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Posts posted by readstoomuch

  1. The pathology results were favorable.  Not the most early, but not the worst either.  I am having a bit of a hard time, but I have to concentrate on it being an early stage and not as dangerous.  Yes, I would appreciate any prayers.  Honestly, they have gotten me through the last week.  Love you guys.  

  2. Had surgery.  Up and walking at home without a catheter.  Not terrible pain.  They got it out, but the pathology back will be sometime next week.  I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers.  It really meant a lot.  It is hard for me to talk to people about the unknown.  Especially serious items.  I am starting to open up to some friends and family.  

  3. Thanks every one!  Strappinglad can you tell me about your father?  Did he keep his bladder?  If not how did I he do?  Did he do most of the things that he did before having cancer?  It’s not as easy to put my name on the prayer roll as it used to be.  

  4. It’s a very good interview.  Actually quite faith promoting for me.  He quoted Grant Hardy in explaining the 19th century elements as a restating of the ideas of the ancient prophets for our day.  I never got the impression from the interview that Bushman was saying that the Book of Mormon is made up 19th century fiction when discussing the elements that are associated with that century.  

  5. It is a good book and he has done some podcasts that are helpful.  I happened to watch John Gee`s talk from the last FAIR Conference about reasons that people lose faith.  Surveys that Ostler and Gee talk about mention going through a divorce or parents divorcing, especially if the parents were active.  Also pornography came up in Gee`s talk as effecting daily scripture reading and praying, even if the member continues to go to church on Sundays.  This effect of pornography lasted up to six years.  It was a different take on pornography, not the same things I usually hear.  Pornography is so pervasive, I wouldn`t throw it into the category of people leaving the Church to sin, but rather the effect of the sin.  It was a great conference, definitely worth the price of 29.95.  

  6. I thought I would do better when my daughter married another woman.  I tried and did pretty well at first, then I saw them together in person.  That was very hard.  She started the relationship weeks after her divorce from her husband was finalized.  For six years she has pretty much ignored me.  I don't see my grandson, she drinks heavy alcohol and is pretty much a mean person.  She has come to me when she needed something from me.  I supported her through a divorce despite some outlandish claims about her ex-husband.  As I wrote in another thread, her stepmom didn't handle the initial news well, especially with me.  My daughter has cut off contact with my wife.  I have sifted through my feelings quite a bit.  It isn't just about her being bisexual, but about her erratic behavior.  There doesn't seem to be anything left of the sweet girl I raised.  So, I am struggling with having a relationship with my daughter.  The being gay, is only part of a bitter pill that I have had to swallow.  

  7. Thomas Wayment did an interview on From the Desk with Kurt Manwaring.  I definitely think it is more nuanced and clarified in the transcript than has been attributed to him.  He specifically talks about charges of plagiarism.  I also read Kent Jackson`s article and indeed it is hard to make a case for a great deal of dependence on Adam Clarke.  It is probably fair to say that it influenced It and that there was an academic component to the JST.  Both worth reading.  I have really enjoyed Thomas Wayment`s translation of the New Testament and he seems like a pretty faithful guy.  His assistant at the time obviously is not  Any more and has been pretty vocal about it.  I think that is where the trouble started and the conversations started online.  She seems naive in how far she took the study`s findings.  She was an undergraduate student at the time.  

  8. 2 minutes ago, Calm said:

    It is very hard to try and help everyone to feel secure and wanted as much as someone else you love. It is unrealistic to demand to always be first or even to get attention when someone else is having a crisis as chances are in the long run one will be better off if the person in trouble gets the help they need when they need it, but humans are not very realistic imo. 

    I thought of this thread in listening to Elder Holland’s talk. 

    I know I thought about it when he spoke.  My wife also mentioned that there were things she had to work on after listening to that talk and some others.  She mentioned the big stumbling block in her mind was if you live your covenants, then you forgive others, but if you choose not to live your covenants then you can do whatever the heck you want

  9. I would really like the situation with Trump to make sense and have the information.  That usually takes awhile.  We are a good 9 or 10 months into the pandemic and we are still figuring things out.  For instance, if you can be more than six feet from someone at work (social distancing) then do you have to wear a mask?  Is a ceiling fan in a health club good ventilation or does it just toss the air filled with Covid around?  Guidelines are based on statistical models supplemented with contract tracing and followup interviews.  

    Yes, maybe they should have limited the information until they had the story straight. I think public figures are allowed to have some level of privacy, though not as much as most people.  

