Calm

Could this not be applied to any service that isn’t one and done? Medical doctors having a vested interest in keeping patients sick, pharmaceutical companies the same, banks, credit card companies keeping their clients always needing loans, lawyers keeping their clients entangled with others so issues are never settled, car makers and other producers ensuring their products will break sooner than later, music and other teachers never teaching their students quite enough so they won’t outgrow them. There are likely always going to be bad faith providers, which is why regulation is needed. If we only engage with those who have proven beyond doubt to be solid, our available resources will be rather limited. We should of course invest effort to discover who is the lowest risk for the highest value in most cases (sometimes urgency may interfere with our ability to research). There is also the fact that if one provides good service customers who are loyal may not need you any more, but they may end up bringing more work by spreading the good word. Most people don’t want to view therapy as a forever cost of time and money, so satisfied clients letting their friends, acquaintances, the world of online hear of an effective therapist who aims for a reasonable but not that lasting of a relationship (such as recommended in the APA professional guidelines) may increase one’s income more than presenting to the world clients who look needy and forever stuck in a rut.

That lack of ‘awareness’ of the ubiquitousness of CBT, if accurate, is a huge red flag.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evil-deeds/202606/the-trouble-with-therapy-today? Hmmm….makes me wonder what else he is choosing to ignore if he is pretending that CBT is not the most common therapy out there these days and has been for awhile, probably since he started practicing himself. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5797481/

Decided to look into what psychologists may say about Alpert’s claims. Not claiming this stuff is a consensus. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/therapy-matters/201204/response-jonathan-alpert? Looks like Alpert does cite studies, but possibly only those who agree with him, which is not good science and is unlikely to lead to accurate conclusions. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/10401237261457751? This one summaries his book and suggests it’s a good view to add to the conversation, but definitely presents it as more ideas than data.

Enforced by whom? Trying to follow your reasoning. By the transgender community…which has multiple groups with different goals or by some institution?

One of the reasons those living in certain places in Asia have greater life span is the habit of sitting and sleeping on the floor rather than furniture. The constant getting up and down does for them what squats are supposed to do for us who sit on chairs, etc. Don’t have to lose your furniture though, just do squats. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2023/09/09/1198047149/blue-zones-health-centenarians-healthy-habits

Threads got reported as spam again.

That is a smart way to do it.

Probably full. Will delete some this evening

Got to say I laughed reading this phrase.

I have never encountered that I recall over the years of online and offline encounters someone was an antimormon and Christian who hasn’t called themselves Evangelical, but fundamentalist/Fundamentalist. From what I have heard among LDS, this is typical. My guess is the other Saints, like me, want to distinguish between the Evangelicals who are not constantly challenging our Christianity and those who are while still respecting the rights of those claiming to be Evangelicals. It may not be technically accurate, but I believe most people would understand what we are talking about. Perhaps not though.

Last I heard he was an active and devout member. But he is a philosopher (by inclination, professionally think he is a lawyer) and his arguments are not always mainstream thought as far as I remember (been over 20 years since I read the book). I am reserved about it for that reason, but my memory says he is thorough in his treatment so while his own conclusions may be not traditional, he includes those in his discussion. I would definitely look for reviews to be sure.

Feel free to ask me privately if you want to discuss specific details and it feels awkward here (especially if there are foods that cause issues for you). I am not an expert, but I know where to find some of them. And given my low energy level, picked up lots of tricks for making it easier.

Not sure this is what you are looking for: https://gregkofford.com/products/exploring-mormon-thought-1?

I think a lot of adults are oblivious to how much “teasing” is actually bullying and is cruel, even if unintentional. And if it’s persistent, I have major doubts about it not being intentionally cruel because there are ways to avoid using any undesired name if one wants to. Along with being oblivious to what can be bullying, many adults are oblivious to how much that can affect the quality of life for our kids. My daughter had a very smart, very cruel young lady in her elementary classes who was very good at tormenting while not breaking any obvious rules. I don’t believe high schools and younger should be restricted to set in stone rules and instead should operate more on a case by case basis so these kinds of tyrants don’t have free rein to play their power games. My daughter was never a threat, but I was definitely worried she would be a target because she was best friends with the popular girl that the queen bee wanted to own. Thankfully my daughter’s friend protected her. I had tutored her after school when they first immigrated, they would play a lot, so my daughter was her first and enduring Canadian friend (even if she was technically American having spent her first month in the US). I also had a good relationship with her. She was wonderful herself, but also dominated by the tyrant to a great extent because their families were close having immigrated at the same time and were involved in the same communities outside of school. It made it impossible for her to threaten to distance herself from the tyrant in order to dampen the power games, which was pretty much the only thing that worked. Just because ‘teasing’ kids by kids has been happening for ages doesn’t mean it’s healthy or not a big deal. Wife beating happened for ages, we finally grew up enough to realize it wasn’t a man’s right or duty to ‘discipline’ his wife. Once we put in enough effort to really determine how much kids are affected by such treatment when young, we will be horrified at the damage that was allowed. And thinking it’s better that they get exposed to cruelty in their youth so they will toughen up and be ready for the real world doesn’t understand that the more confident kids are the ones that feel secure and relaxed, not the ones that act tough because that’s how they protect themselves.

