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Does My Heart Lie To Me?


EllenMaksoud

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When I started studying with the Missionaries, they could not wait to get me out of my Hijab (Head Scarf) and I have never felt right about it. Having lost most of my hair in an illness, (not cancer) exposing my hair to anyone feels uncomfortable. My Bishop has given permission to wear it, since it is not a religious symbol. Peer presure from other sisters is just oppressive and now I wear either a small hair piece or a wig.

 

I still feel most secure and happy wearing Hijab, and when I see other Muslim sisters, I feel really guilty. And, for me Hijab also means long sleeves and covered legs.

 

Mormonism is my belief full stop. That will not change, though I still have friends from other cultures including Islam. The most important issue for me between the two beliefs is Jesus Christ and increasingly my belief in the Mormon Jesus grows more firm every day.

 

Still, my heart longs for my Hijab, and I know that to resume wearing it, will lead to some sharp discussions with members, and possibly insulting Veterans. I am a Veteran and know how the thinking of soldiers can be. They have a right to not be insulted, including me.

 

I pray this will not end badly

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I would talk to the Bishop and ask him if he would consider being frank with the ward one Sunday and ask the membership to be tolerant of the needs and differences of other members in the ward, in how they dress, what they wear, and how they look.  To by the spirit give them a good talking to about how judgmentalism of others, especially when they have legitimate reasons such as health for those differences is not of God.

 

If he is a wise Bishop he can do this in a general enough of a way that doesn't single you or others out, but is specific enough to where those guilty would know exactly what they are doing.

 

Or, if you want to be more direct, you can do it yourself in testimony meeting or if you are called to speak in church or in a class where those people are present.  You can also add with the same things above that the Bishop might say, that even old lady's wear the same thing you are wearing for the exact same reason that has nothing to do with former beliefs.

 

If they are good LDS people, they will know they have done wrong and will correct it.  If some are not, then they are not worth your time.  Some people sadly are that way, but fortunately most aren't and aren't intentionally being hurtful, they just don't realize what they are doing, and likely won't until they are taught from the Lord by the spirit from you or his anointed.

 

As to the heart, well yes it can lie to you, but it seems you have legit reasons to wear it, and even if you didn't it's a clothing style and preference, certainly not banned or unreasonable.  Remind people that the woman covers herself in the Temple, and that while it may not be traditional LDS style, it's not against Mormonism or our beliefs either.

Edited by williamsmith
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What William said....and give them a chance to grow, to expand their loving, compassion, and understanding muscles...one of the problems with living in a pretty homogenous society is that we don't get the chance as often to work on seeing the child of God under the outer appearance with a variety of appearances to work with...which I believe helps us focus more on what is essential and not get distracted by being comfortable with someone. Relating to someone as truly your brother or sister is not just a matter of be comfortable with them.

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Do you have more than one Hijab? Perhaps having a variety will help them look on them as being more decorative and I cant imagine any women not having sympathy for the loss of hair and the desire to cover it up for just comfort...and wigs in my experience are uncomfortable...though I have to admit it was not one that fit my head...but it was scratchy and poke my tender scalp. Sometimes I dream of shaving my head bald so I could just scrub it well and leave it open to the air and then wrap it loosely in a fine, softly coloured, natural fabric scarf with a few ceramic and wood beads as light tassels. I have very thick, very fine hair that soaks up my sweat from nightly hot flashes and turns into a swimming cap almost, the sense of my head not being able to breathe....we do breathe through our skin don't we? My husband...well that would be going way beyond duty for him even if he only sighs when i come close....but if he ever get a job he cant turn down for a couple of months away, it would be happening...unless the grand kids hated it...I walked in after paying good money for an high end place to cut and style my hair, I wasn't pleased, thought I looked like a mushroom but figured that was just me obsessing about my king sized skull...but then I walked in and my three year old son saw me and he started crying....so went straight under the faucet and mommy came out and promised shed never look that way again...haven't had my hair styled since, besides the cutting, happier that way, I like the air moving through it.

