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I Need Some Heart Felt Advice Concerning My Mama.


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I want to go see my mother tomorrow, but it hurts to do so. She will call on Sunday and ask when I am coming up…things have progressed to this point with Alzheimer’s. It tares my heart out to see what is happening to her; we sit and talk in circular conversations.

We are in a catch 22, if we move in with her, I don’t know that she could handle my wife watching the three grandbabies during the day (well one all day now, little Addie starts school in three weeks). None of us can afford to hire someone to help her.

Have any of you been in this same situation?

My Mother-in-law had to be put into a home; her Alzheimer’s is far more advanced. I could not bare doing this to my mother. With both our mother’s the child has become the parent.

Any advice, please.

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I want to go see my mother tomorrow, but it hurts to do so. She will call on Sunday and ask when I am coming up…things have progressed to this point with Alzheimer’s. It tares my heart out to see what is happening to her; we sit and talk in circular conversations.

We are in a catch 22, if we move in with her, I don’t know that she could handle my wife watching the three grandbabies during the day (well one all day now, little Addie starts school in three weeks). None of us can afford to hire someone to help her.

Have any of you been in this same situation?

My Mother-in-law had to be put into a home; her Alzheimer’s is far more advanced. I could not bare doing this to my mother. With both our mother’s the child has become the parent.

Any advice, please.

PaPa;

I don't know that there is anyone that can really give you any information that can help as this is a very personal decision for you and your family to make. Having had other family members and friends who have been through this I can only relate what they have done and said.

One friend had father that they brought into their home and cared for until he died. It was very difficult because as you may or may not know alzhiemer victims quit often become violen.t as there memories of friends and family fade. so care has to be taken that they don't harm themselves and others.

One of my uncles wife cared for him until close to the end when she had to put him in a home because this gentle man had become violent beyond her ability to cope. Early on she had, had to put keyed locks on all the outside doors to keep him from getting out and getting lost.

Another friend was financially able to find a nursing home with a very good alzhiemer unit and moved their parent in early on.

I recite these three to let you know that I don't think there are any wrong solutions per se, but that the solution you decide on must fit you and your family and that they are not final but can be amended as you go.

I have watched alzhiemers rob even the memories of loved ones from its victims and have contemplated that if it were me I can't help but think that rather than put them through such dificult times that when the time comes that I would be robbed of their memories and the comfort they could give me that if it were possible they would find a decent facility and put me there where I would not become a burden and a danger to them.

Just a few of my thoughts. Do with them what you will and I hope they may help.

Ray

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But there is technology so that you can see her, even that will alert you if she takes medicine or if she falls. (Some non-inclusive and a few years old, ideas http://www.techandag...iefingpaper.pdf). I'd suggest you ask a geriatric counselor to assess her for functional skills. It is hard for a relative to do that because relatives compare to what once was, and that interferes with acknowledging continuing capability. http://desertcaremanagement.wordpress.com/2010/09/29/balancing-independence-and-safety-in-the-cognitively-impaired-senior/

And most places now have day care for seniors too --- a place to go during the day time.

Further many communities have Meals on Wheels for adults who can no longer safely cook.

And medicare/aid often pays for a part time caregiver in the home.

The first thing to do is to get an evaluation by a geriatric case manager type and her family doctor. And if your mother is found to be incompetent, and did not give you a durable power of attorney for financial and health issues, you will need to follow your state rules to become her guardian and health care surrogate.

The fact that your mother doesn't remember, doesn't always mean she can leave a peaceful and useful life with you as a stranger. But it may mean that it isn't appropriate to have her around young children (depends on how she is around young children.

Please call your state's elder affairs office and get some info on the programs and services that are available.

Edited by rpn
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I want to go see my mother tomorrow, but it hurts to do so. She will call on Sunday and ask when I am coming up…things have progressed to this point with Alzheimer’s. It tares my heart out to see what is happening to her; we sit and talk in circular conversations.

