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Called The Bishop


poptart

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Posted

Well, called the bishop, we will see what happens.

 

Not lds, but my mom went to byuh, married an alcoholic from the mainland and the rest is just pure misery.  Moved away from a very bad situation, now things are getting bad again.  College educated yet can't find a job, no one wants to open their doors.  Mental problems are sinking in and I don't want to have to go back to outpatient mental healthcare and be put back on meds that made me sick. 

Didn't grow up religious so I have no idea what to expect.  Is it true the LDS church helps people?  I just want a support group that won't be nasty pricks.  No one really ever opened their door for me nor wanted me so this is pretty much my last hope. 

Posted

You will find the most wonderful and supportive people there.  You will also find nasty judgmental people.  The Saints are human beings who run the full spectrum of human traits.

 

The trick is to stick with the nice ones and ignore the mean ones.  Keep your struggles personal, and trust few to the inner parts of your heart until they prove trustworthy.  But on the balance you will be blessed by hearing the messages taught, and receiving the blessings that come with church membership.

 

Once you talk to the Bishop get the following information from him and,

Contact your Ward or Stake employment specialist about the work.

Ask for support with some basic groceries so you can afford your meds.  The church won't and cannot afford to pay for medical help, but they can help defray some other expenses so you can afford that yourself.

Get blessings from the Priesthood.  That in combination with your meds will buoy you up and strengthen you against the struggles of everyday life.

 

Some members may have issues if you dress different, talk different or seem to be different from them.  But others will welcome you no matter what, and help you get adjusted.  Cling to those who love you unconditionally and avoid those who are too stuck in their ways to handle anything different.  Ultimately you must depend on yourself to get what what you need to grow, but a church family can provide support and assistance if you give them a chance.

Posted

You will find the most wonderful and supportive people there.  You will also find nasty judgmental people.  The Saints are human beings who run the full spectrum of human traits.

 

The trick is to stick with the nice ones and ignore the mean ones.  Keep your struggles personal, and trust few to the inner parts of your heart until they prove trustworthy.  But on the balance you will be blessed by hearing the messages taught, and receiving the blessings that come with church membership.

 

Once you talk to the Bishop get the following information from him and,

Contact your Ward or Stake employment specialist about the work.

Ask for support with some basic groceries so you can afford your meds.  The church won't and cannot afford to pay for medical help, but they can help defray some other expenses so you can afford that yourself.

Get blessings from the Priesthood.  That in combination with your meds will buoy you up and strengthen you against the struggles of everyday life.

 

Some members may have issues if you dress different, talk different or seem to be different from them.  But others will welcome you no matter what, and help you get adjusted.  Cling to those who love you unconditionally and avoid those who are too stuck in their ways to handle anything different.  Ultimately you must depend on yourself to get what what you need to grow, but a church family can provide support and assistance if you give them a chance.

I want to avoid meds like the plauge.  I got out of a really bad situation and those things make it even worse.  Thats why I'm giving this a try, you go to any mental hospital in the USA and thats all they do, give meds like people hand out candy on halloween.  No one here wants to pay for decieint mental healthcare, they want to drug the problem away and I'm trying to not do that.  I know its going to be a struggle, but I would rather work my way out and keep some dignity. 

 

Figured i'm going to have all kinds off issues to deal with, but thats life, its unfair, brutal and in many cases very short.

Posted

Meds are not good or bad.  They are tools.

 

Finding a good doctor who can work with you to find the right balance is a great thing.  But I agree, just throwing pills at problems is not healthy.  

Posted

Meds are not good or bad.  They are tools.

 

Finding a good doctor who can work with you to find the right balance is a great thing.  But I agree, just throwing pills at problems is not healthy.  

Did ok, but between personal problems back home, not being able to find a job and the stress that goes with it makes it hard.  After the weight gain and overall misery SSRI's gave me would rather try it without them.  If the work services you mentioned could find me something great.  I have a degree but with the way things are I'll take anything if someone opens their doors, think that would do way more good then just poping whatever pills some psychiatrists wants to shove down my throat.

