Book Review: "Heaven Up Here"

[cinepro]

Looking at my bookshelf, it occurs to me that I read lots of LDS books. Fiction or non-fiction, I've been reading books by LDS authors starting with Lee Nelson's "Storm Testament" series in grade school. Through high school and into adulthood, I have bought or borrowed LDS authored books both old and new, whether published by Deseret Book, Signature, or the humblest press in rural Utah.

For all those books, the genre of "mission memoir" is an oddly underdeveloped one. Hundreds of thousands of missionaries go out each decade, and yet there are few attempts to convey the "mission experience" on paper. The gold standard in that small field is obviously John Groberg's "The Other Side of Heaven". Google shows the existence of a few others. I suspect one reason for the small number is that any attempt at the task must deal with one fateful truth: if the mission were a cow, LDS readers prefer to consume it as a vienna sausage with a little toothpick in it. We like our mission stories processed and bite-sized, satisfying and easily digestible. Maybe with some crackers on the side.

Also, most self-published books aren't that good.

But having enjoyed John ("K.") Williams' posts on this and other LDS-themed message boards, I decided to give his memoir "Heaven Up Here" a shot. I had a break in my reading schedule, and figured I would at least get a few interesting and juicy missionary stories for the effort. But after finishing the 261 pages, I can only describe my reaction as surprise mixed with absolute enjoyment. John had a fascinating mission experience, and he delivers the whole cow. Nose to tail, hooves to ears.

In "Heaven Up Here", Williams tells the true stories (and some I-can't-believe-they're-true stories) of his mission in Bolivia in the early 1980's. From his days at BYU leading up to his call, to time at the MTC and into the field, I was utterly captivated (no pun intended) by William's journey. The journey is narrated with great skill, with stories unexpectedly resulting in laughter, concern, or even horror. More than once, I had to read a passage to my wife or kids sitting nearby, and their reactions were always the same when I finished the story: "Don't stop". Trust me: you will really enjoy reading this book.

Those who remember John from this board know that the story ultimately doesn't have a "happy ending"; he has since left the Church many years after his mission. So what do we get in this book? A bitter expose? A mocking tell-all meant to embarrass the Church and its missionary program? Not at all. With the aid of what I suspect are some very detailed journals, John narrates his mission with great compassion and honesty. We meet investigators and missionaries who struggle, including many who overcome their struggles with faith and honor. We meet leaders and others who exhibit great strength and Christianity. There are many examples showing how the gospel works in peoples' lives. We also see those who struggle and fall, and the human-side of missionary work. There is no re-casting from the perspective of his current hardened, bitter attitude ( ). We truly get to meet Elder Williams.

With a teenage son who will one day soon have to decide whether or not to go on his own mission and has expressed interest in reading the book, will I let him? And if I do, is the book more likely to encourage or discourage? That was a question constantly on my mind as I read. At times I felt "no one would go on a mission after reading this".

But upon finishing the book, I'm left with one overriding feeling: that those two years can be incredibly difficult, with health problems, companions addicted to Bolivian soap operas, homesickness, persecution, and every form of human weakness. But even with all this, the effort to bring the gospel to others is worthwhile, and in adversity and humility, great things can be found. I suspect potential missionaries who read this story will approach their missions with more wisdom and maturity than is usually found.

Definitely the 8th best book I've ever read by someone with the initials "J.K."

Edited February 7, 2013 by cinepro

[The Nehor]

The reason I would not write a "warts and all" mission tell-all is that it would be humiliating to many people still alive even if I tried to hide their identity.

[Ahab]

I think I'll wait until somebody makes the book into a movie. Some LDS studio may pick it up soon. I like those kinds of movies.

[Rivers]

I wish I would have kept a better journal of my mission.

Edited February 9, 2013 by Rivers

[cinepro]

I think I'll wait until somebody makes the book into a movie. Some LDS studio may pick it up soon. I like those kinds of movies.

Honestly, the biggest problem with it being made into a movie is

John/ Elder Williams ends up marrying a woman that was a sister missionary in his mission. He talks about their friendship during the mission, and at the end of the book you find out they get married. Nothing "bad" happened on the mission, but in a film, it would turn it into a love story unless you cut the whole friendship/relationship out.

[Tacenda]

Looking at my bookshelf, it occurs to me that I read lots of LDS books. Fiction or non-fiction, I've been reading books by LDS authors starting with Lee Nelson's "Storm Testament" series in grade school. Through high school and into adulthood, I have bought or borrowed LDS authored books both old and new, whether published by Deseret Book, Signature, or the humblest press in rural Utah.

