Why Do Women Make Us Feel So Stupid?

[Kenngo1969]

Do they mean to do it, or is it simply an inevitable byproduct of normal male-female interaction?

[Gohan]

A bit of both I'd say, especially after today...

Also, 1000 posts! Finally, only took a little over six years!

[Calm]

Just getting back for all those eons of being forced to act stupid to avoid getting beaten.

[Avatar4321]

Good question. I wonder if there is an answer.

[TAO]

Yes, my friend. It's called them asserting their social dominance over you. And... it is totally awesome! All you have to do is tease right back (if it's your wife/date).

Hehe... I am so mischievous tonight! Very mischievous... in a good or righteous sort of way, that is, if such is possible.

Edited November 4, 2011 by TAO

[Kenngo1969]

A bit of both I'd say, especially after today...

Also, 1000 posts! Finally, only took a little over six years!

Hey, give yourself credit: you were on a mission for two of those years, weren't you?

P.S.: Besides, your "low" post count combined with your longevity in the forum simply means that you, unlike some of us, actually have a life! Congratulations!

Edited November 4, 2011 by Kenngo1969

[Kenngo1969]

Just getting back for all those eons of being forced to act stupid to avoid getting beaten.

Oh, Cal! If that post had come from anyone but you, I would've been sooo tempted to take it the wrong way!

[Kenngo1969]

Yes, my friend. It's called them asserting their social dominance over you. And... it is totally awesome! All you have to do is tease right back (if it's your wife/date).

Hehe... I am so mischievous tonight! Very mischievous... in a good or righteous sort of way, that is, if such is possible.

Ohhh, I'd sooo much love to do that, but unfortunately, it's not possible in this particular context!

[Kenngo1969]

Good question. I wonder if there is an answer.

C'mon, Av! You can do better than that, can'tcha?! You should do what all good discussants do when faced with a question which isn't readily answerable: speculate!

[thesometimesaint]

I gotta get a life.

No one can make you feel stupid without your permission.

[Calm]

Well, to give you a serious response I think I'd need more info. If it is bothering you, pm me.

I do know some women that try and make everyone feel stupid, in my experience it is rarely just trying to do it to guys. This is usually for the same reasons some guys try to make everyone around them feel stupid as well...they think it makes them superior to others or gives them control. If it is just happening with the guys she interacts with, it is more likely poor social skills or poor self esteem...our culture still has some leftovers of the "little woman" syndrome unfortunately and some women are very sensitive to picking up on those social themes and sometimes it comes out the opposite of what is going on internally. For example as a teen I was terminally shy, but found out that some people read that as reserved (not too bad) or arrogant (not so good).

Our culture has now added to it the equally delightful "dumb ox" syndrome for men, they tend to be as present in sitcoms as the dumb blonde, scattered brain redhead or perpetual clothes, money or sex obsessed airhead from what I've seen (since I don't actually watch sitcoms I may be wrong). Some people do seem to pick up their social skills from watching TV.

[bluebell]

Women sometimes make men feel stupid for the same reasons that men sometimes make women feel stupid.

Either the man/woman is stupid, it was an accident, or the person is just mean and enjoys hurting other people's feelings.

[Kenngo1969]

I should clarify: I'm not talking about making someone feel stupid (whatever one's gender) with malicious intent. I certainly don't want to mark myself as a chauvinist. If you knew me in person, I think you'd find me to be quite chivalrous and solicitous. It's just that sometimes, women seem to do or say things which might cause normal, reasonably-well-adjusted, sane, reasonably-intelligent guys to conclude that the relationship might possibly (use as many qualifiers as you like) be headed in a certain direction, then when guys point out to them, "Well, I responded in [y] manner because you did/said [x]," they bat their eyes and, in the immortal words of Steve Urkel, say, "Did I do that???"

I think the question of men's or women's inhumanity to their fellow beings in general is easily answerable enough, even if the answer isn't particularly satisfying: Some guys are just SOBs, and some gals are just ... well, use whatever analogous term you're comfortable with.

P.S.: I make no claims, personally, to being normal, reasonably-well-adjusted, sane, or reasonably intelligent ... I simply attribute those qualities to a hypothetical male for illustrative purposes!

