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I Am So Torn


stevedallas

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7 hours ago, Garden Girl said:

I'm so glad it was such a day, CB... How did your song go?   The words are beautiful... can/will you share?  So glad the Fireside went well and that you were able to touch some hearts... :)

GG

Thanks, Cuz....

Here are the lyrics I wrote...

You know he didn’t have to, He could have walked away

And who could have blamed Him, it was an awful price to pay

For someone who had never sinned to pay for those who did

We always say it was His choice, but who are we trying to kid

 

Chorus:       

It should have been me, not someone like Him

To pay for all my faults, for each and every sin

And I often wonder as He hung on that tree

If He ever thought that it should have been me

 

Every stripe upon His back was for something that I’d done

And I made the crown of thorns, I picked each and every one

I placed the cross upon His back, and prayed that He would fail

And I didn’t hold the hammer, but I placed each and every nail

 

Chorus:

It should have been me, not someone like Him

To pay for all my faults, for each and every sin

And I often wonder as He hung on that tree

If He ever thought that it should have been me

 

Bridge:

And every time I sin, does He still feel the pain

And does He ever wonder if He did it all in vain

And I ask myself every now and then

If He had to do it over would He do it all again....

 

Chorus:

Or would it be me, not someone like Him

To pay for all my faults, for each and every sin

And I often wonder as He hung on that tree

If He ever thought that it should have been me

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  • 1 year later...

Right before strong spiritual experience, the adversary brings out the big guns of temptation, distraction, diversion, etc.

You'll make it through this and choose the right, my friend.

I was in an accident and had three vertebrae fused the day after my 19th birthday. 

Still served a mission which none of my siblings could due to chemical imbalances.

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On 10/26/2011 at 8:57 PM, stevedallas said:

 I love the present LDS Church, but have many issues with the past. I love what appears to be current doctrines (or most of them), but have problems with older doctrines (or what they appear to be).

 

I don't know of anyone that has a testimony of the history of anything.

Christ was the only perfect being. Anytime you add humans to the equation you'll have problems.

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On 10/29/2011 at 3:01 PM, stevedallas said:

wow. I have never had anyone tell me that I am not living His teachings before. Not sure how to take that.

I didn't realize that this was a 6 year old thread until the bottom of page 3

Edited by mnn727
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23 hours ago, nuclearfuels said:

Right before strong spiritual experience, the adversary brings out the big guns of temptation, distraction, diversion, etc.

You'll make it through this and choose the right, my friend.

I was in an accident and had three vertebrae fused the day after my 19th birthday. 

Still served a mission which none of my siblings could due to chemical imbalances.

 

1 hour ago, mnn727 said:

I didn't realize that this was a 6 year old thread until the bottom of page 3

Hello nuclear and mnn...

This has been an incredible journey for Steve (dallasattorney, Country Boy, Utah Texan)... his story can be found on the LDSLiving site, and I believe will be in an upcoming LDS Living Magazine... you may know, nuclear,  that he did "make it through" and has since been rebaptized and received reinstatement of his priesthood and temple ordinances... he and his wife now live in Salt Lake, and he is the Gospel Doctrine teacher in his Rose Park ward... he recently baptized his wife... (and I love it that through corresponding with him on this board we discovered that we are family... cousins).

GG

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2 hours ago, Garden Girl said:

 

Hello nuclear and mnn...

This has been an incredible journey for Steve (dallasattorney, Country Boy, Utah Texan)... his story can be found on the LDSLiving site, and I believe will be in an upcoming LDS Living Magazine... you may know, nuclear,  that he did "make it through" and has since been rebaptized and received reinstatement of his priesthood and temple ordinances... he and his wife now live in Salt Lake, and he is the Gospel Doctrine teacher in his Rose Park ward... he recently baptized his wife... (and I love it that through corresponding with him on this board we discovered that we are family... cousins).

GG

Yeah, I see he changed his name but I have only gotten up to page 8 so far, I wondered how it came out.

