Conversion Question

[ahuth89]

Hi everyone.

 

I'm converting to Mormonism. My fiance is Mormon, I've always been fascinated by the church, and I've finally been out on my own and able to explore the Book of Mormon and bear testimony. I have a baptism date of March 22nd. I've been meeting with male missionaries (with a chaperone or my fiance there of course), so I'm a little uncomfortable asking them this, but can I convert while living with my fiance? What are the rules about this? I don't have another place to live; should we abstain from physical contact?

 

I have no idea what to do and I feel really embarrassed asking about it! Thank you so much!!

[Judd]

Typically the policy is to not baptize while cohabitating out of wedlock. In my experience, this was typically resolved with baptism after a marriage. Perhaps the circumstances of your cohabitation are a little different and may be too personal to divulge. You could ask the missionaries or even their mission president for further clarification. As far as feeling embarrassed, don't worry about it. They don't live in a bubble and every day they are in people's homes at all different stations in life and in every possible circumstances. It's won't/shouldn't be new to them.

Best of luck!

Edited February 12, 2014 by Judd

[Calm]

If it is a financial issue and you aren't planning on having an extended engagement, don't be shy about asking the Relief Society President or the Bishop about options. Perhaps they can place you with a family to live with until marriage for example. In our ward they helped with the marriage arrangements for a young couple who were married and then the new husband was baptised.

You should be abstaining from sexual contact and anything that is going to put either of you in a position where it will be hard to resist going further than you should. My rule was no touching where a one piece bathing suit covered...easy to remember and explain and kept it in a cautious range.

The missionaries should be explaining about it before baptism anyway as chastity (which is among other things restricting sexual relationships to within a marriage between a husband and wife) is part of the covenants we make as members.

If you need more specifics about what we refer to as the Law of Chasity in the sense of why it is doctrine, please see http://www.lds.org/topics/chastity?lang=eng

And congratulations on both the upcoming baptism and marriage.

Edited February 12, 2014 by calmoriah

[Garden Girl]

There was a young couple in our ward who were both taking the discussions... while they lived together... they got maried and a couple days later were baptized.  And a year later were sealed... but they had to be married before the baptism could be performed.

 

GG

 

edit to add... Actually, your LDS fiance should be taking the lead in this... or is he inactive.  Being a member, he should be well aware of what is required... and, he should be meeting with the bishop... you shouldn't have to be worrying about "what to do" or who to ask... he should b e taking the initiative on making things possible for your baptism...

Edited February 12, 2014 by Garden Girl

[ahuth89]

Thanks so much for the responses, everyone!!

 

My fiance is inactive. He stopped attending church and such when he was 17, and the two of us wanted to do this together. We've been meeting with the missionaries together, but I have solo meetings as well.

 

The weird thing is that my future mother in law KNOWS we are living together (we are living together because I left an abusive parental situation with no family to go to, and our only option financially, etc was to move out to Illinois and take over my fiance's family's home here) and didn't say anything about me having to be married first, etc. I saw something about it online and was really worried, because I don't know if the missionaries know whether or not we are married. I call him my fiance and I told them we're engaged, but they call him my husband. It's become a really embarrassing and confusing situation. I'm naturally an extremely shy and awkward person, so I'm nervous bringing it up. 

[ahuth89]

I contacted our bishop about it, but I am extremely embarrassed and nervous that this might make both the bishop and the missionaries look at me differently. 

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

Hi everyone.

 

I'm converting to Mormonism. My fiance is Mormon, I've always been fascinated by the church, and I've finally been out on my own and able to explore the Book of Mormon and bear testimony. I have a baptism date of March 22nd. I've been meeting with male missionaries (with a chaperone or my fiance there of course), so I'm a little uncomfortable asking them this, but can I convert while living with my fiance? What are the rules about this? I don't have another place to live; should we abstain from physical contact?

 

I have no idea what to do and I feel really embarrassed asking about it! Thank you so much!!

Set a date to marry, move out and get baptized and then move back in for honeymoon. Thin would a small sacrifice for someone you love. Good luck...

[Calm]

I contacted our bishop about it, but I am extremely embarrassed and nervous that this might make both the bishop and the missionaries look at me differently.

I am shy by nature, may I suggest writing down your explanation of your situation and then your questions? Even if you don't give it to them to read, having it in hand gives you something else to think about and to refer to if you forget what you want to say....which always for me led to greater discomfort.

If there is a desire to do right, that should be what matters to them most. You hadn't been living with the same understanding that you will gain soon, you hadn't made covenants yet. With baptism you will be born anew, your sins intentional AND unintentional forgiven you. Hopefully they will have that thought foremost in their minds. In my experience, people are so joyful about someone being baptised, love and compassion overwhelms and removes any other feelings. Just express your sincere desire to do what the Lord wants and ask for their help. They likely will be focusing more on what they can do for you than on any past circumstances.

Edited February 13, 2014 by calmoriah

[readstoomuch]

In some states if you live long enough, you are considered a common law wife. I would still go through some version of the advice given to make this wonderful event and commitment right before The Lord.

[volgadon]

In some states if you live long enough, you are considered a common law wife. I would still go through some version of the advice given to make this wonderful event and commitment right before The Lord.

 

Common law marriages don't help in this situation as the church doesn't recognise them.

Calmoriah, Judd, and Pa Pa have given superb advice, in my opinion.