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Need A Pretentious Introduction For An Archaeologist


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This is an odd request, but I know some of you have some interest or possibly background in archaeology...  


I'm writing a comedy piece and I have a character who is a snooty archaeologist (think of a dry, boring antithesis to Indiana Jones), and I need him to describe his qualifications.  "My name is Howard Sheppard and I ...  Studied here, have a degree in this, worked for 27 years at the... etc."  Can anyone give me a good description that would fit... the more pretentious sounding, the better?

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My name is Howard Sheppard and I studied at Brigham Young University, with a degree in Theoretical Nephite Archaeology and PhD in Hill Cumorah Epistemology from FARMs, worked for 27 years at the Church Headquarters in Independnece, MI...oh, wait...I forgot we're supposed to keep the move a secret....

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