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The Stigma Of Adhd


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I am at a loss to understand why often time our educators and others seem to have such a stigma for those with ADHD. Two thoughts come to mind. The first is that those with ADHD are drug seeking individuals who take central nervous system stimulants. The second is that these are people with behavoir problems who could control their behavior if they wanted to. I guess a third reason would be lack of education on the matter.

The moment I realized that my son likely had ADHD, it was bedtime while on vacation. We had tried discipline, but after a while, I realized it was like he just could not "cut off" << That is the best way I can describe that moment. If he could have cut off, he would have. It has been very difficult in dealing with educators in school. My mother would often say to me that she didn't think my son should take "that medicine" and I would tell her that okay, I'll send him to your house without having taken his medicine, but he is going to take it when he is at home. I believe my parents thought they could discipline the the symptoms out of our son and that if he took CNS stimulants, he would automatically be a drug addict or something. Fortunately, they've chilled on that issue, but getting educators to work with me to help him succeed as a student is an ongoing disappointment. I really wish for a moment that they could experience what he does and what it is like to have ADHD. I don't wish anyone to have it, but only to somewhat understand it and recognize it as a legitimate issue and take small efforts to help students succeed. It wouldn't take much effort to do this.

Edited by kantgomo
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I am at a loss to understand why often time our educators and others seem to have such a stigma for those with ADHD. Two thoughts come to mind. The first is that those with ADHD are drug seeking individuals who take central nervous system stimulants. The second is that these are people with behavoir problems who could control their behavior if they wanted to. I guess a third reason would be lack of education on the matter.

The moment I realized that my son likely had ADHD, it was bedtime while on vacation. We had tried discipline, but after a while, I realized it was like he just could not "cut off" << That is the best way I can describe that moment. If he could have cut off, he would have. It has been very difficult in dealing with educators in school. My mother would often say to me that she didn't think my son should take "that medicine" and I would tell her that okay, I'll send him to your house without having taken his medicine, but he is going to take it when he is at home. I believe my parents thought they could discipline the the symptoms out of our son and that if he took CNS stimulants, he would automatically be a drug addict or something. Fortunately, they've chilled on that issue, but getting educators to work with me to help him succeed as a student is an ongoing disappointment. I really wish for a moment that they could experience what he does and what it is like to have ADHD. I don't wish anyone to have it, but only to somewhat understand it and recognize it as a legitimate issue and take small efforts to help students succeed. It wouldn't take much effort to do this.

Have you joined a support group of parents in similar situations? If you haven't, I would highly suggest it as they can help with ideas and resources to make things work with your particular school district.

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File for an IEP, so that his psychologist (you should get one, if you get one who is pretty good, they help) and teachers can communicate, and set boundaries as to what needs to be done, and what does not need to be done to make him be able to live independently as an adult.

It's gonna feel rather bad to force people to accept his problems and work with him, but sometimes you will have to do this. Some will cooperate greatly, others, not so much.

Which things is your son struggling with in class, just curious?

Best Wishes,

TAO

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Kantgomo,

Unfortunately there are all kinds of stigmas in society. And, as much as we wish there was not, some of those stigmas are held by members of the church. I’ve dealt with a few of them all my life; Being a convert for one and also being single and divorced! YIKES!! Although my ward has been wonderful, I only told one person in it that I had ADHD. He works for the hospital and is a high councilor, as well as my Home Teaching companion (well at least for another week or so). He, as always was very kind, and I expected to have some advice from him. He did give me advice about the medication we take. I asked him what he thought, and if it would impair the spirit. He said he thought that it was one of those situations were we needed to do all we could so that we would be worthy of the spirit. I can tell you, that the medication makes some of the things in my life more difficult, and those things are things in which I struggled with anyways. However, I can tell you that when I am doing my best, I do feel the spirit. In fact, the spirit whispered to me a warning about the medication and the responsibility of taking it. I also realized there would be a learning period that not only my physical body would get used to the medication, but my spiritual self as well. So, knowing that Heavenly Father knows about this, and has advised me about it, I am taking that as his approval as long as I do the things he asks me to.

