Slip Sliding Away.

[Garden Girl]

And...

 

Where can I turn for peace?  Where is my solace when other sources cease to make me whole?

When with a wounded heart, anger or malice, I draw myself apart, searching my soul?

 

Where when my aching grows, Where, when I languish,

Where in my need to know, Where can I run? 

Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?  Who can understand?

He... Only One.

 

He answers privately... Reaches my reaching in Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.

Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.

Constant he is and kind...

Love without end.

 

Hymn No. 129... "Where Can I Turn for Peace?"

 

There is only one who understands our hearts, Ellen, and loves without question... Our Savior, Jesus Christ.  When we despair... it is He who is always there.

 

GG

[DarkScythe]

we are here for you. Venting to friends is a good thing

[Garden Girl]

we are here for you. Venting to friends is a good thing

 

Yes... while it is our Savior and the Spirit through prayer that gives us the most comfort, it does help to talk to the Bishop or a trusted sister... even here to some extent... 

 

GG

[DarkScythe]

the method might vary but God will comfort us thru various methods.

[saemo]

I just wanted to thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. As I got up this morning, so many of the responsibilites I had that would force me to go to church just evaporated, so I decided I would stay home and be mad. Strangely, later without really thinking about it, I found myself dressed, with keys in hand, on the way to my car and to church. I did not know why I was going; just had a feeling, and I know when that happens ... well you know.

 

After three hours at church my mad was gone, and I felt contrite, yet comforted by Heavenly Father. I had not talked to anyone there about how wrong and painful and awful the world was, the spirit just did things for me that could not have happened without the willing obedience of just showing up. Thank you Heavenly Father for ministering to me when you could have just punished me for impertinence.

 

At testimony my anger was gone, and faith renewed, and I apologized for speaking in an ungodly way to some. I apologize to you also, and thank you for your patience and love.

 

Gwen Boucher (Ellen)

Beautiful!

[Kenngo1969]

Persona non grata in this thread though I may be , I, too, have had my wanting-to-be-anywhere-but-church moments.   I usually am able to overcome that impulse (fortunately, it's rare that I'm not able to overcome it: I ask myself, "Ken, whatever's wrong, will skipping church solve the problem?"  The answer's always, "No." Dang logic!!! )  It's pretty rare that I've experienced the revelatory epiphany of receiving "Specific Solution B" to "Problem A" directly as a result of going ... no visitations, no burning bushes, not necessarily even any pentacostal spiritual outpourings), but there's something about simply being with my fellow (like me, imperfect) Saints and fellow church goers and basking in the Spirit and in the fellowship ...  My seemingly-intractable problems still await me outside the church house door, but they're not welcome inside.)  "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief ..."

Edited March 4, 2014 by Kenngo1969

[EllenMaksoud]

Persona non grata in this thread though I may be , I, too, have had my wanting-to-be-anywhere-but-church moments.  When I am able to overcome that impulse (fortunately, it's rare that I'm not able to overcome it: I ask myself, "Ken, whatever's wrong, will skipping church solve the problem?"  The answer's always, "No."  Dang logic!!! )  It's pretty rare that I've experienced the revelatory epiphany of receiving "Specific Solution B" to "Problem A" directly as a result of going ... no visitations, no burning bushes, not necessarily even any pentacostal spiritual outpourings), but there's something about simply being with my fellow (like me, imperfect) Saints and fellow church goers and basking in the Spirit and in the fellowship ...  My seemingly-intractable problems still await me outside the church house door, but they're not welcome inside.)  "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief ..."

Why would you feel your input not welcome?

[Kenngo1969]

Why would you feel your input not welcome?

I have been accused, because of my forthrightness, of mistreating you in this thread (and others).

Edited March 4, 2014 by Kenngo1969

[Buzzard]

I just wanted to thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. As I got up this morning, so many of the responsibilites I had that would force me to go to church just evaporated, so I decided I would stay home and be mad. Strangely, later without really thinking about it, I found myself dressed, with keys in hand, on the way to my car and to church. I did not know why I was going; just had a feeling, and I know when that happens ... well you know.

 

After three hours at church my mad was gone, and I felt contrite, yet comforted by Heavenly Father. I had not talked to anyone there about how wrong and painful and awful the world was, the spirit just did things for me that could not have happened without the willing obedience of just showing up. Thank you Heavenly Father for ministering to me when you could have just punished me for impertinence.

