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Forgiveness


casmlw64

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Can someone please explain their deffinition of "forgiveness", as I am struggeling when it comes to forgiving my ex husband who was mentally and physically abusive. Although we are no longer together he still mentally abusive towards his children. He has not seen them for over a year as he lost his visitation but is contiuously taking us to court which brings back all those memories of abuse.

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Does forgiveness entail forgetting what the other person has done and giving that person all the trust previously afforded? No.

It means to let go of the anger and resentment, but it doesn't mean to never experience anger and resentment again.

Forgiveness is more for the forgiver than the forgivee. It's the anger and resentment that can destroy the person that refuses to forgive.

I have an ex who tried everything within her power to push me out of the lives of our children, but I kept on doing what was best for the children. I was even accused of child abuse during a hearing. She and her lawyer pushed that in my face and was going to make it a major part of the divorce hearing. My lawyer kept telling me to just let go of any worries since she was going to handle it. It was her job to worry about it since I was paying her enough. I still worried about it, but I let her handle everything. The day before the hearing, the judge requested both lawyers to appear before him. More or less, he told them that any evidence of any child abuse and any comments or opinions by certain experts was not going to be heard. There was no evidence of child abuse and none of the experts had ever talked with me. After that, everything changed, but my ex still tried every legal way to force me out of the lives of our children and her children from a previous marriage.

On my part and I'm not saint, I gave her extra money over the years, never spoke evil of the children's mother in front of them. Her attitude towards me has improved, but she still keeps the contact between us as minimal as possible.

I could have harbored lots of anger and resentment towards her and lashed out back at her every chance I got, but, now, 14 years later, I have a great relationship with all my children and even my ex-stepchildren.

She still does things that upset me and I still have a lot of anger about some of the things she has done. Forgiveness or letting go of the anger and resentment doesn't happen overnight. Sometimes it takes years and sometimes it takes a lifetime, but we need to always make the effort to forgive and when we fail, we just get back up and try again.

One way to start the chore of forgiveness, and it can be a chore, is to try to understand why the other person does what they do. Some will simply say, "It's because they want to hurt you as much a possible," but that is usually only a symptom of the true cause. What is the root cause(s) of the other person feelings for the need to hurt others?

I finally figured out why my ex did what she did and now I can deal with it better since I know where she is coming from and why she is coming from there.

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I have no wise words on how to forgive someone like that.

I've seen that sign that says 'not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die' and I completely believe that. I know that harboring anger and other negative emotions harms us and makes us less of a person than we otherwise would be. And i know that it hurts the innocent people that we are around as well because it taints all of our actions and interactions.

But knowing all that doesn't mean I have any idea on how to actually accomplish it. My not-worth-much advice would be to study the scriptures on the topic, and then study conference talks on the subject, and then pray and ask for help.

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Can someone please explain their deffinition of "forgiveness"

The following is my opinion only. First, a few things that forgiveness is not:

- Forgiveness is not seizing the moral high ground and demonstrating that you are better than the other person by forgiving them even though they don't deserve it. That would actually be condemning them.

- Forgiveness is not something you withhold until the other person has made amends. That would make you a slave to their choices.

- Forgiveness is not pretending that everything is okay when it's not. That would be a betrayal of yourself.

- Forgiveness is not a gift that you give to someone else. It is a gift that you give to yourself.

I believe that true forgiveness comes from a radical shift in perception, from seeing the other person in a completely different way than what their actions are showing you. It is a spiritual experience to have that shift in perception. It requires first willingness, then focus and mental discipline (consciously replacing destructive thoughts with the best that you have), and in the end it is a gift from God. You won't have to lie to yourself, use subtle counter-attacks, or grit your teeth and endure to the end. There is a different perspective that changes everything, and the Holy Spirit is its teacher.

Imo of course.

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Forgiveness and trust are two completely different things. Just because I forgive someone doesn't necessarily mean I have to trust him or her. Just something to think about. :)

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Does forgiveness entail forgetting what the other person has done and giving that person all the trust previously afforded? No.

It means to let go of the anger and resentment, but it doesn't mean to never experience anger and resentment again.

Forgiveness is more for the forgiver than the forgivee. It's the anger and resentment that can destroy the person that refuses to forgive.