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Do you have more than one Hijab? Perhaps having a variety will help them look on them as being more decorative and I cant imagine any women not having sympathy for the loss of hair and the desire to cover it up for just comfort...and wigs in my experience are uncomfortable...though I have to admit it was not one that fit my head...but it was scratchy and poke my tender scalp. Sometimes I dream of shaving my head bald so I could just scrub it well and leave it open to the air and then wrap it loosely in a fine, softly coloured, natural fabric scarf with a few ceramic and wood beads as light tassels. I have very thick, very fine hair that soaks up my sweat from nightly hot flashes and turns into a swimming cap almost, the sense of my head not being able to breathe....we do breathe through our skin don't we? My husband...well that would be going way beyond duty for him even if he only sighs when i come close....but if he ever get a job he cant turn down for a couple of months away, it would be happening...unless the grand kids hated it...I walked in after paying good money for an high end place to cut and style my hair, I wasn't pleased, thought I looked like a mushroom but figured that was just me obsessing about my king sized skull...but then I walked in and my three year old son saw me and he started crying....so went straight under the faucet and mommy came out and promised shed never look that way again...haven't had my hair styled since, besides the cutting, happier that way, I like the air moving through it.

Yes, I used to have many very pretty Hijabs, but most are gone now. A woman named Amenakin on Facebook and Youtube sells some very pretty ones. She sells something called a Hoojab which would be good in winter here. I am pleasantly surprised at your reaction and it makes me feel better. I see my Bishop tomorrow night. :)

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I used to wear scarves constantly as a teen, even to church. My boss at work complain the they were not formal enough even they were dress scarves that had been my mom and I'd borrow them. So that broke the habit and since then it is the tightness that bothers me due to cracked skulls and slams against the dashboard. A long loose scarf draped around the head with a beaded clip to hold it in place...such comfort and would solve the problem of how to dress up short short hair. My scarves would probably be the biggest part of my wardrobe.

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I used to wear scarves constantly as a teen, even to church. My boss at work complain the they were not formal enough even they were dress scarves that had been my mom and I'd borrow them. So that broke the habit and since then it is the tightness that bothers me due to cracked skulls and slams against the dashboard. A long loose scarf draped around the head with a beaded clip to hold it in place...such comfort and would solve the problem of how to dress up short short hair. My scarves would probably be the biggest part of my wardrobe.

It is of considerable comfort to me to find another woman who lived with very conservative culture growing up.  I had mentioned before that my step father was raised Amish, and My mother was some off shoot of Mormon, but for her none of that went well at all, her father not obeying any of the covenants.

 

So for me, aside from a brief excursion into hedonisim in 2005-6, I have always lived very conservatively.  It is hard to find clothing now days, though Jenclothing.com does sell some pretty clothing but I am not actually comfortable with even them.

 

Shukronline.com sells clothing and scarves that I love.

 

I know that the push is on for Mormons to demonstrate being happy, and blend with contemporary American culture. I am extremely happy now.

 

It is somewhat distressing that the dresses at places like Old Navy, and Target feel far too short. Macy's is not much better, and of course Nordstrom is generally too expensive.  I am somewhat surprised that there are not Mormon clothing chains. I used to sew some of my clothing and perhaps I shall have to return to that.

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When I started studying with the Missionaries, they could not wait to get me out of my Hijab (Head Scarf) and I have never felt right about it. Having lost most of my hair in an illness, (not cancer) exposing my hair to anyone feels uncomfortable. My Bishop has given permission to wear it, since it is not a religious symbol. Peer presure from other sisters is just oppressive and now I wear either a small hair piece or a wig.

 

I still feel most secure and happy wearing Hijab, and when I see other Muslim sisters, I feel really guilty. And, for me Hijab also means long sleeves and covered legs.

 

Mormonism is my belief full stop. That will not change, though I still have friends from other cultures including Islam. The most important issue for me between the two beliefs is Jesus Christ and increasingly my belief in the Mormon Jesus grows more firm every day.

 

Still, my heart longs for my Hijab, and I know that to resume wearing it, will lead to some sharp discussions with members, and possibly insulting Veterans. I am a Veteran and know how the thinking of soldiers can be. They have a right to not be insulted, including me.

 

I pray this will not end badly

There are a number of cultures in which modesty suggests the covering of a woman's head.  We certainly see that among ultra-orthodox Jewish women, as among Hindu women.  Saint Paul in I Corinthians 11:5-13 thinks that women should have their heads covered when they pray or prophesy.  