Edited by mnn727
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10 hours ago, mnn727 said:

Yeah, I see he changed his name but I have only gotten up to page 8 so far, I wondered how it came out.

Yes, it came out just as I described above, which you quoted... it's been incredible...  GG

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On 11/7/2017 at 1:47 PM, Garden Girl said:

 

Hello nuclear and mnn...

This has been an incredible journey for Steve (dallasattorney, Country Boy, Utah Texan)... his story can be found on the LDSLiving site, and I believe will be in an upcoming LDS Living Magazine... you may know, nuclear,  that he did "make it through" and has since been rebaptized and received reinstatement of his priesthood and temple ordinances... he and his wife now live in Salt Lake, and he is the Gospel Doctrine teacher in his Rose Park ward... he recently baptized his wife... (and I love it that through corresponding with him on this board we discovered that we are family... cousins).

GG

GG, Steve talks about your influence in his life! ETA: I mean Dusty!

Edited by Tacenda
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8 hours ago, Tacenda said:

GG, Steve talks about your influence in his life! ETA: I mean Dusty!

Hello Tacenda... Thank you so much for posting this... I hadn't seen it yet... It was great to see Dusty (Steve) in person...  Dusty will always be "Steve" to me because after we started emailing back and forth (before we knew we were family), I would call him his screen name which was CountryBoy... or I'd refer to him as CB... finally I emailed him and said... Aren't you ever going to tell me your first name?  He wrote back and said... lol... my name is Steve...   So, I call him Dusty, but he's Steve... I should explain my telling him of my feeling of being "drawn to him."  When I read his first entries in this thread, something touched me about his posts that other posts didn't... I received a real prompting to reach out to him.  It was quite strong... so I emailed him, giving him encouragement and sharing some of my spiritual experiences with him... telling him that I had been inactive for over 30 years, and that I understood the "pull" and inner battle he was experiencing, even though unlike him I did not lose my testimony... I had just pushed mine to the back of my mind and heart when I married my non-LDS husband.  But through the years the Spirit would also tug at me, until I finally heeded its call... 3 years prior to my husband's death... my sympathy/empathy for Steve was very deep, which was puzzling in a way.  I firmly believe that I was placed in Steve's life path by a loving Heavenly Father who was very aware of Steve's struggle... and that he felt alone in his struggle because of his situation with his family... so here was I, unbeknownst to either of us as we emailed, that we were actually cousins. 

It wasn't until I felt I had exhausted all I could in bearing my testimony, etc. to him. and finally emailed him and told him I would just have to wish him well and hope that he would find the peace he so wanted... He emailed back and said, Darn!  I want one telephone conversation... will you share your number with me? (something he would not normally ask of someone online, but he felt prompted to do so).  When he asked, at first red flags went up for me, but then I felt prompted to give him my number.  A few minutes later my phone rang and it was Steve... we talked and when he told me he would always cherish the fact that he had once had a testimony, it was evident to me that there was nothing more I could say... so I wished him well... but he continued... You know, my two best friends are LDS, and then there's my relative out in Utah... Dean Jessee... I said, Wait a minute Steve... did you just tell me you're related to Dean Jessee?... Yes, he said...  I told him, Steve!  I'm a Jessee!!  Dean and I are cousins!!  With that we started comparing family history info... we share the same Gr-Gr-Gr-grandfather (John Jessee).  His and Dean's direct line comes through one of John's sons, and my line comes through another of John's sons... hence, cousins...  and now dear friends... we talk on the phone often...  Dusty's journey has been incredible...

