Is Eternal Marriage A Promise Or A Threat?

[Avatar4321]

It's a promise.

 

The Gospel is the gift the Lord has given us to change our minds and our hearts to the things of holiness, goodness, and beauty in the world. The promise of Eternal marriage is not only that we will be together forever, but that if we exercise faith in Jesus Christ and follow Him that we will both become people who will want to spend Eternity together because we will both have used the Atonement to not only make us one with God and Christ, but also one with one another.

 

My wife and I don't agree on everything. We get into fights. Heck, she isn't even a member yet, but I hold onto the promise because I know the Lord is going to help us be the people He made us to be and that our disagreements will be meaningless.

[Ahab]

I find it sad that you view differences as "something to argue about".

Some differences are some things to argue about, and some aren't.  I'm fine with me being a man and her being a woman, with both of us having our differences in that way, but in pretty much every other way I don't want there to be any differences between us.  I like to like what she likes and I like it when she likes what I like just as well.

[Calm]

 

 

Statistically there are about 10 people who you could marry and be very happy with. 

Where did that stat come from?

[Calm]

Maybe off topic, but I've always wondered if we take advantage of our spouses in this life, thinking we have an eternity to get it right.  We don't work as hard at our marriage, or we take for granted our marriage.  And the atheist might do a better job at making the moments count in their marriages. 

For me it was the opposite...if I was going to have an eternal marriage, I would have to ensure that he wanted to stay with me and I wanted to stay with him and thus I worked harder.  

 

I myself would have walked out of the marriage thinking it was a mistake due to being depressed by some medication shortly after we were married and not knowing that it was the meds and not the marriage that was making me feel that way, but having made that eternal commitment, I was going to make it work...and a month later having figured out what was the cause, I was grateful I hadn't made a fatal error and ran for Mom and Dad to solve all my problems like some do.

 

I think those who care about the marriage itself will work hard whether they see it as eternal or til death.  Those who care more about themselves or think that the work at marriage ended at the I do...doesn't matter how long they think it will last, it won't.

Edited December 26, 2013 by calmoriah

[Calm]

I think there is a lot of truth and wisdom in this thought, however, I don't believe that atheists are any better at their marriages.  They are just as guilty at taking their marriages for granted, they are just as guilty of selfishness, pride, and enmity in marriage.

I knew an atheist who walked out on his marriage because he felt life was too short to waste on a relationship where one had to work at it.

[Calm]

Here is my understanding =

The Lord will not have a woman to live eternally with someone she does not want.

 

Now the implications -- a woman can get out of a sealed relationship on the other side.  This promise does not pertain to a man, the priesthood holder.  (But he is able to have multiple spouses.)

 

I do not have a reference on this, just my understand of the principle.

What woman would choose to stay in an eternal relationship where she was not loved completely and infinitely when there are other men available who would love her in such a fashion and who being perfect themselves are worthy of her love?

 

I can't see anyone who is perfect being willing to settle for being a second class participant in their marriage eternally.

[thatjimguy]

For those couples that are mad all the time, they probably have two problems.

 

1) A problem with forgiveness

2) A lack of faith that there is a better life after this one and anything the other half did to upset you will mean a hill of beans.

 

So I don't think it is a problem with the idea of eternal marriage. Those people, I assume, fell in love enough to get married. They forgot that they were in love.

 

Take it with a grain of salt from a guy who has never been married...

Edited December 26, 2013 by thatjimguy

[CA Steve]

Some differences are some things to argue about, and some aren't.  I'm fine with me being a man and her being a woman, with both of us having our differences in that way, but in pretty much every other way I don't want there to be any differences between us.  I like to like what she likes and I like it when she likes what I like just as well.

 

An eternity with someone in which our only difference was gender would be my idea of hell.

 

I enjoy what I share in common with my wife, but I value her as an individual, not just someone whose every thought and action agrees with mine.

 

I don't see how we attain perfection and at the same time maintain any meaningfull differences.

[Tacenda]

For me it was the opposite...if I was going to have an eternal marriage, I would have to ensure that he wanted to stay with me and I wanted to stay with him and thus I worked harder.