There is no LDS forum, book, meeting group or scripture that is going to walk you through this in an LDS way. Just as there wasn’t for me being a convert, single & divorced. And, although my ADHD precludes me from solving problems when I get micro-focused, I have also learned that the Principle of Compensation allows us who fall short in some way (which is every one of us by the way) to regain that which we have lost at some point in our lives. It is my personal view, after dealing with the symptoms of ADHD for over 45 years of my life, that I have earned a little of that compensation; The medication which helps with so many of the symptoms. Unfortunately, it increases the frequency and intensity of other issues that we all deal with. I have a difficult time talking about this on an LDS forum. Therefore, I can’t say what those issues are on this forum, for fear that I will be banned. Thus the stigma is passed on until we learn to talk about such things as adults.

Again, I find myself on the bleeding edge of understanding with regards being LDS and dealing with this condition. It, however, is not totally new territory for me. And I do know the Lord is with me on this most recent journey. No doubt, I will make mistakes. But I have learned that I can not only figure out complex problems, even with ADHD, if I give the Lord the chance to help me with them.

I’ll have to be patient with those that do not understand. And for those reading this post of mine, realize the following things that I, as a person having ADHD, would be grateful of non-ADHD people would understand.

My top 9 pet peeves … (edited for this board)

1. Please, home teachers, don’t go through my cupboards in the kitchen or drawers in my bedroom looking for the "real" reason why I am the way I am. You won’t find any thing there but my year's supply of food!

2. Please don’t yell at me to get my attention. I can hear you fine, that’s not the problem. Yelling only makes me ignore you even more. And no, I just don’t need my ears cleaned out. It’s not a hearing problem, it’s an attention problem.

3. When I am doing something, working, studying, or on the web, please don’t sneak up from behind me and don’t touch me from behind. It startles me.

4. Yes, I know I have papers all over my desk. That’s where the important stuff goes so that I will remember it, like bills that I have to pay. If you move it, or clean it up, I won’t remember what bills to pay or when to pay them.

5. Please, don’t give me any advice on how to fix my broken marriage, get back my old job, or fix broken friendships of the past. Trust me, I have 45 years of experience dealing with this, how long have you? 3 minutes? So, unless you have a degree, or deal with the same thing, don’t give me any advice. Thank you kindly.

6. Yes I know the front seat of my car is filled with trash, just move it to the back seat and sit down.

7. Friends and family, If I don’t return your call or text, please try again. Don’t be offended, I turned my volume down on my cell phone and home phone because the ringing drives me nuts.

8. Officer, please realize that I do have registration and insurance for my vehicle, I just don’t remember where the documents are …. They are here somewhere! LOL

9. Please don’t label me as Gay. I’m not gay. Just because I don’t have a trophy girlfriend all the time, or am not looking for a new one all the time, that doesn’t mean I don’t like the ladies.

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Lol Messenger... I think you would find that we understand those things greatly! We have pet peeves too XD.

TAO, it’s good that you try to understand. The things on my list are typical of ADHDers. I can’t tell you how many times people yell at me during a brain freeze, a normal, regular ADHD moment. It’s very abusive, and I usually walk away. Then they yell even more. I've learned how to deal with it, but again, ADHDers don’t always have the best delivery in their response, and often say things before they are thought out. My dad used to lecture me on and on and on about that. THINK WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY BEFORE YOU SAY IT - he would yell. I’m like, well that’s just it, I can’t think! LOL. I had teachers that would keep me after class until I answered them, yelling at me the whole time. Ya, like that actually worked.... I was after class for nearly an hour in a brain freeze moment, and then an anxiety attack would follow. Those are awesome too! Also, we are horrible spellers. Our mind is typically in over drive all the time; for example, think of a supercomputer that operates on only 2 Megs of RAM. Yep, that’s me! LOL.

Unless you saw the list TAO, it wouldn’t be abnormal for you to NOT understand. Most don't. Its not because they are insensitive, its just that they don’t have the knowledge on how to recognize and react with someone that has ADHD. So most people over react. I definitely would want them to understand and often think it would be worth telling a bishop, but the stigma of ADHD is worse then them understanding. So, instead, we don’t deal with social situations very much and spend a lot of time on the computer socializing. Our friends are fellow ADHDers. There aren’t very many of us that are active either, although I am, very much so. I have found that the spiritual support I get from Heavenly Father is greater than any mortal, non-member support there could be.

I have my talents in other places. When I am alone, and have no distraction from anybody in my apartment, no TV, no radio, and only my thoughts, I can write in a way, either through a story, or through poetry that helps people understand the thing that I am trying to say. That’s my favorite thing to do. I hope someday to help people understand ADHD better. Because if the people that had it were well connected to the spirit, they would realize the wealth of knowledge that they are entitled to.

Well, that’s probably enough said for now.

