Slip Sliding Away.

[EllenMaksoud]

Return to Islam makes more and more sense to me. March 11th makes three years with the Mormons. I retain my belief in Jesus the Christ in the Mormon way but the rest ... not so much. You old guys in SLC, I wish you the best. Maybe when there is an old guy my age as President he will have been exposed to Science enough to right some wrongs. Until then, good luck.

[Calm]

I am curious if you believe Islam's current attitude in general towards the science is more appropriate than the LDS one.

I am sorry that you are experiencing this level of discomfort about our faith. It also surprises me given some of your past statements that seemed to indicate you were positive the Lord wanted you here. What has changed?

[EllenMaksoud]

I am curious if you believe Islam's current attitude in general towards the science is more appropriate than the LDS one.

I am sorry that you are experiencing this level of discomfort about our faith. It also surprises me given some of your past statements that seemed to indicate you were positive the Lord wanted you here. What has changed?

In a perplexing way, my Hijab and Abaya were my protection. I really thought that faith and faithfulness would soften those in SLC, but it has not. They negated the Atonement to me even after pointing out to them that by their own documents it should apply to me. It is good for everyone, but according to them, not for me. By their own actions I need the anonymity of full covering once again. The stresses of the last months have brought on a full on attack of Fibro again and I am personally keeping the drug companies solvent. This is not suicide note. I need the covering and security of it again.

Edited February 26, 2014 by EllenMaksoud

[Calm]

If that is what you need, then I am not going to try and argue you out of it but I will say that refusing to allow you to go to the temple in no way negates or limits the Atonement for you. Baptism and the Sacrament provides you with the full remission of sins, nothing more is needed for purification. Baptism has been called the New and Everlasting Covenant for a reason. The temple ordinances allow for other covenants to be made, ones that you can make in your heart without ever attending so that when the time comes whether in this life or the next, in your case the ordinance can be the crowning act of your progression rather than one of the beginning steps that it is for most people.

I think I have mentioned before that it has only been recently that the endowment has been opened up to most single sisters, sometime during my lifetime, I think 80s or 90s. I had never heard one teaching before or after that where it was claimed that these sisters somehow did not have access to the full power of the Atonement or that there was any negation of it.

It is possible that married sisters whose husband refuse to give their own acceptance of their wife participating in the endowment are still often told they need to wait, perhaps till the next life if their husband's heart nevers softens...but there is never any suggestion that these women don't have the Atonement acting in their lives even in the cases where they chose to marry a nonmember thus knowingly risking this possibility.

The only reason I am saying this is I think if someone decides to put aside their faith in the Church it should be for something that is really wrong with the Church and how we teach the Gospel for them and not for something that they only think is wrong.

Edited February 26, 2014 by calmoriah

[JLHPROF]

I understand the importance of receiving comfort from whatever religion you choose to follow.  But testimony is a curious thing - please don't be so quick to give up on something that God witnessed to you as true, even if you disagree with some scientific leanings.

In my view of religion, truth should trump comfort, faith should trump academia, and God's will should trump all (especially my own).  But if you feel more comfort in Islam, like there are fewer "wrongs" to be corrected and that the LDS Church is refusing to apply the atonement on your behalf, then perhaps it is a better place for you.

 

I second Cal's statement that the atonement is applied through repentance and Baptism and entrance into God's kingdom is received by the partaking of that ordinance.  If you have done this, then you are under Christ's atonement and a member of his Kingdom.

The Temple features covenants that establish a specific role in the Kingdom, and if you are prevented from entering them in this life, but live for them anyway, you will have the same opportunity as everyone else.  Mormonism IS true.  Whether it is for you is between you and God.

[bluebell]

I wish you well Ellen if that is sincerely what you believe Heavenly Father wants you to do.

And I must reiterate what Cal said about the Atonement and the temple. Not going to the temple does not limit the Atonement in anyway. Everyone who has been baptized has full and complete access to the Atonement.

[rpn]

I'm sorry you are going through a tough time.  If you have not read the middle five chapters of "In Quiet Desperation"  it is the best practical application of how the atonement works for real life issues.  It might be helpful.  And  you are quite right that it is folly to do any covenant related behavior hoping to change any leader's instruction to you or beliefs about you or their own fears or blindness about you.    Mortals rarely work like that, even if we were to believe that Heavenly Father or our Savior does.    

 

It may take the eternities to sort this out.   Don't shut out what light you have because you can't now get the additional light you seek.  And I hope you feel better.