 

At testimony my anger was gone, and faith renewed, and I apologized for speaking in an ungodly way to some. I apologize to you also, and thank you for your patience and love.

 

Gwen Boucher (Ellen)

Your post reminded me of a quote by Elder Packer that my old Stake President had on the credenza behind his desk:

"Obedience is a powerful spiritual medicine.  It comes close to being a cure-all."

[knowone]

 

 

i dont know you, but i have a lot of understanding & love for islam.  their works are inspired but the religion went sideways, just as judaism & christianity in general.  i usually say to my lds friends who are having problems with the church, to not take things so directly pointed at you.  just understand that a majority of old white lds people dont understand a lot of the world & like you said, this includes the bible.  one of my best friends is libyan fropm the berber peoples.  he knows that his people were islamascized & that they had a different way of worship prior to islam.  me, myself have roots to the moors in spain & i know my people were arab but stuck with christianity from the beginning.  with this being said, one must have the same love & giving nature to those who have a lesser understanding than someone as yourself.  just because priesthood leaders dont have the perfect answer for you does not mean that God is not attentive to you as you go about your day, or specifically in your prayers.  this is a test for you.  in the future, i imagine when the majority of islam learns that the book of abraham has been found as well as early moses writings & the lds church has them in the peearl of great price....there will be a lot of islamic converts to mormonism.  its simple stuff, but the pearl of great price has not been translated to arabic yet.  i am having my friend take a stab at it, as he is studying arabic & i will promptly copy many thousands of pamphlets & leave them around for arabic speakers to find & to read.  lets see what happens then.   

 

keep faith dear sister. 

[applepansy]

A couple people are being rude and lashing out. I just suggest that they read the first post. I'm not saying much because there needs to be peace in my soul first. I've been in level 8-9 muscular/joint pain for around a month, so I am not nice or approachable. Some of you have had very kind comments to me. Thank you.

I'm sorry you're struggling with a flare.  I know what that's like.  You'll be in my prayers.

[EllenMaksoud]

I have been accused, because of my forthrightness, of mistreating you in this thread (and others).

Well, truthfully I have not had good experiences with men most of my life until I met the Mormons. I just can't think of a time when you offended me though I will be lookin out for it now. And I appreciate others being willing to defend me. Thank You.

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

Well, truthfully I have not had good experiences with men most of my life until I met the Mormons. I just can't think of a time when you offended me though I will be lookin out for it now. And I appreciate others being willing to defend me. Thank You.

Hey, we would do it for any of our sisters.

[EllenMaksoud]

i dont know you, but i have a lot of understanding & love for islam.  their works are inspired but the religion went sideways, just as judaism & christianity in general.  i usually say to my lds friends who are having problems with the church, to not take things so directly pointed at you.  just understand that a majority of old white lds people dont understand a lot of the world & like you said, this includes the bible.  one of my best friends is libyan fropm the berber peoples.  he knows that his people were islamascized & that they had a different way of worship prior to islam.  me, myself have roots to the moors in spain & i know my people were arab but stuck with christianity from the beginning.  with this being said, one must have the same love & giving nature to those who have a lesser understanding than someone as yourself.  just because priesthood leaders dont have the perfect answer for you does not mean that God is not attentive to you as you go about your day, or specifically in your prayers.  this is a test for you.  in the future, i imagine when the majority of islam learns that the book of abraham has been found as well as early moses writings & the lds church has them in the peearl of great price....there will be a lot of islamic converts to mormonism.  its simple stuff, but the pearl of great price has not been translated to arabic yet.  i am having my friend take a stab at it, as he is studying arabic & i will promptly copy many thousands of pamphlets & leave them around for arabic speakers to find & to read.  lets see what happens then. 

 

keep faith dear sister. 

Shukran Jazillian. I am still strongly attracted to Islam, but as you say, today Islam has gone sideways. May Heavenly Father put a watch on you and guide you and protect you.

[EllenMaksoud]

I'm sorry you're struggling with a flare.  I know what that's like.  You'll be in my prayers.

I am starting to feel better and getting outside and doing things helps so much. Thank you.

