Cool Video About Marriage Produced By Elder Scott

[escott3564]

My daughter just shared this video with me on Facebook, and I cried.  It was very touching.  Grab a tissue before watching it.  It is one of the best 4 minutes you will spend:

 

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=655759821182423&set=vb.450084955083245&type=2&theater

Edited July 11, 2014 by escott3564

[thesometimesaint]

Very nice. Thanx.

[Buckeye]

Priceless. 

[escott3564]

Priceless. 

 

 

I thought so!

 

I think that it rang very true to me for a couple of reasons which is why I balled like a baby when I watched it.  My husband had heart surgery last year and I did a lot of home care for him while he was recouping.  Also, Elder Scott is a relative, and I remember when Jeanene got very sick with cancer.  He looked after her much the same way.

[Calm]

My father in law cared for his wife for about a decade after she suffered brain and other injuries in a car accident rendering her wheelchair bound and like a child...and not always a cooperative one. I was amazed at what he managed especially since he had two quadruple heart bypasses in the previous decade. He wore himself out caring for her, finally allowing help (other than fmily) the last few months of his life. He pushed himself to the end for her and even though she was in relatively good health at the time of his death, she more or less just shut herself down and followed him a month later.

Edited July 11, 2014 by calmoriah

[cinepro]

What a touching video.  Hopefully they'll follow it up with a dramatization of this story by Elder Andersen:

 

Years ago, when my brothers and I were boys, our mother had radical cancer surgery. She came very close to death. Much of the tissue in her neck and shoulder had to be removed, and for a long time it was very painful for her to use her right arm.

 

One morning about a year after the surgery, my father took Mother to an appliance store and asked the manager to show her how to use a machine he had for ironing clothes. The machine was called an Ironrite. It was operated from a chair by pressing pedals with one’s knees to lower a padded roller against a heated metal surface and turn the roller, feeding in shirts, pants, dresses, and other articles. You can see that this would make ironing (of which there was a great deal in our family of five boys) much easier, especially for a woman with limited use of her arm. Mother was shocked when Dad told the manager they would buy the machine and then paid cash for it. Despite my father’s good income as a veterinarian, Mother’s surgery and medications had left them in a difficult financial situation.

 

On the way home, my mother was upset: “How can we afford it? Where did the money come from? How will we get along now?” Finally Dad told her that he had gone without lunches for nearly a year to save enough money. “Now when you iron,” he said, “you won’t have to stop and go into the bedroom and cry until the pain in your arm stops.” She didn’t know he knew about that. I was not aware of my father’s sacrifice and act of love for my mother at the time, but now that I know, I say to myself, “There is a man.”

 

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/let-us-be-men?lang=eng

 

[Yirgacheffe]

What a touching video.  Hopefully they'll follow it up with a dramatization of this story by Elder Andersen:

That was a horrible story. 

[Calm]

Because it would be so much better to rob the woman of her desire to contribute to her family in such a way by insisting that she act like an invalid when she didn't want to instead of finding a way to make it more comfortable for her to do so.

Edited July 12, 2014 by calmoriah

[cinepro]

Because it would be so much better to rob the woman of her desire to contribute to her family in such a way by insisting that she act like an invalid when she didn't want to instead of finding a way to make it more comfortable for her to do so.

 

The problem with that story is that it is from a different time and place.  In that era, it might have conveyed the meaning Elder Andersen was going for. 

 

But in 2009, it's just a really odd story.

[Calm]

Think of a husband working to provide his wife a laptop that allowed her to work in bed instead struggling to get out of it as an invalid, allowing her to stay connected to her family and world with dignity. Would it have better just to tell her not to worry about it and have her just sit lonely in bed doing nothing?

[Kenngo1969]

Think of a husband working to provide his wife a laptop that allowed her to work in bed instead struggling to get out of it as an invalid, allowing her to stay connected to her family and world with dignity. Would it have better just to tell her not to worry about it and have her just sit lonely in bed doing nothing?

Yep.  I guess so.

 

P.S.:  Thanks for chiming in, Cynic-pro.

Edited July 12, 2014 by Kenngo1969

[Hamba Tuhan]

What a touching video.  Hopefully they'll follow it up with a dramatization of this story by Elder Andersen:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQIQA6s2_Hw

[Calm]

Yep.  I guess so.

 

P.S.:  Thanks for chiming in, Cynic-pro.

I don't really understand why that is so hard to get. A mother is making a sacrifice out of love for her family. Her husband recognizes this and recognizes as well she doesn't want to cause them to feel burdened by her sacrifice...it is hers in her mind, not theirs. But her husband wants to both honour her wishes and help her so he sacrifices himself and goes daily without food so they can afford to buy something that will both ease her pain without troubling her heart. And they keep their sacrifices for each other unknown to the family until later so the hardships of the parents don't colour the children's days too dark.

