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Bill “Papa” Lee

I have a problem, and I trust posters here to give me advice, especially advice from “Jeanne”.

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I have a serious hearing problem, one that often leads to isolation. Even in Church, I have friends who make light of it, speaking more loudly than needed. Not only in attempt to insure I hear them, but laughing and making jokes about it. As a result, I find myself avoiding social events, even at Church sociaI events. I mentioned “Jeanna” in my thread title, as I know she suffers even more with this issue. Also, I know in this forum she can hear me loud and clear. I say, or write all of this, hoping my memory serves. How do I find a way to explain this friends, family (extended) and my brethren. I say brethren, as our dear Sisters would never do this. My wife who loves me very much, would maybe go to far to protect her husband. It is human nature to get more angry when those we love are hurt, and react more upset.   

I pray, nor post in error, I trust most everyone to give sage advice. As I trust that those who respond, will give me the respect I have come to know and respect. Therefore I look forward to the dialogue. 

Thank you all in advance, 

Papa  

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Print what you wrote.  Give a copy to the bishop and your ministering people and the EQP.     Hand it out whenever you experience what you describe.  

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15 hours ago, Bill “Papa” Lee said:

I have a serious hearing problem, one that often leads to isolation. Even in Church, I have friends who make light of it, speaking more loudly than needed. Not only in attempt to insure I hear them, but laughing and making jokes about it. As a result, I find myself avoiding social events, even at Church sociaI events. I mentioned “Jeanna” in my thread title, as I know she suffers even more with this issue. Also, I know in this forum she can hear me loud and clear. I say, or write all of this, hoping my memory serves. How do I find a way to explain this friends, family (extended) and my brethren. I say brethren, as our dear Sisters would never do this. My wife who loves me very much, would maybe go to far to protect her husband. It is human nature to get more angry when those we love are hurt, and react more upset.   

I pray, nor post in error, I trust most everyone to give sage advice. As I trust that those who respond, will give me the respect I have come to know and respect. Therefore I look forward to the dialogue. 

Thank you all in advance, 

Papa  

Oh!!!  Welcome to my world!!  I hear you here...where others may not!😊  Hearing loss makes you quiet and sometimes invisible..let me know how this works out.  Maybe you and I can help each other somehow on a personal level.  Hugs Papa!

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3 hours ago, rpn said:

Print what you wrote.  Give a copy to the bishop and your ministering people and the EQP.     Hand it out whenever you experience what you describe.  

I fear it will hurt other’s feelings, and be received in a negative light. I know I have had jobs all my life, jobs that bring out (and require) the “Alpha-male” within me. But, I also have a side in me that would never seek to cause harm to another, even to those who harm me. I am, when needed the warrior, but in my soul, is alway the poet. Also, I hope the “Saint” I encouraged to be, comes out according to God’s command. I already try to insure I am sitting on the left of my teachers, so my right ear is the one he speaks into. This because the left ear is all but gone entirely. I understand your suggestion and solution, I just fear hurting someone’s feeling. That being said, maybe your advice, is sound (no pun intended) advice. I will begin with the Bishop, and see what he suggests. I know that those who are completely deaf, usually carry preprinted cards to hand out to the hearing. One problem with those who are hearing impaired, is they can hear some things people say, but often miss certain letters, and the sound they make in words. The other day, my daughter-in-law was asking where her “keys” were, and I kept asking why she kept saying, why she was saying  “please”. So this led me to ask each time, because (again) I kept hearing “please”. Even then she was getting frustrated, and raising her voice, much louder than needed, to make a point. Even other family members do this when frustrated, of course no laughing or jokes, but to express their frustration. Of course, never with my daughters, or daughter-in-laws, whom I consider my daughters, I don’t get angry and raise my voice. But when my sons do it, as they know better, their Father (me) pits them in their place, and reminds them to whom they are speaking. 

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3 hours ago, Jeanne said:

Oh!!!  Welcome to my world!!  I hear you here...where others may not!😊  Hearing loss makes you quiet and sometimes invisible..let me know how this works out.  Maybe you and I can help each other somehow on a personal level.  Hugs Papa!

I know it is your world, which is why I sought you out by name. Also, thank you for your reply, as in this forum through the written word, we can always hear one another, and God bless. 

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Sometimes it helps to pantomime.  I am hard of hearing myself (85 db loss).  Sign for please uses the flat hand rotating around the heart.  Sign for keys involve twisting thumb and forefinger against the other hand.  Sign for horse is a motion wagging the the two fingers (cub scouts) over the ear.  Sign for hoarse requires the hand in the cupping shape going up and down the throat.  Here is more:

An external file that holds a picture, illustration, etc. Object name is nihms219015f1.jpg

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Papa, there are likely some Forums for the hard of hearing where they discuss among other things how they deal with the same kind of issues you are describing.