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TAO, it’s good that you try to understand. The things on my list are typical of ADHDers. I can’t tell you how many times people yell at me during a brain freeze, a normal, regular ADHD moment. It’s very abusive, and I usually walk away. Then they yell even more. I've learned how to deal with it, but again, ADHDers don’t always have the best delivery in their response, and often say things before they are thought out. My dad used to lecture me on and on and on about that. THINK WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY BEFORE YOU SAY IT - he would yell. I’m like, well that’s just it, I can’t think! LOL. I had teachers that would keep me after class until I answered them, yelling at me the whole time. Ya, like that actually worked.... I was after class for nearly an hour in a brain freeze moment, and then an anxiety attack would follow. Those are awesome too! Also, we are horrible spellers. Our mind is typically in over drive all the time; for example, think of a supercomputer that operates on only 2 Megs of RAM. Yep, that’s me! LOL.

I do the same thing XD. When people yell, I just try to walk away and it ends up getting them even more pissed. Although people don't yell at me as much nowdays. Just parents... I guess because I frustrate them because I'm insanely stubborn sometimes XD.

Hmm... have you ever thought of this though... when you say something awkward or inappropriate... just tap your head, and say 'brain fart' or something like that. Actually... don't even base it on whether you said something wrong or not... just base it on whether they look at you weird and all. It'll help make things more casual... or at least it does for me... usually I see that look, and then I try to do something to cover it up and all... and it usually smoothes over after a few days =).

I know what you mean about yelling being pointless though.. it sorta 'shuts us off', where we won't move or even listen. And when they keep us waiting, it just gets us more impatient. Uses their own ammo against them, I guess you could say =P. I mean... Asperger's and ADHD aren't quite the same... but they have some very similar things =).

Unless you saw the list TAO, it wouldn’t be abnormal for you to NOT understand. Most don't. Its not because they are insensitive, its just that they don’t have the knowledge on how to recognize and react with someone that has ADHD. So most people over react. I definitely would want them to understand and often think it would be worth telling a bishop, but the stigma of ADHD is worse then them understanding. So, instead, we don’t deal with social situations very much and spend a lot of time on the computer socializing. Our friends are fellow ADHDers. There aren’t very many of us that are active either, although I am, very much so. I have found that the spiritual support I get from Heavenly Father is greater than any mortal, non-member support there could be.

Lol, nah, it wouldn't be that awkward for me... unless I hadn't had Asperger's. I'm used to not acting quite normal myself, so your behavior is pretty usual for me, I'd be like 'huh' at first, and then I'd be like 'oh', and I'd keep my mouth shut. =)

Hehe, I don't spend much time socializing either... just have a few select friends who I keep closer than most, but that's it. I don't need tons of friends, so to say =D.

Agreed though, spiritual support is very useful indeed - it has made me happy =).

I have my talents in other places. When I am alone, and have no distraction from anybody in my apartment, no TV, no radio, and only my thoughts, I can write in a way, either through a story, or through poetry that helps people understand the thing that I am trying to say. That’s my favorite thing to do. I hope someday to help people understand ADHD better. Because if the people that had it were well connected to the spirit, they would realize the wealth of knowledge that they are entitled to.

I love poetry and story-writing too!!!!!! Do you have a dA account, cuz if so, i could show you some of mine =). And I could see some of the stuff you've done =D.

Best Wishes,

TAO

P.S. About the double ring on your other thread, make sure you absolutely DO NOT have problems if a girl who likes you is doing the double ring, even if it's excessive. That's a GOOD sign. But I think you already knew that. Nerp. Oh well. Sometimes I get over-worried.

Edited by TAO
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I do the same thing XD. When people yell, I just try to walk away and it ends up getting them even more pissed. Although people don't yell at me as much nowdays. Just parents... I guess because I frustrate them because I'm insanely stubborn sometimes XD.

Hmm... have you ever thought of this though... when you say something awkward or inappropriate... just tap your head, and say 'brain fart' or something like that. Actually... don't even base it on whether you said something wrong or not... just base it on whether they look at you weird and all. It'll help make things more casual... or at least it does for me... usually I see that look, and then I try to do something to cover it up and all... and it usually smoothes over after a few days =).

I know what you mean about yelling being pointless though.. it sorta 'shuts us off', where we won't move or even listen. And when they keep us waiting, it just gets us more impatient. Uses their own ammo against them, I guess you could say =P. I mean... Asperger's and ADHD aren't quite the same... but they have some very similar things =).