As someone who had a sick mother and who has had her own health issues it is hard for me to understand why people can't see the love and respect for each other and the family that is being described. It is hard for a child to have to tell others they can't do something because a parent is ill. It can be frightening to see a parent suffer and it can really take the light out of one's life. The mother didn't want her boys to bear that burden more than they needed to. She didn't want them to have to feel awkward about showing up in unironed clothes. and as far as them doing it themselves...we don't know their ages and it seems clear to me her doing the ironing was one of her ways of expressing love and care.

[cinepro]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQIQA6s2_Hw

Holy cow. 

 

While there are some interesting justifications for the "buy a fancy ironing machine so the wife can still iron for her five sons and husband" solution to the problem, answer me this:

 

If the story had ended with the five sons and husband learning how to iron so the post-surgery mother and wife wouldn't have to do it, would anyone think "hmmm, he could have saved some money and bought her a fancy ironing machine so they wouldn't have to iron and she could still do it"?

 

Or this:

 

If you were talking with a friend at Church and he mentioned that his wife was having difficulty doing the family's ironing, to the point of being in tears afterward, would you actually suggest to the man that he save his money and buy her a really fancy, expensive ironing machine to make it easier for her?  Would that thought actually cross your mind?  And if you suggested that he and the sons learn how to iron so she wouldn't have to, and he responded that he was worried this might hurt her feelings, would you not think he was insane?

 

I just can't see any application for that story in my marriage.  If my wife is ever sick or hurt in some way (such as when she has been on bedrest with two pregnancies), my inclination is to take over her chores and allow her to rest.  It has never seemed to harm her self-worth when this happens, and she even seems to appreciate it.  But maybe our marriage is just weird that way.

Edited July 12, 2014 by cinepro

[Yirgacheffe]

Because it would be so much better to rob the woman of her desire to contribute to her family in such a way by insisting that she act like an invalid when she didn't want to instead of finding a way to make it more comfortable for her to do so.

Well if that's the only contribution she makes to the family,  sad that she has no value other than her housekeeping.  My father would have made us do the ironing.  He did most of it anyway, for some reason he had more patience for that kind of thing than my mom, she had more patience for us. 

[BCSpace]

But in 2009, it's just a really odd story.

 

 

I understand what you mean.

[Calm]

Chronically ill people find their own way of coping with the changes in their life. That someone else feels they have the right to trash that couple's choices when they know nothing more than one very small aspect of their lives is rather arrogant IMO.

[Yirgacheffe]

I don't really understand why that is so hard to get. A mother is making a sacrifice out of love for her family. Her husband recognizes this and recognizes as well she doesn't want to cause them to feel burdened by her sacrifice...it is hers in her mind, not theirs. But her husband wants to both honour her wishes and help her so he sacrifices himself and goes daily without food so they can afford to buy something that will both ease her pain without troubling her heart. And they keep their sacrifices for each other unknown to the family until later so the hardships of the parents don't colour the children's days too dark.

As someone who had a sick mother and who has had her own health issues it is hard for me to understand why people can't see the love and respect for each other and the family that is being described. It is hard for a child to have to tell others they can't do something because a parent is ill. It can be frightening to see a parent suffer and it can really take the light out of one's life. The mother didn't want her boys to bear that burden more than they needed to. She didn't want them to have to feel awkward about showing up in unironed clothes. and as far as them doing it themselves...we don't know their ages and it seems clear to me her doing the ironing was one of her ways of expressing love and care.

How is doing something like ironing a burden to the family????  Is having children do dishes, vacuum, do laundry, cook a meal, mow the lawn, rake leave, shovel the driveway, make their beds or clean up after themselves a burden?  Oh my gosh my children are so burdened it borders on abuse.  My mother was virtually bedridden by the time I was in high school, my brothers and sisters and I had to cook, clean, and do the things you guys think are so wonderful in the video.  Everyone of of us went to our mother in those years for things that were far more valuable than her ability to cook and clean for us.   I watched that video and I didn't cry I've been there and it strikes me that the man portrayed wouldn't let his wife suffer in agony doing something he could have done himself.  Having to do ironing a burden, that is so out of line with what that video shows.

[Calm]

The burden is not the act of ironing or other chores, it is the insecurity that comes with illness that forces changes in one's life.