Nutrition wise, it’s always best to eat fruit whole. I can’t remember any fruit that is better to eat cooked like there are some veggies that are easier to absorb nutrients from. If you can tolerate milk and don’t like yogurt, you can always add some quality cacao to it (I think our favorite is Guittard) for a treat. I also like hot Golden Milk (turmeric and some other spices, doesn’t need sweetener for me). If you like yogurt, try kefir. It has even more variety of bugs in it than store bought yogurt so great at helping to build a healthy gut some come with a lot of sugar, but you can always use your blender to add your own fruit flavor. If you can’t handle milk, kefir and yogurt are good substitutes for many as the bugs digest a lot of the lactose for you (same with sourdough bread, though that varies…I use a tarter version and that seems to prevent the sugars in wheat from exploding my gut). Water is best. If the quality of water you are getting from the tap ain’t great, invest in a filter. I would search online for the best in your area. Even a Brita type can make a difference. I had a really hard time drinking lots of water, it would slosh in my stomach and give me headaches. Adding a bit of salt helps balance the electrolytes for me and I add a bit of sugar as well as that helps the sodium get absorbed. Apparently I am very sensitive to changing electrolyte levels and more than a cup of water in an hour makes my head woozy, etc I can guzzle it down just fine with the addition. I started out using electrolytes capsules, but the cost goes up so much and the amount of anything but sodium isn’t worth the cost, I can get supplements cheaper if I actually need those. The homemade stuff works just as well, if not better as it mixes better. Adding a small amount of fruit juice (how much depends on your calories for the day) if you dislike the straight salt/sugar mix is good. I also use powdered raspberry, my daughter uses mango. You can also throw in frozen fruit to keep it cool as well as add flavor. If you are interested in the nutrition side of things, but don’t know where to start, my dietician recommends using Chat to come up with recipes and meal plans if you need help, especially if you are picky about food (I am not, but my body really is and I feel soooo much better with staying within the lines on this). My experience is always double check the math, especially when it’s dealing with teaspoons and tablespoons. Sometimes it increases when it’s supposed to be decreasing or the reverse. You want chat to calculate the macros (protein, carb, fats…maybe fiber, can’t remember what category that falls into) as well as keep an eye on the micronutrients. There are some free or not too expensive decent food tracking apps as well that would even be better if you don’t mind using them. Let me know if you are interested, I can point you to the ones recommended for me, but you can also use AI to find one that fits what you want best And when cooking something the first time it is very important to follow a recipe as described. Once you know what it is supposed to taste like, then one can fool around with it changing spices, cooking process (bake rather sauté) etc. There are lots of good videos out there. It can be a fun hobby to get involved in. Even if you don’t want to invest much time or money, looking into meal prep techniques and how to use different variations with meal planning is well worth the time investment. I would keep stuff simple as you start using apps and tracking nutrients and calories. Maybe even figure out 3 days of meal plans and repeat them until the tracking becomes natural. That way there is not as much calculation. Another thing is to pick your favorite breakfast and have that daily (assuming it’s pretty well balanced, I use overnight oats with fruit and protein powder to hit the protein, fiber and rainbow for that meal) and maybe even the same lunch or a very simple to calculate lunch (few items or maybe even a healthy prepackaged meal) and then put creativity into your main meal.