Lol, nah, it wouldn't be that awkward for me... unless I hadn't had Asperger's. I'm used to not acting quite normal myself, so your behavior is pretty usual for me, I'd be like 'huh' at first, and then I'd be like 'oh', and I'd keep my mouth shut. =)

Hehe, I don't spend much time socializing either... just have a few select friends who I keep closer than most, but that's it. I don't need tons of friends, so to say =D.

Agreed though, spiritual support is very useful indeed - it has made me happy =).

I love poetry and story-writing too!!!!!! Do you have a dA account, cuz if so, i could show you some of mine =). And I could see some of the stuff you've done =D.

Best Wishes,

TAO

P.S. About the double ring on your other thread, make sure you absolutely DO NOT have problems if a girl who likes you is doing the double ring, even if it's excessive. That's a GOOD sign. But I think you already knew that. Nerp. Oh well. Sometimes I get over-worried.

Haha! Nice!!

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Actually, I had no idea! I thought it had to do with the whole phone thing. I'm like... who what where! Before I posted it I was a little concerned that I might inadvertantly post something that wouldnt be appropriate for here, after all, those ADHD people are soooo out there! LOL. But I admit, in the end, I am still in the dark. See what I mean?

Edited by Messenger
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6. Yes I know the front seat of my car is filled with trash, just move it to the back seat and sit down.

No problem for all but this one and even here, if there is no smell I'm okay with that. My car has a lot of stuff that has been meant to go to DI for at least a year stuck in the back and books and papers are scattered around artistically of course.

But I am extremely sensitive to smells and sometimes all it needs to be is 'strange' or just strong so even a perfectly clean car that smells 'strangely' to me is going cause me to start looking a way out after a few minutes...especially with frequent starts and stops or curves. So if I was in that situation and not wanting to add more 'trash' to the inside of your car of the absolutely worse type for you to remember me by for the life of that car, I'd have to risk embarrassing you by asking if we could clean it out as much as possible....and it could even be good smells like air fresheners and such (nothing puts me down faster than a good spray of febreze, who needs pepper spray? So for those like myself, please don't think we are rude when we start cleaning the car out, we are acting to avoid future extreme unpleasantness for all concerned.

There was this one smell in our car that we couldn't figure out what it came from, something along the lines of sour milk that we had to hold an exorcism to get off. The worse smell for its effect, not distaste, was from transporting a newly stain chest, absolutely beautiful piece were all high on fumes in a minute once we got in the car and started to drive off...with two individuals known far and wide for their queasy stomach all the window came down even on the freeway plus heater came on full blast and we managed to survive in spite of frequent stops. We were all rather pale by the end of the trip (about 40 mins.) so just piled out of the car and went inside, thought it was no big deal to leave the box in my car for a day or two as it was raining and no room in the garage to store it (my garage is one large junk room (but we may be able to build a workshop off the back which would be wonder as I find it hard to 'multipurpose rooms all that well these days, I like my rooms to look like a mostly finished, but definitely coherent story not overwhelmed by mundane clutter...no one must be of a higher up the scale from mundane to rate my attention, let alone devotion. Anyway by the time we got back into the car, the entire vehicle was filled with its ominous presence, its obvious intent was to so confuse all of our senses and fumigate our brains to the point we could no longer resist even the most hideous of its machinations...which alas we never did find out since we, quick thinking mammals that we are, through on some scarves for masks, got in and drove the car out of the garage and then picked up the box and locked it in the dungeon until it learned to live among a higher class of people.

The wind is crying for what it's lost...wonder what it is this time.

And off to bed....hope this made sense as I took a different sleeping pill tonight, Ambien, and not only does it cut into my ability to spell, to concentrate, but it even has the audacity to turn my flat screen into a 3 D experience with the letters often stepping off the page and start pushing other letters around them to do something....whatever it is I can't really tell, don't know if they are forming up for some form of line dance or are preparing for the next football season.

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No problem for all but this one and even here, if there is no smell I'm okay with that. My car has a lot of stuff that has been meant to go to DI for at least a year stuck in the back and books and papers are scattered around artistically of course.