[Kenngo1969]

You would be missed.  While I would never insult your intelligence by attempting to compare our respective perplexities, I have my own set of perplexities.  A part of me would like to follow you out the door.  If I were to do so, I could lay aside some burdens of my own (although, again, I realize there is no comparison).  Inequality of burdens notwithstanding, In some ways, that is a tempting prospect even for me.  But perplexities notwithstanding, I can only say, with Job, "Blessed be the name of the Lord" (Job 1:21).  I can only say, with Nephi, "I know not the meaning of all things.  Nevertheless, I know that God loveth His Children" (1 Nephi 11:17).  Like Paul, I am "troubled on every side, yet not distressed"; "perplexed, but not in despair"; "persecuted, but not forsaken"; "cast down, but not destroyed" (1 Cor. 4:8-9).  With Joseph Smith, I know what I have experienced, and I dare not deny it, or I will offend God and come under condemnation (See Joseph Smith - History 1:24-25).  With Simon Peter, when the Lord asked His apostles after many of His disciples forsook Him, "Will ye also go away?" I can only say, "Lord, to whom shall we go?  Thou hast the words of eternal life" (see John 6:67-68).

 

Whatever you decide your next step is, I plead with you to not take it lightly.  And wherever you may go, if you should feel the "tentacles of Divine Providence" reaching out to you to lead you back, I hope you succumb to their embrace.  It seems as though you have allowed the mists and fog inherent to Life's Second Act here in mortality to obscure your perspective a bit.  For what it's worth, I know that any blessing denied me here in mortality cannot be denied me hereafter if I remain faithful.  Others have been in that situation, but they remained faithful; and I have no reason not to suppose that they have not now received promised blessings.  And as much as I feel to succumb under the weight of my own burdens, I cannot deny what I know.  Life's not just a Mortal Sprint; it's an Eternal Marathon.

 

I wish you well.

Edited February 26, 2014 by Kenngo1969

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

Return to Islam makes more and more sense to me. March 11th makes three years with the Mormons. I retain my belief in Jesus the Christ in the Mormon way but the rest ... not so much. You old guys in SLC, I wish you the best. Maybe when there is an old guy my age as President he will have been exposed to Science enough to right some wrongs. Until then, good luck.

Ellen, Islam denies the divinity of Christ. I hope you do what is best for you, but Christ's role in our salvation is central to our faith, and not even on the radar of Islam.

[juliann]

The church does not have power over the Atonement.  Only Christ does. There are many reasons to leave but the church withholding the atonement from you is not one of them.

[Garden Girl]

I fully agree with Cal's post #4, and others here, that Christ's atonement is not withheld from you... if you truly believe that Jesus is the Christ, it puzzles me why you would return to a faith that denies he is the Son of God.  You may have some issues, but will you really be better off without the Savior in your life?

 

GG

[Calm]

The stresses of the last months have brought on a full on attack of Fibro again

 

On another note, you might want to consider just retreating from involvement for awhile while you build up your reserves again.  I have done that…am doing that.  The Bishop sends home sometimes a cd of the sacrament meeting for me, don't know if your ward has that option but it is likely that you can ask to see if the sacrament can be given to you in your home by your home teacher or someone.  Our ward because it is so close (Utah neighbourhood) sends a priest and a deacon to prepare and serve the sacrament (really only one is needed I believe, but they like to involved the kids in service) and a young woman to share a spiritual thought.  We have a number of homebound individuals (and not just for physical reasons) in our ward who take advantage of the service.

Edited February 27, 2014 by calmoriah

[Storm Rider]

Dear K, I think I can understand many of the things you feel, but it is impossible for me to grasp the full breadth of the feelings of your heart. Fundamentally I have always had a problem with authority and leaders in far away places or even in my back yard have always played a love/hate relationship for me. I have always struggled with the need for them to be perfect and they never are, but they are in positions that have a dramatic impact on the lives of others.  Too often I have had opposing views to theirs. Years ago I concluded that they are doing the best they can and I will do the best I can. If we match up, great; if not, no worries because I have one Master.

 

There is much beauty in Islam, but it sounds more like you appreciate some of the cultural norms of Arabic society rather than the religion itself. I am not talking in absolutes and I understand the beauty of Islam itself. If I could wish for anything for you it is that you keep and maintain a sure and absolute understanding that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the Living God. No man, no church, no organization stands between you and him.  It is one of the beauties of Gospel that all will have the full blessings of all ordinances whether in this life or the next. If man has prevented anyone from enjoying those blessings in this life when they have a sincere desire to receive them and God has not opened that doorway, then how great will be their reward for their patience and long-suffering? Surely, God wants the best for them and in his own time and his own way he opens all doors that lead to him. To lose patience, to walk away from him is a revelation on their own heart and motivations. It shows a willingness to sell their own birthright for immediate gratification. It is never about what pleases us at this moment on this day, but what pleases our Father in Heaven.

