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Lds Jokes


jkwilliams

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There's the old classic:

 

Why do you always invite at least two Mormons to go fishing with you?

 

Because if you only invite one, he'll drink all your beer.  

 

 

Or my favorite as a missionary:

 

A rabbi walked into a barbershop and asked the barber for a haircut.  After finishing up the rabbi asked how much and the barber replied, "this one's on me, I couldn't possibly charge a man of God."  The next day the barber arrived to his shop with a dozen fresh made bagels waiting for him near his door.

 

The next week a priest walks in to receive a hair cut.  The barber noticing his collar told the priest, "because you're a man of God, this one's on the house."  The next day the barber arrived at his shop with a dozen roses laying nicely on his shops's steps.

 

The following week two LDS missionaries arrived at the shop to get their haircut.  Once again when they were about to pay, the barber responded, "you're doing God's work, I cannot possibly charge you anything."  The next day the barber arrived to his shop to find a dozen missionaries waiting on his door step.

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My wife's favorite

 

A rabbi, a priest, a pastor and a Mormon bishop are all very good friends. Once a week they meet at the local cafe, have lunch, and discuss the condition of their various congregations. One week the conversation turns towards conversions, and each man claims that he is the best at converting people to his religion. After a few minutes lively debate, they decide on a challenge to see who really is the best at converting. They will each go into the woods and find a bear, and try to convert the bear to their religion.

 

The next week they all meet again at the cafe. The priest, with various cuts and bruises, tells his story first. "I found the bear, got as close as I could to him, and sprinkled holy water on him. He is now baptized a Catholic."

 

The pastor has a broken arm and two black eyes. "I found a bear, and wrestled him down to the creek, where I baptized him."

 

The rabbi is in a full body cast. "Well . . . circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

 

Then the priest, pastor, and rabbi all turn towards the bishop, who hasn't a scratch on him. "How on earth did you convert a bear with no injury to yourself?!"

 

The bishop replies, "Well, me and my first counselor went into the woods, found a bear, and shot him. Then I baptized my first counselor for and in behalf of the bear."

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A rabbi, a priest and a Mormon bishop, were out fishing in a boat at the local lake.  They got to talking about how much faith they had, and suddenly the priest stands up in the boat and declares that he has enough faith to walk on water.  So he steps out onto the surface of the lake, and takes a few steps out and then back.  He nods to his colleagues as if inviting them to give it a go.

 

The rabbi states that no priest is going to show him up, so he steps out of the boat and duplicates the priest's feat!  Both the priest and the rabbi look expectantly at the bishop.

 

He thinks in some desperation: "If the priest and the rabbi can walk on water, how can I demonstrate that I belong to the true Church unless I, too, can walk on water?"  So he gamely takes a step onto the water and promptly falls all the way in.  When he finally rights himself he is standing chest deep in the water, feeling humiliated.  The rabbi turns to the priest and asks:  "Should we tell him about the stepping stones on our side of the boat, now?"

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What do you get when you combine LSD and LDS?

 

A high priest.

Oh, my goodness, that was bad! :D;)

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Here's one. From LDS Humor.

 

A primary president, a high councilman, and a bishop sat on the front row of a airplane flight that, unfortunately, was hijacked. When the hijackers' demands were refused, they threatened to shoot some passengers, starting with the first row. 

The primary president promptly asked for one last wish. She wanted to sing her favorite primary song. The hijacker said that would be fine, then asked the high councilman and bishop if they also had a last wish. 

The high councilman requested that after the song he be allowed to stand and give the talk he had prepared to give in sacrament meeting that next Sunday. The hijacker agreed, and then turned to the bishop. 

The bishop motioned for the hijacker to come closer and whispered in his ear, "Please shoot me after the song."

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