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Why Are Some Men So Insecure?


EllenMaksoud

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I hoped that if I did not mention anything about this "Super Bowl" it would just pass me by without notice. And this year, it almost happened. So, at a fireside last night, waiting for the speaker, someone mentioned that some would be late because the Superbowl was not over. Sigh ...

 

I'm not going to say that Super Bowl is haraam, or forbidden, I just try to ignore such childish activity. Though, when the family was all home, everyone would gather together to watch it. Thankfully, I could stay in the kitchen cooking pizza, cakes and making beverages, though it was sometimes fun to watch normally sane and adult individuals, stand up, jump on the couch, scream, moan and sometimes shed a tear. I had more fun watching them, though I had to hear the inane ramblings of some announcer that would not normally give any of them, or me the time of day.

 

So, at this fireside, were two retired Police who related how God had protected them in the line of duty. After, there were awestruck men that were chatting the speakers up, relating their own experiences ... Later at refreshments, a man sat down beside me and started regaling me with his own tales of confrontation and woe. I appreciated their efforts, but the cookies were too sweet and the punch too sweet and I suddenly felt like an alien amongst the enthusiastic chatter about war, confrontation and bullets flying.

 

One of the speakers came up to me and we talked a bit. I asked him if he felt he had his experiences figured out? You can guess his answer. He seemed to want to draw me out about why there was a tear trying to run down my cheek and I knew that if it got started, I would not be able to give those who rode with me a ride home.

 

Can someone explain to me why some men have to tell woppers about their past triumphs?

 

I am just very thankful for the quiet life that Heavenly Father has given me and for now, there is no one trying to kill me and there are no bullets, for now, not screaming their way at me.

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I don't mean to sound unsympathetic.  Maybe I simply have a huge blind spot because I come from a law enforcement family and because I don't know exactly what you mean when you use the term "whoppers," but I'm having trouble connecting the dots.  You know that this man/these men were telling "whoppers" because ... ? The Spirit told you this man/these men were telling blatant falsehoods?  You gleaned enough information about their backgrounds that you were able to research those backgrounds against the accounts related, and you discovered glaring discrepancies between the two?  And even given that you know enough to conclude that these men were telling falsehoods (again, with due respect) I'm still puzzled by your reaction: I might be miffed; I might be chagrined that I just invested an hour or two of my time (or perhaps more) that I'll never get back in something that turned out to not be worthwhile, but ... tears?   :huh::unsure::unknw:

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I don't mean to sound unsympathetic.  Maybe I simply have a huge blind spot because I come from a law enforcement family and because I don't know exactly what you mean when you use the term "whoppers," but I'm having trouble connecting the dots.  You know that this man/these men were telling "whoppers" because ... ? The Spirit told you this man/these men were telling blatant falsehoods?  You gleaned enough information about their backgrounds that you were able to research those backgrounds against the accounts related, and you discovered glaring discrepancies between the two?  And even given that you know enough to conclude that these men were telling falsehoods (again, with due respect) I'm still puzzled by your reaction: I might be miffed; I might be chagrined that I just invested an hour or two of my time (or perhaps more) that I'll never get back in something that turned out to not be worthwhile, but ... tears?    :huh::unsure::unknw:

Yes, well this was a mistake.  Please lock this thread. I have no criticism of the Police officers and they handled their experiences exactly how I thought they would.   To the others, the people I have known who have had really bad experiences in combat and other places, once they heal, they do not speak of ...

As to my own tear ...

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My best friend's step-dad was a cop.  I'll never forget going out on a run with him, scary!  He also showed some pics of people that were killed, how they found them.  I had to look away.  Why would he do this?  Maybe to scare us from getting in trouble.  I give law enforcement a lot of credit though, they save lives. 

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I have known several law enforcers over the years. There was great variety among them. Some talked about their experiences, others did not. Of those who talked, some emphasizes how they survived the bad days, others told humourous stories, and others mixed things up.

I have known a few prisoners of war as well. One never talked about it, one talked when asked about it, one published a book about his experiences.

Different people react differently. I think it would be a mistake to assume that some people didn't experience things as they described just because they describe their reactions in a different way than others do.

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Males are competitive. Studies of young boys show that young males one up each other all the time. It is how boys interact. It gets more sophisticated and controlled with age but it is still there. One of my best friends told me she finally started to understand what drove her husband when their son started growing up.

Just accept that they do not mean to offend and have a good time.

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I think it's the same as women telling their labor horror stories.  Like the time I was in labor for a week and still didn't accept an epidural after I was given pitocin.  ;)

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I'm not going to say that Super Bowl is haraam, or forbidden, I just try to ignore such childish activity.