For all those books, the genre of "mission memoir" is an oddly underdeveloped one. Hundreds of thousands of missionaries go out each decade, and yet there are few attempts to convey the "mission experience" on paper. The gold standard in that small field is obviously John Groberg's "The Other Side of Heaven". Google shows the existence of a few others. I suspect one reason for the small number is that any attempt at the task must deal with one fateful truth: if the mission were a cow, LDS readers prefer to consume it as a vienna sausage with a little toothpick in it. We like our mission stories processed and bite-sized, satisfying and easily digestible. Maybe with some crackers on the side.

Also, most self-published books aren't that good.

But having enjoyed John ("K.") Williams' posts on this and other LDS-themed message boards, I decided to give his memoir "Heaven Up Here" a shot. I had a break in my reading schedule, and figured I would at least get a few interesting and juicy missionary stories for the effort. But after finishing the 261 pages, I can only describe my reaction as surprise mixed with absolute enjoyment. John had a fascinating mission experience, and he delivers the whole cow. Nose to tail, hooves to ears.

In "Heaven Up Here", Williams tells the true stories (and some I-can't-believe-they're-true stories) of his mission in Bolivia in the early 1980's. From his days at BYU leading up to his call, to time at the MTC and into the field, I was utterly captivated (no pun intended) by William's journey. The journey is narrated with great skill, with stories unexpectedly resulting in laughter, concern, or even horror. More than once, I had to read a passage to my wife or kids sitting nearby, and their reactions were always the same when I finished the story: "Don't stop". Trust me: you will really enjoy reading this book.

Those who remember John from this board know that the story ultimately doesn't have a "happy ending"; he has since left the Church many years after his mission. So what do we get in this book? A bitter expose? A mocking tell-all meant to embarrass the Church and its missionary program? Not at all. With the aid of what I suspect are some very detailed journals, John narrates his mission with great compassion and honesty. We meet investigators and missionaries who struggle, including many who overcome their struggles with faith and honor. We meet leaders and others who exhibit great strength and Christianity. There are many examples showing how the gospel works in peoples' lives. We also see those who struggle and fall, and the human-side of missionary work. There is no re-casting from the perspective of his current hardened, bitter attitude ( ). We truly get to meet Elder Williams.

With a teenage son who will one day soon have to decide whether or not to go on his own mission and has expressed interest in reading the book, will I let him? And if I do, is the book more likely to encourage or discourage? That was a question constantly on my mind as I read. At times I felt "no one would go on a mission after reading this".

But upon finishing the book, I'm left with one overriding feeling: that those two years can be incredibly difficult, with health problems, companions addicted to Bolivian soap operas, homesickness, persecution, and every form of human weakness. But even with all this, the effort to bring the gospel to others is worthwhile, and in adversity and humility, great things can be found. I suspect potential missionaries who read this story will approach their missions with more wisdom and maturity than is usually found.

Definitely the 8th best book I've ever read by someone with the initials "J.K."

Cinepro, this guy was on NOM a little bit, maybe a year or two ago, he was in the beginning stages of writing the book! I'm so happy for him to have it finished. I believe he's a good guy, just had a little bit of a struggle I believe. Edited February 10, 2013 by Tacenda

[jkwilliams]

I know it's not good form to resurrect old threads, but I just noticed this review of my book. Thanks for the comments, and I'm happy you enjoyed it. I don't think the book is humiliating at all for people I wrote about, at least no one has ever said anything to me about it. There's only one incident I wrote about that I wasn't sure I should include, so I ran it past the person it involved, and he told me to include it, as he thought it was a significant part of the story. I certainly didn't intend to write a "tell all" account. My goal was pretty simple: write about what happened and how I experienced it as a missionary, without any editorializing or moralizing from my older, apostate self. I'm gratified that it's been well-received by Mormons, ex-Mormons, and non-Mormons and from people I served with in my mission. There have been two negative reactions to the book: one from a Bolivian woman who thinks Mormon missionaries are evil racists, and one from a guy I knew in the mission, but it turns out he's never actually read the book.  

 

Anyway, sorry if that sounds like I'm justifying what I wrote. If someone objects to what I wrote, that's fine. Thanks again for the kind words.

[jkwilliams]

I wish I would have kept a better journal of my mission.

