Pressure For Women To Serve Missions - Intended Or Unintended Side-Effect?

[cinepro]

The Segullah Blog has an interesting article discussing a development that I've seen in my own area.  Since the age changes for missionaries, there is a much greater expectation (and pressure) for young women to serve missions.

 

I’m fairly sure steam erupted from my ears; I know my face flushed with heat as I entered the conversation, but I tried to measure my words,  “You’re not serious?  Prophets instruct our girls to rely on personal revelation. I’m proud of every girl who serves and every girl who follows a prompting to follow a different path.”

 

“But you have to admit,” she persisted, “these returned missionaries will make much better wives and mothers. They’ll be more prepared to serve in the church.”

 

"You know I didn’t go on a mission.” I reminded her.

 

“Sure. But times were different then. With the age change, no girl has an excuse not to serve.”

 

 

From the comments:

 

Not serving a mission has turned out to be a trial I never expected to have. I never thought my closest friends would doubt my spirituality or testimony and that I would be ostracized from certain circles simply because I followed the spirit and didn’t serve a mission. Now that the first wave of missionaries has returned there are times when those of us who stayed feel like pariahs. One of the most painful occurrences is hearing my male peers say they will only date and/or marry RMs. This seems so illogical to me because most of the girls who did not go on a mission are just as worthy, spiritual, etc. and were working towards worthwhile achievements. It’s not that one way was better and would result in a better life. Rather the experience of mission or staying put offer a different set of experiences that are necessary for that individual. Not better…just different.

 

Assuming this is the case throughout the Church, or even isolated areas of the Church, my question is whether or not this is an intended or unintended side-effect?  Did Church leaders expect for there to be social pressure on young women encouraging them to serve?  Or would this be something that would have them scratching their heads thinking "Wow, we didn't see this coming!"

 

Obviously it involves a little mind reading, but what do you think?  Is it a good thing or bad thing?

[Buckeye]

My stake has monthly missionary training for all youth 14+. (That's a bit too frequent for my tastes but I'm grateful to the stake officers who put a lot of time into the training) In my experience, YW attend at least as much as YM.

 

The pressure for YW to serve is inevitable because of the inherent need for Mormons, especially Mormon women, to base their decisions off of what everyone else is doing. We can preach all we want about how YM have a special duty to missionary work because of the priesthood, but making that point risks raising the women and priesthood problems and, in any regard, does nothing to negate the societal pressure to conform.

 

Our culture is such that members, especially women, feel they can never say "no" to a request to serve. Well, what bigger service is there than full-time missionary work? Then add in the worry that (at least some) YM will chose to only date/marry RMs. And add the difficulty that if we tell YW "it's perfectly okay to not serve" we then have to explain why the same isn't true for YM who don't serve (again, the priesthood ban). Drawing the line becomes too difficult and, with the passage of a few years, the result is that missionary work becomes the natural extension of both the YM and YW program.

 

Edit to add: Despite all the above, I agree the pressure was unintended. The primary driver was "how to we find a way to retain more youth."

Edited January 16, 2015 by Buckeye

[The Nehor]

Unintended.

The only people who should think serving a mission is some kind of proof of spirituality and devotion to God are those who have never been.

[carbon dioxide]

I don't have any daughters but my two sons will not get pressure from me to go on a mission.  I would like for them to serve but they should go only because they want to go and not feel some social compulsion to go.  If they choose not to go, I will love them the same and not look at them any differently.

[bluebell]

I think it's completely unintended.

[JAHS]

Unintended but not unexpected. The last word I heard on this was from President Monson:

 

"A word to you young sisters: while you do not have the same priesthood responsibility as do the young men to serve as full-time missionaries, you also make a valuable contribution as missionaries, and we welcome your service."

 

No pressure from the Church but as more and more do serve it will naturally follow that there will be more expectation to serve. 

[VideoGameJunkie]

I know women that will only date and marry male RMs so I know where the feeling is coming from. There are many worthy males who never served missions.

Edited January 16, 2015 by VideoGameJunkie

[DJBrown]

The Segullah Blog has an interesting article discussing a development that I've seen in my own area.  Since the age changes for missionaries, there is a much greater expectation (and pressure) for young women to serve missions.

 

 

 

 

From the comments:

 

 

 

 

Assuming this is the case throughout the Church, or even isolated areas of the Church, my question is whether or not this is an intended or unintended side-effect?  Did Church leaders expect for there to be social pressure on young women encouraging them to serve?  Or would this be something that would have them scratching their heads thinking "Wow, we didn't see this coming!"

 

Obviously it involves a little mind reading, but what do you think?  Is it a good thing or bad thing?

 

In a leadership training meeting last year, Elder Ballard responded to a question about pressure in wards for girls to serve- "You kill that."  It could not have been more clear.  Women should not feel any pressure to serve missions.  It is intended that it be only a personal decision between the woman and God.

