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Adhd - Change Of Boss


Messenger

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Thanks for all of your help in my last situation. Everyone knows that I have a wonderful boss who understands my ADHD, knows the symptons, and helps me to work as much as possible. It took 6 months and a lot of hard work for both of us to get to this point. His understanding helps me work more hours, be more productive and not be offended when I am having an ADHD episode.

Today they annouced that they were changing managers and workers. There is a 99% chance I'll have someone else, and a 40% it will be someone that has no compassion for my disability. 1) I could get the union involved and under the Disabilities act request the same supervisor. 2) I can let the change happen, and when it doesnt work out deal with it then.

Which choice?

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Things don't happen until they do. While it's easier said than done, I hope you wouldn't worry about what might happen unless and until it actually does. Doing otherwise is simply a waste of energy:

1. You may be among the 1% whose boss doesn't change;

2. Even if you are among the 99%, your boss may surprise you;

3. If neither of those things happen, you still have the support of the union.

I wish you well. :)

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Im thinking a doctors note.

Or simply reporting the last instance to the Department of Labor. I dont feel I should have to train every supervisor on disability awareness.

I think a doctor's note would work. Have you talked to your Human Resources department? Part of their job is to note the special circumstances of individual employees and to educate supervisors such that you don't have to worry about what's going to happen every time there's a personnel "shift." You're right; that's not your job. :)

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It has been a few years since I looked into it but I do not think having the same manager would be required, that is a reasonable accomodation.

Kudous to what you have accomplished so far.

Generally speaking that would be true. But, the issue here is with the recent incident of another manager. None of them have been trained in Disability awareness. If I need to, I will end up training everyone of them if I dont get fired first. With my type of ADHD, there are times that I unintentionally may say something to a manager, that could be taken as disrespectful and could get me fired. This is part of the symptoms of ADHD that I cannot control. My manager has learned to accept that, and he knows exactly how I am when i dont have the symptoms. Thats reason enough, at least that is my hope, that the doctor will sign off on this today. But if not, I will have union meetings all afternoon discussing this situation. I have also printed information on the Americans with Disabilities Act and information on ADHD and its symptoms to back me up.

..... its on.

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Here is the plan ..... I'm bringing out the big guns so that I can keep my 'ADHD Aware' supervisor. I got documentation on the Americans with Disabilities Act, what constitutes reasonable accomidation, A doctors note requesting the same supervisor, A documented case of harrasment of another supervisor, and me and a union representative presenting all of that to the Vice President of our company.

Wish me luck!

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Just got out of the meeting. It was long. Really too much said to put it all down here. But the new supervisor was there along with the VP. The meeting was called so that the VP could introduce me to the new supervisor. Right away, the new supervisor said, "I am offended that you would even question my ability to manage you". LOL So, I waited until she was done and said, thats really the problem isnt it? ADHD people often will say the wrong thing to a supervisor, often getting them fired. I havent said much, and you are already upset with me. What do you think its going to be like when I report to you?" "Right now I can say the wrong thing to my existing supervisor, and it rolls right off his back, then, 2 minutes later after my ADHD moment is gone, I appologize. His response is, "its not your fault". No guilt trip, no social disorder, I just go back to doing my job."

I ended that meeting. We had a break and I then had a one on one with the VP. She said, "you both could learn how to deal with this". My response was, "I'd be happy to teach anybody anything on telecommunications - Ive been doing it for 20 years. But I already have a job and I am not certified to be a Disability Awareness Trainer, nor do I wish to use my full 36 hours of FMLA time per month sitting at home trying to recover from a supervisor that is offended all the time." After a few more minutes, I actually felt the spirit a little, and I got that she was starting to understand. I said, Its difficult, because I am trying to explain something in one day that's taken me 8 months to understand. But, she did say this, "I dont live in your world, and I really dont know anything about what you deal with." My response was, "there is nothing wrong with that..... you are starting to understand now." Then I said, I know you think that I just personally like my supervisor, but I can tell you that I've never been to his house, never met his wife for family, and I dont even know what kind of car he drives. The first time I met him I thought he was a goof ball, and part of me still thinks he is, but he allows me to be as productive as I can, the only other choice for me is to go on full disability."

Anyways, on my way to see the doctor now.

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Got the doctors note and it was very legal and specific and warned of the ramifications. Plus he gave me a manual ( http://askjan.org/media/downloads/ADHDA&CSeries.pdf ) to give to the company I work for that legally outlines how businesses accomidate people with ADHD, including working with specific managers, desk arrangements, and even working at home all to eliminate distractions. Apparently this has had an effect, because my last meeting late today resulted in the decision now being delayed by 2 weeks. Now the only battle is that the new manager, which I dont report to until a decision is made, will try and get me to move desks to her team. Unless the person I report to (my current boss) orders me to, I am not moving.

Edited by Messenger
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Update: I prayed more about it, and although I have been spiritually directed to encourage my leadership at work to consider those with disabilities when making changes, I was directed to do something a little different yesterday morning. I couldnt help thinking of by recent setting apart, and words that were said, "Continue to help people at work". At first, I thought it had to do with mentoring others with things that I have learned. But, I found out it also meant working with the leadership on this matter. I was humbled for sure. So, I approached our leader and asked for 5 minutes of her time. I said, "it would be difficult for me, and time consuming to work with a new supervisor every time there is a change. And, although much would be lost in my personal progress, I would be willing to work with any supervisor you wanted me to." She looked at me, and it was one of those moments when someone gets it, you can feel it and see it in their eyes. She said, "Ive been looking over this documentation you gave me, and we often only realize the disabilities that we see..... I am still working on this ..... but I dont want you to lose the progress you have made with us..... You will stay where you are for now, and we will decide in the next two weeks how to work this."