  10. I think it is an interesting conversation about too much vs too little medical treatment to receive with any condition including Covid.  It is easy to be an armchair quarterback.  For me personally if a treatment is fairly innocuous, I would prefer to be a tad on the aggressive side.   I understand that it looks like they might be trying to hide details or not fully disclose medical conditions.  He should be able to have some privacy.  Given my reading about John F Kennedy`s severe back condition and the medications that he was getting during the Cuban Missile Crisis, the level of knowledge that we have about Trump seems reasonable.  I don’t think anyone in the public had any idea about Kennedy`s situation.  

  11. Just now, Rain said:


    I don't know if you saw my question or not.  I'm talking about the second question here:


    Corticosteroids (cortisones) can raise anyone’s blood sugars.  In diabetics or prediabetics, those individuals may have to receive insulin subcutaneously if their blood sugar gets above 180-200.  Trump is not diabetics, but he is 244 lbs and six foot three.  That probably puts him in a prediabetic category.  So, he may have to receive some insulin depending on how much dexamethasone (corticosteroid) that he received.  

  12. On 10/1/2020 at 12:00 PM, Calm said:

    Unfortunately this may be at the root of her emotion, it may be in a convoluted way from a need of being reassured she is loved by you and is the most important person in your life. Insecurity leads to a lot of self fulfilling prophecies of doom as in by pushing for evidence that you put her first, she creates situations where you don’t. 

    The problem comes from assuming relationships are hierarchal, one is more valuable than another when it is more that relationships work together and isolation of value diminishes them. For example, if I demanded my husband always put family before work, not only would that impair his ability to contribute financially, but the feeling of accomplishment through and enjoyment of work relationships improves his mood and makes family relationships more meaningful for him as he is in a more social mood, rejuvenated, etc. 

    But telling that to someone who has never felt really safe because they never sure if they would be “first” when they needed to be may not be able to reach the core that needs that extreme reassurance (this is an issue in my family and my husband’s family from what I have see. due to some mixed messages parents so unintentionally sent so I may be projecting some here).

    I thought about this for awhile.  Children need unconditional love and spouses need unconditional love.  I just don`t think it is fair that I have to get caught up in that.  Of course life isn`t fair.  

  13. 3 hours ago, rpn said:

    Well, the first thing is not fighting for 5 hrs.   "Sweetheart, our Heavenly Parents have lots of children that choose different paths.  We don't think less of Them do we?  And They don't abandon the lost children either, do they?  If you choose to think about yourself as being a bad mother, or worry about others thinking that, that is YOU making yourself miserable.   I feel for you, and know you must work this out with yourself.  But I can't listen to you on this topic for more than [10 minutes a day OR for more than 1x per week for 30 minutes OR whatever you think you can handle].   Let's set the timer when you want to vent and when it goes off, if you still want to talk I'll just leave the room and go somewhere else for a while."    And then just list sympathetically as often and as long as you have negotiated, and every.single.time.thereafter get up and leave the situation.    You do not have to agree to be sucked into a spouse's worst moments as a requirement of being a loving spouse.

    (You may need to establish a place that is soundproof and away from her normal coping places (backyard?  garage?  basement?  A spare bedroom you soundproof? and stock it with uplifting music and maybe some hobby items to distract you.   And if you do get that, your wife might reasonably want her own space to calm herself down.)


    That is some really good practical advice.  There are others that have good advice, this was just very practical and succinct.  

  14. I think what people say when they are triggered, including “I just wish they were dead“ is probably not a fair assessment of someone overall.  It’s unpleasant and stressful for me though.  The situation with my daughter is hard for me as well.  She has had some very bad and odd behavior over the years.  The way she divorced her husband was terrible and unfair.  This seems like sort of a rebound situation with her latest marriage.  Like many parents I couldn`t imagine one of my children being homosexual.  So, it is far from the fact that I like what my daughter has done.  It is more of trying to keep some kind of relationship with her.  

    As far as my wife`s goal, I don`t think she articulates it like that.  That part of our brain that feels attacked and vulnerable is called a lizard brain.  It just reacts, it doesn`t reason.  I have made boundaries that I need to have a relationship with all of my child and I can`t redo the argument that we had the other night.  Then I said something very hard about hoping it didn`t take us divorcing for me to be able to keep those boundaries.  In prior counseling, the counselor said don`t make the man choose between you and his children.  

