​​​​​​​Ed Smart announces he is gay

[JAHS]

Ed Smart, father of Elizabeth Smart, announces he is gay

"Ed Smart, the father of kidnapping survivor Elizabeth Smart, posted on social media Thursday that he is gay, divorcing his wife and doesn’t see a place for himself in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

In “one of the hardest letters I have ever written,” Smart wrote in a Facebook message to family and friends that “I have recently acknowledged to myself and my family that I am gay.”

“The decision to be honest and truthful about my orientation comes with its own set of challenges, but at the same time it is a huge relief,” he wrote.

Smart came into the public eye after his then 14-year-old daughter was abducted from their Federal Heights home in Salt Lake City in 2002. He remained in the spotlight as family spokesman throughout her nine months in captivity, during the trial of her kidnappers and as an advocate for missing children."

Reached Thursday, Smart confirmed that he sent the letter and said it speaks for itself.

Smart, 64, wrote that he most mostly watched in silence for years as many LGBTQ people both in and out of the church have been victims of ridicule, shunning, rejection and outright humiliation.

“I didn’t want to face the feelings I fought so hard to suppress, and didn’t want to reach out and tell those being ostracized that I too am numbered among them,” he said. “But I cannot do that any longer.”

Smart said he loves his family, and always will.

“Lois has been a loyal wife, and extraordinary mother, who has had to endure an impossible part of this journey. I deeply regret the excruciating pain this has caused her. Hurting her was never my intent. While our marriage will end, my love for Lois and everyone in my family is eternal,” he wrote.

Smart said that many people have asked him what coming out means for his relationship with the church, which he said has been a major part of his life and a “great blessing.”

“My faith is strong, and unwavering, however, after considerable study, prayer and pondering I have come to a change in my beliefs. It is because of this change, that I can finally acknowledge and accept my orientation. Had I not had a change in my beliefs, I would have likely remained closeted the rest of my life,” he wrote.

“As an openly gay man, the church is not a place where I find solace any longer, “ Smart wrote. “It is not my responsibility to tell the church, its members or its leadership what to believe about the rightness or wrongness of being LGBTQ.”

Smart wrote that some people will say that he wasted years of his life by not coming out sooner. Others have told him he’s giving up so much for so little, and “you know how the Lord feels about gays,” and concluded that he’s chosen to waste his life by leaving behind some rich and amazing gifts.

“Both are inaccurate and fail to do justice to the deep conflict involved in not being honest with myself and others for so long. Acknowledging I am a gay man is freeing but it also hurts many of those whom I love very much,” he wrote. “In the end, people are free to say what they will, and believe what they want, but there is one voice more important than any other, that of my Savior, who wants each of us to love one another, to be honest and joyful and find a meaningful life.”

Wow. That's a surprise ! 

 

Edited August 16, 2019 by JAHS

[Tacenda]

The day will come that the church will see, they don't want to sin, they just are.

[bsjkki]

I feel terrible for his wife.

[Tacenda]

58 minutes ago, bsjkki said:

I feel terrible for his wife.

Me too.  

[JAHS]

6 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

1 hour ago, bsjkki said:

I feel terrible for his wife.

Me too.  

I wonder if them getting a divorce is so that she can be sealed again to someone else?  Assuming she still believes. 

[bsjkki]

4 minutes ago, JAHS said:

I wonder if them getting a divorce is so that she can be sealed again to someone else?  Assuming she still believes. 

He is 64. I’m not sure of her age...I doubt she has someone waiting in the wings. He admits to causing her excruciating pain. I really don’t have much sympathy for him. His choices have caused extreme collateral damage to his family.

He chose to marry her and have a family. Honestly, I don’t see this any differently than the man running off with the much more attractive, younger woman. “The heart wants what the hearts wants” is one of the most selfish phrases ever coined.

I’ve been married 29 years. I’m trying to place a percentage of, at this stage, how much of my marriage is based on ‘bedroom activities.’ 

I hope she does find someone but then she won’t be sealed to the father of her children or the man she spent most of her life with. It is sad.  

[JAHS]

1 minute ago, bsjkki said:

I hope she does find someone but then she won’t be sealed to the father of her children or the man she spent most of her life with. It is sad.  