 

According to Gospel Principles, watching or participating in sporting events is forbidden.

 

In the context of keeping the Sabbath Day holy, "Our prophets have told us that we should

not shop, hunt, fish, attend sports events, or participate in similar activities on that day".

 

Regards,

Jim

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According to Gospel Principles, watching or participating in sporting events is forbidden.

 

In the context of keeping the Sabbath Day holy, "Our prophets have told us that we should

not shop, hunt, fish, attend sports events, or participate in similar activities on that day".

 

Regards,

Jim

 

Jim, how do you jump from keep the Sabbath day holy to "forbidden". Where are the groups of people that force you to tow the party line? If I tell you that eating an apple every day is a good start for creating a healthy diet and you ignore my advice, does that mean I told you that eating apples is required or you die?  

 

Let's be a bit more accurate in our choice of words. The Church encourages those who follow after Christ to keep the Sabbath Day holy. In seeking to make this single day of the week holy there are things we teach to do and things not to do; however, there is no enforcement mechanism. You benefit from the advice or not at your own choice. 

 

Forbidden does not exist in the LDS Church. 

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I love policemen, beginning with my oldest son. I am thankful and proud that one of my sons is a cop and his car pooler and best friend, who I have met, is an LDS cop. God bless and keep them.

 

I know it has helped me when I have been pulled over speeding. "Oh yeah, I was speeding? Sorry, I'm not even in a hurry. But do what you need to do officer." I think they can tell I like them. They are mostly the good guys and except for the fear of losing some money, I am kind of looking forward to meeting them. "Okay, just get your current insurance card, put some red tape over that broken tail light, and remember its a 25 mph through here." "Sure officer, God bless. My son is in law enforcement." "Oh yeah, where?" "_______ County Sheriff". "Good, take care sir." "You too."

 

Vince has some stories. I love hearing them. It isn't insecurity. I beg him to tell his stories. 

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I hoped that if I did not mention anything about this "Super Bowl" it would just pass me by without notice. And this year, it almost happened. So, at a fireside last night, waiting for the speaker, someone mentioned that some would be late because the Superbowl was not over. Sigh ...

 

I'm not going to say that Super Bowl is haraam, or forbidden, I just try to ignore such childish activity. Though, when the family was all home, everyone would gather together to watch it. Thankfully, I could stay in the kitchen cooking pizza, cakes and making beverages, though it was sometimes fun to watch normally sane and adult individuals, stand up, jump on the couch, scream, moan and sometimes shed a tear. I had more fun watching them, though I had to hear the inane ramblings of some announcer that would not normally give any of them, or me the time of day.

 

So, at this fireside, were two retired Police who related how God had protected them in the line of duty. After, there were awestruck men that were chatting the speakers up, relating their own experiences ... Later at refreshments, a man sat down beside me and started regaling me with his own tales of confrontation and woe. I appreciated their efforts, but the cookies were too sweet and the punch too sweet and I suddenly felt like an alien amongst the enthusiastic chatter about war, confrontation and bullets flying.

 

One of the speakers came up to me and we talked a bit. I asked him if he felt he had his experiences figured out? You can guess his answer. He seemed to want to draw me out about why there was a tear trying to run down my cheek and I knew that if it got started, I would not be able to give those who rode with me a ride home.

 

Can someone explain to me why some men have to tell woppers about their past triumphs?

 

I am just very thankful for the quiet life that Heavenly Father has given me and for now, there is no one trying to kill me and there are no bullets, for now, not screaming their way at me.

Most of those guys have not aged emotionally since they were playing war as kids in the backyard.  That's what men do, and that is what they are built for:  The hunt, war, physical combat, and confrontation.  And those who cannot find such immediate physical satisfaction, will instead find it in vicarious thrills watching sports, from hockey to football, from soccer to basketball, etc.  It is part of the testosterone level of every male worldwide, which can only find civilized control in marriage and a career.

 

It's the Law of Opposition, the Yin & Yang, complementary phases in tension.  It is a universal and eternal law.  A man can only find himself with a woman, who must accept him as much as he accepts her odd behaviors.  Only together can they find fulfillment and true meaning.

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Most of those guys have not aged emotionally since they were playing war as kids in the backyard.  That's what men do, and that is what they are built for:  The hunt, war, physical combat, and confrontation.  And those who cannot find such immediate physical satisfaction, will instead find it in vicarious thrills watching sports, from hockey to football, from soccer to basketball, etc.  It is part of the testosterone level of every male worldwide, which can only find civilized control in marriage and a career.