As far as family members, of this happens frequently, besides pantomime, you might even try having the family learn the ASL alphabet.  It is relatively easy, I picked it up as a teen in case I ever needed to communicate with a deaf friend at church.  The opportunity rarely arose, but I still remember most and a refresher picks up the harder ones pretty quickly.  Your grandkids might even find it fun.

Another option when not understanding a word is rather than repeating it, ask them to spell it.  At the very least that will give you number of letters and hopefully you can hear enough of them when they aren't blending with others to pick out the word.

I have a slightly similar problem when my daughter's blood sugars are off as she slurs her words.  Add my tinnitus that is at times quite loud and just the usual aging ear and I have to ask her to repeat herself.  It can be quite funny how once I have 'heard' the word, it just gets stuck in my head and I can't 'hear' it as something different.  So I ask her to spell it out.

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Posted (edited)

Here are in person support groups:

https://www.hearingloss.org/chapters-state-orgs/find-a-chapter/

https://www.agbell.org/Connect

Online ones:

http://www.deafandhoh.com/history_mission.html

https://www.actiononhearingloss.org.uk/live-well/our-community/our-forums/

https://www.reddit.com/r/hardofhearing/

I should check them out for my tinnitus as it recently moved to keeping me awake and while .I figured out I could lessen it by dropping ibuprofen like I did Tylenol, it would be nice to see if there is other stuff that might help as having music on while I sleep interferes with quality of sleep even if pleasant.

Lol, the tinnitus forum is down (second link above) for maintenance, guess that means I need to get out of bed and get going.

Edited by Calm
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2 hours ago, strappinglad said:

I understand that some improvements have been made over the 17th century ear trumpets. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_hearing_aids

( just pullin' your chain papa 😁 ) 

No worries, but I have looked into hearing aids, and good ones cost a serious amount of money for someone of a fixed income. My left ear has a very large canal, due to surgery to remove infection in the bone surrounding it. As a result, only a special made hearing aid will work, which means much more. The rest of my hearing problems are due to lifelong ear infections, just like my Mother had, as well as my children, and now my grandchildren. Anyway, I have had my eardrums rupture so, so, many times. I often have problems when flying, but the joy of travel is worth the aggravation. While I served on helicopters in the Army, for many wonderful years, it was not a problem as helicopters (at least in the 70’s and 80’s) did not fly high enough to need pressurization. Of course deployments, were a minor problem, but I was determined to suck it up, and not tell the flight surgeons, Because I loved serving, and the wonderful things I was able to see and experience. It was a great life, and serving aboard UH-1 helicopters, both standard duty, and medivac, was the greatest job and experience I ever knew! 

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1 hour ago, longview said:

Sometimes it helps to pantomime.  I am hard of hearing myself (85 db loss).  Sign for please uses the flat hand rotating around the heart.  Sign for keys involve twisting thumb and forefinger against the other hand.  Sign for horse is a motion wagging the the two fingers (cub scouts) over the ear.  Sign for hoarse requires the hand in the cupping shape going up and down the throat.  Here is more:

An external file that holds a picture, illustration, etc. Object name is nihms219015f1.jpg

I know the sign for letting people who make jokes about is, but that may not be appropriate for a Church setting. 😋

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22 hours ago, Bill “Papa” Lee said:

I have a serious hearing problem, one that often leads to isolation. Even in Church, I have friends who make light of it, speaking more loudly than needed. Not only in attempt to insure I hear them, but laughing and making jokes about it. As a result, I find myself avoiding social events, even at Church sociaI events. I mentioned “Jeanna” in my thread title, as I know she suffers even more with this issue. Also, I know in this forum she can hear me loud and clear. I say, or write all of this, hoping my memory serves. How do I find a way to explain this friends, family (extended) and my brethren. I say brethren, as our dear Sisters would never do this. My wife who loves me very much, would maybe go to far to protect her husband. It is human nature to get more angry when those we love are hurt, and react more upset.   

I pray, nor post in error, I trust most everyone to give sage advice. As I trust that those who respond, will give me the respect I have come to know and respect. Therefore I look forward to the dialogue. 