Edited November 4, 2011 by Kenngo1969

[Calm]

I would agree that some women are habitual flirts, often because that is how they are taught to act...that it is appropriate to manipulate men in this fashion. Once upon a time it was taught this was the only wayfor women to have power.

I find it rather disgusting myself to use people in this way, women or men. Flirting because one thinks it's fun is different, but it is important to make it clear ahead of time if it's serious or fun and not to change rules without notice..that's not nice, but is more carelessness than selfishly manipulative.

[LeSellers]

Women sometimes make men feel stupid for the same reasons that men sometimes make women feel stupid.

On the other hand, men are not permitted to defend themselves. It's socially unacceptable—chivalry and all that.

Lehi

[Kenngo1969]

I gotta get a life.

No one can make you feel stupid without your permission.

True enough, but sometimes it's only in hindsight that a man finds out that a woman, wittingly or not, has made him feel stupid.

[Kenngo1969]

On the other hand, men are not permitted to defend themselves. It's socially unacceptable—chivalry and all that.

Lehi

I tend to agree with you. I did a paper once on a socially-unacceptable topic: domestic violence by women against men. The same dynamic often is in play there.

[Kenngo1969]

I would agree that some women are habitual flirts, often because that is how they are taught to act...that it is appropriate to manipulate men in this fashion. Once upon a time it was taught this was the only wayfor women to have power.

I find it rather disgusting myself to use people in this way, women or men. Flirting because one thinks it's fun is different, but it is important to make it clear ahead of time if it's serious or fun and not to change rules without notice..that's not nice, but is more carelessness than selfishly manipulative.

I think somebody changed the rules on me mid-stream. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt ...

[Kenngo1969]

Well, to give you a serious response I think I'd need more info. If it is bothering you, pm me.

I do know some women that try and make everyone feel stupid, in my experience it is rarely just trying to do it to guys. This is usually for the same reasons some guys try to make everyone around them feel stupid as well...they think it makes them superior to others or gives them control. If it is just happening with the guys she interacts with, it is more likely poor social skills or poor self esteem...our culture still has some leftovers of the "little woman" syndrome unfortunately and some women are very sensitive to picking up on those social themes and sometimes it comes out the opposite of what is going on internally. For example as a teen I was terminally shy, but found out that some people read that as reserved (not too bad) or arrogant (not so good).

Our culture has now added to it the equally delightful "dumb ox" syndrome for men, they tend to be as present in sitcoms as the dumb blonde, scattered brain redhead or perpetual clothes, money or sex obsessed airhead from what I've seen (since I don't actually watch sitcoms I may be wrong). Some people do seem to pick up their social skills from watching TV.

When media reflect the culture, that's bad enough; when they create it, that's really bad.

[KevinG]

I think somebody changed the rules on me mid-stream. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt ...

If the rules were changed perhaps she doesn't really know what she wants in a male friend?

I have watched how my sons and daughters approach courtship and dating and all I can do is shake my head. (And they aren't too messed up).

[Kenngo1969]

If the rules were changed perhaps she doesn't really know what she wants in a male friend?

I have watched how my sons and daughters approach courtship and dating and all I can do is shake my head. (And they aren't too messed up).

Yeah. It's hard to figure out what people want from you when they're not even sure of that themselves, ain't it?

[Nathair/|\]

I tend to agree with you. I did a paper once on a socially-unacceptable topic: domestic violence by women against men. The same dynamic often is in play there.

I'd be interested in your findings if you want to share them sometime.

[bluebell]

On the other hand, men are not permitted to defend themselves. It's socially unacceptable—chivalry and all that.

Lehi

At this point, society does very much allow men to verbally defend themselves.

Gone are the days when society cares about chivalry.

[Gohan]

If the rules were changed perhaps she doesn't really know what she wants in a male friend?

I have watched how my sons and daughters approach courtship and dating and all I can do is shake my head. (And they aren't too messed up).

I know right? We need help...serious help, especially in Rexburg.

[KevinG]

I know right? We need help...serious help, especially in Rexburg.

Its the same in Georgia. Only the critical mass of LDS isn't as high.