While being sealed to the father of her children is optimal, in the end the person we mostly really spend time with in the eternity is our spouse. Our children will hopefully be sealed to their own spouse and be with them forever. It is sad that he didn't come out with it sooner before he married his wife. As an adult he had to know before that.

[Tacenda]

7 minutes ago, JAHS said:

While being sealed to the father of her children is optimal, in the end the person we mostly really spend time with in the eternity is our spouse. Our children will hopefully be sealed to their own spouse and be with them forever. It is sad that he didn't come out with it sooner before he married his wife. As an adult he had to know before that.

When he could have came out he may have been told to get married to a woman and it will cure his homosexuality. Ask California Boy, I'm sure he relates. 

I did find it interesting that it took him to have doubts about his church before  being able to come out. I wish he'd been able to somehow endure,  but maybe all this time he has endured.

I always look at it like this, what if I didn't feel attracted to men but told it is the sex I'm suppose to marry or I'm sinning if it's to a woman. Imagine having to marry the sex you don't feel attracted to and you've no other choice, none. 

[bsjkki]

17 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

When he could have came out he may have been told to get married to a woman and it will cure his homosexuality. Ask California Boy, I'm sure he relates. 

I did find it interesting that it took him to have doubts about his church before  being able to come out. I wish he'd been able to somehow endure,  but maybe all this time he has endured.

I always look at it like this, what if I didn't feel attracted to men but told it is the sex I'm suppose to marry or I'm sinning if it's to a woman. Imagine having to marry the sex you don't feel attracted to and you've no other choice, none. 

I agree the advice to gay men to marry women was atrocious and I also believe the wife who is seemingly inevitably  discarded as collateral damage is hurt the most. 

He didn’t have to marry her or fake it for 40 years. People always have choices. 

Sorry...I have a friend this happened to. It’s sad to watch the wife and kids struggle. She is still single. 

[Robert F. Smith]

1 hour ago, JAHS said:

I wonder if them getting a divorce is so that she can be sealed again to someone else?  Assuming she still believes. 

 

50 minutes ago, bsjkki said:

He is 64. I’m not sure of her age...I doubt she has someone waiting in the wings. He admits to causing her excruciating pain. I really don’t have much sympathy for him. His choices have caused extreme collateral damage to his family.

He chose to marry her and have a family. Honestly, I don’t see this any differently than the man running off with the much more attractive, younger woman. “The heart wants what the hearts wants” is one of the most selfish phrases ever coined.

80% of gay men used to marry and have children and hide the fact that they were gay.  LDS Church leaders even encouraged that.  Sounds like Ed is simply adopting a more recent mode of gay life by owning up to his personal identification.  Did he really intend to cause harm or hurt?

50 minutes ago, bsjkki said:

I’ve been married 29 years. I’m trying to place a percentage of, at this stage, how much of my marriage is based on ‘bedroom activities.’ 

I hope she does find someone but then she won’t be sealed to the father of her children or the man she spent most of her life with. It is sad.  

In his statement, Ed said "While our marriage will end, my love for Lois and everyone in my family is eternal."  What does that mean, and what will be his status on the other side of the veil?  We still do not know what happens to homosexual identification in the resurrection.  For all we know, Ed and Lois will be together.  Indeed, Church leaders have stated that being gay is not a choice.

[bsjkki]

2 minutes ago, Robert F. Smith said:

 

80% of gay men used to marry and have children and hide the fact that they were gay.  LDS Church leaders even encouraged that.  Sounds like Ed is simply adopting a more recent mode of gay life by owning up to his personal identification.  Did he really intend to cause harm or hurt?

In his statement, Ed said "While our marriage will end, my love for Lois and everyone in my family is eternal."  What does that mean, and what will be his status on the other side of the veil?  We still do not know what happens to homosexual identification in the resurrection.  For all we know, Ed and Lois will be together.  Indeed, Church leaders have stated that being gay is not a choice.

They won’t be together if she is sealed to another man (original context of quote). I do not believe being gay is a choice but he did make many other choices that have hurt others whether he intended to or not. 

 

[Robert F. Smith]

1 hour ago, bsjkki said:

They won’t be together if she is sealed to another man (original context of quote). I do not believe being gay is a choice but he did make many other choices that have hurt others whether he intended to or not. 