It is not the act itself that is important but what it represents to the person and the family. I was in the much same situation you were. Ironing was not a priority for my mom (or rather it was but it didn't have to be that good...at least to begin with) so we did that ourselves from at leadt age eight but she wanted to help her kids be as healthy as they could be even if she wasnt so she pushed herself to cook us quality meals and made special efforts to go for a couple hours total drive to a health food store (this was before they were everywhere) to get fresh flour, nuts and other things and she made everything from scratch with no preservatives, additives etc. I also spent long hours sitting on her bed discussing Jung, Swedenborg, Joseph Smith and just about anything related to psychology or church doctrine that one could think of starting at least by the age of nine. It is not as if we were starving if she didn't feed us, Dad could cook a nutritious meal if not particularly tasty when we were younger and we all learned to cook by the time we were in Junior High but even today when Mom can hardly move at times, if someone visits she is in the kitchen trying to provide a beautiful to the eye and mouth meal. It is what she does. It is one of her gifts to those she cares about...which is everyone who comes into her circle. When my son visited her with his kids last winter she was going to give everyone her famous pancakes but he had to step in gently and finished htm for her. She was felt very grateful and loved by his actions, but so disappointed that she wasn't able to give that gift of herself anymore. She is also the most studious person I know, always reading a book if she wasn't working or exercising (she got herself out of bed by educating herself on what would help without drugs and by forcing herself to move and eat right)...and still is.

My grandmother was a piemaker. She was especially proud of her crusts and for as long as I can remember her weekly visits were accompanied by an apple pie for the family dinner we would have with Grandma and Grandpa. As she got older it became much more difficult for her due to arthritis. And she let us know it. We kids would say to each other if it hurts her so much, then she should just stop, it is not worth it to us for her to suffer that way. Once I got older I realized her insistence on making that pie was the way she chose to fight against the indignity of ageing and her disease, including letting us know it because she felt it was a good example to teach us to persevere even through hardships...she needed to feel in her own way that she was contributing both by providing a treat and by example of a good life. Being a piemaker was part of her life long identity. She was an excellent cook and proud of her ability. She did not look upon it as drudgery nor did we see her as only valued for providing food.

There is no reason to assume this was all that the family valued their mother for or that they wouldn't be happy to have gone without or that they didn't do any other chores. It was her choice to continue to iron for her family while hiding the pain. Chances are it was her way of symbolizing security for her family, she may have had cancer which changed the life of her entire family but this was one thing that wasn't going to change if she could help it. Her husband could have taken away her choice by insisting she stop doing it and taking over himself but he recognized for whatever reason this was something she felt she needed to do and he respected that and instead of treating her like a child, found a way so she could continue to do what she wanted to do without suffering.

That your family would do it differently doesn't make this a tragedy.

Edited July 12, 2014 by calmoriah

[Yirgacheffe]

The burden is not the act of ironing or other chores, it is the insecurity that comes with illness that forces changes in one's life.

It is not the act itself that is important but what it represents to the person and the family. I was in the much same situation you were. Ironing was not a priority for my mom (or rather it was but it didn't have to be that good...at least to begin with) so we did that ourselves from at leadt age eight but she wanted to help her kids be as healthy as they could be even if she wasnt so she pushed herself to cook us quality meals and made special efforts to go for a couple hours total drive to a health food store (this was before they were everywhere) to get fresh flour, nuts and other things and she made everything from scratch with no preservatives, additives etc. I also spent long hours sitting on her bed discussing Jung, Swedenborg, Joseph Smith and just about anything related to psychology or church doctrine that one could think of starting at least by the age of nine. It is not as if we were starving if she didn't feed us, Dad could cook a nutritious meal if not particularly tasty when we were younger and we all learned to cook by the time we were in Junior High but even today when Mom can hardly move at times, if someone visits she is in the kitchen trying to provide a beautiful to the eye and mouth meal. It is what she does. It is one of her gifts to those she cares about...which is everyone who comes into her circle. When my son visited her with his kids last winter she was going to give everyone her famous pancakes but he had to step in gently and finished htm for her. She was felt very grateful and loved by his actions, but so disappointed that she wasn't able to give that gift of herself anymore.

My grandmother was a piemaker. She was especially proud of her crusts and for as long as I can remember her weekly visits were accompanied by an apple pie for the family dinner we would have with Grandma and Grandpa. As she got older it became much more difficult for her due to arthritis. And she let us know it. We kids would say to each other if it hurts her so much, then she should just stop, it is not worth it to us for her to suffer that way. Once I got older I realized her insistence on making that pie was the way she chose to fight against the indignity of ageing and her disease, including letting us know it because she felt it was a good example to teach us to persevere even through hardships...she needed to feel in her own way that she was contributing both by providing a treat and by example of a good life. Being a piemaker was part of her life long identity. She was an excellent cook and proud of her ability. She did not look upon it as drudgery nor did we see her as only valued for providing food.