I kinda feel this is Heavenly Fathers train, and I am along for the ride just being directed to do my part when asked. I've never felt better about myself.... I hope it lasts.

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My choice would be to talk with the existing supervisor and ask him/her to fully brief the incoming supervisor about my disability and how the current one finally came to a point of helping you reach higher levels rather than being frustrated by your disability. And my choice would be to pray that Heavenly Father would help position someone who was teachable. It is good for more than one person in a company to understand and accommodate disabilities, no matter how scary change might be to you.

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My choice would be to talk with the existing supervisor and ask him/her to fully brief the incoming supervisor about my disability and how the current one finally came to a point of helping you reach higher levels rather than being frustrated by your disability. And my choice would be to pray that Heavenly Father would help position someone who was teachable. It is good for more than one person in a company to understand and accommodate disabilities, no matter how scary change might be to you.
The more he "trains", the more likely others with disabilities will be able to work with them. Finding a balance between sacrificing for others and fulfilling one's own needs can be tricky but in the long run well worth it. It is important though not to lose sight of what one needs in one's desire to help others, especially in a situation like this. A major part of helping others includes making it work for ourselves as if it doesn't, it is unlikely to work for others in a positive growth way no matter how much easier we think we are making it for others, at best we are making it easy for them to stick with old habits, not having to push themselves to learn new ones. We want to sacrifice ourselves in blazing new trails for others to follow on or to branch out on their own, not make it acceptable for someone to dig in where they are because we've done all the grunt work so to speak.
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This is something relatively new to Messenger from what I understand, he may need to get a surer sense of what his limits are in working with a variety of people on an equal basis before he starts adding in more variety among his bosses.

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Yay! I'm glad it's working out Messenger =). You keep going... and so what the spirit and Lord whisper to you =).

Tao,

I got to tell you its been a wonderful day. I've felt the spirit all day long. I feel really good about this, so many times I felt lost in the politics at work. The head gal that runs the place, in our last meeting we both found out that we both LDS. I think she thought that a person that was disabled had to be only physically disabled, and everything else was just people trying to work the system. I must have given her about 30 pages of government info about ADHD, from the Department of Labor. She chewed through the whole thing. I think a lot of people are in the same boat as me at work. We say the wrong thing not realizing its disrespectful and we get fired. This month I am number one on the team in sales. When things are bad, sales go down and we can lose our jobs. So its in thier best interest to work with us. But they have to overcome the fear that we arent trying to work the system. When all we want is a little balance. One of the hardest things for me is to understand relationships, especially the boss/employee relationship. He's the first one that has ever understood my ADHD. And because of it, I've told people on the team that I have ADHD, and they get it now too. There will be a time when upper management understands fully the little bit people like me need in order to really produce. When they do, they will be ready for me to be with someone else. I've asked for people to have disability awareness training in at the management and supervisor levels before, but they never have followed through. I think they will start to realize how important it is for production to go up. ADHD people are smart, and multi-taskers that think outside the box. Those are talents worth exposing and putting to good use. They just have to learn that everyone is not the same, even though we look like it. There is more to all of this, but I think I'm going to hold off on the rest until most of it is finished unfolding. I wish tomorrow was fast and testimony meeting, Id have a lot to say!

The strait and narrow path, isnt always a straight-line.

Edited by Messenger
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This is something relatively new to Messenger from what I understand, he may need to get a surer sense of what his limits are in working with a variety of people on an equal basis before he starts adding in more variety among his bosses.

Cal, that's basically it, but the thing is ADHD people will say the wrong thing to a boss. If the boss doesnt understand that, they just fire the employee because they feel the employee is being disrespectful. Then the employee finds another job, goes for a year and boom. Its a cycle. When I say the wrong thing to him, by expressing it to much, or by being over the top, that is something that I cant control when I am in a hyperfocus ADHD moment. I simply dont have the ability to regulate that. After the moment is over, tears well up in my eyes, and I'll look at him and say,"well Im not very proud of what just happened." and he will say, "Its not your fault" and then he smiles. All the guilt goes away, and I am back working my butt off for him. He wasnt always that way. I dont know what changed in him, but I do know that several months ago I prayed about it, and I was directed to tell him about my ADHD - most of us dont tell our bosses. I dont know if he did research on his own or what.

If this is going to work for others like me, the other supervisors will have to shift the way that they deal with people like me, and yet not look like they are playing favorites. On my team, they all know I have ADHD, and they know that I would gladly give up any small things my boss does for me not to have to deal with never having a friend or a relationship - we often burn relationships like a pyro burns a bridge!

Society makes wheel chairs for people that cant walk. We have patience for the person who stutters. For me, its no different. There goes the spirit right now telling me something in my Patriarchal Blessing ... I will live an exemplary life - meaning by example. Here we are now, posting this to people that may be just now understanding this concept of disability without it being a physical disability. Pretty cool. It really feels like Christmas to me.

I used to wonder why Heavenly Father waited this long for my disability to be known. I just got the answer. I wouldnt have had the impact on others because I shared the same beliefs as others about disabilities: They arent real unless that can be seen.

Edited by Messenger
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