 

God bless and keep you

[EllenMaksoud]

I can't make civilized decisions when I am hurt and angry, so just don't know what will happen now.  Perhaps they see a risk. It is not about morality at all, else the Atonement would have no value. Yes, I know that full on Islam does not treat Jesus the Christ with proper respect and I find that unacceptable. Though I do know certain Muslims who quietly value him in the so called "Christian" way.

 

Saying I was lied to in the Missionary lessons feels too harsh. Perhaps dissembled to is a better choice of words. And, importantly, the Mormon sisters were used by God to save a life, though I often wonder at their wisdom in doing so.  Sickeningly, I have run into Mormon men at the Ward and Stake level and above who tried to devalue the sister's contribution at first but they learned rather quickly not to do that to my face.  Our Ward mission leader forced me to take the lessons all over again, saying the sisters lacked authority.  I did not become Mormon because of misogynistic men but to serve Heavenly Father. Mormon worship practices did not draw me or offend me. So, I could perhaps have gone to a soup kitchen to help out on Sunday instead of church? In the end, I strive to keep my eye on my true Master, and to not become disillusioned by the less than Godly, of which I am one.

 

It has been surprising that so many Mormons do not know the Bible well at all. Though I will likely never know the Bom well either. The Qur'an, while at times beautiful prose, gives mixed messages, and in the end the presidence of Fatwas and Hadeeths over the Qur'an was maddening at times. I try to follow a Muslim group called "Qur'an only" but they are elusive and seem to be only in the UK. I have little doubt that "regular" Muslims have death threats out on them. To see how bankrupt Islam is in the world today, you just need to turn the news on; Muslims killing Muslims, beheadings, stonings and imprisonments ...  So, while at times returning to Islam seems like the only way out, I have to ask myself, out of what?

 

And the old guys in Salt Lake City do not even know I am alive, of my love for Heavenly Father, or what I came from ... they have bigger fish to fry. Knowing that I am nothing to them, what stops me from quietly doing the will of my Father in Heaven?  It is awful and demeaning to not be a mature tower of strength at all times. I do not think they take Nuns older than 60, so what is there but to lie down to sleep tonight and hope for a better day tomorrow, after the understood prayers and study tonight.

 

I am listening to "Spem in Alium" as I write this.  It puts me in mind of the day we shall all see Heavenly Father on his throne, with the host of Angels and saints around him as in 1 Kings 22:19. How thrilling it would be to be one of those singing praises to our creator ...

Edited February 27, 2014 by EllenMaksoud

[Storm Rider]

Some of us experience acute pain at different times and all of us have our own cross to bear. There are times where we have to surrender to what surrounds us and let our Father in Heaven have complete control. I find that when I surrender completely I am freed from the pain and burdens that I had picked up and tried to carry. I put aside my own desires, wants, and preferences and try to accept what is and go on humbly with a heart open to His loving guidance. 

 

I have made so many mistakes in my own life that when I find others that affect me I forgive them. They really are not aware of my own feelings and wants. I accept their humanity and move on. Belonging to a community of saints is of great value and so often provides a wonderful network of support and love. At other times it can feel stifling and heavy. What we try to teach each individual is to listen to the Spirit. The Spirit has no dogma; it is not confused; it is always the same; it is unending in wisdom and love. It abhors my sins and washes them away and surrounds me in loving embrace. 

 

I wish we had perfect leaders and perfect members; unfortunately they are no more perfect than we are. Isn't that a sad state of affairs? What is real is that they each are trying to serve with varying degrees of success. If they do wrong; God is their judge. If they hurt us we have a Healer that stands ready to stretch forth his hand. Tomorrow is a good day and today is one in which to rejoice. Find the small joys daily to cherish. His peace upon you always.

[Garden Girl]

I can't make civilized decisions when I am hurt and angry, so just don't know what will happen now. 

 

It has been surprising that so many Mormons do not know the Bible well at all. Though I will likely never know the Bom well either.