GG

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17 hours ago, Garden Girl said:

Hello Tacenda... Thank you so much for posting this... I hadn't seen it yet... It was great to see Dusty (Steve) in person...  Dusty will always be "Steve" to me because after we started emailing back and forth (before we knew we were family), I would call him his screen name which was CountryBoy... or I'd refer to him as CB... finally I emailed him and said... Aren't you ever going to tell me your first name?  He wrote back and said... lol... my name is Steve...   So, I call him Dusty, but he's Steve... I should explain my telling him of my feeling of being "drawn to him."  When I read his first entries in this thread, something touched me about his posts that other posts didn't... I received a real prompting to reach out to him.  It was quite strong... so I emailed him, giving him encouragement and sharing some of my spiritual experiences with him... telling him that I had been inactive for over 30 years, and that I understood the "pull" and inner battle he was experiencing, even though unlike him I did not lose my testimony... I had just pushed mine to the back of my mind and heart when I married my non-LDS husband.  But through the years the Spirit would also tug at me, until I finally heeded its call... 3 years prior to my husband's death... my sympathy/empathy for Steve was very deep, which was puzzling in a way.  I firmly believe that I was placed in Steve's life path by a loving Heavenly Father who was very aware of Steve's struggle... and that he felt alone in his struggle because of his situation with his family... so here was I, unbeknownst to either of us as we emailed, that we were actually cousins. 

It wasn't until I felt I had exhausted all I could in bearing my testimony, etc. to him. and finally emailed him and told him I would just have to wish him well and hope that he would find the peace he so wanted... He emailed back and said, Darn!  I want one telephone conversation... will you share your number with me? (something he would not normally ask of someone online, but he felt prompted to do so).  When he asked, at first red flags went up for me, but then I felt prompted to give him my number.  A few minutes later my phone rang and it was Steve... we talked and when he told me he would always cherish the fact that he had once had a testimony, it was evident to me that there was nothing more I could say... so I wished him well... but he continued... You know, my two best friends are LDS, and then there's my relative out in Utah... Dean Jessee... I said, Wait a minute Steve... did you just tell me you're related to Dean Jessee?... Yes, he said...  I told him, Steve!  I'm a Jessee!!  Dean and I are cousins!!  With that we started comparing family history info... we share the same Gr-Gr-Gr-grandfather (John Jessee).  His and Dean's direct line comes through one of John's sons, and my line comes through another of John's sons... hence, cousins...  and now dear friends... we talk on the phone often...  Dusty's journey has been incredible...

GG

Wow...what a story...I would love to find a long lost cousin...in this wonderful way. Though Steve may not think so...I do wish him the very best...and family is just everything.  Hugs..Jeanne

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4 hours ago, Jeanne said:

Wow...what a story...I would love to find a long lost cousin...in this wonderful way. Though Steve may not think so...I do wish him the very best...and family is just everything.  Hugs..Jeanne

Dusty a.k.a. Steve, is a lot funnier than I thought. Very likeable guy. I tried not to be skeptical about what he had to say...but if all is true, there was something that seemed to be guiding him where they thought he needed to be. 

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On 11/12/2017 at 11:02 AM, Tacenda said:

GG, Steve talks about your influence in his life! ETA: I mean Dusty!

I want to thank you too. I listened to almost all of it and then started it over and listened to it with my family for FHE. 

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3 hours ago, Tacenda said:

Dusty a.k.a. Steve, is a lot funnier than I thought. Very likeable guy. I tried not to be skeptical about what he had to say...but if all is true, there was something that seemed to be guiding him where they thought he needed to be. 

Tacenda... I can vouch for the many "miracles" and tender mercies that have happened... also ones that were not covered in the interview...   He's a warm, humorous man who loves his family, particularly his wife... even their story is very special... and just recently he was able to baptize her...

GG

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  • 1 month later...
1 hour ago, UtahTexan said:

Has been wild.  I have done 8 Firesides in Utah and Texas and set for 15 more so far in Utah, Colorado, and California.  I have many more requests from all over the world.  The Lord has brought me a long way from anti-Mormon days.

Well, you are probably quite an anomaly it appears then. You've managed to come from one point to the other or full circle. I wonder why it's so difficult for so many to do what you've done. I'd love to see one of your firesides!

Edited by Tacenda
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10 hours ago, Tacenda said:

Well, you are probably quite an anomaly it appears then. You've managed to come from one point to the other or full circle. I wonder why it's so difficult for so many to do what you've done. I'd love to see one of your firesides!

PM me where you live and I will tell you if I have any scheduled near you

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  • 7 months later...
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