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The Friendly Mormon And You


DewMan001

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I used the first paragraph as a view of mine on the Mormon Church. I don't feel that it was the best and most well-constructed argument I could have produced, but due to my new production schedule (write on Monday, edit throughout the week, launch on Fri/Sat/Sun) it was the best one I had. And it is not necessarily based on fact, but what I have observed and my opinions on those observations. I apologize if I have offended you. Yes, Three quarters of the story is fictionalized, but I like to write dark things (see my previous series simply entitled .........) and I wanted to add a dark twist to the story. The fear of exile was just the dark twist I needed. The conversation between myself and the two sisters is one pulled straight from reality. I had that conversation only the day before I sat down and wrote the first draft. I was incredibly awkward at the time of the conversation because, as I had mentioned in the story, I was bored and sitting there with Mormon.org open. I only wanted the book to compare with recent Tony award winning works, and not the conversation. Still, service with a smile, I guess.

Also, facts in fictitious stories may or may not be made up, and it is up to the reader to determine which ones are and are not fictional.

x

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I used the first paragraph as a view of mine on the Mormon Church. I don't feel that it was the best and most well-constructed argument I could have produced, but due to my new production schedule (write on Monday, edit throughout the week, launch on Fri/Sat/Sun) it was the best one I had. And it is not necessarily based on fact, but what I have observed and my opinions on those observations. I apologize if I have offended you. Yes, Three quarters of the story is fictionalized, but I like to write dark things (see my previous series simply entitled .........) and I wanted to add a dark twist to the story. The fear of exile was just the dark twist I needed. The conversation between myself and the two sisters is one pulled straight from reality. I had that conversation only the day before I sat down and wrote the first draft. I was incredibly awkward at the time of the conversation because, as I had mentioned in the story, I was bored and sitting there with Mormon.org open. I only wanted the book to compare with recent Tony award winning works, and not the conversation. Still, service with a smile, I guess.

Also, facts in fictitious stories may or may not be made up, and it is up to the reader to determine which ones are and are not fictional.

x

Just bring your arguments here, not link to them. In a story, the story teller controls the dialogue and the outcome.

Glenn

Edited by Glenn101
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I used the first paragraph as a view of mine on the Mormon Church. I don't feel that it was the best and most well-constructed argument I could have produced, but due to my new production schedule (write on Monday, edit throughout the week, launch on Fri/Sat/Sun) it was the best one I had. And it is not necessarily based on fact, but what I have observed and my opinions on those observations. I apologize if I have offended you.

Your view is offending, not for the lack of well-constructed arguments, but the portrayal of missionaries viewing themselves as salesmen. People, like yourself, may view them like that. But LDS themselves do not at all. Treating it as a sale is looked down on by missionaries.

Your argument within the conversation isn't just poorly-constructed. It's just poor in general. I'm assuming the first half wasn't the real conversation but the second half was. Speaking as one who served on a mission, that wouldn't have confounded me in the least (I could have faulted that logic, up down and sideways).....though I might not have argued back, depending on how quickly I realized it was pointless to do so. Missionaries aren't there to debate their religion. As a non-missionary I'll tell you straight up that's one poorly constructed argument that doesn't even stand to, as you put it, the end of the first testament and half of the second.

Yes, your story is fiction and it has the right to take an artist's license to it. I'm a painter myself. Details, media, direction....that's free game for me. But honestly, the best fiction....especially fiction based on real groups of people, entail research into their customs, practices, and beliefs. Your piece shows absolutely none of that. The actual conversation with the sister missionaries is simply not as dramatic for the missionaries as you portray it. That's a norm. Disappointment and rejection even "nice" or "professional" rejections are common. Honestly if I had been the sisters, I probably would have known that appointment wouldn't have stuck within the conversation. Still would have made the appointment....you never know. It would have been a pleasant surprise if it came through and a minor disappointment if it hadn't. But it wouldn't have been anything out of the ordinary and they aren't salesmen.....poor "sales" will not leave you without work. It doesn't lead to any form of exile in the least.

Your work will be stronger when the fiction is based in real facts, not just a real conversation with your biased view of what they must deal with internally as the main premise. The story would have been far stronger if it had been mainly your perspective of your interaction. Even if you viewed them as glorified salesman with the threat of exile hanging over their heads to make a sale, it would have been an honest portrayal of an awkward visit from missionaries. It would have rung out as genuine and wouldn't look ridiculous to people who are actually LDS and know just how silly premise to the short story is.

From reading an early short that you did, I can say you do have a good writing style. Definitely on the dark end of things. Developing well though.

Last critique that's not really on the subject but is tied: I personally never found the make-an-appointment-and-drop-it soon after approach "professional." I personally had more respect for those that told me straight up that no, they weren't interested in meeting and they just wanted the book. To me at least they were honest. But who knows, maybe I just have a thing for blunt and to-the-point people.

With luv,

BD

Edited by BlueDreams
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I used the first paragraph as a view of mine on the Mormon Church. I don't feel that it was the best and most well-constructed argument I could have produced, but due to my new production schedule (write on Monday, edit throughout the week, launch on Fri/Sat/Sun) it was the best one I had. And it is not necessarily based on fact, but what I have observed and my opinions on those observations. I apologize if I have offended you. Yes, Three quarters of the story is fictionalized, but I like to write dark things (see my previous series simply entitled .........) and I wanted to add a dark twist to the story. The fear of exile was just the dark twist I needed. The conversation between myself and the two sisters is one pulled straight from reality. I had that conversation only the day before I sat down and wrote the first draft. I was incredibly awkward at the time of the conversation because, as I had mentioned in the story, I was bored and sitting there with Mormon.org open. I only wanted the book to compare with recent Tony award winning works, and not the conversation. Still, service with a smile, I guess.

Also, facts in fictitious stories may or may not be made up, and it is up to the reader to determine which ones are and are not fictional.

x

I pray the time will come when you will seriously want Heavenly Father in your life. What did you hope to obtain by bringing such untruth into our lives? In the first place, failure to "score" with a potential contact does not lead to exile. The life lessons that missionaries get from the work are extremely valuable. It teaches them to perform under pressure. It teaches them perseverance and faithfulness. You might try it.

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The most recent thing I've made is a story regarding a recent chat I had with a pair of lovely young ladies from your church.

What is your purpose in making the story?

BTW, this may not be the appropriate place to discuss your story depending on the story itself as well as your purpose in presenting it. You need to read the guidelines for this forum and be prepared to be limited in what can be discussed in this Social Hall which is primarily a fun and supportive and nonargumentive place.

Edited by calmoriah
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