It doesn't really matter who gets sealed to whom in this life, if other choices are made on the other side.  Everybody gets sealed (all the spouses) and further determinations are made on the other side, and at the last judgment.  Righteous judgment requires that everything be taken into account.  If Ed is judged to be a victim of circumstance, then that may be taken into account.  We should be very cautious about making final judgments now.

[Meadowchik]

The Smart family has suffered so much. I wish Ed Smart and his entire family the very best! 

Also, it seems that the FB post Des News used for their story was intended for friends and family and was deleted soon after being posted. So this story may have been the result of some untrustworthy "friend" screenshotting and then Des News exploiting it.

[Meadowchik]

2 hours ago, Robert F. Smith said:

In his statement, Ed said "While our marriage will end, my love for Lois and everyone in my family is eternal."  What does that mean, and what will be his status on the other side of the veil?  We still do not know what happens to homosexual identification in the resurrection.  For all we know, Ed and Lois will be together.  Indeed, Church leaders have stated that being gay is not a choice.

I think it can be simply taken. He believes in the eternities and that he will love his family for as long as he is.

[Calm]

52 minutes ago, Meadowchik said:

The Smart family has suffered so much. I wish Ed Smart and his entire family the very best! 

Also, it seems that the FB post Des News used for their story was intended for friends and family and was deleted soon after being posted. So this story may have been the result of some untrustworthy "friend" screenshotting and then Des News exploiting it.

Seems a strange choice if so given he is saying he know longer believes in the Church and putting up so much of his comments that he sounds quite reasonable in his decision.

Edited August 16, 2019 by Calm

[Meadowchik]

2 hours ago, Calm said:

Seems a strange choice if so given he is saying he know longer believes in the Church and putting up so much of his comments that he sounds quite reasonable in his decision.

What seems a strange choice? I'm not sure I am understanding what you mean.

[Calm]

DesNews choosing to be the breaker of news that a well known man in the Church, who in the past was seen as an example of fatherhood from the way I have heard him described so a positive role model, has chosen to leave it. Doesn’t see a typical headline for them. 

I can see them learning about it, talking with Brother Smart and then both the reporter and him deciding on what it said. This he got a very good chance to explain himself and look reasonable and loving in his choice. They could have chosen to make it much briefer and focus on just the facts and not his explanations, which would have led imo to a less favorable view. 

For example, it appears it was over a week before DesNews carried any info about Josh Weed divorcing his wife and there was a definite church teaching slant to the article. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.deseretnews.com/article/900009667/the-weeds-story-is-one-of-many-stories-of-lgbt-latter-day-saints-that-continue-to-be-written.amp

Why would DesNews out Smart when they appear to be careful and take their time when something similar happened before?  Makes more sense to me given the choice of how it was presented and seems more consistent with the past article that they were working with him.  I could be wrong, of course. 

Edited August 16, 2019 by Calm

[CV75]

7 hours ago, Robert F. Smith said:

80% of gay men used to marry and have children and hide the fact that they were gay.  LDS Church leaders even encouraged that.  Sounds like Ed is simply adopting a more recent mode of gay life by owning up to his personal identification.  Did he really intend to cause harm or hurt?

In his statement, Ed said "While our marriage will end, my love for Lois and everyone in my family is eternal."  What does that mean, and what will be his status on the other side of the veil?  We still do not know what happens to homosexual identification in the resurrection.  For all we know, Ed and Lois will be together.  Indeed, Church leaders have stated that being gay is not a choice.

CFR on "Church leaders have stated that being gay is not a choice" so we can discuss and evaluate this interpretation, which some take to mean eternal identity, others to mean behavior, and others to mean a consequence of or reaction to our mortal probation in a fallen world.

Also, assuming people identify as (fill in the blank) in the resurrection exactly as they did in this life (Alma 34:34), is that the best that God offers and intended for them to hold onto in this life? (3 Nephi 27:5)

[SeekingUnderstanding]

8 hours ago, bsjkki said:

They won’t be together if she is sealed to another man (original context of quote). I do not believe being gay is a choice but he did make many other choices that have hurt others whether he intended to or not. 

 

Did you miss the part where he was suicidal in his marriage? If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at God who created him, and the church and society at large that closeted him. 