There is no reason to assume this was all that the family valued their mother for or that they wouldn't be happy to have gone without or that they didn't do any other chores. It was her choice to continue to iron for her family while hiding the pain. Chances are it was her way of symbolizing security for her family, she may have had cancer which changed the life of her entire family but this was one thing that wasn't going to change if she could help it. Her husband could have taken away her choice by insisting she stop doing it and taking over himself but he recognized for whatever reason this was something she felt she needed to do and he respected that and instead of treating her like a child, found a way so she could continue to do what she wanted to do without suffering.

That your family would do it differently doesn't make this a tragedy.

All of these things that you talk about a woman doing, we have in both my and my husbands family, and we have women who can no longer do those things due to aging.  In our families we honor their place by asking them to teach us, daughters, sons, grandchildren, son and daughters in law.  For us they are valuable not because of what they can do but because of who they have been how they kept us together and what they can teach us to do in order to carry on the family rituals that comfort and tie us all together.

As for her hiding he pain, she didn't hide it and her husband let her continue to let her work in pain for a very long time, my father would not have just stood back and let my mother do something that caused her agony.  He would have talked to her about it.  It is an ugly story of unnecessary martyrdom.

Edited July 12, 2014 by Yirgacheffe

[Kenngo1969]

Matthew 7:1-5 comes to mind, for some reason.

[Freedom]

I am baffles by the responses. Nobody wants to be useless. The story is about helping someone retain their independence. It is about helping someone continue in as normal a manner as possible. If I were permanently disables, I would not be comforted if my responsibilities were taken away; as with most, I would do into a deep depression. I would want my loved ones to help me continue as much as possible as I was before. It is a beautiful story and for anyone who has a loved who is disables, it is an act to be emulated.

[escott3564]

I am baffles by the responses. Nobody wants to be useless. The story is about helping someone retain their independence. It is about helping someone continue in as normal a manner as possible. If I were permanently disables, I would not be comforted if my responsibilities were taken away; as with most, I would do into a deep depression. I would want my loved ones to help me continue as much as possible as I was before. It is a beautiful story and for anyone who has a loved who is disables, it is an act to be emulated.

 

I liked Cal's post which kind of puts the story into "modern" perspective:

 

Think of a husband working to provide his wife a laptop that allowed her to work in bed instead struggling to get out of it as an invalid, allowing her to stay connected to her family and world with dignity. Would it have better just to tell her not to worry about it and have her just sit lonely in bed doing nothing?

[Kenngo1969]

There is no reason to assume this was all that the family valued their mother for or that they wouldn't be happy to have gone without or that they didn't do any other chores. It was her choice to continue to iron for her family while hiding the pain.

Unfortunately, according to those who hold the opposite view, the only possible explanation is that Elder Christofferson's mother had to submit to a tyrant: she had no other choice.  (Of course, such a view really doesn't explain why, if he was such a tyrant, Elder Christofferson's father even bothered with trying to make that particular task easier for her in the first place, but that's a small, insignificant detail.)

Edited July 12, 2014 by Kenngo1969

[Kenngo1969]

Perhaps many elements of this discussion are emblematic of a societal shift – a shift that I doubt is for the better.  Should we still live in a world in which women are told that their place is only in the home and that, since that’s their place (and nowhere else), their only value is in doing things for others, rather than in attempting to explore and to fulfill their own potential (whether it be through education, employment, service in the community, and so on)?  No; and I’m glad we don’t live in such a world – or at least that such attitudes (which also can be found among members and leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to a certain extent) are changing.

 

The problem is that we’ve now gone so far in the opposite direction (and this, too, is true of many members of the Church of Jesus Christ).  Housekeeping, homemaking, and similar pursuits (whatever label one chooses for them) are seen, not just as limiting women, but as demeaning them.  There is no reason why any woman might choose to engage primarily in such pursuits of her own free will and choice – especially not when, as is true of the case under discussion, doing so is especially difficult.  According to those who hold this view, it’s bad enough that a woman might choose to do these things at all, let alone choosing to do them when they are especially difficult: by making such a choice, she automatically demeans not only herself, but her entire gender – and the more difficult these things are for her, the more she demeans herself and gender by making that choice.  (The unspoken assumption of those who are appalled by Elder Christofferson’s account is that his mother never would have made the choice to do the ironing on her own: no, no; someone – such as his father – had to be holding a gun to her head, metaphorically speaking.)

 

It’s as though those who question such a choice believe that women need to yield their wills to the questioner, who is the ultimate arbiter of the wisdom of such choices.  It’s high time that women in the Church of Jesus Christ who are content merely as homemakers got with the program.  (By the way, some of us – and I know this is going to sound completely crazy – don’t think it’s any better for women to surrender their wills to the feminist generals in the “war on women” than it would be for them to surrender their wills to those who believe their only value lies in what they (can) do for their husbands and their families.)  There is a war going on: women either can enlist, or they can be drafted.  There is no other choice.