[Buzzard]

Mormon culture strikes again! Totally unintended, and not present from the leadership, but when all your peers are filling out papers, and they look at you and ask what you are going to do, yeah some pressure is inevitable. But I have also heard from young men who want to find an RM wife.  

[JAHS]

Mormon culture strikes again! Totally unintended, and not present from the leadership, but when all your peers are filling out papers, and they look at you and ask what you are going to do, yeah some pressure is inevitable. But I have also heard from young men who want to find an RM wife.  

I did too.  Been married to her 40 years now.  

[Duncan]

unintended and I don't see any of that here. In fact one young woman who wanted to go wasn't able to serve due to some mental health issues, not any of my business what it was obviously. I think what happens for some people is they see how excited others get in doing their papers and the whole waiting for the call that they want that for themself and so that's a motivator to get on a mission. I think it happens for both men and women.

[The Nehor]

I know women that will only date and marry male RMs so I know where the feeling is coming from. There are many worthy males who never served missions.

While this is true not going for a male is an abdication of Priesthood responsibilities and I see why some women would make that decision. There are exceptions (medical reasons, joined the church late, etc). I had a friend (recent convert) who was dating a guy who did not go on a mission. She said he had repented of not going and that was enough for her. I tried to in a kindly and in a non-interfering way point out that he was barely 21 and if he wanted to repent of not going he could go. She asked him about this and he threw a fit about being judged for his decisions and they broke up later. She ended up marrying an RM a few years later and they seem happy. I still hope I did the right thing there.

[Scott Lloyd]

Part of growth and gaining maturity is learning to disregard peer pressure and letting proper motives drive one's actions. Young women have been repeatedly assured by Church leaders that their service as full time missionaries is welcomed but not required; that should be sufficient to the moment.

Frankly, I have greater sympathy for young women who desire marriage and children but lack the opportunity.

[Rain]

If you listen to President Monson's talk you see it was unintended. It was also unintended for young men to feel pressure about going on a mission when they are 18. I think so many were so excited about the announcement that they neglected to listen when he said further that not all would be ready at 18.

My son was 18 and a senior at that time. I was excited about the possibility, but I was ever so worried about the pressure that would be on him because when people pressure him he rebels. Sure enough I had someone tell me "the prophet said they should go at 18." I told her no and restated what he did say. I wished at that point I could stand up in sacraments all over and remind everyone of that. Still do because he was inundated with people telling him he should be going at 18. And well now, he is 20 and has no intention of ever going.

My daughter didn't have as much pressure, but it was pretty strong for awhile. People would get shocked that a spiritual girl like her wouldn't just shout yes she was going. They would question her and she would tell them that she hadn't prayed about it yet and that at 14 she didn't feel the timing was right. They seemed surprised that she would think things through like that instead of jumping at the thought of going.

Edited January 17, 2015 by Rain

[sheilauk]

I think that different places behave differently and whether you face pressure or not depends on where you live. There will always be those who do not understand nuance or who have fixed views and there will always be those who feel pressurised and othes who don't by the same comments. In my ward we have two young woman of the same age. One has recently left on a mission, the other has recently left for university. Both are being supported in their choices and I haven't seen pressure applied (though it could of been, I'm not privy to all conversations!). We have a young man who can't wait to go on a mission and another who clearly doesn't want to. Again, I'm not aware of pressure to go. Missions aren't mentioned much. The pressure in my ward is to attend the temple! If course people shouldn't pressurise and if they do then gentle correction may be in order and never anger. We should also encourage youngsters to think for themselves and do what's right for them. But this is not a perfect world and so the quote in the OP and the unintended consequences! As to the comment re marrying a RM, equality sucks doesn't it? Men have had to put up with that sort of comment for years abd I'm sure find it hurtful. Perhaps if women hear it and speak out about how it hurts and is wrong, men will reap the benefit!

[sdc999]

While this is true not going for a male is an abdication of Priesthood responsibilities and I see why some women would make that decision. There are exceptions (medical reasons, joined the church late, etc). I had a friend (recent convert) who was dating a guy who did not go on a mission. She said he had repented of not going and that was enough for her. I tried to in a kindly and in a non-interfering way point out that he was barely 21 and if he wanted to repent of not going he could go. She asked him about this and he threw a fit about being judged for his decisions and they broke up later. She ended up marrying an RM a few years later and they seem happy. I still hope I did the right thing there.

I then think it would be prudent for the LDS church to put out a disclaimer every time they trot out Steve Young and Danny Ainge to speak to the youth that they themselves were abdicators of their priesthood responsibilities.   Then the kids can say, 'look, you can abdicate and the church will still not only welcome you but hold you up as a role model to these boys.'   Then the boys can make an informed decision as to going on a mission or not.   Opinionated disclaimer of my own.  I believe if you are not successful after NOT going on a mission, the church will not extend that olive branch of love and endorsement in the same manner.  