Posted

Your Bishop can also give you a referral to LDS Family Services (formerly LDS Social Services).  I wish you well. :)

Posted

Your Bishop can also give you a referral to LDS Family Services (formerly LDS Social Services).  I wish you well. :)

I hate to sound like a mooch but as long as I can get some non judgemental support that doesn't involve meds being shoved down my throat and a chance to just work and feel some self worth it would be great.  I lost all respect for American mental health institutes, no one cares all they do is shove meds down your throat and if you're a single young man ask if you're suicidal/feel like killing someone before they shove you out the door at closing time and point you in the direction of the shelter downtown which is like 20 miles away (usually in the bad part of town too)

 

What is your degree in?

Finance

Posted

I want to avoid meds like the plauge.  I got out of a really bad situation and those things make it even worse.  Thats why I'm giving this a try, you go to any mental hospital in the USA and thats all they do, give meds like people hand out candy on halloween.  No one here wants to pay for decieint mental healthcare, they want to drug the problem away and I'm trying to not do that.  I know its going to be a struggle, but I would rather work my way out and keep some dignity. 

 

Figured i'm going to have all kinds off issues to deal with, but thats life, its unfair, brutal and in many cases very short.

I met the Sisters in Kirtland on March 13th 2011. It changed my life. I've been in the situation where they were pumping me full of drugs and have been off them since 2007.

 

OK, there are some givens here. Do you believe in God? Do you believe in Jesus Christ? I do and that eased my way.

 

I've also seen people drift in the door, give lip service to the beliefs, pump the church for what they can get out of them, and when that dries up, just disappear. So, it is your choice, and the more honest and devout you are, the more they can help you. I had a couple Old Testament things happen to me, so I know that God put me here with purpose and for me to just walk away, just would not work out.

 

We can talk more if you like

Posted

I hope you can find a good job soon. It's tough but hang in there. :)

Honestly I'll take just about anything.  I just have to be careful with jobs that deal with the general public too much.  I have anxiety issues from some really bad life trauma a few years ago and am still slowly recovering.

 

I met the Sisters in Kirtland on March 13th 2011. It changed my life. I've been in the situation where they were pumping me full of drugs and have been off them since 2007.

 

OK, there are some givens here. Do you believe in God? Do you believe in Jesus Christ? I do and that eased my way.

 

I've also seen people drift in the door, give lip service to the beliefs, pump the church for what they can get out of them, and when that dries up, just disappear. So, it is your choice, and the more honest and devout you are, the more they can help you. I had a couple Old Testament things happen to me, so I know that God put me here with purpose and for me to just walk away, just would not work out.

 

We can talk more if you like

 

Hmmm, God?  Probably.  Jesus Christ?  Sure he probably existed and I think he was awesome.  Also, moral of the story, elites without proper regulation and oversight suck.  Lousy Pharisees.  Really like how he hung out with the untouchables.  I sure never see that with most American Christians, they drive right past homeless teenagers to their nice warm home in the suburbs and have the idea of "I’m not perfect, just forgiven".  Religious people here make me gag sometimes....

 

Read a statistic a while ago that said the LDS church was growing fast, willing to believe it they take in the people no one wants.  Think they left out something, looks like the Protestants are on the way out due to all the millennials being jaded due the hypocrisy of the 90's. 

 

Posted

Honestly I'll take just about anything.  I just have to be careful with jobs that deal with the general public too much.  I have anxiety issues from some really bad life trauma a few years ago and am still slowly recovering.

I experienced about a dozen Evangelical Churches, and Islam. I have never seen any one care for me and help me to heal like the Mormons full stop. Of that I can guarantee you if you will invest your time and your intention.

Posted

 

Finance

 

Hello poptart...

Here's something to consider... until you can find a "real" job... and then maybe continue with both until you get on your feet...