 

My mission journals filled two entire "volumes" (for want of a better word) that I had picked up at the BYU bookstore. When I started writing the book, I could only find the first journal, which covered about 10 months of my mission, plus a few months before I entered the MTC. So, I had to write the second half of the book mostly from memory. Then I found the second journal. It helped me fill in a lot of details, but I found that my memory had been pretty accurate. I never thought of my journal as detailed, but it was enough to spark memories. Way too many of the entries start out "today sucked."

[Tacenda]

Ok, now I really need to step up my act and order that book!  I may have my RM son read it!!  The other night he told me finally, after 5 years, some of his missionary experiences.  He kept quiet his whole mission.  I had to send him a questionnaire to fill out once and even then he kept mostly quiet. 

 

After all this, I guess he felt he wasn't the perfect missionary.  But IMO, it wasn't lack of trying it was his circumstances.  One area had him with a companion that had Cystic Fibrosis.  And for 5 hours each day he had to wear an electric vest (?) that would thump the back area.  No other missionaries were around in the area.  After so long of this my son and his companion "borrowed" a TV from the church that they had keys for and watched it while his treatment was going on.  He has carried guilt over this ever since but they of course returned the TV. 

 

Another time, and a different comp, they were coming home from somewhere and received a call from the other missionaries that were at their apartment, and just at the right moment some girls cat called in the back ground where my son and comp were driving by, it was at night.  Anyway, the missionaries that had heard this immediately called the MP and he had my son and his comp pack their bags to stay at the mission home.  They were yelled at and swore at, I think it was the tame "s" word.  Then the MP finally realized they hadn't done anything wrong and promptly sent them back to the apartment.  My son said they were being threatened that they would be sent home. 

 

In one of my son's first areas he stayed with several Tongan/Samoan missionaries and they were big slackers.  My son had no clue what to do.  Here they were these big guys, (I have pictures) and my son barely tops out at 5'7 ft.  They would sleep in until 11:00 a.m. but my son was up bright and early for prayer and scripture study and then get ready to go, but they all were still asleep.  Then once awake they would watch movies.  I guess they had a TV somehow.  My son was amazed that this was going on.  They also would lie when telling of the lessons taught etc. to the Zone Leader. 

 

Another time he had a companion hit him.  Apparently this companion had anger issues.  He was under a blanket with the cell phone, and my son asked to use the phone.  His companion got so upset he stood up and hit my son in the face.  Well again my son is only about 5'7, if that.  My son quickly walked to a Kmart or Walmart and hung out to stay away from the guy.  He finally used the store's phone to call the MP and the MP had the gall to ask my son to stay another several days because they needed to figure some things out and my son was the best fit for this guy for the time being, I guess he was more rotten with others, this guy I hope was sent home soon after. 

 

Another time several of the missionaries had staph infections over and over on their arm area.  Luckily my son only had it once, since I guess he skipped the medicine, in his mind he wanted to build up immunity.  And possibly was right. 

 

There are a few more but I shouldn't derail like this.  So excited to have him read the book if it will help alleviate any shame or guilt.  He did go on to baptizing several people.  And our family were able to travel to his missionary area and meet several of the families, it was awesome.  I'm still glad he went on the mission!  

Edited August 14, 2015 by Tacenda

[jkwilliams]

Ok, now I really need to step up my act and order that book!  I may have my RM son read it!!  The other night he told me finally, after 5 years, some of his missionary experiences.  He kept quiet his whole mission.  I had to send him a questionnaire to fill out once and even then he kept mostly quiet. 

 

After all this, I guess he felt he wasn't the perfect missionary.  But IMO, it wasn't lack of trying it was his circumstances.  One area had him with a companion that had Cystic Fibrosis.  And for 5 hours each day he had to wear an electric vest (?) that would thump the back area.  No other missionaries were around in the area.  After so long of this my son and his companion "borrowed" a TV from the church that they had keys for and watched it while his treatment was going on.  He has carried guilt over this ever since but they of course returned the TV. 

 

Another time, and a different comp, they were coming home from somewhere and received a call from the other missionaries that were at their apartment, and just at the right moment some girls cat called in the back ground where my son and comp were driving by, it was at night.  Anyway, the missionaries that had heard this immediately called the MP and he had my son and his comp pack their bags to stay at the mission home.  They were yelled at and swore at, I think it was the tame "s" word.  Then the MP finally realized they hadn't done anything wrong and promptly sent them back to the apartment.  My son said they were being threatened that they would be sent home. 