 

And the old guys in Salt Lake City do not even know I am alive, of my love for Heavenly Father, or what I came from ... they have bigger fish to fry. Knowing that I am nothing to them, what stops me from quietly doing the will of my Father in Heaven?  It is awful and demeaning to not be a mature tower of strength at all times. I do not think they take Nuns older than 60, so what is there but to lie down to sleep tonight and hope for a better day tomorrow, after the understood prayers and study tonight.

Ellen...

I understand that you are hurt and angry now, and that is probably what is accounting for the tone of your posts here... and I do understand that you have ongoing issues that we try and understand and be of help to you...

However, here you keep referring to "the old guys in Salt Lake City."  I'm going to chalk up your disrespect and condescending remarks toward our leaders to your being hurt and/or angry. 

You have been a member for three years?  It does not appear that you have used these years to gain a firm testimony of the Gospel and the Plan of Salvation (Happiness), which I would hope you realize offers the most peace and comfort to you that you need in dealing with your particular issues...  time and again posters have pointed out that if you continue faithful in living the gospel that no blessings will be withheld from you, even if some would be realized if not here and now then in the hereafter...

I'm sorry you feel the way you do...

 

GG

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

I can't make civilized decisions when I am hurt and angry, so just don't know what will happen now. Perhaps they see a risk. It is not about morality at all, else the Atonement would have no value. Yes, I know that full on Islam does not treat Jesus the Christ with proper respect and I find that unacceptable. Though I do know certain Muslims who quietly value him in the so called "Christian" way.

Saying I was lied to in the Missionary lessons feels too harsh. Perhaps dissembled to is a better choice of words. And, importantly, the Mormon sisters were used by God to save a life, though I often wonder at their wisdom in doing so. Sickeningly, I have run into Mormon men at the Ward and Stake level and above who tried to devalue the sister's contribution at first but they learned rather quickly not to do that to my face. Our Ward mission leader forced me to take the lessons all over again, saying the sisters lacked authority. I did not become Mormon because of misogynistic men but to serve Heavenly Father. Mormon worship practices did not draw me or offend me. So, I could perhaps have gone to a soup kitchen to help out on Sunday instead of church? In the end, I strive to keep my eye on my true Master, and to not become disillusioned by the less than Godly, of which I am one.

It has been surprising that so many Mormons do not know the Bible well at all. Though I will likely never know the Bom well either. The Qur'an, while at times beautiful prose, gives mixed messages, and in the end the presidence of Fatwas and Hadeeths over the Qur'an was maddening at times. I try to follow a Muslim group called "Qur'an only" but they are elusive and seem to be only in the UK. I have little doubt that "regular" Muslims have death threats out on them. To see how bankrupt Islam is in the world today, you just need to turn the news on; Muslims killing Muslims, beheadings, stonings and imprisonments ... So, while at times returning to Islam seems like the only way out, I have to ask myself, out of what?

And the old guys in Salt Lake City do not even know I am alive, of my love for Heavenly Father, or what I came from ... they have bigger fish to fry. Knowing that I am nothing to them, what stops me from quietly doing the will of my Father in Heaven? It is awful and demeaning to not be a mature tower of strength at all times. I do not think they take Nuns older than 60, so what is there but to lie down to sleep tonight and hope for a better day tomorrow, after the understood prayers and study tonight.

I am listening to "Spem in Alium" as I write this. It puts me in mind of the day we shall all see Heavenly Father on his throne, with the host of Angels and saints around him as in 1 Kings 22:19. How thrilling it would be to be one of those singing praises to our creator ...

Ellen,

I am so sorry that some have hurt you, but we are all mortal and fallen people...it is only faith in Christ that can lift us out of the darkness that is too often life. But we can borrow the "balm of Gilead" (see Jer 8: 22 and 51: 8 )...if memory serves. Also Christ is the great healer, and we are promised that when he comes again, that he will have "healing in his wings". Also, being hurt happens, but anger is a choice. God bless you my dear sister in Christ. The Church is here to teach us commandments, having a relationship with you father in heaven or Christ, is yours by birthright. Be of good cheer, our God is loving and knows all our pain, for he "knows even the sparrows fall".

Your brother,

Bill Lee

Edited February 27, 2014 by Bill “Papa” Lee

[Kenngo1969]

Please forgive my bluntness, but it's not about what "some old guys in Salt Lake City" do or do not understand, or even about what your local leaders or fellow members do or do not understand: it's about whether Christ understands.  

 

Doctrine & Covenants 19:16-19

 

16 For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent;

 

17 But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I;

 

18 Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink—

 

19 Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men.