If you would rather not be in too much contact with the public, and since you have a degree in finance, is there something you can do from home such as help others with their books, etc.  Lots of small businesses need someone to help them... like a bookkeeping service.  If you are good with figures, you might be able to have a number of clients for whom you work...do you know how to use the computer to make graphs and charts, etc? 

 

As someone who used to interview and hire for our office... when you go to an interview, forget the wild fashions or hairdos, eyebrow/nose/lip piercings, heavy makeup, etc etc (not that you have any of those, but if you do).  First impressions make a big difference when applying for jobs... it may not be fair, but it is true.  Don't chew gum... Dress neatly, modestly, and be willing to put aside your "style" until you do get in the door, then you can feel the terrain and see what you can add back.  Otherwise, save it for evenings and weekends until you can establish yourself and people get to know you and your abilities.

Also, when filling out applications, make sure they are neat and complete.  You may want to have someone help you with a resume that you can leave with an interviewer.  Always thank them for the opportunity to interview and reiterate your interest in the job.  In other words, leave a good impression.

Be professional... 

All good wishes, and good luck... 

 

GG

Posted

1)   Heavy exercise (jogging, swimming) and time in the sun, and b vitamins help those with depression and anxiety.   So does sufficient sleep.  Get started on a routine.  None of that costs much.

 

2)   You will likely benefit from the church's 12 step program.   They don't even discuss what the addiction IS, just the effect and how the atonement can address it.   Most stakes now have groups that meet in person one night a week, and by telephone a second night.  You can find a meeting here and the workbook they use.   http://addictionrecovery.lds.org/find-a-meeting?lang=eng

 

3)   Every US LDS congregation also has an employment specialist (and there is a job placement listserv too, though it is most useful in the places where there are lots of church members who list their jobs there).   If I were in your place I'd be taking some of that training for helping with taxes.   Seems to me that you probably just need any job at this moment so you can get six months work history or more.   While you are looking for a job, volunteer with a non-profit as that too will be useful resume material (and keep you busy).

 

4)   If you have never had cognitive behavioral therapy, then get it --- it is research proven effective for depression and anxiety.  (Lot so therapists claim to do it, but only a few actually do it.  If you can't find it or afford it (you can get good therapy sometimes as the university clinics where they training psychologists, on a sliding fee schedule), consider an experiment that is underway to see whether it can be done as effectively online as in person.    This is the depression oriented site.  https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome%C2'>

 

5)   It will also help if you remember that you are a beloved and personally known child of Heavenly Parents who, with your Savior, are your biggest and steadiest cheerleaders.    The Atonement can heal all your wounds.   Really it can.

Posted

I experienced about a dozen Evangelical Churches, and Islam. I have never seen any one care for me and help me to heal like the Mormons full stop. Of that I can guarantee you if you will invest your time and your intention.

Same here.  My father had a doctorate in divinity and used it to scam the IRS out of tax revenue, lie to people and manipulate my mom, and the evangelical neibors we had were super racist to my mom and really didn't like me so I always avoided them

 

Hello poptart...

Here's something to consider... until you can find a "real" job... and then maybe continue with both until you get on your feet...

If you would rather not be in too much contact with the public, and since you have a degree in finance, is there something you can do from home such as help others with their books, etc.  Lots of small businesses need someone to help them... like a bookkeeping service.  If you are good with figures, you might be able to have a number of clients for whom you work...do you know how to use the computer to make graphs and charts, etc? 

 

As someone who used to interview and hire for our office... when you go to an interview, forget the wild fashions or hairdos, eyebrow/nose/lip piercings, heavy makeup, etc etc (not that you have any of those, but if you do).  First impressions make a big difference when applying for jobs... it may not be fair, but it is true.  Don't chew gum... Dress neatly, modestly, and be willing to put aside your "style" until you do get in the door, then you can feel the terrain and see what you can add back.  Otherwise, save it for evenings and weekends until you can establish yourself and people get to know you and your abilities.