I suggest you read Lilly Weeds response to anger such as yours:

http://joshweed.com/dear-family-and-friends-a-letter-about-my-divorce-written-on-my-16th-wedding-anniversary-by-lolly/

“So, Lolly, do you think Josh is a selfish, rotten b******?

 (Please listen to this, because the answer is very important to me.) The answer is no. I don’t think that even a little tiny bit. Josh is the father of my amazing girls. Josh is the best friend I have ever known and he continues to be. Josh is not the villain and I am not his victim. If anything, we are both victims of misguided ideals and incorrect cultural beliefs. Josh is as much a victim as I am.

In fact, he is more of a victim that I am.”

“It’s very easy to judge someone when you don’t face their reality over time. It’s very easy to take a distant glance at something unfamiliar and compare it to something familiar—being gay is like being an alcoholic, and we all have to sacrifice things we’d like sometimes. Never mind that these two issues are so different I could write a book on how impossible this comparison is. I beg of you to not cast Josh as the villain. In fact, I’d say Josh needs your love more than I do. I automatically receive sympathy when people hear about our situation and he receives judgment. Please love him. If you know him, believe me when I say he’s still the same Josh you have always known and loved. I promise. In fact, he’s even better.”

[Tacenda]

6 hours ago, Meadowchik said:

The Smart family has suffered so much. I wish Ed Smart and his entire family the very best! 

Also, it seems that the FB post Des News used for their story was intended for friends and family and was deleted soon after being posted. So this story may have been the result of some untrustworthy "friend" screenshotting and then Des News exploiting it.

They've immediately lost my respect, not that it matters much since I haven't subscribed to them for years. But I don't understand why they would do such a thing.

[bsjkki]

35 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

They've immediately lost my respect, not that it matters much since I haven't subscribed to them for years. But I don't understand why they would do such a thing.

I tend to agree with Calm that the Deseret News published the story with some cooperation with the Smart family.

Edit: I guess from the Fox article he didn’t mean it to go public. That was very naive...anything posted to Facebook is public.

The media firestorm will cause more pain to all, especially his wife and children.

Edited August 16, 2019 by bsjkki

[bsjkki]

29 minutes ago, SeekingUnderstanding said:

Did you miss the part where he was suicidal in his marriage? If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at God who created him, and the church and society at large that closeted him. 

I suggest you read Lilly Weeds response to anger such as yours:

http://joshweed.com/dear-family-and-friends-a-letter-about-my-divorce-written-on-my-16th-wedding-anniversary-by-lolly/

“So, Lolly, do you think Josh is a selfish, rotten b******?

 (Please listen to this, because the answer is very important to me.) The answer is no. I don’t think that even a little tiny bit. Josh is the father of my amazing girls. Josh is the best friend I have ever known and he continues to be. Josh is not the villain and I am not his victim. If anything, we are both victims of misguided ideals and incorrect cultural beliefs. Josh is as much a victim as I am.

In fact, he is more of a victim that I am.”

“It’s very easy to judge someone when you don’t face their reality over time. It’s very easy to take a distant glance at something unfamiliar and compare it to something familiar—being gay is like being an alcoholic, and we all have to sacrifice things we’d like sometimes. Never mind that these two issues are so different I could write a book on how impossible this comparison is. I beg of you to not cast Josh as the villain. In fact, I’d say Josh needs your love more than I do. I automatically receive sympathy when people hear about our situation and he receives judgment. Please love him. If you know him, believe me when I say he’s still the same Josh you have always known and loved. I promise. In fact, he’s even better.”

I said nothing about the Weed family.

[SeekingUnderstanding]

3 minutes ago, bsjkki said:

I said nothing about the Weed family.

Yes I know. Their situations are pretty analogous no?

[bsjkki]

2 minutes ago, SeekingUnderstanding said:

Yes I know. Their situations are pretty analogous no?

I really don’t know. I just know he admits to causing her excruciating pain. I tend to empathize more with her. With the Weed family didn’t she know he was gay from the beginning? I don’t know that story completely.

[Meadowchik]

6 minutes ago, bsjkki said:

I really don’t know. I just know he admits to causing her excruciating pain. I tend to empathize more with her. With the Weed family didn’t she know he was gay from the beginning? I don’t know that story completely.

Yet, Smart comes from a time period and tradition where no one was "gay," where it was merely temptation. In that mindset, there is no dishonesty to not coming out to your intended.