Just be careful with fruit juice as it can pack a lot of calories. Plus sometimes they stake out stuff that is good for you like the skins.

https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/eat-the-rainbow-for-good-health/

What I meant is do you think it’s that difficult to predict when a student is going to be upset by being persistently teased in a way they have requested not to be? The purpose of school is primarily for children to learn. A child who feels bullied has a harder time learning. That to me is a substantial disruption of school activity. I have seen one kid move schools to get away from bullying. It was easy to see the result once I knew what was going on. I could have told the result as soon as I knew the plan of the brat who decided she was going to destroy her just because she could. Unfortunately by the time I learned about it and could inform someone, the damage was done. Kids do not bounce back resiliently just because we like to think they do. A teacher hearing someone being deadnamed persistently in spite of being requested not to, that’s obviously intentional…not that hard to predict the result on the person asking it not to be done. Not that hard to predict the result of any kid being called something they believe is intended to be insulting, which deadnaming would be. Even if you don’t want to use the new name, you can always see if it’s okay to call someone by their last name instead or find out a nickname they don’t mind. Using last names are not unusual among kids. The child who is insisting on persistently using the name is obviously bullying because if it was just religious objection to transitioning on principle, they could simply choose not to talk to the other child.

Really?

Smac, would you see deadnaming as equivalent to refusing to use Latter -day Saint or other acceptable to the guidelines name and instead insisting on using “Mormon” even if a Saint asked them not to? It is technically correct according to standard usage and church use up to not that long ago. Not a challenge, am trying to understand where you place intentional deadnaming in the sense of harassment and bullying.

If you need to up your fiber, an easy fun way of doing it if you like the texture and don’t mind them sticking to your teeth too much (I use the GUM soft toothpicks these days), chia seeds in flavoured water or tea works well. Just start small and work up as with any fiber as your gut needs time to adjust. I take my chia seeds in overnight oats every morning with a cup of blueberries or raspberries (they are frozen, so I thaw in the microwave which makes a nice hot, cold mix to eat. I don’t like oatmeal, but love this stuff. Sweetened with a touch of maple syrup (me and honey don’t get along and regular sugar is blah in flavour imo). Add a 1/2 scoop of vanilla (I can’t eat chocolate) protein powder to it, between that and the Greek yogurt, got enough protein to satisfy me. Make 5 at a time in smaller mason jars, sometimes six. Probably shouldn’t do more than four, but as long as I don’t sense any fermentation and my gut doesn’t get upset, I assume they stay good that long and so far no issues. I also have a massive bowl of spring mix with a serving of shrimp or tofu or chicken and some fruit (grapes or mandarin oranges) on top to replace a dressing and then spray olive oil over it. I think that helped my gut too, but I mainly do that to satisfy my chewing need. Trying to satisfy that need with popcorn made my stomach unhappy and blew my calories over the limit. If I want ‘croutons’ I crack a corn tortilla on top…I can eat sourdough bread, but not regular and am too lazy to make my own sourdough croutons. I use sweet potatoes/yams a lot as my starch for my main meal as they aren’t as dry as potatoes, add sweetness to my diet while still being more low calorie comparatively speaking to other sweet things and very nutritionally dense. Just roast up a tray or two of chunks every few days and then heat them up for a meal. I meal prep other veggies to make it easy to put together decent meals, mainly carrots and green and red peppers because of my restricted diet (and I don’t like tomatoes so get that in tomato paste which flavour I do like). Cucumbers go bad faster, so I cut those fresh as needed. I keep meal prepped stuff in glass containers as they last much longer. For smaller bite size or sauces or soups stuff I use mason jars as they take up less room and are tons cheaper than the specialized stuff. The easiest way to get your nutritional balance in terms of fruit and veggies is to eat the rainbow daily. Something from each colour group.

Given the greater cultural attitudes of the past towards how men should be involved with their families (providers primarily, people were surprised even shocked when they found out my dad did meals, dishes, even changed diapers and we lived in northern California, lol) and the heavy emphasis on families and the lack of a drinking culture in the Church, I would be surprised if we were worse than the surrounding population. Church would be a substitute for excessive work, hanging out with the boys, social clubs, etc rather in addition to from what I saw and heard. I wonder if there were studies comparing the two. I would hope we were better, but Dad being above or too incompetent for the caregiving of kids (even now a guy is often looked at as being wonderful and noteworthy if they are the caregiver, gets compliments , etc while the mom doing the same exact thing is expected and ignored) was a pretty widespread cultural attitude, so who knows.

Now that is an interesting question.

Our ward in Canada was for awhile all young families who were married student housing at the University my husband worked at (the chapel’s parking lot was often used by students and made fundraising easy by selling spots for football, we had to split it with the rest of the stake though to be fair) and grey hairs. Very few were middle age like us, except a couple of former student families who had fallen in love with the ward. The cost of housing for what you got was too high.