[EllenMaksoud]

Hey, we would do it for any of our sisters.

[applepansy]

I am starting to feel better and getting outside and doing things helps so much. Thank you.

The GAs bring me a lot of comfort when I'm in a FMS flare.  I enjoy listening to the Conference talks and other talks they have given.  I don't understand the feelings you have towards them.  I have found that they really do understand they world we live in.

 

I'm glad you're feeling better and getting out.  That does help.  The storms have been difficult for me as I'm sure they have been for you.  But we need the rain/snow so much to break the drought that I'll put up with the flares as long as we have enough water in August.

[EllenMaksoud]

The GAs bring me a lot of comfort when I'm in a FMS flare.  I enjoy listening to the Conference talks and other talks they have given.  I don't understand the feelings you have towards them.  I have found that they really do understand they world we live in.

 

I'm glad you're feeling better and getting out.  That does help.  The storms have been difficult for me as I'm sure they have been for you.  But we need the rain/snow so much to break the drought that I'll put up with the flares as long as we have enough water in August.

I am not a life long Mormon so perhaps do not understand certain Mormon things at the depth of some. While so many of the talks and videos are wonderful, most of the videos make me so emotional that the tears just are not worth it. It is confounding because the vids are well made, and insightful.

 

As to the rain, I would do better if it was snow. Here in Portland, Oregon, most of the winter is dark, dreary, soggy, moldy, cold, dank and yukky. I lived for a year and a half in Fairbanks, and a year in Painesville, Ohio, and loved the snow to bits. Here in Oregon, when it gets icy they put some sort of yuk on the roads which stop the ice but adversely affects my asthma.

 

Enough whining. It will be warm enough today to bike perhaps.

 

And, as to the GA, your words have caused me to think about the disrespect I have shown to them. I repent and seek forgiveness.  There is one issue that I wish people at the Ward and Stake level would just let go.  When they speak of it, there is the effect that it just inflames my passions all over again. Sometimes people mean well but just wind up hurting you.

Edited March 5, 2014 by EllenMaksoud

[sweetpotatoh]

Ellen, I appreciate your posts and willingness to share your highs and lows with us.

I want to tell you something that has helped me. There are those in life that hurt us, usually they are unaware of the hurt. Some close family members have hurt me and continue to do so if I let them. I was having a hard time letting go and finally got on my knees and prayed to my Heavenly Father to grant me the strength to let go. He did and now when I interact with this family member if they hurt me I realize it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them. It doesn't change how Christ feels towards me, doesn't change my standing with Christ unless I react negatively. It still hurts and I wonder if they will ever learn, but I reach out to them and love them and move on. Life is so much fuller when the pain and hurt are washed away in the Atonement. Let the Atonement wash away the pain. If you don't know how, I didn't for along time, get on your knees and pray. Then love those that hurt you. For that is what Christ does.

[savedbygrace]

I can't make civilized decisions when I am hurt and angry, so just don't know what will happen now.  Perhaps they see a risk. It is not about morality at all, else the Atonement would have no value. Yes, I know that full on Islam does not treat Jesus the Christ with proper respect and I find that unacceptable. Though I do know certain Muslims who quietly value him in the so called "Christian" way.

 

Saying I was lied to in the Missionary lessons feels too harsh. Perhaps dissembled to is a better choice of words. And, importantly, the Mormon sisters were used by God to save a life, though I often wonder at their wisdom in doing so.  Sickeningly, I have run into Mormon men at the Ward and Stake level and above who tried to devalue the sister's contribution at first but they learned rather quickly not to do that to my face.  Our Ward mission leader forced me to take the lessons all over again, saying the sisters lacked authority.  I did not become Mormon because of misogynistic men but to serve Heavenly Father. Mormon worship practices did not draw me or offend me. So, I could perhaps have gone to a soup kitchen to help out on Sunday instead of church? In the end, I strive to keep my eye on my true Master, and to not become disillusioned by the less than Godly, of which I am one.

 

It has been surprising that so many Mormons do not know the Bible well at all. Though I will likely never know the Bom well either. The Qur'an, while at times beautiful prose, gives mixed messages, and in the end the presidence of Fatwas and Hadeeths over the Qur'an was maddening at times. I try to follow a Muslim group called "Qur'an only" but they are elusive and seem to be only in the UK. I have little doubt that "regular" Muslims have death threats out on them. To see how bankrupt Islam is in the world today, you just need to turn the news on; Muslims killing Muslims, beheadings, stonings and imprisonments ...  So, while at times returning to Islam seems like the only way out, I have to ask myself, out of what?