Thank you all in advance, 

Papa  

Papa Bill, I really do not have much advice I can give you on this subject. Your problem is something I am also afflicted with and I have a similar reaction in that I avoid verbal interaction as much as possible. For me, in a way, that is sort of a positive because I am not that outgoing socially in any event. It is distressing to go to church and only be able to a few words here and there in the talks and lessons. Hearing aids would pretty much completely eliminate that problem for me, but I cannot afford a good set tuned to my hearing loss curves. I developed a thick skin long ago due to my last name (Thigpen) and variations others have given it over the years. And I guess that would be the only advice I could give you and those who love you is  to develop a thick skin and maybe a bit of sympathy for people that may not be as far along the empathy path as you. Often life reminds me of Christ's words when in torment and agony on the cross, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." I really think that a lot of people do not "know what they do" when it comes to interacting with others who have handicaps that they do not really know how to respond to.

Anyway, my advice is totally free, but no matter whether you choose to take it or reject it, you can't get you money back. 😎

Glenn

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1 hour ago, Calm said:

Lol, the tinnitus forum is down (second link above) for maintenance, guess that means I need to get out of bed and get going.

This is a big problem for me, the ringing in my ears is caused by so many issues. Of course working around helicopters in the Army while the blades ar running at max RPM, witch btw is 6,600 RPM, can and does cause hearing problems. Of course the Army and the Marine Core provides ear protection, but young macho Army or Marines, usually just ware them around their necks, instead of over their ears. Because when you are young, you think you are also invincible, only to learn later that you are just “human”. Then for a time, I worked heavy construction, before and after the Army, where I was also provided with ear protection, that we never used. Thankfully now days, and employer can get big fines it employees do not use their ear protection, and lose their jobs. Then I move on to 23 years in law-enforcement, where cars sirens, (hope I spelled that correctly, never thought of how it is spelled before today), gun-fire, both on the job, and at the range. This on the job, and private ranges, so you can insure you will pass, and to insure your safety, should the need arise.just an honest miss, when shooting at the criminal, could hit a bystander, or someone’s home, while someone is watching TV, or or sleeping.when things jump of like that, there is no time for ear-protection.

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On 6/7/2019 at 8:07 PM, Bill “Papa” Lee said:

I have a serious hearing problem, one that often leads to isolation. Even in Church, I have friends who make light of it, speaking more loudly than needed. Not only in attempt to insure I hear them, but laughing and making jokes about it. As a result, I find myself avoiding social events, even at Church sociaI events. I mentioned “Jeanna” in my thread title, as I know she suffers even more with this issue. Also, I know in this forum she can hear me loud and clear. I say, or write all of this, hoping my memory serves. How do I find a way to explain this friends, family (extended) and my brethren. I say brethren, as our dear Sisters would never do this. My wife who loves me very much, would maybe go to far to protect her husband. It is human nature to get more angry when those we love are hurt, and react more upset.   

I pray, nor post in error, I trust most everyone to give sage advice. As I trust that those who respond, will give me the respect I have come to know and respect. Therefore I look forward to the dialogue. 

Thank you all in advance, 

Papa  

I'm just beginning to feel you.  But it seems even more extreme to me.  I have lived with exceptional senses all my life.  But I'm finally getting older now.  And my ears have been subject to infections as far back as I can remember.  Now, I'm seeing less clearly.  I'm asking people to repeat things far too often.  My sense of smell and taste have diminished.

I'm not as far along as you are.  But I thought I'd send my sympathies and say that I understand.

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On 6/8/2019 at 5:47 PM, Bill “Papa” Lee said:

No worries, but I have looked into hearing aids, and good ones cost a serious amount of money for someone of a fixed income.

Have you checked out your options through the VA? Even if you have normal / non service related hearing loss, you may be able to purchase hearing aids through them directly at a significant discount.

On the retail front, Costco is another good option. They are very cost competitive - I'm talking almost half of what you would expect to pay if you were to just walk into a random audiologist's office. 

 

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Posted (edited)

Wow...Papa, I have always thought that sign language was so beautiful and promised myself that I would learn one day. In my early days of loss hearing, it wasn't so noticable...I just knew that I had to sit in front of class in school to understand better.  Reading lips...I have a hard time with podcasts without the video now...even with cc's.  i was teased alot about  the sounds of "ch" and "sh"...I would practice and practice at supper time with the family...but every body just ended up laughing.  I had sever nerve damage that only got worse.  Your hearing is probably more related to age  and there are wonderful things out there.

Remember...the songs are in your head and so hum your little heart out.   When you don't want to hear someone....say...oh, I am sorry I didn't hear you....(this might work with the little errands around the house)😂  By the way...just because we have a hard time hearing....doesn't mean we don't listen.  I hope people in your life will remember that.

Edited by Jeanne
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