 

 

Doctrine & Covenants 45:3-5

 

3 Listen to him who is the advocate with the Father, who is pleading your cause before him—

 

4 Saying: Father, behold the sufferings and death of him who did no sin, in whom thou wast well pleased; behold the blood of thy Son which was shed, the blood of him whom thou gavest that thyself might be glorified;

 

5 Wherefore, Father, spare these my brethren that believe on my name, that they may come unto me and have everlasting life.

 

 

 

Alma 7:11-12

 

11 And he [Christ] shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

 

12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

 

 

No one else can give you that testimony.  If you believe He does understand, what other reason do you need to stay?  If you believe He doesn't, then what other reason is necessary to justify your leaving?  With due respect, you can blame others all you want for whatever decision you make, but why give them that power?  No one can convince you to stay.  Not even the Holy Spirit can do that if you're determined to turn your back on what testimony you do have.  I've been an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints all of my life.  I've attended Primary, Sunday School, and Priesthood as age-appropriate all of that time.  I'm an LDS Seminary Graduate, and I have a 36-hour (plus ... I don't know how many credits I actually have; I lost count) LDS Institute Certificate.  I've been an Adult Gospel Doctrine Sunday School Instructor in various wards, and have had various other callings in both teaching and leadership. I served a two-year, full-time proselyting mission for the Church of Jesus Christ.  (I'm not puffing out my chest here: all of this is simply prelude to my next paragraph below.)

 

Notwithstanding all of that, do you know what I would say if my Bishop came up to me, tapped me on the shoulder, and said, "You know what, Brother Ken?  I know you've been sitting here in our Adult Gospel Doctrine Sunday School Class for years ... but it's time for you to go back to the basics.  I'd like you to start meeting with the missionaries and take the missionary discussions"?  I'd say (honestly), "Great!"  And then I'd ask, "When can we start?"  My only reason for telling you everything I told you in the preceding paragraph is to illustrate that if I wanted to, I'd have as much reason as I needed to get all huffy and feel insulted if that actually did happen.  Even if I felt as though my Bishop's kind "invitation" was off-the-wall or out-of-left-field, and even if I were tempted to get all huffy and feel insulted about it, I'm afraid the most umbrage I might be able to manage is to tell my Bishop, "Gee, that seems kind of 'out-of-left-field' to me, Bishop, but I'll tell you what: I'll pray about it."  And I wouldn't stop until I got the answer that my Bishop and my Heavenly Father want me to take the missionary discussions.

 

Again, please pardon my bluntness, and I wish you well.

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

Please forgive my bluntness, but it's not about what "some old guys in Salt Lake City" do or do not understand, or even about what your local leaders or fellow members do or do not understand: it's about whether Christ understands.  

 

 

 

No one else can give you that testimony.  If you believe He does understand, what other reason do you need to stay?  If you believe He doesn't, then what other reason is necessary to justify your leaving?  With due respect, you can blame others all you want for whatever decision you make, but why give them that power?  No one can convince you to stay.  Not even the Holy Spirit can do that if you're determined to turn your back on what testimony you do have.  I've been an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints all of my life.  I've attended Primary, Sunday School, and Priesthood as age-appropriate all of that time.  I'm an LDS Seminary Graduate, and I have a 36-hour (plus ... I don't know how many credits I actually have; I lost count) LDS Institute Certificate.  I've been an Adult Gospel Doctrine Sunday School Instructor in various wards, and have had various other callings in both teaching and leadership. I served a two-year, full-time proselyting mission for the Church of Jesus Christ.  (I'm not puffing out my chest here: all of this is simply prelude to my next paragraph below.)

 

Notwithstanding all of that, do you know what I would say if my Bishop came up to me, tapped me on the shoulder, and said, "You know what, Brother Ken?  I know you've been sitting here in our Adult Gospel Doctrine Sunday School Class for years ... but it's time for you to go back to the basics.  I'd like you to start meeting with the missionaries and take the missionary discussions"?  I'd say (honestly), "Great!"  And then I'd ask, "When can we start?"  My only reason for telling you everything I told you in the preceding paragraph is to illustrate that if I wanted to, I'd have as much reason as I needed to get all huffy and feel insulted if that actually did happen.  Even if I felt as though my Bishop's kind "invitation" was off-the-wall or out-of-left-field, and even if I were tempted to get all huffy and feel insulted about it, I'm afraid the most umbrage I might be able to manage is to tell my Bishop, "Gee, that seems kind of 'out-of-left-field' to me, Bishop, but I'll tell you what: I'll pray about it."  And I wouldn't stop until I got the answer that my Bishop and my Heavenly Father want me to take the missionary discussions.