 

And I think what would be extremely funny is if your 'friend' and Steve Young were the relationship you were talking of.  And the girl (the lottery of life winner Ms. Young) that took the chance on the 'abdicator of priesthood' is blissfully happy, opulently wealthy and deeply in love with a guy who loves his Lord and Savior and has a great testimony of Christ and the 'friend' was sitting and thinking - if Steve would have just gone on a mission, he could have had me.

Edited January 17, 2015 by sdc999

[Scott Lloyd]

While this is true not going for a male is an abdication of Priesthood responsibilities and I see why some women would make that decision. There are exceptions (medical reasons, joined the church late, etc). I had a friend (recent convert) who was dating a guy who did not go on a mission. She said he had repented of not going and that was enough for her. I tried to in a kindly and in a non-interfering way point out that he was barely 21 and if he wanted to repent of not going he could go. She asked him about this and he threw a fit about being judged for his decisions and they broke up later. She ended up marrying an RM a few years later and they seem happy. I still hope I did the right thing there.

From his perspective, probably not. But I'm guessing she would thank you.

[The Nehor]

I then think it would be prudent for the LDS church to put out a disclaimer every time they trot out Steve Young and Danny Ainge to speak to the youth that they themselves were abdicators of their priesthood responsibilities.   Then the kids can say, 'look, you can abdicate and the church will still not only welcome you but hold you up as a role model to these boys.'   Then the boys can make an informed decision as to going on a mission or not.   Opinionated disclaimer of my own.  I believe if you are not successful after NOT going on a mission, the church will not extend that olive branch of love and endorsement in the same manner.  

 

And I think what would be extremely funny is if your 'friend' and Steve Young were the relationship you were talking of.  And the girl (the lottery of life winner Ms. Young) that took the chance on the 'abdicator of priesthood' is blissfully happy, opulently wealthy and deeply in love with a guy who loves his Lord and Savior and has a great testimony of Christ and the 'friend' was sitting and thinking - if Steve would have just gone on a mission, he could have had me.

 

Sorry, but your fantasy is not true.  It is kind of weird that you throw opulent wealth in with happiness.

 

I personally consider our idolization of athletic achievement a social disease. I like sports. I like participating in them. Still, I do not get the voyeuristic joy so many get from watching teams compete and throwing their egos into the ring with it. The Church is capitalizing on a role model status sports heros get from being what they are. I do not personally consider it something to admire at the level we do. It is only a step or two removed from watching gladiators fight to the death in an arena.

 

I do not think that those who do not go on missions should be treated as pariahs or that they cannot be role models. If we discount all sinners as role models we are left with one. I have been told I am someone's role model and I cringe to imagine that they idolize my single life or how they would react if my hidden sins were revealed. I served a Mission. I do not think I was a very skilled missionary. I was never blessed with the talents missionaries use most. I did some good and touched some people. I also screwed up more then a few times on my mission.

[Sleeper Cell]

While this is true not going for a male is an abdication of Priesthood responsibilities and I see why some women would make that decision. There are exceptions (medical reasons, joined the church late, etc). I had a friend (recent convert) who was dating a guy who did not go on a mission. She said he had repented of not going and that was enough for her. I tried to in a kindly and in a non-interfering way point out that he was barely 21 and if he wanted to repent of not going he could go. She asked him about this and he threw a fit about being judged for his decisions and they broke up later. She ended up marrying an RM a few years later and they seem happy. I still hope I did the right thing there.

 

So you’re the guy who turned her against me and ruined my life!   

[Coreyb]

That part about male peers only dating RMs is funny, like some sick generational Karma

[The Nehor]

So you’re the guy who turned her against me and ruined my life!

Possibly, sorry about that but at least I kept her from ruining hers too.

[tonie]

I had thought a result of more sisters serving would more demand and accountability placed upon the males of the Church; that is that Sisters would be more demanding and particular

 

I think it is regrettable that we, LDS, place such seeming arbitrary conditions on ourselves.  I hope the conversation cited in the OP is not true (it borders on a fools hope), I also hope some of the comments on the article are not accurate.  I think it very shortsighted for a person to think that only RM can "improve the stock" of the Church.

 

In my home ward, I had 3 - 4 Bishops, as I recall, two were adult converts. One them did not serve a mission and was later called as Stake President. So to think that only an RM can improve the Church is very short-sighted and narrow-minded.  Secondly based on very sad and terrible experience of others, it is all too apparent that RM status/Bishop/ etc. are no garuntees for unity of family or personal virtue.

Edited January 19, 2015 by tonie

[Nofear]

Somehow Thomas S. Monson found a wife despite not being an RM.

[VideoGameJunkie]

Not only that, but Thomas Monson became a Bishop at age 22, then a Mission President and GA at age 36. Not bad for a non RM. Maybe things were different back then.

[JAHS]

Not only that, but Thomas Monson became a Bishop at age 22, then a Mission President and GA at age 36. Not bad for a non RM. Maybe things were different back then.

The war kept a lot of those older members and GAs from serving full-time missions. Some served in the military during their early missionary age years.