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Social Anxiety At Church


Kodiak

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I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with the initials INTJ.

As Cal said, it's my Myers-Briggs type. Basically I'm a Vulcan. ;)

 

Your bible study group sounds phenomenal, I'd love something like that.  And a prayer partner?  What religion do you belong to if you don't mind me asking?

I'm a non-denom Protestant. The non-denom churches I've attended have emphasized being in small groups as a way to have true community and accountability. In the small group I'm in now, we've talked about this very issue and it turns out that several of us don't feel comfortable or like we "belong" when we go to church. A lot of us in the group come from dysfunctional families and/or struggle a lot with finances, so that may be part of it.

 

I tend to think that some women in my ward are at a different place in life than I and who among them would or are, ever on a board like this?  I have zero in common for the most part.  When I do talk, it's them talking and me just being a good listener.  So for them, kind of boring I guess.  Once in a while I'll connect with someone in conversation and that's nice when it happens, but it rarely does.  For one, I was at one time inactive during HS and hung with a wild crowd, not terrible, but not really doing church things etc.  So right there I'm feeling like I don't relate.

I know what you mean. I don't have that much in common with the average person/female myself, and small talk is difficult for me. I'd actually rather discuss the things people aren't supposed to discuss in polite society, like politics and religion. Most conversations revolve around what I call "boring grown-up stuff" like where the cheapest place to buy something is, home repair and improvements, etc.

I don't know what proportion of LDS are LDS because they were raised that way vs. converting as adults, but I know in my church there are people who seem like they've been good Christians all their lives or haven't experienced any major problems, and yet that's not true.

 

One RS Meeting I went to they played the game of writing down the most embarrassing thing you've done.  Well I was just a little embarrassed that I put what I did and it was read aloud and people guess whose belongs to whom, things like that.

I don't know why that's used as an icebreaker. We did that once at a gathering for work, and I was told my most embarrassing thing (introducing myself to someone I'd already met) wasn't embarrassing enough! :)

 

Or "Super Saturdays", or "Souper" Saturdays (we ate soup), that's when they get together and make crafts once a year.  I'd sign up for several projects to make for gifts or for the home, and I'd usually be the last one there trying to finish them up, not feeling myself enough or calm enough to do the project right and always taking them home unfinished and feeling little panic attacks while there.  I did this year after year, can't believe it.

I hate crafts. It took me a while to sign up for the MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) program at my church because I saw they did crafts every time. It sounds like you were really brave and determined to keep signing up for them despite the panic attacks.

 

Anyway, thanks for your comment Kind Debater, you've been very kind  ;) and it helped a lot!  :)

Thanks! Glad to have helped!

 

I've been diagnosed with thyroid problems and read that it causes anxiety. Maybe I've had it for many years. It's just gotten worse, especially with my fear of driving on certain highways.

I've been hyperthyroidic before and at times it made me feel anxious and/or like I had ADD.

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Thanks for the awesome response above Kind Debater, once again very helpful, now I need some more help.  How to figure out these scores!

 

 

These were my results for the test, I was all over the place.  I think I'm multi personality.  ;)

 

 

Introvert(44%)  Sensing(12%)  Feeling(50%)  Perceiving(33%)

  • You have moderate preference of Introversion over Extraversion (44%)
  • You have slight preference of Sensing over Intuition (12%)
  • You have moderate preference of Feeling over Thinking (50%)
  • You have moderate preference of Perceiving over Judging (33%)
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IMO one of the things to keep in mind about Myers-Briggs is that each of the four categories is really a continuum. The type profiles are based (I'm assuming) on people who have a strong preference for each of their four letters. A lot of people are in-between, e.g. they may be pretty balanced between Thinking and Feeling, or Introversion and Extroversion. It may be more helpful to look at descriptions of the different categories and determine from that where you fall; online tests may or may not be that good.

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It is the older generation (don't see it as church related) that seem to think that if one grits their teeth they can do anything. My dad's would say if you want something bad enough, you can get it....well he could, but he was strong, healthy, very good looking and outgoing and male in a time that made a difference. So he just saw his children as being lazy when things didnt work out for us...or worse we loved our comfort too much.

Church members now are bending over backwards to try and help out in anyway. We could ask for some pretty extravagant stuff and they would probably agree to it they want so badly to help...but we won't. :)

 

I would say it is because they have done it.  Many have personally had some of these afflictions and have grabbed their bootstraps and lifted because they had no other option.  This is not to be a comment on anyone's specific problems but a comment on what the older generation accomplished.

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As someone who did do it the grit your teeth way and was eventually successful, I know it is possible for many cases. But I can also tell that there is a significant difference between my experience and my daughter's as well as studying the research to lead me to believe that there are those who need something beyond that approach to cope.

And therapy and maybe even medication would have saved me from several years of well, perhaps not hell except for certain days...maybe almost every minute of high school except when I was reading or doing math but if God had asked me at anytime "are you ready to go" I would have grinned and gone for it and this was as a young teen to college years.

It is like the difference between acute and chronic depression. One is most likely a reaction to environment and the other is a biochemical issue. To ask someone to grit their teeth and walk on a broken leg would just get astonished stares because everyone knows that doing such will make it worse and even cripple you.

For anxiety, there are types that it would be equivalent.

Edited by calmoriah
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As someone who did do it the grit your teeth way and was eventually successful, I know it is possible for many cases. But I can also tell that there is a significant difference between my experience and my daughter's as well as studying the research to lead me to believe that there are those who need something beyond that approach to cope.

And therapy and maybe even medication would have saved me from several years of well, perhaps not hell except for certain days...maybe almost every minute of high school except when I was reading or doing math but if God had asked me at anytime "are you ready to go" I would have grinned and gone for it and this was as a young teen to college years.

It is like the difference between acute and chronic depression. One is most likely a reaction to environment and the other is a biochemical issue. To ask someone to grit their teeth and walk on a broken leg would just get astonished stares because everyone knows that doing such will make it worse and even cripple you.

For anxiety, there are types that it would be equivalent.

Been there, done that at least some of the time.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Perhaps this isn't even close to real anxiety; but I am content, maybe not happy, but very content in my aloneness..and I don't like change.  I have a hearing problem ...always..and it got worse as I grew older.  It is sometimes irritating and takes a lot of patience when people think that you are just "slow...ow...ow."

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