 

Again, please pardon my bluntness, and I wish you well.

Please do not throw gas on the fire. Sometimes being blunt is adding to injury.

[Kenngo1969]

Please do not throw gas on the fire. Sometimes being blunt is adding to injury.

 

 

 

 

I wouldn't say it if I didn't feel it needed to be said.  It's easy to blame others for our decisions, but we give up immense power when we do so. I'm not taking my post down.  Report me if you like.  Have a nice day.

Edited February 27, 2014 by Kenngo1969

[Raingirl]

I support Kenngo's words.  And his ability to be humble before Heavenly Father, instead of "huffy" as he phrases it.  He speaks truth, which is lacking in this thread.

[Kenngo1969]

It's not my in-tention to bring con-tention into this thread.  Perhaps some of the things I've said could be said more tactfully and diplomatically.  If so, I apologize.  Perhaps I should bow out of the thread, but even if anyone takes issue with how I've said what I've said, please ensure that at least you understand what I've said without jumping to conclusions.  I have no issue with Ellen/Gwen personally, and I'm actually quite fond of her "Cyber-persona."

 

Warm regards to all.

[JLHPROF]

He speaks truth, which is lacking in this thread.

 

I'm not sure who you think is lying to Ellen...I think everyone was pretty truthful.

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

I wouldn't say it if I didn't feel it needed to be said.  It's easy to blame others for our decisions, but we give up immense power when we do so. I'm not taking my post down.  Report me if you like.  Have a nice day.

I am not going to report you...just pointing out that her feelings are raw right now, just questioning the timing. There will be plenty of time later as the thread will be here for a long time.

[saemo]

I can't make civilized decisions when I am hurt and angry, so just don't know what will happen now.  Perhaps they see a risk. It is not about morality at all, else the Atonement would have no value. Yes, I know that full on Islam does not treat Jesus the Christ with proper respect and I find that unacceptable. Though I do know certain Muslims who quietly value him in the so called "Christian" way.

 

Saying I was lied to in the Missionary lessons feels too harsh. Perhaps dissembled to is a better choice of words. And, importantly, the Mormon sisters were used by God to save a life, though I often wonder at their wisdom in doing so.  Sickeningly, I have run into Mormon men at the Ward and Stake level and above who tried to devalue the sister's contribution at first but they learned rather quickly not to do that to my face.  Our Ward mission leader forced me to take the lessons all over again, saying the sisters lacked authority.  I did not become Mormon because of misogynistic men but to serve Heavenly Father. Mormon worship practices did not draw me or offend me. So, I could perhaps have gone to a soup kitchen to help out on Sunday instead of church? In the end, I strive to keep my eye on my true Master, and to not become disillusioned by the less than Godly, of which I am one.

 

It has been surprising that so many Mormons do not know the Bible well at all. Though I will likely never know the Bom well either. The Qur'an, while at times beautiful prose, gives mixed messages, and in the end the presidence of Fatwas and Hadeeths over the Qur'an was maddening at times. I try to follow a Muslim group called "Qur'an only" but they are elusive and seem to be only in the UK. I have little doubt that "regular" Muslims have death threats out on them. To see how bankrupt Islam is in the world today, you just need to turn the news on; Muslims killing Muslims, beheadings, stonings and imprisonments ...  So, while at times returning to Islam seems like the only way out, I have to ask myself, out of what?

 

And the old guys in Salt Lake City do not even know I am alive, of my love for Heavenly Father, or what I came from ... they have bigger fish to fry. Knowing that I am nothing to them, what stops me from quietly doing the will of my Father in Heaven?  It is awful and demeaning to not be a mature tower of strength at all times. I do not think they take Nuns older than 60, so what is there but to lie down to sleep tonight and hope for a better day tomorrow, after the understood prayers and study tonight.

 

I am listening to "Spem in Alium" as I write this.  It puts me in mind of the day we shall all see Heavenly Father on his throne, with the host of Angels and saints around him as in 1 Kings 22:19. How thrilling it would be to be one of those singing praises to our creator ...

It is common for converts, to any religion, to retreat to the familiar (and therefore comfortable) in times of stress. My retreat after converting to Catholicism was atheism. I asked myself and God, "Where would I go?" (John 6:67-69) I have no where to go, but Him.

 

Retreating to time alone, away from all thoughts and pressure is a healthy practice of a spiritual life. But, retreats are meant to end. God sends us out into the world, to be His hands and face to others. No one is a Christian alone.