 

Only a minority of Mormons live in North America, and there are broad cultural differences among Mormons living outside the USA, as some returned missionaries can tell us.  No one would think to question the wearing of the lavalava by a Mormon in Polynesia.  I personally would not do a double-take if some man came to LDS services in a kilt in Scotland, even though there would naturally be the question of length to cover one's holy garments (if endowed)..  I also think that a sari would be completely appropriate for any Indian woman to wear to LDS services.  It is part of the culture, not religion.  Moreover, it looks comfortable as well as modest.  As the LDS Church becomes more of a world church, there needs to be a forthright adjustment to local cultural differences.

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There are a number of cultures in which modesty suggests the covering of a woman's head.  We certainly see that among ultra-orthodox Jewish women, as among Hindu women.  Saint Paul in I Corinthians 11:5-13 thinks that women should have their heads covered when they pray or prophesy.  

 

Only a minority of Mormons live in North America, and there are broad cultural differences among Mormons living outside the USA, as some returned missionaries can tell us.  No one would think to question the wearing of the lavalava by a Mormon in Polynesia.  I personally would not do a double-take if some man came to LDS services in a kilt in Scotland, even though there would naturally be the question of length to cover one's holy garments (if endowed)..  I also think that a sari would be completely appropriate for any Indian woman to wear to LDS services.  It is part of the culture, not religion.  Moreover, it looks comfortable as well as modest.  As the LDS Church becomes more of a world church, there needs to be a forthright adjustment to local cultural differences.

Thank you so much for saying that. The easiest Hijab is simply folding a 1 meter scarf into a triangle, and pinning it under my chin.  I wear cotton underscarves to absorb the moisture. I have been worrying about this for weeks while I suffered with a painful outbreak of Fibromialgia that is manifesting on my head amongst other places. 

 

I worry about triggering returned veterans by the use of the Hijab, but my ready smile and friendliness seems to mute that.

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It is of considerable comfort to me to find another woman who lived with very conservative culture growing up.  

Not conservative....though being LDS, our standards of dress were likely considered conservative by those around me.  No, my choices were based on introversion, I believe or perhaps just the need to have a strong sense of person space or self control.  There can be many reasons for wanting to wear a particular attire, that is what others need to realize...as long as it is not chosen as a rebellion against modesty standards, we should be comfortable in being around almost any version and we should enjoy the variety rather than frown upon it.

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Thank you so much for saying that. The easiest Hijab is simply folding a 1 meter scarf into a triangle, and pinning it under my chin.  I wear cotton underscarves to absorb the moisture. I have been worrying about this for weeks while I suffered with a painful outbreak of Fibromialgia that is manifesting on my head amongst other places. 

 

I worry about triggering returned veterans by the use of the Hijab, but my ready smile and friendliness seems to mute that.

Perhaps finding a bright and cheerful scarf material with a pattern to it could help offset the appearance of the usual Hijab?

 

Perhaps something like this:

 

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JCEFxlahEH4/UW6KomxpzxI/AAAAAAAAIwA/TCdNvXVOKVU/s1600/Dian-Pelangi-Former-Wear-Veil-Collection-2013-Modern-Muslim-Hijab-Fashion-5.jpg

Edited by calmoriah
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When I started studying with the Missionaries, they could not wait to get me out of my Hijab (Head Scarf) and I have never felt right about it. Having lost most of my hair in an illness, (not cancer) exposing my hair to anyone feels uncomfortable. My Bishop has given permission to wear it, since it is not a religious symbol. Peer presure from other sisters is just oppressive and now I wear either a small hair piece or a wig.

 

I still feel most secure and happy wearing Hijab, and when I see other Muslim sisters, I feel really guilty. And, for me Hijab also means long sleeves and covered legs.

 

Mormonism is my belief full stop. That will not change, though I still have friends from other cultures including Islam. The most important issue for me between the two beliefs is Jesus Christ and increasingly my belief in the Mormon Jesus grows more firm every day.

 

Still, my heart longs for my Hijab, and I know that to resume wearing it, will lead to some sharp discussions with members, and possibly insulting Veterans. I am a Veteran and know how the thinking of soldiers can be. They have a right to not be insulted, including me.

 

I pray this will not end badly

 

When in Rome...

 

My sister is an atheist, and visited Turkey a few years ago. She wore a head scarf as a sign of respect to the culture, not because of what she personally believes.