 

In one of my son's first areas he stayed with several Tongan/Samoan missionaries and they were big slackers.  My son had no clue what to do.  Here they were these big guys, (I have pictures) and my son barely tops out at 5'7 ft.  They would sleep in until 11:00 a.m. but my son was up bright and early for prayer and scripture study and then get ready to go, but they all were still asleep.  Then once awake they would watch movies.  I guess they had a TV somehow.  My son was amazed that this was going on.  They also would lie when telling of the lessons taught etc. to the Zone Leader. 

 

Another time he had a companion hit him.  Apparently this companion had anger issues.  He was under a blanket with the cell phone, and my son asked to use the phone.  His companion got so upset he stood up and hit my son in the face.  Well again my son is only about 5'7, if that.  My son quickly walked to a Kmart or Walmart and hung out to stay away from the guy.  He finally used the store's phone to call the MP and the MP had the gall to ask my son to stay another several days because they needed to figure some things out and my son was the best fit for this guy for the time being, I guess he was more rotten with others, this guy I hope was sent home soon after. 

 

Another time several of the missionaries had staph infections over and over on their arm area.  Luckily my son only had it once, since I guess he skipped the medicine, in his mind he wanted to build up immunity.  And possibly was right. 

 

There are a few more but I shouldn't derail like this.  So excited to have him read the book if it will help alleviate any shame or guilt.  He did go on to baptizing several people.  And our family were able to travel to his missionary area and meet several of the families, it was awesome.  I'm still glad he went on the mission!  

I hadn't intended to write the book, but I was telling a friend a story about my mission, and he said it was so interesting I should write it down. I did, and then I couldn't stop writing. For about 5 weeks it just kept flooding out, and I would write for 2 or 3 hours every night in a series of blog posts. It was extremely cathartic. I realized that I'd kept all of that bottled up inside for many years, and when I opened the bottle it all flooded out. I had a few people from my mission tell me that reading my blog posts triggered floods of memories for them. 

 

I ended up giving a paper at Sunstone about how, for many of us, we felt we could only talk about the positive, faith-promoting aspects of our missions, and we kept the rest inside. I know, not everyone does, but I did. One of my zone leaders told me that our mission president told him never to say anything about his mission that wasn't positive and inspirational. I wasn't given that counsel, but then I think I censored myself.

 

So, yes, I understand what you're saying with your son. I'm sure he had wonderful, uplifting, spiritual experiences on his mission, as I did, but he never felt free to talk about the rest of it. It says a lot that he feels he can talk to you now.

[Avatar4321]

Makes me wish I didn't end up coming home sick from the mission. It really sucks cause I've wanted to be a missionary since I got my testimony and I've never had success with it

[Tacenda]

Makes me wish I didn't end up coming home sick from the mission. It really sucks cause I've wanted to be a missionary since I got my testimony and I've never had success with it

Can you go later in life as a Senior missionary?

[Avatar4321]

Can you go later in life as a Senior missionary?

Not unless my wife converts

[jkwilliams]

Not unless my wife converts

 

There are other things you can volunteer to do. 

[Mola Ram Suda Ram]

I wish I would have kept a better journal of my mission.

I wish that I cared more about keeping a journal. I think I wrote about 3 pages. I guess the "sad" part is that I don't even care.

[jkwilliams]

I wish that I cared more about keeping a journal. I think I wrote about 3 pages. I guess the "sad" part is that I don't even care.

 

If you want your posterity to learn about what you did on your mission, you can always write down what you remember as a mini-memoir. I'm glad I have the journals, the memoir, and my letters home, as my mission played a big part in making me who I am. 

[Tacenda]

I wish that I cared more about keeping a journal. I think I wrote about 3 pages. I guess the "sad" part is that I don't even care.

I regret throwing a journal I kept during High School.  I was embarrassed of all the inner turmoil I felt during the awful time, I wish I'd never trashed it.  Because I wrote some good stuff by way of poems etc. but was embarrassed of some things I did during that time, I guess I was not churchy enough.  I threw it away when getting prepared for temple marriage. 

 

How about starting a journal now and put some memories that you can remember clearly about the mission, if possible.  I still shouldn't talk, I'm a terrible journal keeper now.  But really believe our children and so on, would love to know there blood relative.  And learn from their mistakes or accomplishments. 

[Mola Ram Suda Ram]

If you want your posterity to learn about what you did on your mission, you can always write down what you remember as a mini-memoir. I'm glad I have the journals, the memoir, and my letters home, as my mission played a big part in making me who I am. 

I hear ya and I agree with it all.