But I am extremely sensitive to smells and sometimes all it needs to be is 'strange' or just strong so even a perfectly clean car that smells 'strangely' to me is going cause me to start looking a way out after a few minutes...especially with frequent starts and stops or curves. So if I was in that situation and not wanting to add more 'trash' to the inside of your car of the absolutely worse type for you to remember me by for the life of that car, I'd have to risk embarrassing you by asking if we could clean it out as much as possible....and it could even be good smells like air fresheners and such (nothing puts me down faster than a good spray of febreze, who needs pepper spray? So for those like myself, please don't think we are rude when we start cleaning the car out, we are acting to avoid future extreme unpleasantness for all concerned.

There was this one smell in our car that we couldn't figure out what it came from, something along the lines of sour milk that we had to hold an exorcism to get off. The worse smell for its effect, not distaste, was from transporting a newly stain chest, absolutely beautiful piece were all high on fumes in a minute once we got in the car and started to drive off...with two individuals known far and wide for their queasy stomach all the window came down even on the freeway plus heater came on full blast and we managed to survive in spite of frequent stops. We were all rather pale by the end of the trip (about 40 mins.) so just piled out of the car and went inside, thought it was no big deal to leave the box in my car for a day or two as it was raining and no room in the garage to store it (my garage is one large junk room (but we may be able to build a workshop off the back which would be wonder as I find it hard to 'multipurpose rooms all that well these days, I like my rooms to look like a mostly finished, but definitely coherent story not overwhelmed by mundane clutter...no one must be of a higher up the scale from mundane to rate my attention, let alone devotion. Anyway by the time we got back into the car, the entire vehicle was filled with its ominous presence, its obvious intent was to so confuse all of our senses and fumigate our brains to the point we could no longer resist even the most hideous of its machinations...which alas we never did find out since we, quick thinking mammals that we are, through on some scarves for masks, got in and drove the car out of the garage and then picked up the box and locked it in the dungeon until it learned to live among a higher class of people.

The wind is crying for what it's lost...wonder what it is this time.

And off to bed....hope this made sense as I took a different sleeping pill tonight, Ambien, and not only does it cut into my ability to spell, to concentrate, but it even has the audacity to turn my flat screen into a 3 D experience with the letters often stepping off the page and start pushing other letters around them to do something....whatever it is I can't really tell, don't know if they are forming up for some form of line dance or are preparing for the next football season.

calmoriah,

Well I hope you had a good sleep along with the letters on your big screen TV. I am not at all sensitive to smell in the least, however , there is only one perfume that gives me problems with swellling eyes at work, we have yet to discover who that person is that wears it. But when I find out, I will be asking her permission to look at the bottle of perfume, I will then take it outside, and huck in as far as I can, and calmly return to my desk! But, the only smell that would be in my car is from all the junkmail I get from the endless newsprint flyers From Target, Radio Shack, and Walmart, which are piled up waiting for me to trash them in the dumpster.

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Sorry for my ignorance, but I would like to know if there is an actual increase in ADD/ADHD in the population in the last 75 years? Is there a connection to the increase of chemicals in the environment? Are there any studies of ADHD etc. that compare incidence worldwide? My perception is that there has been a marked increase in individuals with these disorders and not just because of better diagnoses.

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I am at a loss to understand why often time our educators and others seem to have such a stigma for those with ADHD. Two thoughts come to mind. The first is that those with ADHD are drug seeking individuals who take central nervous system stimulants. The second is that these are people with behavoir problems who could control their behavior if they wanted to. I guess a third reason would be lack of education on the matter.

The moment I realized that my son likely had ADHD, it was bedtime while on vacation. We had tried discipline, but after a while, I realized it was like he just could not "cut off" << That is the best way I can describe that moment. If he could have cut off, he would have.

i think you answer your own question. I know educators and school counselors who very often deal with parent who has self diagnosed their child because the child is being a child. "If he could cut it off he would have" not necessarily so. A child who does not want to go to bed does not want to go to bed. I know of one parent/child in a school, the child acts up and when disciplined says "You can do anything to me because I am *insert parents diagnosis*" The parent of this child refuses to have the child retested as required by law for IEP purposes. So what I am saying is that there are times when educators and school administrators encounter parents who have a child that is not ADHD but is just strong willed or what have you.

Have your child tested

If you are in the United States approach the school administration about having your child tested, and ask for a Individualized Education Plan (IEP as others have suggested).

There is a program used in Israel that does not use drugs, and seems to very effective, this program does not get much crediance in the US because drugs (corporate interests) are not used.

**Just last night there was an article feature on Google news from the Author/Dr. who wrote a book in 1996 about the overdiagnosis of ADHD/ADD and the over use of drugs.

