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How Do I Even Begin To Respond?


Jazzdreamer

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The friends that were so supportive of me during my journey of becoming a mormon have now turned their backs on me....all because I have changed and been "brainwashed" because I'm upholding the wow and the commandments and all that.

They say the religion has taken over my life...I guess it has...but I love feeling connected to Heavenly Father...I mean, is it so wrong that I quit doing all the things I used to just so I could be mormon? Isn't it worth it? Why don't they understand? I just don't get it.

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Bluebell really hit it on the head... Sometimes there's just no way to respond except as she has suggested.

I'm glad you're here and hope you will continue to strengthen your faith and testimony... and you're right... the Church is a way of life, not just something done on one day a week.

 

from the beautiful central Oregon coast... GG

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What Bluebell said pretty much nailed it.  The love you can feel from God and the happiness you get from following him are defiantly worth it.  Sometimes life can be a pain, and we can get in big disagreements with people, and feel their resentment.  I have learned in those times we have to be patient with them.  And not hold it against them.  Perhaps they don't see the joy it brings us quite as clearly as we can see it.  And so we need to continue to treat the like friends, in a sense.

 

In testimony meeting today, there was a great talk about how you should give, and when you get hurt, you keep on giving.  How you should appreciate others, and when your not appreciated, you keep appreciating them.  And God will take care of you.  Even if others don't, if others look away, God's kindness will not depart from you.  Ever.  That's important to remember, I have found, especially when I think nobody else is there who understand.

 

I wish you best of luck in your situation.  It's a tough one to be in, but I believe you are making the right choice by trusting Heavenly Father.  I hope your life can be a happy one =).

 

Best of Wishes,

-TAO

 

P.S.  Not sure if you like this type of music, but I love this sorta thing:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zq-KhxsUxNo

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but I love feeling connected to Heavenly Father

 

 

:clapping:  :clapping:  :clapping:

 

One time in seminary this topic was brought up. Students asked if obeying the Word of Wisdom was a form of freedom or slavery. I quickly responded that "if I don't drink I'll never worry about becoming an alcoholic."

 

Jazzdreamer, you are so much freer obeying the Word of Wisdom than were you not to obey it. Not only are there physical blessings, but, as you accurately noted, you enjoy feeling connected to Heavenly Father and obeying the Word of Wisdom will allow that connection to be strengthened.

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No, it's not wrong that your new beliefs have changed your life. In fact, it's exactly what is supposed to happen!

I don't know why your friends are giving you a hard time. It's probably a combination of things.

Maybe they are feeling left out because your life revolves around things they aren't a part of. Maybe they feel judged because they are doing things that you no longer believe are ok to do. Maybe they aren't very happy in their own lives and are jealous of your happiness.

Whatever the reason, let them know that you still care about them and value their friendship but that you won't be compromising your beliefs so hopefully they can support you, even if they don't agree.

 

Exactly. By following the Word of Wisdom without judging others for not doing so (except for teasing them) and testifying how it strengthens me, all of my friends came to greatly respect me for it. It'll happened to Jazzdreamer. And if over time some of her friends remain angry with her for her standards than perhaps it'll be time for her to get new friends. 

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Exactly. By following the Word of Wisdom without judging others for not doing so (except for teasing them) and testifying how it strengthens me, all of my friends came to greatly respect me for it. It'll happened to Jazzdreamer. And if over time some of her frienKoopds remain angry with her for her standards than perhaps it'll be time for her to get new friends.

Or/and she could be the designated driver! A good friend of my husband and I just came back from a Greece film festival with his sister, she writes music scores for movies, mostly documentaries and animated film. They apparently drink wine for breakfast, lunch and dinner over there. He is LDS and refrains from drinking but his sister is inactive and drinks. The group they went with soon realized he was a non drinker and soon helped him out with, "he'll take a coke", at different restaurants and places.

I think Jazzdreamer's friends will come to respect her for living her newfound religion and stick up for her, but it may take time.

Edited by Tacenda
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It may help to just be the new person you are, instead of talking about it.   And it might help to serve your friends in ways consistent with your belief.   It is natural to overflow with the spirit and want to share it with everyone.   But your friends may feel that you are infringing on their rights to not practice religion.   Sometimes there will be friends who will become interested in your testimony, but sometimes that takes a long time of just being more kind, more hopeful, more inviting to things that don't include the old life activities that you no longer want to involve yourself in.  (Lots of times, new converts become the designated driver, for instance.)

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Thank you everyone for the advice,

I want to clarify that I do not push my religion onto my friends, I just follow the "rules" and because of that, it's just all I ever hear is how "brainwashed" I am and how much they hate the new me. I often hear "you're not fun to hang out with, you don't drink anymore." "You dress too modest" (is that possible?!?) "you always post religious things on Facebook, can't you stop?" (There is an unfriend button I'm pretty sure...)

And more than anything I hear "you've changed for religion, though commendable, if you wanted to change so bad, you wouldn't have done it through religion."

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Don't worry Jazzdreamer, it happens the other way too.  I was way gone before my wife even thought about leaving the church.  My wife and I had a discussion just the other night about it.  She was amazed that even though I was the one who instigated the departure, I still had LDS friends and customers galore.  She went on to say that, "not once was I approached while you were departing, by anyone, to see how I was holding up.  Not by the relief society ladies, the bishopric or even our good friends."   She went on to say that she has never received a call by anyone to this day from the church.* If she bumps into someone at the store, they may politely converse for a bit, but then move on.  

