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Posts posted by MustardSeed

  1. 35 minutes ago, GoCeltics said:

    so, but this practice ceased with the onset 
    of the COVID-19 pandemic.

    I’m confident it could resume with a request.  Meanwhile nice to meet you here. 

  2. 2 hours ago, bluebell said:

    Having people willing to accept callings is a real concern for most wards now I think.  Your poor friend!

    I have to admit that sometimes I struggle with active members who won't accept callings.  They are more than willing to take advantage of the community of saints (in the way that we are all supposed to take advantage of it) but refuse to give back.  This seems to be especially true for those with kids and youth who are actively being blessed by participating in those programs.

    I know that there are some times when saying no to calling is completely justified and necessary.  But I don't think it's justified to the extent that it happens now.   I think we are a lot more self-focused than we used to be as a church.

    For sure.  I think word got out that sometimes callings are more desperation than inspiration which gives latitude to refuse.  Plus life is so busy now, and we are learning how time away from family for callings is hard on family the same way a paid job is.  
     I don’t qualify for a leadership calling so I think I’m safe,  but I would have served faithfully and well back in the day. 
    I do believe in being a contributor and not a taker though.  I need to adjust my present situation to reflect that. 

  3. 13 minutes ago, Doctor Steuss said:

    The trauma of reporting is so hard to fully fathom.  I can't even begin to imagine all that is entailed emotionally and psychologically for women (or men) in trying to fully seek justice.  I helped a friend report a rape about 5-ish years ago.  The rape had occurred a few weeks prior, and she had finally built up the courage to report it, but needed some extra support to go through with it.  Even getting to someone to so much as take a report was exhausting.  I spent almost an hour on the phone with the rape hotline, which got us nowhere.  When we finally got an officer to take a basic report (after 5 hours of waiting), some of the questions they asked her were so calloused and accusatory.  It was surreal, watching her essentially be victimized again.  It forever altered my worldview of what women go through when they choose to come forward about their assault.

    I see that a lot in my work as a therapist. 

  4. I’m sorry that this is shocking news to some.  It’s a reality that I don’t think about consciously every minute of every day but it’s a latent awareness constantly that becomes more clear when the topic arises.  Many women know and understand.  Some men understand, but will never know.  Many men just don’t know or understand- it’s a shocking reality and very sad indeed.  Until more seek to understand, reality cannot be altered. 

  5. 5 minutes ago, longview said:

    The points being made about the prevalence of sexual assaults of varying degrees are VERY sobering and real. It would be agonizing for it happen to my relatives.

    However the prefix "all men" is still too jarring. The word "potentially" is utterly a blanket condemnation. Would it be better to use non-absolutist terms? How about this? "Women have a very real dread of any man that could suddenly make an assault any time any place."

    After all, there is a significant percentage (hopefully) of men who have NEVER degraded women and would "shake at the appearance of evil."

    If we knew exactly which men those were, that statement could work perfectly! :) 

  6. 17 hours ago, smac97 said:

    reacted in the way I described not because I subscribe to the notion that "all men are potential rapists," but because it was reasonable for the woman to, in exercising situational awareness, have heightened concern about A) being all alone in a an open public space, B) early in the morning, and C) observing a large guy walking 50 feet behind her, but in the same direction as she was going.  The combination of these criteria make heightened awareness a sensible thing.  But always viewing all men everywhere as "potential rapists," solely because they are alive and male, is patently prejudicial.

    For me, due to real experiences and actual trauma, life itself has become a daily situation requiring awareness. You will never have to understand this, so I won’t ask you to anymore.

    17 hours ago, smac97 said:

    respectfully submit that there is no specific "line."  There is, instead, a balancing test that takes multiple factors/criteria into account.

    A "line" that says "He's a man, ergo he's a potential rapist," then that is prejudicial

    Agreed, unfortunately it is reality for me. 


    17 hours ago, smac97 said:


    I actually take offense to this because it’s personal to me, and my life was in danger over the reality. I acknowledge that you take offense to the idea that I see your gender as threatening.


    17 hours ago, smac97 said:

    Again: "A man who is behaving suspiciously toward a woman in vulnerable circumstances can be reasonably treated with caution and suspicion.  Otherwise, however, the imputation of malevolent intent onto a man simply because he is male, and for no other reason, is per se prejudicial."

    I agree. I have a prejudice. I hope your daughter never experiences  like I did, and is able to leave her young adulthood, unscathed, and without prejudice. 

    I don’t think I will respond further if you don’t mind. I will be happy to read any final words you may want to share with me on this topic.

  7. 40 minutes ago, smac97 said:

    And yet, I don't think any of us would feel comfortable designating all black men, or all Muslim men, or all Hispanic men, as "potential rapists" solely because they are in that category.  Such a designation would be per se prejudicial.

    This is true.  I’m a worse person than I realized- and if I could eliminate the fear I feel 100% of the time when I’m alone and a man I don’t know approaches me I would sign up immediately. 
    it doesn’t take much to squelch the fear in the moment- but it’s real for a time and it’s really unfortunate for us all. 

  8. 1 hour ago, Tacenda said:

    Sometimes I walk in an area that doesn't have homes just outside of a neighborhood. And just the thought that someone could get me, makes me run as fast as possible to get to where there's homes. I'm not a runner, but the thoughts takeover and I run faster than I thought I could.

    I got home late last night and couldn’t enter the code correctly to open the front door.  It took me 4 tries…I kept thinking “what if there’s a guy around the corner”- 

    my husband says he never has that experience ( though maybe he was referring to entering the code wrong 😩)

  9. 1 hour ago, Stargazer said:

    if ye know that a man is unworthy to eat and drink of my flesh and blood ye shall forbid him.

    It all boils down to what it means to be unworthy.  My experiences have me distrusting men in powers’ opinions and overreach-, 

    I’m grateful that the sacrament is withheld less often than it was 10 years ago, but I’d really could have used the more generous approach in my own family then. 

  10. 1 hour ago, Stargazer said:

    If I understand you correctly, you're suggesting that someone who is not willing to repent should be restricted from partaking, but someone who has confessed and is now attempting to correct their behavior should be permitted?

    If that is the case, then my answer is the first part is definitely how it must go, while the second is conditional upon one's feeling of having repented, or for more serious matters, the discernment of the presiding officer, as well as the seriousness of the sin.

    Three scenarios:

    1. I arrive a sacrament meeting a bit late, having had an argument with my wife while driving there, and the other drivers on the road have caused me to shout at them, too. I barely find my seat as the last notes of the sacrament hymn are sung. Suddenly I am presented with the bread while I am still worked up and at odds with my wife. Do I partake, or not? Well, all the aggravation aside, I am willing to repent. Should I partake?

    2. I have allowed myself to be become addicted to alcohol, but I want to shake the addiction. I am willing to repent, and have cut my consumption, but I'm still craving the stuff, and find myself sneaking drinks occasionally. I partake of the sacrament each week. Am I doing wrong, given the scriptures I quoted to MustardSeed?

    3. Replace scenario 2 with the occasional intimate contact with a woman not my wife, though I'm trying to end the relationship. I partake of the sacrament each week so as not to raise my wife's suspicions. Same question.



    Nobody is righteous “enough”, and no one can say but the individual if at the time of sacrament the individual has an attitude of a desire to do better and a repentant attitude. 

    If somebody’s going to sit down with the Bishop and confess their sins, I don’t understand the need to withhold the sacrament . That’s more than I’ve ever done, and I take sacrament every week. 

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