 

And the old guys in Salt Lake City do not even know I am alive, of my love for Heavenly Father, or what I came from ... they have bigger fish to fry. Knowing that I am nothing to them, what stops me from quietly doing the will of my Father in Heaven?  It is awful and demeaning to not be a mature tower of strength at all times. I do not think they take Nuns older than 60, so what is there but to lie down to sleep tonight and hope for a better day tomorrow, after the understood prayers and study tonight.

 

I am listening to "Spem in Alium" as I write this.  It puts me in mind of the day we shall all see Heavenly Father on his throne, with the host of Angels and saints around him as in 1 Kings 22:19. How thrilling it would be to be one of those singing praises to our creator ...

Hi Ellen, I am so sorry that you are feeling so negative right now. But someone has wisely advised here that you step back, retreat from things for a while, try to refocus. It is Lent, a time of repentence, forgiveness and renewal, a time to focus on Christ and his forgiveness and what he means to us, and the absolute forgiveness brought about by his death. Reading Sacred Scripture at this time is specially helpful. Maybe you could get a Lenten guide to help you, or maybe www.salvationhistory.com might help through the various reflections offered there. But remember, to receive the peace that surpasses understanding, you need to forgive to receive forgiveness. Give your anger to God, let him heal you, you are in my prayers.

[savedbygrace]

Dear Ellen:

 

Please Please don't leave because a few idiots saying idiotic hurtful things. The Lord knows your trials and sufferings. I haven't told my good friends on this board as of yet. But I will do so now. twenty years ago I was permanently and totally disabled by two vicious attackers. Three years ago I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease, and last year I was diagnosed with catastrophic terminal kidney failure. I don't tell these things out of a plea for sympathy. I have has plenty of good fiends and family to help me through the "Pity Parties" I sometimes have. The Lord has maintained me, supported my when down. He has given me the courage to see this through the bitter end of my life, and to a promised glorious resurrection on the other side.

 

Your friend in Christ

Thesometimesaint.

Inspirational, thankyou

[MelodyMP3]

"Maybe when there is an old guy my age as President he will have been exposed to Science enough to right some wrongs. Until then, good luck."

 

I was just wondering what you meant by "exposed to Science enough to right some wrongs"?

 

I'm investigating the church, and am curious if there's something I need to know about the teaching they have on science?

[EllenMaksoud]

"Maybe when there is an old guy my age as President he will have been exposed to Science enough to right some wrongs. Until then, good luck."

 

I was just wondering what you meant by "exposed to Science enough to right some wrongs"?

 

I'm investigating the church, and am curious if there's something I need to know about the teaching they have on science?

I will say this. Heavenly Father used the Mormon Sisters to bring me to knowledge of the restored gospel, and to save my life. It would save time for you to look up my thread "Saving Lives".  The church is true, and a clear guide for those who seek knowledge and the will of Heavenly Father. Still, as our progression proceeds, there are areas where we are ignorant.

 

People with leprosy were once rejected and thought to be unclean. Now days we know it as fungal Hansen's disease and measures can be taken to arrest its progress. Now days, there are conditions that most in our culture see as moral issues. In time, I pray that our science will make understanding, and possibly a cure possible.

 

Please don't be afraid to seek out the church. It will take time for things to make sense. Please read your Bible, the Book of Mormon, and the other Mormon documents faithfully.

 

We can talk later if you wish.

[thesometimesaint]

"Maybe when there is an old guy my age as President he will have been exposed to Science enough to right some wrongs. Until then, good luck."

 

I was just wondering what you meant by "exposed to Science enough to right some wrongs"?

 

I'm investigating the church, and am curious if there's something I need to know about the teaching they have on science?

 

I know of nothing in the sciences that should cause any concern to any LDS, or LDS investigator. We accept truth and facts wherever they come from. How some(few) are ignorant of or misinterpret/misapply those truths and facts should be a concern of us all.

Edited March 16, 2014 by thesometimesaint