I have an ex who tried everything within her power to push me out of the lives of our children, but I kept on doing what was best for the children. I was even accused of child abuse during a hearing. She and her lawyer pushed that in my face and was going to make it a major part of the divorce hearing. My lawyer kept telling me to just let go of any worries since she was going to handle it. It was her job to worry about it since I was paying her enough. I still worried about it, but I let her handle everything. The day before the hearing, the judge requested both lawyers to appear before him. More or less, he told them that any evidence of any child abuse and any comments or opinions by certain experts was not going to be heard. There was no evidence of child abuse and none of the experts had ever talked with me. After that, everything changed, but my ex still tried every legal way to force me out of the lives of our children and her children from a previous marriage.

On my part and I'm not saint, I gave her extra money over the years, never spoke evil of the children's mother in front of them. Her attitude towards me has improved, but she still keeps the contact between us as minimal as possible.

I could have harbored lots of anger and resentment towards her and lashed out back at her every chance I got, but, now, 14 years later, I have a great relationship with all my children and even my ex-stepchildren.

She still does things that upset me and I still have a lot of anger about some of the things she has done. Forgiveness or letting go of the anger and resentment doesn't happen overnight. Sometimes it takes years and sometimes it takes a lifetime, but we need to always make the effort to forgive and when we fail, we just get back up and try again.

One way to start the chore of forgiveness, and it can be a chore, is to try to understand why the other person does what they do. Some will simply say, "It's because they want to hurt you as much a possible," but that is usually only a symptom of the true cause. What is the root cause(s) of the other person feelings for the need to hurt others?

I finally figured out why my ex did what she did and now I can deal with it better since I know where she is coming from and why she is coming from there.

I feel like I'm reading my br. in laws story.

He is going through it right now. I sure hope he ends up like you and gets his sons back. Right now the only son out of 5, who' s on a mission is the only one who'll talk to him. The rest are younger. Somehow she managed to turn them against him and she had an affair for years. They were married in the temple and she even kept her recommend and attended the temple with our family. Of course no one was aware of her doing this behind his back. I don't know if he has been able to forgive her yet since he's lost 4 out 5 boys so far. He didn't do anything to deserve this. One day I hope they see through her lies.

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I feel like I'm reading my br. in laws story.

He is going through it right now. I sure hope he ends up like you and gets his sons back. Right now the only son out of 5, who' s on a mission is the only one who'll talk to him. The rest are younger. Somehow she managed to turn them against him and she had an affair for years. They were married in the temple and she even kept her recommend and attended the temple with our family. Of course no one was aware of her doing this behind his back. I don't know if he has been able to forgive her yet since he's lost 4 out 5 boys so far. He didn't do anything to deserve this. One day I hope they see through her lies.

Being younger, if they are living with their mother, they probably feel they have to choose and as much choose her for selfpreservation (mentally and emotionally, I am not saying she is abusive toward them, just that they need to make the most sense of their situation and make it comfortable for themselves to live in). It is astonishing though how children will buy into the perceptions taught them by their parents even when they are aware of how wrong their parents are...and end up repeating the behaviours of the parents at the very same time they rail against them. Very sad and is evidence imo of how the scripture that refers to the sins of the parents being visited down to the fourth generation works out. It is not God's punishment or a curse, but rather parental habits that are passed down.
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I feel like I'm reading my br. in laws story.

He is going through it right now. I sure hope he ends up like you and gets his sons back. Right now the only son out of 5, who' s on a mission is the only one who'll talk to him. The rest are younger. Somehow she managed to turn them against him and she had an affair for years. They were married in the temple and she even kept her recommend and attended the temple with our family. Of course no one was aware of her doing this behind his back. I don't know if he has been able to forgive her yet since he's lost 4 out 5 boys so far. He didn't do anything to deserve this. One day I hope they see through her lies.

It's a day at a time. Most kids will see through those lies eventually, but if he does anything to belittle the kids' mother in front of the kids, they remember that also. Having an older brother who is still willing to talk is a huge help.

From my experience, most kids, as they grow older, begin to realize which parent was true to them and which one isn't in cases like this. Sometimes, both parents have been good and they divorced for other reasons. Still, they will realize which parent is willing to work on solving problems and which one is willing to work on creating problems.

My dad once told me that there are no problem children, there are only children with a problem and one of their biggest problem is usually seeing parents fight and tear down each other.

Like I said, it's one day at a time.

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