Lastly, you need to consider the long term ramification of how you approach and work with your child. Many people I went to University with would get tested within the first 3 weeks, against all probabilities everyone tested came back positive for some kind of learning disability, this meant they got extra time on tests and such. But in the real world, you do not get extra time to complete your task.

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ABC News

http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=5428757

Sorry for my ignorance, but I would like to know if there is an actual increase in ADD/ADHD in the population in the last 75 years? Is there a connection to the increase of chemicals in the environment? Are there any studies of ADHD etc. that compare incidence worldwide? My perception is that there has been a marked increase in individuals with these disorders and not just because of better diagnoses.

Blackstrap, there have been studies that link it to chemicals used in agriculture to ADHD. But I dont think there is anything definative yet. Here is a link: KSL.COM

I worked in the mint fields when I was 14 years old. Im sure I was exposed to all kinds of things back then. They used to put the chemicals right into the irrigation sprinklers. I moved pipe in those fields all the time and was always getting wet maintaining the sprinkler heads when the system was on. We also lived out in the country where there were many flights spraying crops. Who knows if that had an effect

Study finds link between pesticide and ADHD

May 17th, 2010 @ 5:44pmBy Amanda Butterfield

SALT LAKE CITY

A pesticide found on fruits and vegetables is being linked to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in children. The study connects exposure to pesticides, known as organophosphates, to ADHD. We took the findings to an expert. Dr. Howard Weeks is an assistant professor of child psychiatry at the University Neuropsychiatric Institute. He works with kids who have ADHD. "ADHD is a brain disorder that is a chemical disorder in the brain," he says.

After looking over the study, printed in the journal "Pediatrics," Weeks was very interested. "What's interesting about this study is it is the largest one to date to show a link," he says. "It's not definitive, so not conclusive, but very concerning." The study shows kids exposed to high levels of organophosphates, found on commercially-grown fruits and vegetables, are more likely to have ADHD. The study also found children are more sensitive to it than adults. "When you are young, your brain is still developing, so you are more susceptible to environmental insults," Weeks says. Weeks says 3 to 5 percent of kids under the age of 18 have ADHD, which means they have trouble paying attention and can be hyperactive. He says about half grow out of it and the rest learn to adapt or take medication. "We don't understand what causes ADHD. We know there are genetic components, environmental," Weeks says. "This may be one of the pieces that could effect people to develop ADHD. It's not going to be the entire causation."

...... more

Also, its important to know if you have ADHD as a child - you will in fact have it as an adult - you dont grow out of it.

Edited by Messenger
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calmoriah,

Well I hope you had a good sleep along with the letters on your big screen TV. I am not at all sensitive to smell in the least, however , there is only one perfume that gives me problems with swellling eyes at work, we have yet to discover who that person is that wears it. But when I find out, I will be asking her permission to look at the bottle of perfume, I will then take it outside, and huck in as far as I can, and calmly return to my desk!

Man, there are so many times I've desired to have a hose handy to cleanse an abuser of perfume.

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I am at a loss to understand why often time our educators and others seem to have such a stigma for those with ADHD. Two thoughts come to mind. The first is that those with ADHD are drug seeking individuals who take central nervous system stimulants. The second is that these are people with behavoir problems who could control their behavior if they wanted to. I guess a third reason would be lack of education on the matter.

The moment I realized that my son likely had ADHD, it was bedtime while on vacation. We had tried discipline, but after a while, I realized it was like he just could not "cut off" << That is the best way I can describe that moment. If he could have cut off, he would have. It has been very difficult in dealing with educators in school. My mother would often say to me that she didn't think my son should take "that medicine" and I would tell her that okay, I'll send him to your house without having taken his medicine, but he is going to take it when he is at home. I believe my parents thought they could discipline the the symptoms out of our son and that if he took CNS stimulants, he would automatically be a drug addict or something. Fortunately, they've chilled on that issue, but getting educators to work with me to help him succeed as a student is an ongoing disappointment. I really wish for a moment that they could experience what he does and what it is like to have ADHD. I don't wish anyone to have it, but only to somewhat understand it and recognize it as a legitimate issue and take small efforts to help students succeed. It wouldn't take much effort to do this.

You also might want to check out restless legs syndrome (now called Ekbom's syndrome). Many RLS kids are misdiagnosed as ADHD (sleep deprivation manifests as hyperactivity in many children) and many ADHD also have rls which needs to be addressed as well. I suggest rls.org for great info, there are links to support groups available on the site as well.