Also, when filling out applications, make sure they are neat and complete.  You may want to have someone help you with a resume that you can leave with an interviewer.  Always thank them for the opportunity to interview and reiterate your interest in the job.  In other words, leave a good impression.

Be professional... 

All good wishes, and good luck... 

 

GG

Ohh no problem there, I look as clean cut as can be.  Put me in a suit and I could pass for a missionary.  My resume looks quite nice, had more than a few people say so but I will gladly take help where I can get it.  Problem is, the market is just so hard now and no one wants to give people a chance, and now my mental problems are starting to sink back in and sooner or later it will show and interviewers look for that.  It's not fair, I worked so hard, did everything I was supposed to and like all the other people in this country was denied my future.  I grew up poor so while my peers were out getting drunk, doing drugs and what not I was either working or studying.  I'm no saint by any means but I did learn a phrase a while ago, the nail that sticks up gets hammered down.  I just shake my head in amazement when I see these people with tattoos all over their body and expect people to accept the.  I'm all for freedom of speech, but geez no professional wants to see that, especially in professions like banking where someone is depending on you for not only theirs but their families future. 

 

I have no problem working from home while I look for my job.  I just cannot handle high stress call center jobs or anything with a lot of anger like a super busy retail store.  Know beggars can't be choosers but I would have a mental breakdown so fast its not funny.

Posted

1)   Heavy exercise (jogging, swimming) and time in the sun, and b vitamins help those with depression and anxiety.   So does sufficient sleep.  Get started on a routine.  None of that costs much.

 

2)   You will likely benefit from the church's 12 step program.   They don't even discuss what the addiction IS, just the effect and how the atonement can address it.   Most stakes now have groups that meet in person one night a week, and by telephone a second night.  You can find a meeting here and the workbook they use.   http://addictionrecovery.lds.org/find-a-meeting?lang=eng

 

3)   Every US LDS congregation also has an employment specialist (and there is a job placement listserv too, though it is most useful in the places where there are lots of church members who list their jobs there).   If I were in your place I'd be taking some of that training for helping with taxes.   Seems to me that you probably just need any job at this moment so you can get six months work history or more.   While you are looking for a job, volunteer with a non-profit as that too will be useful resume material (and keep you busy).

 

4)   If you have never had cognitive behavioral therapy, then get it --- it is research proven effective for depression and anxiety.  (Lot so therapists claim to do it, but only a few actually do it.  If you can't find it or afford it (you can get good therapy sometimes as the university clinics where they training psychologists, on a sliding fee schedule), consider an experiment that is underway to see whether it can be done as effectively online as in person.    This is the depression oriented site. 

 

5)   It will also help if you remember that you are a beloved and personally known child of Heavenly Parents who, with your Savior, are your biggest and steadiest cheerleaders.    The Atonement can heal all your wounds.   Really it can.

I already work out a lot, no problem there.  Also I cook for myself.  Never eat fast food, expensive and I don't want to wreck my health. 

 

12 step program?  I have no addictions.  My father is a terrible alcoholic and from the looks of things is about to die from it.  (thats what you get for blowing $300-400 a week on booze).  I had a problem with it years ago, but I got over it slowly.  I'm a real tightwad so I looked at it this way, I have a low alcohol tolorance; a fruit fly could out drink me and I get terrible hangovers that last most of the day, so what would I rather do, waste money I really don't have or save it and feel ok the next day?  Easy answer I think.  Any other reasons you could think of why I could use one?  I'll take any help I can get.

 

Deffinetly check out the employment section.  I don't mind volonteering, but I really need an income of some kind.  My savings is running out fast and I would rather kill myself than be homeless again.

 

I had therapy before and I have a real dislike of a lot of out patient medical centers.  I was on medicaid at the time and if need be will get on it again.  My psycholigist was good, but the psychiatrist and everyone else there wanted to keep us on meds so we didn't  kill ourselves and cause a lawsuit or the fear they all had, shoot someplace up and have all the lawyers descend upon them.  All we needed was help and compassion and instead they treated us like risky money bags.

