Unlikely Verses

[Stroopwafel]

It is no secret that the scriptures have their lot of odd passages, where if left out of context may have a comical effect (when it doesn't lead people astray in doctrine, but that's another topic...) Also, I'm sure there are verses out there that with changing a mere word may take a whole different meaning.

So, I'm curious to see what we could come up with. You could come up with:

(1) verses which could be interpreted in a funny way if left out of context, and/or

(2) verses which having one or two word changed could change the whole meaning.

Please aim at a comical effect, if possible.

I'll start with my own contribution, which is a reference mistake I learned not to make on my mission:

When you ask your investigator to read a passage, never confound 1st Nephi 3:7 with 3rd Nephi 3:7.

[volgadon]

It is no secret that the scriptures have their lot of odd passages, where if left out of context may have a comical effect (when it doesn't lead people astray in doctrine, but that's another topic...) Also, I'm sure there are verses out there that with changing a mere word may take a whole different meaning.

So, I'm curious to see what we could come up with. You could come up with:

(1) verses which could be interpreted in a funny way if left out of context, and/or

(2) verses which having one or two word changed could change the whole meaning.

Please aim at a comical effect, if possible.

I'll start with my own contribution, which is a reference mistake I learned not to make on my mission:

When you ask your investigator to read a passage, never confound 1st Nephi 3:7 with 3rd Nephi 3:7.

Curse you, you stole mine.

[blackstrap]

Change one word in John 11:35 and there is a high likelyhood that the meaning will change also.

[Buzzard]

Well, there is that whole Coriantnmr/Shiz beheading thing....

[urroner]

There are several verses in the BofM what say something like "they slew they with great slaughter." Just drop the "s" off "slaughter" and the customs of the ancient people of the Americas show a new light. They watched too much Monty Python.

[Whiskeypete]

I like where Abinidi goes into the city in disguise, and immediately blows his cover by announcing, "the Lord said unto me, Abinidi..."

[rongo]

There's Jeremiah 4:19, which we laughed about in the MTC as being a prophetic vision of the effect of 8 weeks of MTC food, plus 10 hours a day sitting in a class:

My bowels, my bowels! I am pained at my very heart; my heart maketh a noise in me; I cannot hold my peace, because thou hast heard, O my soul, the sound of the trumpet, the alarm of war.

[rongo]

". . . but as for myself, to me he doth not stink." Alma 19:5

[The Nehor]

I like where Abinidi goes into the city in disguise, and immediately blows his cover by announcing, "the Lord said unto me, Abinidi..."

It makes sense when you realize that he used a disguise to get into the city and then threw it off when it was time to preach but as a child I thought he just was not very good at being a spy.

[ksfisher]

I Cor 11:18

For first of all, when ye come together in the church, I hear that there be divisions among you; and I partly believe it.

Edited February 19, 2013 by ksfisher

[urroner]

When I was a 14-17, whenever a teacher, bishop, or some church official asked us our favorite scripture, a bunch of us young men would quote one of these two scriptures. We always love the reaction we got.

French kissing - Isaiah 57:4 Against whom do ye sport yourselves? against whom make ye a wide mouth, and draw out the tongue? are ye not children of transgression, a seed of falsehood,

1 Kings 16:11 - And it came to pass, when he began to reign, as soon as he sat on his throne, that he slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall, neither of his kinsfolks, nor of his friends.

[Stroopwafel]

There's Jeremiah 4:19, which we laughed about in the MTC as being a prophetic vision of the effect of 8 weeks of MTC food, plus 10 hours a day sitting in a class:

My bowels, my bowels! I am pained at my very heart; my heart maketh a noise in me; I cannot hold my peace, because thou hast heard, O my soul, the sound of the trumpet, the alarm of war.

That made me laugh, as it certainly fits my experience.

I Cor 11:18

For first of all, when ye come together in the church, I hear that there be divisions among you; and I partly believe it.

Awesome

[canard78]

I like where Abinidi goes into the city in disguise, and immediately blows his cover by announcing, "the Lord said unto me, Abinidi..."

My kids favourite I always tell that story with an "I am Abinadi... oops!"

[Storm Rider]

I always got a kick out of Joshua 22:34 - And the children of Reuben and the children of Gad called the altar Ed: for it shall be a witness between us that the Lord is God. Ed?

[urroner]

I always got a kick out of Joshua 22:34 - And the children of Reuben and the children of Gad called the altar Ed: for it shall be a witness between us that the Lord is God. Ed?

Oh thou of little faith!!

[media=]

[TAO]

Well, I heard of someone who put Ether 14:23 on the front of a Bathroom door...

"And the scent thereof went forth upon the face of the land, even upon all the face of the land; wherefore the people became troubled by day and by night, because of the scent thereof."

I guess that's pretty funny.

Edited June 5, 2013 by TAO

[canard78]

Deuteronomy 25:11-12 states:

When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets. Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.