We are in a catch 22, if we move in with her, I don’t know that she could handle my wife watching the three grandbabies during the day (well one all day now, little Addie starts school in three weeks). None of us can afford to hire someone to help her.

Have any of you been in this same situation?

My Mother-in-law had to be put into a home; her Alzheimer’s is far more advanced. I could not bare doing this to my mother. With both our mother’s the child has become the parent.

Any advice, please.

We just did what you want to do. We moved in with my wife's 2 elderly parents. Her step mom had Alzheimers, it's a lot of work and a personal decision. I'm glad we did it, it was a 22 month job and then they both passed away within 2 weeks of each other. My wife did most of the work with the help of caregivers. They had insurance to pay for some of the help but it was a fight to get the money from the insurance company.

You have to prepare yourself for the routine of getting their medication, food, showers, bathroom duities and other not so fun things, middle of the night E.R. trips as well as regular DR trips, being called names while you try to help. I nursed my mother inlaw right up until she took her last breath, my wife was sick that week, I don't regret it. Marie hated leaving her home for any reason. I look forward to doing her Temple work. I put all the handi cap stuff in the bathrooms and built a ramp up the front porch. Here are some links that I used, you'll have the same stuff available in your area.

http://superiormobility.com/bathroomsafety/

They have other stuff for the toilets too, bolt on hand rails.... Her folks were stubborn and did as much for themselves as they could. I didn't check the other links in the posts above but you should get some training on using the transfer bench for the shower.

We had some pressure pads that we bought and put under their beds with the alarm in our room. If they got up we knew it asap. You can order them here:

http://www.quickmedical.com/smart-caregiver/ghost-cord-cordless-motion-sensor-alarm-monitor.html

We missed church a lot too, it's hard to find a caregiver that wants to work Sunday mornings.

You'll want to get those pill containers that have the days of the week on them and put each days perscription in the proper slot. We had 4, 2 for each patient, 1 nighttime and 1 morning. We ended up typing the med list and posting it on the fridge so as not to mess up. It's best if the same person gives them their meds every day or at least the helpers check in with the boss.

My prayers go out to you. The job will humble you and your patient.

You can PM me if you like, I'll give you my phone number, I talk better than I type.

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I see you are in Georgia. Please go here for resources:

http://aging.dhr.geo...gov/portal/site

I agree with DaddyG. Start looking at resources that are available. When I was an emergency prep coordinator, one of the senarios we ran was what would happen to the elderly and sick after a disaster. Start looking into state resources. Some states have 411 help, some a lot more than others. Utah has one of the best 411 networks there are and the church actually uses 411 in some instances, and vice versa.

Its a start.

Mark

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PaPa,

Oh my, you have no shortage of challenges lately do you? I'm wondering if your Mother ever provided you any insight as to what she wanted you to do as her disease progressed?

I also have much to be thankful for…last night at dinner; were gathered all my children and grandchildren, except the one serving a mission. The noise was pleasingly deafening. :rolleyes:

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I want to go see my mother tomorrow, but it hurts to do so. She will call on Sunday and ask when I am coming up…things have progressed to this point with Alzheimer’s. It tares my heart out to see what is happening to her; we sit and talk in circular conversations.

We are in a catch 22, if we move in with her, I don’t know that she could handle my wife watching the three grandbabies during the day (well one all day now, little Addie starts school in three weeks). None of us can afford to hire someone to help her.

Have any of you been in this same situation?

My Mother-in-law had to be put into a home; her Alzheimer’s is far more advanced. I could not bare doing this to my mother. With both our mother’s the child has become the parent.

Any advice, please.

The Book, "Still Alice" - a novel by Lisa Genova great help!

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... Some states have 411 help, some a lot more than others. Utah has one of the best 411 networks there are and the church actually uses 411 in some instances, and vice versa.

Its a start.

Mark

That would be 211, right? :) (I do find Directory Assistance helpful for a lot of things, but this would be beyond their purview, I think! ;))

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