[Mola Ram Suda Ram]

I regret throwing a journal I kept during High School.  I was embarrassed of all the inner turmoil I felt during the awful time, I wish I'd never trashed it.  Because I wrote some good stuff by way of poems etc. but was embarrassed of some things I did during that time, I guess I was not churchy enough.  I threw it away when getting prepared for temple marriage. 

 

How about starting a journal now and put some memories that you can remember clearly about the mission, if possible.  I still shouldn't talk, I'm a terrible journal keeper now.  But really believe our children and so on, would love to know there blood relative.  And learn from their mistakes or accomplishments. 

Maybe I should just start doing it. I am like you, I kept some journals and was "embarrassed". I didn't want my own kids to read it. So I stopped.

[Stargazer]

My mission journals filled two entire "volumes" (for want of a better word) that I had picked up at the BYU bookstore. When I started writing the book, I could only find the first journal, which covered about 10 months of my mission, plus a few months before I entered the MTC. So, I had to write the second half of the book mostly from memory. Then I found the second journal. It helped me fill in a lot of details, but I found that my memory had been pretty accurate. I never thought of my journal as detailed, but it was enough to spark memories. Way too many of the entries start out "today sucked."

 

My mission journal is currently AWOL.  I had it a few months ago, but it has since disappeared.  I'd hate to have to write a book about my mission without it.

 

I've said this before in another thread today, before finding this thread resurrection: Read John's Book!  It's Good!

[Stargazer]

Another time he had a companion hit him.  Apparently this companion had anger issues.  He was under a blanket with the cell phone, and my son asked to use the phone.  His companion got so upset he stood up and hit my son in the face.  Well again my son is only about 5'7, if that.  My son quickly walked to a Kmart or Walmart and hung out to stay away from the guy.  He finally used the store's phone to call the MP and the MP had the gall to ask my son to stay another several days because they needed to figure some things out and my son was the best fit for this guy for the time being, I guess he was more rotten with others, this guy I hope was sent home soon after.

I had a "companion from hell" once. Well, he wasn't really that bad, but he was difficult to get along with. He tried hard to be a good missionary, and wasn't a slacker, but I felt under threat much of the time I was with him. He might have been my last companion, but it got too bad and I asked the mission president to give me another companion for the last few weeks. And he did.

I later ran into him at BYU, but he wouldn't acknowledge me -- still angry. It was in this forum that I ran into someone who had known him, and I was heartened to discover that he eventually got out of whatever funk he had been in, got happily married, and died in the faith a few years ago (he had always had some health problems).

[Stargazer]

I regret throwing a journal I kept during High School.  I was embarrassed of all the inner turmoil I felt during the awful time, I wish I'd never trashed it.  Because I wrote some good stuff by way of poems etc. but was embarrassed of some things I did during that time, I guess I was not churchy enough.  I threw it away when getting prepared for temple marriage. 

 

How about starting a journal now and put some memories that you can remember clearly about the mission, if possible.  I still shouldn't talk, I'm a terrible journal keeper now.  But really believe our children and so on, would love to know there blood relative.  And learn from their mistakes or accomplishments.

I've been very spotty in my journaling, and so there are gaps that are years and years long. But things that I've written that I didn't want to be discovered by my future biographer I have simply excised from the journals. I just cut the page out. If that caused things to be cut that I shoud have kept, well, I rewrote them on a separate sheet and placed them between the appropriate pages.

I realize this advice comes rather too late! But there is it.

Edited September 7, 2015 by Stargazer

[sunstoned]

Definitely the 8th best book I've ever read by someone with the initials "J.K."

I read John's book some time ago, and I couldn't put it down.  It is well written and I believe it will strike a chord with most Members, especially RMs.  I recommend this book.

Edited August 20, 2015 by sunstoned

[cksalmon]

 

Ha. 

 

Nevermo review: I've read this book multiple times. I've liked it more each time. 

 

cks

[Kenngo1969]

Makes me wish I didn't end up coming home sick from the mission. It really sucks cause I've wanted to be a missionary since I got my testimony and I've never had success with it

One never knows how, when or where the seeds one plants will germinate.

 

See, e.g., here: https://greatgourdini.wordpress.com/2014/12/21/the-power-of-the-one/

 

And here: https://greatgourdini.wordpress.com/2014/06/01/gods-army-and-my-own-mission/.

 

I suspect you made more of a difference than you know.  You may not fully realize that until you reach the other side.

Edited September 7, 2015 by Kenngo1969