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That is so hard! I learned very early on how helpful medication can be. My cousin was really hard to deal with for years and it made a huge difference once he was finally given a prescription. He has wonderful parents who are consistent with discipline and I hate how parents are judged when their children suffer from ADHD. We had a boy in our ward who was undiagnosed until he was almost 12 because his mom didn't want him to be labeled. The problem was, he was already labeled as a bad kid. When he was finally treated for it, he was able to hold still, he stopped sucking his thumb, and the rawness around his mouth finally went away (he was always sucking on his upper lip area). He is now easier to manage than most of the other boys his age.

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Hey messenger, I am currently trying to convince someone who has ADHD/ADD to date me.

She is being very elusive... first the answer was no, now the answer is maybe 0.o

Any pieces of advice (other than not getting on her pet peeves, which I already have down pat XD) that I should use?

I know each person with it is different... but perhaps you have something which could teach me well =D.

Best Wishes,

TAO

Edited by TAO
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Hey messenger, I am currently trying to convince someone who has ADHD/ADD to date me.

She is being very elusive... first the answer was no, now the answer is maybe 0.o

Any pieces of advice (other than not getting on her pet peeves, which I already have down pat XD) that I should use?

I know each person with it is different... but perhaps you have something which could teach me well =D.

Best Wishes,

TAO

TAO,

I'm honored.

Well, she's probably had a long road of boyfriends that have dumped her. So, she's probably a little nervous about getting hurt, because it happens really often with ADHDers. I mean, I've never dated anybody longer than 3 months. Expect her to not understand your subtle hints. Its good to be clear.

ADHDers tend to take a lot of risk with the experiences of life. So, make sure those dating experiences are a little more on the safe side, but appear to be just as exciting for them. I cant tell you how many close calls I've had in my youth with hiking (almost fell off a cliff), street motorcycle riding (again almost drove off a cliff), and ATVing with NOS (and never a helmet). But I'm still here!

Action movies over Museums.

Church Videos over reading scriptures.

Disaster Movies over Romantic Relationship movies (try the movie Twister) Now thats a relationship!

Drag races over row boating.

Gangster movies over gardening.

I sometimes watch hours of YOU TUBE disaster clips, ranging from Jet, and plane crashes to Tsunami disasters.

If you take her out to eat, realize thats probably not the best date at first. Our stomach is always sore from the medication, we we look at everything twice and even three times before we take one bite, then we are done. I've lost 15 lbs now. I dont eat very much.

Also, give her time to sort things out when she needs to and support that. Do not be offended.

Heh - this is going to be interesting!

Edited by Messenger
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TAO,

I'm honored.

Well, she's probably had a long road of boyfriends that have dumped her. So, she's probably a little nervous about getting hurt, because it happens really often with ADHDers. I mean, I've never dated anybody longer than 3 months. Expect her to not understand your subtle hints. Its good to be clear.

Erm... Messenger... I've got... news... so I just talked to her today... and she... she said she'd be willing to date me =3. I'm so happy =D !!!!!

But yah... I don't think she's had a bf before... she's only 16 (I'm 18)... but she is very nervous... getting hurt... and boys being well... untrustable kinda, to a degree. I guess I'm very lucky, that I am. Actually, I shouldn't say I guess. I am very lucky, regardless, to be able to date a girl like her =).

I can't say aloud how happy this will make me... it's is impossible to describe with words... =D.

ADHDers tend to take a lot of risk with the experiences of life. So, make sure those dating experiences are a little more on the safe side, but appear to be just as exciting for them. I cant tell you how many close calls I've had in my youth with hiking (almost fell off a cliff), street motorcycle riding (again almost drove off a cliff), and ATVing with NOS (and never a helmet). But I'm still here!

Action movies over Museums.

Church Videos over reading scriptures.

Disaster Movies over Romantic Relationship movies (try the movie Twister) Now thats a relationship!

Drag races over row boating.

Gangster movies over gardening.

I sometimes watch hours of YOU TUBE disaster clips, ranging from Jet, and plane crashes to Tsunami disasters.

Hehe... I shall definately take that in as advice... action, but safe action =). I like that too anyways! It shall all work out =D.

Disaster clips are awsome indeed =D.

If you take her out to eat, realize thats probably not the best date at first. Our stomach is always sore from the medication, we we look at everything twice and even three times before we take one bite, then we are done. I've lost 15 lbs now. I dont eat very much.

