years after purchase.

Communication is probably the biggest barrier. My husband and I complicated things by both talking to them about rental issues, now we've agreed I should be the go-to person for them. The friends rely alot on subtext, for example, "I am painting my house today" means "please help me paint."

Another example: this morning they gave me their mail key before leaving on vacation. I had to run out to their car to ask if that meant they wanted me to check their mail, to them apparently, a key is enough signalling. And there's also a language barrier. Although we all speak French, mine is worse when I'm stressed.

And then there's their belief that we are rich and therefore, scripturally, we should take on all improvement costs (while not increasing rent.) I wish we were rich, but even then I would still want mutual respect for our moral right to fund or not fund discretionary projects.

So we'll be more clear and hopefully that will help. If we can manage this, we'll have accomplished something huge and good.

I'm optimistic.

 

Sounds like you need to make it plain that you don't do clairvoyance and if they want something be direct.

Link to comment

Yeah, but making it plain doesn't always work if it is a long engrained habit.  And stuff can even be in writing and understood differently by both parties.

 

Good luck, sounds like you have the right attitude, Meadowchik.  At the very least you are increasing your communication skills.  :)

Edited by calmoriah
Link to comment
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...