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My Mother Is Gone...Someone Has Taken Her Place!


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We went up yesterday to move things around in my Mother 's house. She cannot live alone anymore. She called this morning thinking she had been robbed. I thought my sister was looking out for her while I was laid up injured. She is such a Godly woman but the Alzhiemers had progressed quickly that she has a very foul mouth...very angry. She wants us to take her room because it is bigger, but all we did was move her into the room she wanted and she got lost in her house. So next Sadurday we will being moving in with her for the rest of her life...because my sister only complains about taking her meds, even though she lives 1/2 mile away. So my mother is all but gone and someone has replaced her...My heart is broken.

When we are there she just argues with us...but I cannot forsake her. So we have decided to put her back in here room no matter what she says. The day she does not know me will be the worst day of my life!

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I've often admired Sandra Day O'Connor, who did not intervene when her dh with alzheimers fell in love with another patient in their assisted living facility, after forgetting who she was. It is but a sleep and a forgetting. I am very sorry for your loss.

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So very sorry, Papa. That is such a difficult disease to deal with. Prayers...

Good that you are moving in with her, though..

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My grandmother suffered from Alzheimer's disease for the last fifteen years of her life. During that time she rarely, as in hardly ever, recognized any of her children or grandchildren. Occasionally her mind was at a time during her youth; at other times it was at a time none of us recognized. For me I concluded that my grandmother had died and the body she had while in life continued to live on after she had departed. She was visited by her family often during these years, but she spent the last several years in a home for Alzheimer's patients. She just got to a point where none of the family could provide the care she needed and that was demanded. Her body died at 96.

Death has lost its sting and our parting is but for a short time. There is not need to fear the challenges of this life. That is not to say they cannot be overwhelming at times, but that we should always remember that we are the children of God and he cares for us even in our darkest hours. We shed tears because we miss them, but we can remain joyous that we will see them again.

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We went up yesterday to move things around in my Mother 's house. She cannot live alone anymore. She called this morning thinking she had been robbed. I thought my sister was looking out for her while I was laid up injured. She is such a Godly woman but the Alzhiemers had progressed quickly that she has a very foul mouth...very angry. She wants us to take her room because it is bigger, but all we did was move her into the room she wanted and she got lost in her house. So next Sadurday we will being moving in with her for the rest of her life...because my sister only complains about taking her meds, even though she lives 1/2 mile away. So my mother is all but gone and someone has replaced her...My heart is broken.

When we are there she just argues with us...but I cannot forsake her. So we have decided to put her back in here room no matter what she says. The day she does not know me will be the worst day of my life!

I'm so sorry to hear your mom is in that kind of condition, I was thinking she could help you get the care you need not the other way around.

Sorry I keep bringing up my own stories, but on this I can truly relate. My mom got early dementia starting in her early sixties, she lived with my dad for as long as possible. Until she started to run off, she wouldn't believe it was dad and kept asking where her husband was at. She was very emotional all the time and would swear occasionally also, which was very rare. One time she wore an outfit that was strange for her, she wore a vest with nothing but her garment top underneath. She was a very modest person. So I understand when you say your mom disappeared as in that wasn't your mom.

It's probably one of most degrading disease in the end. Where in the end they are wearing diapers and being hand fed. I prayed constantly for her cure, and angry our priesthood prayers seemed to get no answers.

My family tried to include mom every where, which proved to be, sometimes, a fiasco but that's how much we loved her.

I think the hardest stage also is where your mom is at. She is aware of what's going on but is confused and forgetful. The best way to handle it is if you go along with what she says even if bizarre. Figure out a way in conversations to let it flow. Sometimes in their mind they are in a different time frame, maybe in their youth or older or younger than that.

My mom was incredibly healthy so she had to live with the disease for over 10 years. If you've seen the movie "The Notebook", that would be my dad and her. He was with her daily at the assisted care center. It took it's toll on him and he eventually died of a heart attack. She must have been aware because she literally stopped eating and became so depressed she passed away 2 months later.

Early in the disease when she didn't know who anyone was and began escaping, she was put in a care facility, which was the safest route. And a couple of weeks later she developed pneumonia. Without proper meds she would have died, but to some this would have been the better way to go. I think it would have for mom. She suffered more than anyone I've ever known. I think now I would give that advice to someone with family that has alzheimer's or dementia. We just didn't know at the time what lie ahead or possibly that would have been the better way.

I pray your situation is much better Pa Pa. If you ever need to vent, PM anytime.

Edited by Tacenda
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Prayers and virtual hugs. I have no sage advice.

She will know one day what you did for her in her suffering and praise you for your love and sacrifice.

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We will be living on Allatoona Lake where I grew up...I tell because you will know where it is.

There are some good Saints up that way. Take advantage of the support.

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PaPa, I am new here, but I feel so sad for you, my own brother has Alzheimers, trouble is, although they are no longer there you cannot mourn them although you are grief stricken. Take heart in the fact that you are keeping God's commandment to honour your mother, I am sure he will bless you for it

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