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Doubting Kids. What Do You Do?


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So our whole family is one spring break. We are having a good time. Occasional family dynamics, but good anyway. Then my daughter tells my wife that she is going to a faith transition counselor. Not a certain person named JD in Logan, but someone nevertheless. We think she still goes to church, though they don`t wear their garments. It seemed to start when she got very involved with Ordain Women. I thought it was cooling down since the excommunication. I don`t think so. In fact, I think if someone posts on the OW site like my daughter, I don`t think they have changed their minds. We didn`t get into too many details, we are just trying to support her. The line from her previously was that the early sisters exercised the priesthood and she loves that concept so much and had it revealed to her in prayer that she was supposed to take up the cause of ordaining women, that she is willing to leave the church. Kind of like the Church is so true, that she needs to leave it or at least struggle with it.

The oldest son doesn`t go to church at all and they don`t wear their garments either. They are my secular non-believers. The younger kids are greatly confused, but have been going through it for awhile. My wife and I still believe and are enjoying our calling as ward missionaries. We just keeping on living the gospel and try to love them. We are working with the younger ones on building their testimonies. It is hard, but we are trying. Believe it or not, we just don`t know where this all came from.

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Hello reads...

Your children are adults, so there's not a lot you can do...  As an adult (20), I gave my folks fits also... they just continued to love me and set the example by living the gospel.  They didn't nag me but continued to live a happy, productive life, fulfilling their callings, staying faithful, never compromising their love of the gospel, faith or testimonies... but treating me with continuing love and respect... but they would barely acknowledge my non-LDS fiance.

Finally I just eloped to Las Vegas... the daughter they thought would surely marry in the temple.  One night not long after I was married they showed up on our doorstep and asked if they could come in... my husband had every right to turn them away, but he welcomed them in and we had a wonderful evening... mom called me at work the next day and said that when they left they sat in the car and just wept at the way they had treated my husband... they came to love him dearly...

You may be so disappointed in your children's choices... but they are adults... I suggest you continue to live the gospel, keep your home Christ and gospel-centered, and when they are in your home, say prayers at meals, etc., just as you normally would... let your actions speak for you... and continue to love them... Once in a while my mom would ask me if I was ever going to return to Church but she rarely pushed it.  It took me many years to return to Church, but when I did I was stronger than ever... so that's all I can tell you... my experience...

 

GG

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There was a talk on Saturday session about how to help our children and ourselves become firmly rooted.   But on family vacations, your emphasis should be on helping your disbelieving children see the love of their Heavenly Parents and Savior in all that you do (which means loving them where they are at, and acknowledging their agency with unconditional love).     It means you might quietly ask your children if they are willing to pray when called upon, if you are willing to accept any kind of prayer they want to give, or whether they would prefer not to be called on.   It means asking them about what family traditions they are now uncomfortable with and whether there are any changes you might consider to maintain them as family traditions.   It means talking about things you admire, without everything being about The LDS church. 

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Well, you can either love the, and pray for them or follow the instructions in Deuteronomy and bring them before the elders of the city to be stoned. I advise the former with the latter only used as a backup plan.

Edited by The Nehor
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Luckily, we have just been having fun. We read the BOM every night and they all have prayed. Tender mercies, right. We are just trying to love them.

The oldest daughter at one time was pretty pro-Lds and knew quite a bit. In fact she asked me plenty of tough questions as a teenager and despite the imperfect answers that I had, she seemed to thrive in the Church. Now our youngest tells us that her oldest sister says that she is being brain-washed. Give me a break! I don`t think any of my kids will let me brainwash them even if I wanted to. I wonder what her kids will say about her when she is in her fifties? Maybe, why didn`t you teach me more about God?

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Teach  your younger child the story of Lehi's dream and Nephi's approach.   Tell him that he owes his own due diligence to things of the spirit for himself.  Tell him that  while some ARE given the gift to rely on the testimonies of others, that will not be sufficient forever and he is entitled to get his  own spiritual confirmation.    And that is the antithesis of "brainwashing", no matter what his sister says.

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Each side wishes the other could move to their side.  With that being very very unlikely, the fallback is each side wishes the other side would at least listen to and understand where they are at.  Unfortunately this is very unlikely.  It's that darn elephant in the room that is so painful for all.

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Each side wishes the other could move to their side. With that being very very unlikely, the fallback is each side wishes the other side would at least listen to and understand where they are at. Unfortunately this is very unlikely. It's that darn elephant in the room that is so painful for all.

Whoever you are, it's good to have you back. Edited by Tacenda
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