 

It's the Law of Opposition, the Yin & Yang, complementary phases in tension.  It is a universal and eternal law.  A man can only find himself with a woman, who must accept him as much as he accepts her odd behaviors.  Only together can they find fulfillment and true meaning.

Now, someone understands.

 

I was often the only woman working with a bunch of men and sitting around at lunch, it seemed as if each successive male had a bigger wopper to tell. The first liar did not stand a chance. :)

 

It got right down to whose truck was the best ... Finally someone asked what I drove, and when I told them, they were wroth with indignation. When I told them that the person who is making the payments should drive what they want, they were like totally incensed. :)

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My best friend's step-dad was a cop.  I'll never forget going out on a run with him, scary!  He also showed some pics of people that were killed, how they found them.  I had to look away.  Why would he do this?  Maybe to scare us from getting in trouble.  I give law enforcement a lot of credit though, they save lives. 

He was out of line in showing you those photos.  That is against department policy.  He would be punished if his boss knew.  The only place for such photos is in court, with the judge's permission, or in forensic seminars where detectives study the behavior of murderers.

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I hoped that if I did not mention anything about this "Super Bowl" it would just pass me by without notice. And this year, it almost happened. So, at a fireside last night, waiting for the speaker, someone mentioned that some would be late because the Superbowl was not over. Sigh ...

 

I'm not going to say that Super Bowl is haraam, or forbidden, I just try to ignore such childish activity. Though, when the family was all home, everyone would gather together to watch it. Thankfully, I could stay in the kitchen cooking pizza, cakes and making beverages, though it was sometimes fun to watch normally sane and adult individuals, stand up, jump on the couch, scream, moan and sometimes shed a tear. I had more fun watching them, though I had to hear the inane ramblings of some announcer that would not normally give any of them, or me the time of day.

 

So, at this fireside, were two retired Police who related how God had protected them in the line of duty. After, there were awestruck men that were chatting the speakers up, relating their own experiences ... Later at refreshments, a man sat down beside me and started regaling me with his own tales of confrontation and woe. I appreciated their efforts, but the cookies were too sweet and the punch too sweet and I suddenly felt like an alien amongst the enthusiastic chatter about war, confrontation and bullets flying.

 

One of the speakers came up to me and we talked a bit. I asked him if he felt he had his experiences figured out? You can guess his answer. He seemed to want to draw me out about why there was a tear trying to run down my cheek and I knew that if it got started, I would not be able to give those who rode with me a ride home.

 

Can someone explain to me why some men have to tell woppers about their past triumphs?

 

I am just very thankful for the quiet life that Heavenly Father has given me and for now, there is no one trying to kill me and there are no bullets, for now, not screaming their way at me.

People share their experiences, and in cultures shared experiences enforce right/wrong beliefs. In my own experience entering a culture that is not my own, where the set ideas are not my experience, the feeling of alienation arise. I've felt it, in both Mormon and Catholic settings. It is what it is, and it am not sad or upset by these circumstances, as they arise, like I once was. God gives different experiences and gifts to all.

"The Holy Scriptures do not know any distinctions. They enjoin that all lead the life of monks." St. John Chrysostom,..which means, you don't have to be a monk (or nun) to live like one. Lay monastics intrigues me, and I think of searching out the lay Dominicans at times. I don't know that I have the experience to not feel alienated by such an endeavor. I keep it simple. Prayer, Mass, Scripture. My patroness is my Madeleine, St. Mary Magdalene, a convert to Christ, like myself.

Life is good. Peace be with you.

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People share their experiences, and in cultures shared experiences enforce right/wrong beliefs. In my own experience entering a culture that is not my own, where the set ideas are not my experience, the feeling of alienation arise. I've felt it, in both Mormon and Catholic settings. It is what it is, and it am not sad or upset by these circumstances, as they arise, like I once was. God gives different experiences and gifts to all.

"The Holy Scriptures do not know any distinctions. They enjoin that all lead the life of monks." St. John Chrysostom,..which means, you don't have to be a monk (or nun) to live like one. Lay monastics intrigues me, and I think of searching out the lay Dominicans at times. I don't know that I have the experience to not feel alienated by such an endeavor. I keep it simple. Prayer, Mass, Scripture. My patroness is my Madeleine, St. Mary Magdalene, a convert to Christ, like myself.

Life is good. Peace be with you.

I experienced a nice laugh at the incident. :)

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Men are insecure.  No doubt about that.

 

Women are insecure.  No doubt about that.

 

The key to being secure is to be secure in your own insecurities.

i love fishing and my boys love fishing and we've got some great fishing tales and, in all truthfulness, those tales get bigger and bigger every time we tell them.  My fish keep getting bigger and bigger, the fights I have reeling them in becomes harder and longer.  The fish my boys caught become smaller and even a wuss can reel them in.  The fish they catch aren't even large enough to be considered minnows. 