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EllenMaksoud, one sister in my Branch is patchy bald as a result of her arthritis meds. She has been wearing a wig, but she is rather tired of it. I suggested she wear a Hijab -. She googled it, and thought that it just might be the ticket, especially in winter.  She also is considering wearing caps & lighter weight scarves like those who are losing their hair from chemo do. 

 

Have you considered cutting your hair short and wearing the head coverings that the cancer survivors favor? Examples: https://www.google.com/search?q=head+coverings+for+chemo&rlz=1C2CHMO_enUS499US499&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=RN05Uq2GO8nPqAHNxoHADQ&ved=0CJMBELAE&biw=1920&bih=923&dpr=1  

 

On Bad Hair days, I used to cover my head with a scarf, with the ends pinned with an attractive broach. Back when I was in middle school (1964) & high school (graduated in 1970), the majority of the women in the LDS church wore head coverings. Hats and/or scarves. I wouldn't - with my to the waist, thick, thick, thick and heavy hair - topping it with a hat/scarf was torture! NOW my hair is super thin and if I could find hats that I felt comfortable in I would wear them at Church.

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EllenMaksoud, one sister in my Branch is patchy bald as a result of her arthritis meds. She has been wearing a wig, but she is rather tired of it. I suggested she wear a Hijab -. She googled it, and thought that it just might be the ticket, especially in winter.  She also is considering wearing caps & lighter weight scarves like those who are losing their hair from chemo do. 

 

Have you considered cutting your hair short and wearing the head coverings that the cancer survivors favor? Examples: https://www.google.com/search?q=head+coverings+for+chemo&rlz=1C2CHMO_enUS499US499&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=RN05Uq2GO8nPqAHNxoHADQ&ved=0CJMBELAE&biw=1920&bih=923&dpr=1  

 

On Bad Hair days, I used to cover my head with a scarf, with the ends pinned with an attractive broach. Back when I was in middle school (1964) & high school (graduated in 1970), the majority of the women in the LDS church wore head coverings. Hats and/or scarves. I wouldn't - with my to the waist, thick, thick, thick and heavy hair - topping it with a hat/scarf was torture! NOW my hair is super thin and if I could find hats that I felt comfortable in I would wear them at Church.

Where did you grow up?

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There will be a testimony opportunity in RS soon, during that time bear your testimony of the restored gospel, and then tell the sisters that the good news is that you don't have cancer, but you've decided that returning to the hajib is the only way to address your hair issues and you hope they will let you know if they run across any shopping sites with selling colorful ones.   That way it will become common knowledge that it has nothing to do with your faith, just your hair.

 

And I am not one who thinks you need to ask the bishop what  you can wear on your head.  There is not a single doctrinal reason that anyone should have a problem with your wearing it.

 

BTW, you can also offer to teach a  RS mid-week meeting lesson on what the hajib means in the muslim culture and maybe contrast that with the mean of hats and scarves in other cultures.

Edited by rpn
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There will be a testimony opportunity in RS soon, during that time bear your testimony of the restored gospel, and then tell the sisters that the good news is that you don't have cancer, but you've decided that returning to the hajib is the only way to address your hair issues and you hope they will let you know if they run across any shopping sites with selling colorful ones.   That way it will become common knowledge that it has nothing to do with your faith, just your hair.

 

And I am not one who thinks you need to ask the bishop what  you can wear on your head.  There is not a single doctrinal reason that anyone should have a problem with your wearing it.

 

BTW, you can also offer to teach a  RS mid-week meeting lesson on what the hajib means in the muslim culture and maybe contrast that with the mean of hats and scarves in other cultures.

Thank you !  My RS President has spoken to me about giving a short talk on the practice of "Hijab", and I indicated I would like to do this. This would be a wonderful opportunity to increase understanding. I am thrilled to have such positive reactions to this on this board.  There are a very few, who will have issue with it in my ward, but those same people have thanked me for my testimony. I am absolutely Mormon, despite certain challenges.

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When I started studying with the Missionaries, they could not wait to get me out of my Hijab (Head Scarf) and I have never felt right about it. Having lost most of my hair in an illness, (not cancer) exposing my hair to anyone feels uncomfortable. My Bishop has given permission to wear it, since it is not a religious symbol. Peer presure from other sisters is just oppressive and now I wear either a small hair piece or a wig.