  15. 1 hour ago, katherine the great said:

    Ugh. I don't think I would get along very well with your wife. I have a daughter who causes me endless grief but I don't know if I could deal with criticism from a  spouse who isn't her parent over her behavior.  There really isn't anything we can do about our grown children's choices. I feel bad for your situation. I wouldn't expect her to love a stepchild in the same way that she loves her own children but I just can't wrap my mind around this propensity for judgement over a person's personal choices. Is it just their rejection of gospel teachings that upsets her or are they disrespectful towards her in general? Is it possible to have a relationship with your older children without involving your wife? Or did she partially raise them and they see her as a mother figure? It sounds like a complex situation with no easy solution. 

    She raised them from age 6 and 9.  My wife is a lovely person, but this is definitely one of her big faults.  Their rejection of the gospel makes her feel like a bad mother.  The need for people having to suffer for their bad choices is a "things should be fair in the universe" problem.  

  16. Well, Covid has been tough for us and my immunosuppression is a worry.  She isn't perfect in avoiding contact with people in a way that she might get the virus, but she is careful most of the time.  Home as a place of refuge is important and the thought that it is becoming the place to seek refuge from is profound.  From previous counseling its a drama triangle.  She sees my daughter as the bully, herself as the victim and me as the rescuer.  My daughter is bullying her by trying to reach out after little contact and by living a life that is not in accordance with the covenants she made in the temple.    My wife also has a problem that if she doesn't tell the person what their major fault is, then she is condoning it.  She is supposed to be loving as the savior asks and the person who isn't living the commandments gets away with it.  They should be suffering some kind of bad outcome or problems because they are not living the commandments.  I have set some boundaries and she is going back to counseling.  

  17. I am afraid my marriage is in trouble.  My first wife died 25 years ago and I remarried and had two more children.  The older two have no contact with the Church and my oldest daughter just came out as a lesbian and married another woman within a few months of divorcing her husband.  Our younger two are doing well and are in the Church.  We keep fighting about my older children.  She is hurt by them and rants about them.  An example would be that my daughter would be better off dead than to do what she is doing.  I have this slow cancer and I want to try and keep a relationship with all of my children.  After five hours of arguing last night, I just wanted to leave and try a separation.  It’s not what I really want or at least I think so.  We have been through counseling together and my wife has been through extensive counseling herself.  I don`t know who to talk to.  This would devastate my children.  Calm may tell me to delete this thread since my wife my end up seeing it somehow.  Maybe after I get it worked out I can delete it.  

  18. As always this was a great presentation by Dr Hudson.  She articulates so many issues about women so well.  I have two daughters raised in the Church.  The oldest just came out as lesbian and married another woman after divorcing her husband.  The other one goes to BYU and returned from a mission earlier this year.  I would love to share the talk with my younger daughter.  Even though I purchased the conference, I don't know how I share it with her.  

  19. I have been following the different threads on the BOA.  The issues and opinions really sound about the same that I have heard for the last twenty years.  Brian Hauglid is a bit of a wild card that has been different lately.  RFM does an interview with Brian, so John Dehlin has to do something even bigger with Robert Ritner.  There have been some other translation topics with small portions of Adam Clarke`s Commentary showing up in the Joseph Smith Translation when studied by Thomas Wayment and his assistant who ended up leaving the Church after graduating from BYU.  I have wanted to answer with this article by KARL C SANDBERG-KNOWING BROTHER JOSEPH AGAIN on multiple threads.  I was unsuccessful in attaching it as a link.  Not one of my skills.  I guess mine is more in reading.  I find myself going back to it again and again when thinking about translation issues.  He was a brilliant man who died as a faithful, thoughtful latter day saint back in 2003.  He sort of flew under the radar, but he has an extensive number of papers at the University of Utah that look interesting when perused.  The tributes to him at the time are telling.  

  20. Our missionaries are doing service.  They actually put up a message on our small cities Facebook page and they got quite a few requests.  Prior to that they had been doing service for those in the ward and we are just getting them back into the food bank that they had worked in.  Later this month we are doing a food and diaper drive at the church.  We used to go door to door, but this year we are going to have people drive up to the Church.  I would say overall that members have been more responsive to messages over Zoom or Facebook Messenger than appointments at their house.  They need to teach a certain number of lessons to stay in practice, so it really helps them to be able to practice with the members.  That way their skills are better with their investigators.  Its all not perfect, but we recently had a baptism and about as many investigators as before the Covid outbreak.  

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