I myself would have walked out of the marriage thinking it was a mistake due to being depressed by some medication shortly after we were married and not knowing that it was the meds and not the marriage that was making me feel that way, but having made that eternal commitment, I was going to make it work...and a month later having figured out what was the cause, I was grateful I hadn't made a fatal error and ran for Mom and Dad to solve all my problems like some do.

I think those who care about the marriage itself will work hard whether they see it as eternal or til death. Those who care more about themselves or think that the work at marriage ended at the I do...doesn't matter how long they think it will last, it won't.

True also.

[strappinglad]

A few years back , Stephen Fry did a TV series and toured every State in the Union. He claims he was kicked out of SLC when, while touring the SL Temple visitor's center, and being told about eternal families, he asked ..." but what do you get if you have been GOOD ?" Needless to say his family life growing up was highly dysfunctional. I suspect there will be at least a few couples that have been proxy sealed , that will look at each other in the next life and say " thanks , but , no thanks ".

[JLHPROF]

Our understanding of eternal marriage is so limited and so based on our mortal feelings and expectations that I doubt a true eternal marriage will bear much resemblance to what we are used to here.

When we look at the ordinances that husbands and wives participate in together, when we look at the way our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother operate, when we no longer have our mortal limitations I suspect marriage will take on a whole new meaning.

 

And eternal companions will take on more depth and significance.
Just my opinion.

[Stone holm]

Our understanding of eternal marriage is so limited and so based on our mortal feelings and expectations that I doubt a true eternal marriage will bear much resemblance to what we are used to here.

When we look at the ordinances that husbands and wives participate in together, when we look at the way our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother operate, when we no longer have our mortal limitations I suspect marriage will take on a whole new meaning.

 

And eternal companions will take on more depth and significance.

Just my opinion.

Yeah, well if it is drastically different than the 1950 White middle class families some people are being set up for major culture shock. We have almost no knowledge of God's family life. It is a complete mystery given He apparently never talks about His Wife or Wives.

[Thinking]

Statistically there are about 10 people who you could marry and be very happy with.

 

Where did that stat come from?

 

Ditto.

[Stone holm]

Ditto.

That actually might be true for a lot of people, and for some I expect the odds are worse.

[Danzo]

For me, I cannot imagine eternity without my wonderful wife, or my children.

 

There are often times I think that I am in the celestial kingdom already when I am with her, and not because we are attracted to each other.

 

We have worked very hard for the relationship that we have.  But it is wonderful. I would not trade it for anything in the world.

[BCSpace]

I was recently talking to a friend about the church and the promise of being sealed to one's spouse for time and eternity. My friend looked at me puzzled and asked, "Are you trying to talk in or OUT of the church?" Having met his wife on several occasions, I could immediately see his point and we both laughed.

He then seriously asked me, "Have you Mormons really thought out this eternal marriage thing? Are you that deliriously happy in your earthly marriage that you want to re-up for an ETERNITY? And even if so, how do you know that you wouldn't be even happier with one of the 100 BILLION people who have lived on this earth before, not mention the billions who might come after?"

As a recent convert, I didn't have good answers to any of these questions. I had never even thought of them before. Why would I? I happen to be married to a woman who possesses incomparable beauty, infinite understanding and most importantly, access to this board ("Hey, Baby!").

And while you might be able to say the same about your spouse, that isn't the case for most people. In many societies, half of all marriages in end failure; and the other half in end divorce. And while we can quibble about percentages, a substantial number of prospective members will be in less than ideal marriages. From their standpoint, eternal marriage will sound much more like a threat than a curse.

What is it that they need to know to be able to understand what a blessing this can be?

 

It's not an unreasonable thought considering our mortal pov.  But conditions will be different and we will should better and clearer then.  Life is short enough that we could become and remain 'deliriously' happy and then have that cemented in the resurrection.  There is also the distinct likelihood of plural marriage which speaks to what your friend is saying but we don't know how that actually plays out in the eternities.

[Thinking]

Statistically there are about 10 people who you could marry and be very happy with.