 

That sounds really nice, but considering how bad my life has been for a while now I would really need a lot of caring to make me feel better and it would probably take years to pull that off.  I've been through so much and tend to dislike people in general for how cruel they are. 

Posted

I know a lot of people who have been where you describe you come from who benefited from the church 12 step because they self medicated in one way or another, and had trouble leaving behind the emotional baggage they carried.   Worst case is that after 3 or 4 meetings, you decide it isn't for you.

Posted

I know a lot of people who have been where you describe you come from who benefited from the church 12 step because they self medicated in one way or another, and had trouble leaving behind the emotional baggage they carried.   Worst case is that after 3 or 4 meetings, you decide it isn't for you.

if its like alcoholics anonymous forget it.  Those guys are crazy.

Posted

Don't forget to not go into the ward there looking for anyone else to solve your problems for you.  Others can offer support, but no one else can take care of you.  Social interaction, help with finding a job, spiritual support, in most wards they will try hard to provide this if they have the resources to do so (some wards already have a high call on their resources and may be stretched thin so understanding and patience may be needed on your end, a lot may depend on how big of a geographical area they cover…the larger, generally the harder it is to meet a ward's needs because a lot is done by members visiting each other in their homes which is harder to do when it takes a lot of time to get there) but it is not going to be like an instant family situation where people are going to be able to devote a lot of personal time to help.  That is why rpn's suggestion for the therapy and the addiction group are excellent advice.  They might be the best way to open up and connect quickly.  That can help give you the time needed to make the slower connections that usually happen in wards and other community groups.  You need people to make a deep connection with you quickly to give you the high level of emotional support and care.  The dynamics of the group will likely be different than you are used to as these people have the LDS background.

 

If you go in with too high of expectations, it is less likely to work.  Be realistic in what you are asking for of others and yourself.  The more limits you put on options for others to help you, the less likely they will be able to as well.  I get saying "no" to medication if it hasn't helped you in the past, but therapy and especially the 12 step group…don't say "no" to that, just try it out for at least a few weeks.  Being open to new things or even just new versions of old things will mean more chance of success.

Posted (edited)

PS:  You should be aware that the mods are cautious about personal threads like this one and since feedback and advice by several posters  has been given, may lock it down even if there is nothing problematic about it.  It doesn't  mean they are banning you or don't want you to discuss other topics, it is to prevent possible misunderstandings which so often happen on these types of threads.  And it prevents people from feeling picked on if they are aware that it is standard practice and not that their thread is seen as unusual or a problem so they just do it to everyone.

Edited by calmoriah
Posted

I already work out a lot, no problem there.  Also I cook for myself.  Never eat fast food, expensive and I don't want to wreck my health. 

 

12 step program?  I have no addictions.  My father is a terrible alcoholic and from the looks of things is about to die from it.  (thats what you get for blowing $300-400 a week on booze).  I had a problem with it years ago, but I got over it slowly.  I'm a real tightwad so I looked at it this way, I have a low alcohol tolorance; a fruit fly could out drink me and I get terrible hangovers that last most of the day, so what would I rather do, waste money I really don't have or save it and feel ok the next day?  Easy answer I think.  Any other reasons you could think of why I could use one?  I'll take any help I can get.

 

Deffinetly check out the employment section.  I don't mind volonteering, but I really need an income of some kind.  My savings is running out fast and I would rather kill myself than be homeless again.

 

I had therapy before and I have a real dislike of a lot of out patient medical centers.  I was on medicaid at the time and if need be will get on it again.  My psycholigist was good, but the psychiatrist and everyone else there wanted to keep us on meds so we didn't  kill ourselves and cause a lawsuit or the fear they all had, shoot someplace up and have all the lawyers descend upon them.  All we needed was help and compassion and instead they treated us like risky money bags.

