Ethics question

[Nathair/|\]

Why is it perfectly acceptable for a wife to smack her husband around, tear down his self esteem, etc; but as soon as he so much as mildly communicates that he doesn't like it, he is a horrible abuser?

[bluebell]

It's not acceptable for anyone to abuse another, whether physically, emotionally, or mentally.

[TAO]

It's not acceptable either way really. Just try to be the better person if this happens.

As men, we are sort of expected to be more patient with women, I guess, as well.

Edited February 7, 2011 by TAO

[keithb]

Why is it perfectly acceptable for a wife to smack her husband around, tear down his self esteem, etc; but as soon as he so much as mildly communicates that he doesn't like it, he is a horrible abuser?

Um, I don't think ANYONE with an ounce of common sense would think this behavior is okay.

If you're speaking from personal experience here, you need to get help for your relationship. Abuse in any form, from either spouse, is 100% unacceptable.

[Nathair/|\]

Um, I don't think ANYONE with an ounce of common sense would think this behavior is okay.

If you're speaking from personal experience here, you need to get help for your relationship. Abuse in any form, from either spouse, is 100% unacceptable.

Not so much personal, Just something I see a lot in the media and real life.

[keithb]

Not so much personal, Just something I see a lot in the media and real life.

Again, if you have friends where this situation is occurring, then they also need to get help.

If you're talking about something like Everybody Loves Raymond, it's a TV show.

[Nathair/|\]

Apparently, a male who calls the police because he is getting beat up by his wife/girlfriend will get arrested in some states.

[thesometimesaint]

You Just slip out the back, Jack

Make a new plan, Stan

You don't need to be coy, Roy

Just get yourself free

Hop on the bus, Gus

You don't need to discuss much

Just drop off the key, Lee

And get yourself free.

[BookofMormonLuvr]

Apparently, a male who calls the police because he is getting beat up by his wife/girlfriend will get arrested in some states.

Here in our county we have the "someone has to go to jail" rule for DV calls, so unless the woman admits it was her, the man goes to jail.

[Nathair/|\]

For an ABC news report:

[keithb]

Apparently, a male who calls the police because he is getting beat up by his wife/girlfriend will get arrested in some states.

That doesn't sound right. CFR?

I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just curious which states.

Edited February 7, 2011 by keithb

[Nathair/|\]

That doesn't sound right. CFR?

I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just curious which states.

I don't know exactly. My source may be incorrect.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AbuseIsOkayWhenItIsFemaleOnMale

For the real life examples, click on the "other" button.

[frankenstein]

That doesn't sound right. CFR?

I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just curious which states.

till maybe the past decade only one person would be arrested. slowly have some states started arresting both people.

an Americans Most Wanted, is a woman, who would abuse her boyfriends, she would then call the police, and the male would be arrested, because the woman put on a song and dance, she was put on the most listed for murdering one of the men she falsely accused.

sadly, it seems society is still stuck in archaic notions that woman are weak, and if a woman hits a man, he should not care. Just look at the horrible show "the bachelor" who was physically assaulted, and if it was filmed in California "the state" has the right to press charges, but did anyone make a issue of physical abuse on national tv, no, not a person with a voice took issue with relationship abuse being sensationalized on national tv.

My philosophy is two fold.

Firstly, I do not believe anyone should hit another person.

Secondly, "live by the sword die by the sword", meaning, WHOEVER you are or WHATEVER your gender, if you hit me, then you are saying to me, that you consider yourself to be my equal or better, thus, I reserve the right the hit you back.

[bluebell]

I agree that a woman who hits a man should be treated by law like a man would be if he hit her.

I also think though that this is a complicated topic. I would guess that in almost all cases, any time a woman hits a man more than once, it's because he lets her. In almost all cases the man will be physically stronger in the pair and would be able to dominate if he chose. The woman may be doing the hitting, but the man, the person being hit, is almost always still in control of the situation and could stop her physically if he decided to.

That doesn't make it right or o.k. for a woman to hit a man in the least, but it does make it different than almost all cases where a man hits a woman repeatedly.

In those cases, the person doing the hitting is in control. The woman can usually do nothing to get him to stop hitting her. She is completely at his mercy.

That's why this topic is so complex. 99% of the time, a man is abused by a woman because he lets her. 99% of the time a woman is abused by a man because she can't stop him.

If any man doubts the power that he truly has over women, just ask yourself, when was the last time you felt physically threatened by a woman? When was the last time you were alone in some situation (elevator, street) with a woman and thought, if she wants to, she could hurt me or kill me and i could do nothing to stop her?

Then ask a woman when the last time was that she felt physically threatened by simply being alone with a man and see what her answer is.

[thesometimesaint]

My mom taught me a very valuable lesson. "You NEVER hit a lady. But if she is stupid enough to hit you first. She has proven she is not a lady. So you deck her."

[LeSellers]

It's a common phenomenon, and it stems, I believe, from the 1950s' "Lassie meme": Woman smarter than man, kids smarter than woman, dog smarter than kid. Its been around a long time in modern USmerica, and far, far longer the world around.

Men are supposed to be stronger than women (and most, but not all, are). They don't need (or merit) protection because they can protect themselves. But, if they do protect themselves, they are seen as the perpetrator.