 

And you ought to hear the stories they tell about me, I can't even catch a fish.  To make me feel good, they have to wade out into the middle of the ocean and attach a fish to my line just before it's time to go home.  They just don't want to see the daddy cry.

 

And their trucks are bigger, better, faster, more powerful than mine and i don't even own a truck.

 

Women might find this talk boorish and stupid, but we don't.  We know the truth of those stories, but sometimes the truth needs to be spruced up a bit to make it worth repeating it and to enjoy retelling it.

A group of women walk into a restaurant and they call each other by their proper names.

 

A group of men walk into a restaurant and they call each other by their nicknames, names like Sheepdip, Pissant, and Oaf.

A woman is very sick and is in the hospital.  She needs surgery.  A group of women friends pay her a visit and they talk about serious things, you know, personal things.

A man is very sick and is in the hospital.  He needs surgery.  A group of men friends pay him a visit and they talk about funny things, joke around, you know, impersonal things.

The way men do things isn't the right way, nor is it the wrong way.  Same thing can be said about the way women do things.  The different ways are just different ways.

 

One thing I have found in life is that when I start finding and labeling the insecurities I find in others and wish they would just get over those problems, I will often be projecting my own insecurities and weaknesses into others.

A wise woman once told me something like "The way men and women communicate are different.  Neither way is right.  Neither way is wrong.  They are just different ways and more often than not, it's not a matter of people changing who they are or demanding the other person to change who they are, it's a matter of changing how you listen to them and interpreting what they are trying to tell you.  It's a matter of understanding where they are coming from."

It's just like what Steven R. Covey said, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."

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Stories growing into legends is not necessarily insecurity.  Our memories and telling of them can take on a life of their own over time.

 

I was working in a very cold rain with a group of boy scouts during an Order of the Arrow ordeal.  When it was over I mused that as unpleasant as the ordeal was, the tale will be told to future generations of the heroic work done in torrential rains, as we lashed together picnic tables to survive the floods and burned our own socks to escape the cold.

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Men are insecure.  No doubt about that.

 

Women are insecure.  No doubt about that.

 

The key to being secure is to be secure in your own insecurities.

i love fishing and my boys love fishing and we've got some great fishing tales and, in all truthfulness, those tales get bigger and bigger every time we tell them.  My fish keep getting bigger and bigger, the fights I have reeling them in becomes harder and longer.  The fish my boys caught become smaller and even a wuss can reel them in.  The fish they catch aren't even large enough to be considered minnows. 

 

And you ought to hear the stories they tell about me, I can't even catch a fish.  To make me feel good, they have to wade out into the middle of the ocean and attach a fish to my line just before it's time to go home.  They just don't want to see the daddy cry.

 

And their trucks are bigger, better, faster, more powerful than mine and i don't even own a truck.

 

Women might find this talk boorish and stupid, but we don't.  We know the truth of those stories, but sometimes the truth needs to be spruced up a bit to make it worth repeating it and to enjoy retelling it.

A group of women walk into a restaurant and they call each other by their proper names.

 

A group of men walk into a restaurant and they call each other by their nicknames, names like Sheepdip, Pissant, and Oaf.

A woman is very sick and is in the hospital.  She needs surgery.  A group of women friends pay her a visit and they talk about serious things, you know, personal things.

A man is very sick and is in the hospital.  He needs surgery.  A group of men friends pay him a visit and they talk about funny things, joke around, you know, impersonal things.

The way men do things isn't the right way, nor is it the wrong way.  Same thing can be said about the way women do things.  The different ways are just different ways.

 

One thing I have found in life is that when I start finding and labeling the insecurities I find in others and wish they would just get over those problems, I will often be projecting my own insecurities and weaknesses into others.

A wise woman once told me something like "The way men and women communicate are different.  Neither way is right.  Neither way is wrong.  They are just different ways and more often than not, it's not a matter of people changing who they are or demanding the other person to change who they are, it's a matter of changing how you listen to them and interpreting what they are trying to tell you.  It's a matter of understanding where they are coming from."

It's just like what Steven R. Covey said, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."

Wow, according to my understanding, you are the first person to understand my understanding. Now, if I understood why others just don't get it would help me to understand and that would be just peachy keen. :)

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Wow, according to my understanding, you are the first person to understand my understanding. Now, if I understood why others just don't get it would help me to understand and that would be just peachy keen. :)

 

Did anyone else understand what she understands, understanding should be understood as?

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