 

That sounds really nice, but considering how bad my life has been for a while now I would really need a lot of caring to make me feel better and it would probably take years to pull that off.  I've been through so much and tend to dislike people in general for how cruel they are. 

I hope that you do well. I was done in the purest sense of the word when the Mormons "captured" me. :) I have a friend who goes to Al-anon, a group for those who grew up with alcoholics. Just saying.

Posted

Don't forget to not go into the ward there looking for anyone else to solve your problems for you.  Others can offer support, but no one else can take care of you.  Social interaction, help with finding a job, spiritual support, in most wards they will try hard to provide this if they have the resources to do so (some wards already have a high call on their resources and may be stretched thin so understanding and patience may be needed on your end, a lot may depend on how big of a geographical area they cover…the larger, generally the harder it is to meet a ward's needs because a lot is done by members visiting each other in their homes which is harder to do when it takes a lot of time to get there) but it is not going to be like an instant family situation where people are going to be able to devote a lot of personal time to help.  That is why rpn's suggestion for the therapy and the addiction group are excellent advice.  They might be the best way to open up and connect quickly.  That can help give you the time needed to make the slower connections that usually happen in wards and other community groups.  You need people to make a deep connection with you quickly to give you the high level of emotional support and care.  The dynamics of the group will likely be different than you are used to as these people have the LDS background.

 

If you go in with too high of expectations, it is less likely to work.  Be realistic in what you are asking for of others and yourself.  The more limits you put on options for others to help you, the less likely they will be able to as well.  I get saying "no" to medication if it hasn't helped you in the past, but therapy and especially the 12 step group…don't say "no" to that, just try it out for at least a few weeks.  Being open to new things or even just new versions of old things will mean more chance of success.

You know, I feel bad asking about all this.  But, considering my options, well, you guys are really looking like the best option.  My mom went to byuH and considering how they go out of their way to help people from poor places afford college without saddling them with an insane amount of debt is pretty neat.  Crying shame things worked out so badly but it is what it is. 

Thanks for the advice on resources, the fact that they're willing to open their doors is more than enough.  The opening up part will be hard since i've been stepped on a lot but it sure beats meds. 

 

Honestly I have no idea what to expect, but I'm not walking in expecting all my problems to go away, not that naive. 

 

 

PS:  You should be aware that the mods are cautious about personal threads like this one and since feedback and advice by several posters  has been given, may lock it down even if there is nothing problematic about it.  It doesn't  mean they are banning you or don't want you to discuss other topics, it is to prevent possible misunderstandings which so often happen on these types of threads.  And it prevents people from feeling picked on if they are aware that it is standard practice and not that their thread is seen as unusual or a problem so they just do it to everyone.

thanks

Posted

I hope that you do well. I was done in the purest sense of the word when the Mormons "captured" me. :) I have a friend who goes to Al-anon, a group for those who grew up with alcoholics. Just saying.

I grew up with one, mom doesn't drink.  After seeing one just destroy every good thing around him that was warning enough for me.

Posted

.................................................................................  

...................................................................... The church won't and cannot afford to pay for medical help, but they can help defray some other expenses so you can afford that yourself.

................................................................................

Not true.  The bishop can pay for meds (when a scrip has already been prescribed) and can arrange to pay for mental health care (group or individual therapy) through a variety of organizations, including LDS Family Services.  The bishop does this through use of Fast Offering funds.  I have personally seen a great deal of good come from judicious use of such funds.  The bishop will choose to act or not to do so based on the powers of discernment which go with his office.

 

Posted

.................................................................................  

 

Finance

Tax season is coming soon.  You might want to consider doing tax returns beginning next January.  Your local H&R Block is now offering their basic tax preparation course (you'll have to pay for it), and a high grade will bring a job offer from them.  As you advance in skill, you can rise to higher levels and pay, until you are an enrolled IRS agent (certified with the U.S. govt).  Although low to start, the pay levels can become very nice and the work is steady.

https://www.hrblock.com/corporate/income-tax-course/ .

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