 

Yes, but would those same ten women be happy being married to me? Don't answer that!

[The Nehor]

Yeah, well if it is drastically different than the 1950 White middle class families some people are being set up for major culture shock.

 

Yep, Gods don't go to the office every day and then need to come home to a hot dinner.

 

The Lord calls this world "lonely" and "dreary" for a reason. It is.

[mormonnewb]

When I was a bishop and someone asked me this, I would draw a triangle with the word "God" at the top, and the names of the couple at the bottom corners.

Then I would draw a line from the bottom toward the top and say "As you get closer to God, you get closer to each other".

It was pretty effective usually.

Hopefully if our relationship is based on Christ and we are working on being perfected, that includes our relationships as well.

We are not here to find the right person, we are here to BECOME right people.

My favorite answer so far.

[tana]

 

We are not here to find the right person, we are here to BECOME right people.

Once one becomes this 'right person', does one still *need* or require anything.....let alone a doting companion?

[Robert F. Smith]

I was recently talking to a friend about the church and the promise of being sealed to one's spouse for time and eternity. My friend looked at me puzzled and asked, "Are you trying to talk in or OUT of the church?" Having met his wife on several occasions, I could immediately see his point and we both laughed.

He then seriously asked me, "Have you Mormons really thought out this eternal marriage thing? Are you that deliriously happy in your earthly marriage that you want to re-up for an ETERNITY? And even if so, how do you know that you wouldn't be even happier with one of the 100 BILLION people who have lived on this earth before, not mention the billions who might come after?"

As a recent convert, I didn't have good answers to any of these questions. I had never even thought of them before. Why would I? I happen to be married to a woman who possesses incomparable beauty, infinite understanding and most importantly, access to this board ("Hey, Baby!").

And while you might be able to say the same about your spouse, that isn't the case for most people. In many societies, half of all marriages in end failure; and the other half in end divorce. And while we can quibble about percentages, a substantial number of prospective members will be in less than ideal marriages. From their standpoint, eternal marriage will sound much more like a threat than a curse.

What is it that they need to know to be able to understand what a blessing this can be?

I know a man who died not long ago, still an excommunicant from the LDS Church.  He loved the Church, but did not want to be a member since he had a temple marriage to a woman who cheated on him, and the Church refused to grant a temple divorce.  He had obtained a civil divorce, but did not want to be with her in eternity.  Of course, someone may do his temple work for him in the future, and who knows what his final disposition will be.  Somebody may have the last laugh, and maybe we'll all join in.  God is the joker of all jokers, you know.

 

However, even being saddled eternally with a harpy or fish-wife may not be so bad in a glorified state.  All those disagreeable human qualities that grate on us may be gone in glory, and only the good things we once saw in each other remaining.

Edited December 27, 2013 by Robert F. Smith

[mfbukowski]

Once one becomes this 'right person', does one still *need* or require anything.....let alone a doting companion?

We are here to become Christlike.   Does Christ need us?

 

Mormonism 101:  Why did God invent the Plan of Happiness in the first place?  Did he need "doting companions"?

 

We are all here to serve and help others to help us progress.  We are all in this thing together.

Edited December 27, 2013 by mfbukowski

[Avatar4321]

Once one becomes this 'right person', does one still *need* or require anything.....let alone a doting companion?

 

How does someone become the right person for someone without someone to be the right person for?

[Stargazer]

What we are now is not what we will be then.

 

C.S. Lewis wrote:

 

"It is a serious thing, to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship..."  from The Weight of Glory.

 

Now, assuming Lewis is correct (which he is), just how could you not continue to love your wife/husband after the Lord is done with her/him?  You think the snoring, the squeezing of the toothpaste tube in the middle, and the way he (or she) leaves dirty socks on the floor is going to matter at that time?

 

Truly Paul wrote that we see through a glass, darkly.

 

Truly John wrote: Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. - 1 John 3:2
 

[Alan]

Two points.

1. I don't believe God will require people to stay together if they don't want to, irrespective of temple ordinances.

2. Eternity is approximately 2,500 million years - not forever.