Ah... she doesn't need meds, as far as I know... she may be milder... so she loves eating. But I have heard that sometimes she can go a few days without eating, if she doesn't feel like it. But when she does (especially when the things contain sugar) she loves to go to dinner/lunch/snack, those sort of things. But maybe it just depends on her personality =D.

Also, give her time to sort things out when she needs to and support that. Do not be offended.

Will do! I need this time myself sometimes too =D. =)

Heh - this is going to be interesting!

Yayz!!!! =D.

I am really going to try to be the best person I can be for her! That I will, on my sacred honor =D. For what I hold precious, she is more glistening than gold =)

Best Wishes,

TAO

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That's funny, an Aspie dating someone with ADHD. I've been doing that for ten years (of course she has many other mental health issues) and I still haven't figured it out. I love her to death though. It helps, I'm sure, that you learned early what's going on with you and how to deal with these issues. Best of luck to you, bro. If anyone can do it, you can.

edit to add: I can tease him about it, because I have the same thing.

Edited by Nathair
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Erm... Messenger... I've got... news... so I just talked to her today... and she... she said she'd be willing to date me =3. I'm so happy =D !!!!!

But yah... I don't think she's had a bf before... she's only 16 (I'm 18)... but she is very nervous... getting hurt... and boys being well... untrustable kinda, to a degree. I guess I'm very lucky, that I am. Actually, I shouldn't say I guess. I am very lucky, regardless, to be able to date a girl like her =).

I can't say aloud how happy this will make me... it's is impossible to describe with words... =D.

Hehe... I shall definately take that in as advice... action, but safe action =). I like that too anyways! It shall all work out =D.

Disaster clips are awsome indeed =D.

Ah... she doesn't need meds, as far as I know... she may be milder... so she loves eating. But I have heard that sometimes she can go a few days without eating, if she doesn't feel like it. But when she does (especially when the things contain sugar) she loves to go to dinner/lunch/snack, those sort of things. But maybe it just depends on her personality =D.

Will do! I need this time myself sometimes too =D. =)

Yayz!!!! =D.

I am really going to try to be the best person I can be for her! That I will, on my sacred honor =D. For what I hold precious, she is more glistening than gold =)

Best Wishes,

TAO

TAO,

Thats Awesome. High five!! Let me know how it goes. I'll be here.

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I wanted to get back to the stigma part of ADHD. And try to discuss the reason why.

I don’t think ADHD is unique in its stigma. There are lots of things that are a stigma with people. And, even though the church gives lots of conference talks on trying to raise awareness of these areas, sometimes people tend to believe their original notion even though they haven’t done any personal research or aren't educated in it.

I am truly lucky, as I have been through many experiences while being a member of the the church that might be considered stigmas by other members, other people. Divorce is one of them. Although years of conference talks have made the stigma of my divorce, as well as being a convert, a lot less of a problem than it used to be, it’s still quite intense, especially for men that are divorced.

Yesterday, I talked to and thanked a wonderful lady in my ward. She often talks about her son, who has a terrible time dealing with stuttering. The young man is preparing to go on a mission and even gave a talk about it. I went up to her after sacrament and thanked her for her and her son's example. They have both been quite courageous in being open and facing their struggles head on. I told her that she and her son have always been an example to me, but especially recently since I was diagnosed with ADHD. You should have seen the look on her face - It was filled with total compassion. And before I could say more, she said, "It must have been something to realize that now in your life, and looking back at your experiences". She understood totally. Although her son was not present yesterday in church, I asked her to thank him for the example he was to me. She said that she would tell him.

4 hours later I got a call from relief society to volunteer to help in cleaning up my apartment after the move. Wow. I don’t know if relief society knows about my ADHD, but if they do, and considering that I am moving anyways, I am OK with that. The funny thing is I didn’t even ask for help in cleaning up.

We all have areas where we have a stigma, a prejudice, about someone else, or another group of people. Its nothing new to humanity. We then experience it in our own lives, and learn that we may have been wrong about our own judgments on others, those that are divorced, stutter, or have ADHD.

Mathew 25:

35. For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:

36. Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

37. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?

38. When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?

39. Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

40. And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

While I don’t expect everyone to get over their stigma of ADHD overnight, I do want to recognize progress when I see it, even if it is just one person. Sometimes we can clearly see our role in the future, a role which is handed to us because of our experiences in life: They make us ready for the next step. Life is good! It looks like I will be building a new website to help members of the church with this. I got the domain, and in a few weeks will start building it.

Edited by Messenger
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