 

*the new set of missionaries called the other night to see if they could come visit.  My wife said we haven't been in the LDS church for nearly six years now.  They kept persisting but my wife remained calm but firm.  She said his demeanor  quickly went downhill as he was unsuccessful in his attempt.

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I just think it works for some people and doesn't for all. I give support to people that leave the church. Why? It's the right thing for them, I personally think. And it's their right to do so.

I support my atheist, agnostic, whatever friends views. I don't get why I don't get that same sort of respect /: it saddens me.

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Don't worry Jazzdreamer, it happens the other way too. I was way gone before my wife even thought about leaving the church. My wife and I had a discussion just the other night about it. She was amazed that even though I was the one who instigated the departure, I still had LDS friends and customers galore. She went on to say that, "not once was I approached while you were departing, by anyone, to see how I was holding up. Not by the relief society ladies, the bishopric or even our good friends." She went on to say that she has never received a call by anyone to this day from the church.* If she bumps into someone at the store, they may politely converse for a bit, but then move on.

*the new set of missionaries called the other night to see if they could come visit. My wife said we haven't been in the LDS church for nearly six years now. They kept persisting but my wife remained calm but firm. She said his demeanor quickly went downhill as he was unsuccessful in his attempt.

What is up with that? It's like dissaffection is the elephant in the room no one talks openly about. Or a non believing germ no one wants to catch. I remember two people in my ward that quit going to church. And I never dared ask what happened, of course I did ask how they were doing in general, but never brought up the "c" word.
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What is up with that? It's like dissaffection is the elephant in the room no one talks openly about. Or a non believing germ no one wants to catch. I remember two people in my ward that quit going to church. And I never dared ask what happened, of course I did ask how they were doing in general, but never brought up the "c" word.

It was quite hurtful to my wife who believed that several of these ladies were 'real' friends.     On top of that, her active sisters were much the same.  We now have friends that are 'true' friends.  We spend time with them throughout the year that would have normally been with her sister's families.  They are now family to us.  Our daughter at college calls them just as she calls us and theirs does the same.     

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Thank you everyone for the advice,

I want to clarify that I do not push my religion onto my friends, I just follow the "rules" and because of that, it's just all I ever hear is how "brainwashed" I am and how much they hate the new me. I often hear "you're not fun to hang out with, you don't drink anymore." "You dress too modest" (is that possible?!?) "you always post religious things on Facebook, can't you stop?" (There is an unfriend button I'm pretty sure...)

And more than anything I hear "you've changed for religion, though commendable, if you wanted to change so bad, you wouldn't have done it through religion."

 

Hello Jazz...

After just over 30 years of being inactive (although I never lost my testimony), I finally answered the promptings of the Spirit and returned to Church in 1995.  My dear non-LDS husband was very encouraging when I told him I really felt the need to return to Church.  So, I started all over at square one... that was 18 years ago and here I am... stronger than ever...

I'm widowed now and have been for the past 15 years... But during the three years my husband was alive after I returned he was always very supportive... and I think that eventually he would have joined... 

After almost a year of my reactivating, the only thing he ever said to me, not unkindly, was that I was not as much fun anymore... of course I wasn't... I didn't drink anymore... I didn't gamble... I didn't golf with him on Sundays... my life became "different."  But he always appreciated the "standards" and who I was as a person. 

When we have such a change in our lives, we do become changed... we become disciples of Christ and our actions are influenced by this.  Sometimes it makes others uncomfortable.  But you never mind that... just continue to be friendly and cheerful as you become the "new" you and live your religion by example.  That speaks louder than any words... Perhaps you can add some LDS friends to help you balance... at any rate, I encourage you.

 

GG

Edited by Garden Girl
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Hello Jazz...

After just over 30 years of being inactive (although I never lost my testimony), I finally answered the promptings of the Spirit and returned to Church in 1995. My dear non-LDS husband was very encouraging when I told him I really felt the need to return to Church. So, I started all over at square one... that was 18 years ago and here I am... stronger than ever...

I'm widowed now and have been for the past 15 years... But during the three years my husband was alive after I returned he was always very supportive... and I think that eventually he would have joined...

After almost a year of my reactivating, the only thing he ever said to me, not unkindly, was that I was not as much fun anymore... of course I wasn't... I didn't drink anymore... I didn't gamble... I didn't golf with him on Sundays... my life became "different." But he always appreciated the "standards" and who I was as a person.

When we have such a change in our lives, we do become changed... we become disciples of Christ and our actions are influenced by this. Sometimes it makes others uncomfortable. But you never mind that... just continue to be friendly and cheerful as you become the "new" you and live your religion by example. That speaks louder than any words... Perhaps you can add some LDS friends to help you balance... at any rate, I encourage you.

GG

Aww :) I'm glad you came back and that it strengthened you. :)

Thank you for all that! :) it means a bunch!! <3

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The friends that were so supportive of me during my journey of becoming a mormon have now turned their backs on me....all because I have changed and been "brainwashed" because I'm upholding the wow and the commandments and all that.

They say the religion has taken over my life...I guess it has...but I love feeling connected to Heavenly Father...I mean, is it so wrong that I quit doing all the things I used to just so I could be mormon? Isn't it worth it? Why don't they understand? I just don't get it.

They think you are brainwashed for obeying the commandments? Are these Latter-day Saints or friends who supported finding a faith...I want to understand before commenting or giving advice.
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They think you are brainwashed for obeying the commandments? Are these Latter-day Saints or friends who supported finding a faith...I want to understand before commenting or giving advice.

These are really close friends, pretty much all atheist or agnostic.

And yes, I'm brainwashed for following the WoW and the commandments.

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