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Platonic Co-Ed Living; Non-College Setting; Church Official Stance


Beagle_Lady

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I have a question about friends living together, and/or renting a room with opposite genders living in the home.

I know it's frowned upon. I know there are a lot of intense feelings that people have against it. I get the whole temptation thing. I get that people feel "things can happen".

My question is purely about official church stance. I tried looking in handbooks and couldn't find anything about it. I believe there's a difference with an established couple living together and not being married than renting a room in a home that has someone of the opposite gender.

Does that make sense? Just looking for official info. I don't really have any priesthood holders in my life to ask. Thanks!

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In the two cases that I have known about, when opposite genders rented separate bedrooms but shared a common kitchen and living area, as soon as the bishop became aware of the arrangement, he invited both members in for a little chat. Both members were instructed to move out.  One did, the other became offended and inactive.  Pretty small sample size, but I think it's clear that the church opposes the concept. 

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Such a situation is ripe for problems, issues, and challenges.  It's hard enough living in a non-coed setting with people to whom one is not related, let alone living in a coed setting.  (Heck, even living with people to whom one is related often is challenging enough! ;) Too often, the potential costs far outweigh the benefits.

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There was that one high profile case involving a girl who was a student at BYU who went on MTV's The Real World and ended up sharing a bedroom with one of the guys on the show (platonically).  She went to church while she was on the show, and i never heard that she faced any church discipline for sharing the bedroom.

 

She did get kicked out of BYU however, for breaking the honor code.  

 

Edit to add link-

She wasn't kicked out but was suspended.

 

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/774332/The-real-world-hits-BYU-suspends-Julie.html?pg=all

Edited by bluebell
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What's the church's policy for living accpmodations/roommates for gay and lesbian young single adults...?

 

I would guess that the church doesn't have a policy for that contingency and that most bishops, if it comes up, do their best to follow the spirit of the law (so to speak).

Edited by bluebell
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I know someone who was refused baptism while living with an opposite sex roommate.

 

But the handbook itself says persons who are cohabitating must marry or not be baptized.   Cohabitation is defined as:

 

 

Cohabitation is an arrangement where two people who are not married live together in an emotionally and/or sexually intimate relationship on a long-term or permanent basis

 

So I think that platonic roommates do not violate that rule at all.   But try getting a bishop to see it that way.

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One of my companions was living in a home where there were also men living just before she came on her mission. The bishop was ok with it. She said there were others in her ward in the same situation.

I also had a neighbor and her husband who had another couple living with them for awhile.

Personally, I find it to unwise, but I don't think there is any church policy on it.

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My question is purely about official church stance. I tried looking in handbooks and couldn't find anything about it. I believe there's a difference with an established couple living together and not being married than renting a room in a home that has someone of the opposite gender.

Does that make sense? Just looking for official info. I don't really have any priesthood holders in my life to ask. Thanks!

I would be really disappointed if the Church had to make doctrine on this. We are taught principles not the intimate details of our life.

 

There is nothing "official". I think "all things are temporary". Having a short term living arrangement may be uncomfortable but it isn't immoral.

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The Church is no on co-ed living, but a couple may take in a boarder.

I'm new here and I don't want to be offensive by my not being familiar with you personally and your history of respones, but I have to ask...

 

What do you mean about "the Church"? The Church enforces policy through the bishop and uses Handbook 1 as the enforcement of policy. Unless Handbook 1 says a diciplinary coucil is to be called in such cases, I don't think the Church has anything to say about it.

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TrishaK,

What I meant by "the Church" was the general attitude both local and in the hiarchy about co-ed living. I'm not sure if it's in handbook or not (does someone want to look that up and give a page #?). From what I have expereinced (an investigator was living in a patonic co-ed situation which stopped her from getting baptised) and the examples on this thread, it may be enforced inconsistanly, but it generally it is met with a negative response and counsel.

Edited by Ham Clam
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TrishaK,

What I meant by "the Church" was the general attitude both local and in the hiarchy about co-ed living. I'm not sure if it's in handbook or not (does someone want to look that up and give a page #?). From what I have expereinced (an investigator was living in a patonic co-ed situation which stopped her from getting baptised) and the examples on this thread, it may be enforced inconsistanly, but it generally it is met with a negative response and counsel.

Thanks. I was afraid you were stating it knowing there was a policy in the handbook.

 

I'm disappointed in the responses of others. I think it pretty straight forward that the Church has no business in this. If the bishop told me to move out, I'd move out alright. I'd take my tithing check and my Sunday mornings with me. I at least would appeal to a stake president. I know the code for morality and I live the code. I would not appreciate a "person" - ordained or not - making an assumption that I couldn't handle that situation. Bishops are not infallable and such a case would prove to me a flawed decision.

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People have left the church over less.  Like a cup of sugar.

 

I was kidding about the shotgun wedding...  however it is hard enough living the Gospel laws when you stay within the general counsel of the church and its leaders.  A Bishop can tell you anything, but it is always a voluntary thing to follow that counsel. 

 

If you are convinced you are able to handle the situation 1) Don't ask for counsel, and 2) Don't be surprised if anything goes wrong.  In fact if I were a Bishop and someone came to me with any question, and seemed to have made up their mind already...  I'd tell them they would get no counsel from me because I'm not going to be blamed if things go wrong.

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Thanks. I was afraid you were stating it knowing there was a policy in the handbook.

 

I'm disappointed in the responses of others. I think it pretty straight forward that the Church has no business in this. If the bishop told me to move out, I'd move out alright. I'd take my tithing check and my Sunday mornings with me. I at least would appeal to a stake president. I know the code for morality and I live the code. I would not appreciate a "person" - ordained or not - making an assumption that I couldn't handle that situation. Bishops are not infallable and such a case would prove to me a flawed decision.

 

Hopefully you wouldn't stop attending church because of an infallible person.  :)

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What's the church's policy for living accpmodations/roommates for gay and lesbian young single adults...?

 

The latest revision requires permanently affixed chastity belts.

 

Thanks. I was afraid you were stating it knowing there was a policy in the handbook.

 

I'm disappointed in the responses of others. I think it pretty straight forward that the Church has no business in this. If the bishop told me to move out, I'd move out alright. I'd take my tithing check and my Sunday mornings with me. I at least would appeal to a stake president. I know the code for morality and I live the code. I would not appreciate a "person" - ordained or not - making an assumption that I couldn't handle that situation. Bishops are not infallable and such a case would prove to me a flawed decision.

 

That is just choosing not to follow the counsel of your Priesthood leader if they gave that counsel in the first place. Happens all the time. Often it has negative results. Sometimes not.

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