Women are more prone to using weapons when they strike a man (usually clubs or knives), men use their fists when they strike a woman. Women, contrary to the statement in the clip, do more harm because of the weapon. They are also more likely to attack when the man is asleep (or drunk, etc.),

[Mark Beesley]

My mom taught me a very valuable lesson. "You NEVER hit a lady. But if she is stupid enough to hit you first. She has proven she is not a lady. So you deck her."

My mom taught me to turn the other cheek. It works.

[LDSToronto]

Why is it perfectly acceptable for a wife to smack her husband around, tear down his self esteem, etc; but as soon as he so much as mildly communicates that he doesn't like it, he is a horrible abuser?

Two points:

1. You should phrase this question with less hyperbole and emotion. The phrase, "as soon as he so much as mildly communicates that he doesn't like it, he is a horrible abuser" doesn't make sense. Do people who say, "stop smacking me around and tearing down my self-esteem" commonly get labeled as "horrible abusers"? Not in my experience.

2. What on earth has this got to do with mormonism?

H.

[frankenstein]

99% of the time, a man is abused by a woman because he lets her. 99% of the time a woman is abused by a man because she can't stop him.

this is utterly ridiculous and I say almost entirely baseless and only perpetuates misguided and ill informed stereotypes. and way to tell someone who is abused "its your fault". If a man is responsible for the abuse he receives, then a woman is too. I hear it "Well Mr. X, if you want the abuse to stop, then stop talking back, pick up clothes, do the dishes, clean the house."

When was the last time you were alone in some situation (elevator, street) with a woman and thought, if she wants to, she could hurt me or kill me and i could do nothing to stop her?

Then ask a woman when the last time was that she felt physically threatened by simply being alone with a man and see what her answer is.

more ridiculousness. I have a friend who was in the Coast Guard of his training involved shooting situations. He stood before a video screen and played out a situation, he was armed during this simulation and the purpose was to train him to fire his weapon or thing involved with discharging ones weapon in the line of duty.

Here is his situation: There are several people on screen, an old woman, a man, and other bystanders, guess who had the weapon? and guess who my friend shot during the simulation?

The old woman had the weapon, and my friend shot her in the simulation and he passed the simulation test.

I know many females who legally carry a firearm. I know of other females who carry tasers or mace.

[nicolasconnault]

In a world of justice, there would be no discrepancy between male-on-female and female-on-male violence, but ours is not a world of justice, it's a world of perceived justice. Just as most crime against blacks is perpetrated by other blacks, most people believe that white-on-black crime is more prevalent. And, while there is more white-on-white crime, proportionally, there is much more black-on-white crime, but it's more or less unnoticed.

Technically inaccurate: there are more arrests, not necessarily more crimes. That distinction is important.

[frankenstein]

Two points:

1. You should phrase this question with less hyperbole and emotion. The phrase, "as soon as he so much as mildly communicates that he doesn't like it, he is a horrible abuser" doesn't make sense. Do people who say, "stop smacking me around and tearing down my self-esteem" commonly get labeled as "horrible abusers"? Not in my experience.

2. What on earth has this got to do with mormonism?

H.

in a way this topic has to do with what LDS view as entertainment. My wife does not like many shows, because in her view the husband in any given show is a overweight duffous who forrest gumps his way through life, while the wife is usually very fit, trim and pretty woman, who knows more than the husband and seemingly "settled" for a husband.

[bluebell]

this is utterly ridiculous and I say almost entirely baseless and only perpetuates misguided and ill informed stereotypes. and way to tell someone who is abused "its your fault". If a man is responsible for the abuse he receives, then a woman is too. I hear it "Well Mr. X, if you want the abuse to stop, then stop talking back, pick up clothes, do the dishes, clean the house."

Calm down.

I'm talking about being physically powerful enough to stop the abuse. Men usually are, women usually are not. It's not rocket science here.

What's ridiculous and almost entirely baseless is to claim that in 99% of relationships, the man is NOT physcially more powerful than the woman.

more ridiculousness. I have a friend who was in the Coast Guard of his training involved shooting situations. He stood before a video screen and played out a situation, he was armed during this simulation and the purpose was to train him to fire his weapon or thing involved with discharging ones weapon in the line of duty.

Here is his situation: There are several people on screen, an old woman, a man, and other bystanders, guess who had the weapon? and guess who my friend shot during the simulation?

The old woman had the weapon, and my friend shot her in the simulation and he passed the simulation test.

I know many females who legally carry a firearm. I know of other females who carry tasers or mace.

I thought it was fairly obvious that I was speaking about physical strength (ei. the 'weapons' we are born with) but that you have to go to a situation where a woman is armed to make her a threat to a man just proves my point.

Unarmed men are threats to unarmed women, unarmed women are not threats to unarmed men. THIS is the WHOLE point of my post. A man, in a natural state is almost always in control of who will be physically harmed if he is up against a woman in a natural state.

Men are naturally more powerful than women in 99% of the cases.

This is why comparing a woman who beats up on a man with a man who beats up on a woman is complicated. The act is the same, who has the power is not.

[Skylla]

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