I still feel most secure and happy wearing Hijab, and when I see other Muslim sisters, I feel really guilty. And, for me Hijab also means long sleeves and covered legs.

Mormonism is my belief full stop. That will not change, though I still have friends from other cultures including Islam. The most important issue for me between the two beliefs is Jesus Christ and increasingly my belief in the Mormon Jesus grows more firm every day.

Still, my heart longs for my Hijab, and I know that to resume wearing it, will lead to some sharp discussions with members, and possibly insulting Veterans. I am a Veteran and know how the thinking of soldiers can be. They have a right to not be insulted, including me.

I pray this will not end badly

I grew up in a world where women wore scarfs (hope I spelled that correctly) and hats, as well as in Church. As for missionaries, they are young...be forgiving. When one becomes used to wearing something all the time, they come to love it and the look. I personally find it comforting wearing long shelves (unless wearing T-Shirts, over garment shirts). It is not a sin or improper wearing a Hijab, so do what you like. Enlist the Relief Society, with them putting others in their place, few will say a anything. Also don't worry about what others think, usually the bigoted and not worth knowing or listening too, until they repent. When I hear such things and they think I am in their camp, I make it known I am not. Once heard a nephew make a racial comment and told him to stop or leave as did his parents. (It was my house) Be of good cheer my sister and I welcome you into "our" faith! Not a sin or improper to wear a cross either. Not proper for men to wear a hat, but we once had a Jewish investigator who wore a Yamakah while he attended, he did not join however...I did so editing. Seems if you misspell the wrong word right, no warning during typing. :( Ellen simply put if not prohibited (real rules and Apostle teaching desires) dress how you feel more compfortable, be it the desire of your heart. I also edited and added text...I want to be honest. Edited by Bill “Papa” Lee
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It can be written either scarfs or scarves:

 

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/scarves

 

Big bulky scarves are making a comeback for a few years now (for both women and men) so now is the time to get known for wearing them.   :)

I used to do Hijab in Saudi style, wrapped around my head. I just ordered one of these http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwXlF1TtawQ  but will likely wear a variety of them.  The sister in the video is UK Muslim of Indian descent.  As you suggest, I prefer colorful, flowered hijabs so that others do not mistake me for Catholic Nun. :)

 

Will not be wearing the head jewel. :)

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Where did you grow up?

Seattle. I went to the 5th Ward in the North Seattle Stake. In the 60's through to the mid 70's it was proper etiquette for females to wear hats along with gloves at Church. They also wore earrings, necklaces, bracelets and broaches that all matched. Again, I never did -  to this day I loathe anything hanging on my ears and neck. 

 

My two older sisters wore the cutest "Pill Box" hats, think Jacqueline Kennedy. One of the older sisters at church wore turbans - I loved them and looked forward each Sunday to see which color she would have on, and what jewels she used to adorn them with.

 

I especially loved wearing the gloves. Hid my hideous chewed up nails. I didn't quit chewing my nails until I was 33.

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Seattle. I went to the 5th Ward in the North Seattle Stake. In the 60's through to the mid 70's it was proper etiquette for females to wear hats along with gloves at Church. They also wore earrings, necklaces, bracelets and broaches that all matched. Again, I never did -  to this day I loathe anything hanging on my ears and neck. 

 

My two older sisters wore the cutest "Pill Box" hats, think Jacqueline Kennedy. One of the older sisters at church wore turbans - I loved them and looked forward each Sunday to see which color she would have on, and what jewels she used to adorn them with.

 

I especially loved wearing the gloves. Hid my hideous chewed up nails. I didn't quit chewing my nails until I was 33.

I grew up in Ladd Hill, Oregon with an angry Amish man and a cowed Mother. Women did not leave the farm in anything but dresses, and scarves or hats. Don't remember gloves, though.

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Seattle. I went to the 5th Ward in the North Seattle Stake. In the 60's through to the mid 70's it was proper etiquette for females to wear hats along with gloves at Church. They also wore earrings, necklaces, bracelets and broaches that all matched. Again, I never did -  to this day I loathe anything hanging on my ears and neck. 

I guess San Francisco was a bit more laid back.  I was there early to mid 60s, than in Illinois until 71.  Maybe it was just my mom, but I don't remember hats.  I'll have to ask her if she was bucking the trend in that as well as several other things.

Edited by calmoriah
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