Is President Nelson Saying What I Think He Is?

[The Nehor]

6 hours ago, Hamba Tuhan said:

Writes an American ...

I understand there are other nations where dryers are more rare but if it is pure torment as it seemed to be described then I think it is worth breaking with cultural norms.

[Hamba Tuhan]

8 hours ago, The Nehor said:

I understand there are other nations where dryers are more rare but if it is pure torment as it seemed to be described then I think it is worth breaking with cultural norms.

I'm assuming you must mean 'culture' in its broadest sense. You are right that tumble dryers can be bought here. They are very small and vent directly out through the door into whatever space they're located in. Our laundries aren't designed for them, so there's literally nowhere to put one. They're small enough (about the size of a bar fridge) that one would need to divide a small wash load into two or three different batches for drying, and the the drying time would be close to two hours each go because they don't get that hot. Then there's the price of electricity, which is more than double that of the US. So yeah.

Edited April 13, 2019 by Hamba Tuhan

[Teancum]

On 4/11/2019 at 7:46 PM, Calm said:

It is focused on neglect given context:

 

Quote

 

Months ago, I received a heartbreaking letter from a dear sister. She wrote: “[My daughters and I] feel we are in fierce competition for our husbands’ and sons’ undivided attention, with 24/7 sports updates, video games, stock market updates, [and] endless analyzing and watching of games of every [conceivable] sport. It feels like we’re losing our front-row seats with our husbands and sons because of their permanent front-row seats with [sports and games].”16

Brethren, your first and foremost duty as a bearer of the priesthood is to love and care for your wife. Become one with her. Be her partner. Make it easy for her to want to be yours. No other interest in life should take priority over building an eternal relationship with her. Nothing on TV, a mobile device, or a computer is more important than her well-being. Take an inventory of how you spend your time and where you devote your energy. That will tell you where your heart is. Pray to have your heart attuned to your wife’s heart. Seek to bring her joy. Seek her counsel, and listen. Her input will improve your output.

If you have a need to repent because of the way you have treated the women closest to you, begin now. And remember that it is your responsibility to help the women in your life receive the blessings that derive from living the Lord’s law of chastity. Never be the reason that a woman is unable to receive her temple blessings.

 

I think it is good advice.  However, I wonder why they never bring up one of the biggest time takers for active men in the church and that is the church itself. When my family was growing I rarely watched sports. I had no outside hobbies. I neglected my own physical well being by not exercising and not eating well, which was my own fault.  It took a major illness in my early 40's for me to start to make my own health a priority. That was my own fault as I said. But between a family of four children, a very demanding career and church calling, activities and events it was hard to find the time. We also limited our children's outside activity to one musical activity and one sport at a time plus church activity. I really don't regret how we raised our kids nor the time and activity that tha church took for both me and my wife.  I think we managed it well.  But my children will tell you that I was gone, a lot, for church callings.  From EQ president, to ward mission leader, to counselor in a bishopric, YM president, bishop and HC twice I was gone many many hours a week, Add home teaching and other church activities, and well, you get the picture. In the comment that no other interest in life should take priority over a man's relationship with their wife I wish that they would say that includes church service as well.

 

[Teancum]

On 4/12/2019 at 2:14 AM, Maidservant said:

 

My first overwhelming swell of emotion when my husband passed away was, "Now I don't have to be lonely anymore."

I've been lonely my whole life, and I still am (despite that initial emotion), but having been married lonely and single lonely, married lonely is far, far, far, far, far worse.  (To me.)

I am so sorry and sad that this was your situation.  Blessings for you and to you going forward.

[Jeanne]

On 4/12/2019 at 12:14 AM, Maidservant said:

 

My first overwhelming swell of emotion when my husband passed away was, "Now I don't have to be lonely anymore."

I've been lonely my whole life, and I still am (despite that initial emotion), but having been married lonely and single lonely, married lonely is far, far, far, far, far worse.  (To me.)

I have the biggest hug for you....I hope you will accept it. 

[Bernard Gui]

On 4/12/2019 at 9:24 AM, The Nehor said:

Get a good dryer and clothes you do not have to iron.

And a full-sized mirror so you can see yourself in all your glory whenever you want. 🙂

Like I tell the deacons quorum when I see them, "I haven't seen such a concentration of intelligence and good looks in one place since I shaved this morning."

Edited April 14, 2019 by Bernard Gui

[Calm]

I was checking to see if things had changed since we were in Moscow in 95.  Our landlord (older couple who needed lots of money to buy out an exsoninlaw who was part owner of their apt due to how the state gave citizens private ownership based on where they  were living ar a certain time iirc, they chose to live in their dachau/cottages deep winter...which more than likely had threadbare walls as many we saw were self constructed with scrap particle board and cardboard) split with us the huge luxury at the time of a washer, which barely fit between the wall and sink in the bathroom.  The dryer were clotheslines in the front hall way.  The size of the washer meant for the four of us something was up everyday.  It was pretty efficient.

https://qz.com/1034914/it-doesnt-matter-where-brits-keep-their-dryers-the-point-is-they-dont-work/

https://www.realsimple.com/home-organizing/cleaning/laundry/why-americans-use-clothes-dryers

Edited April 13, 2019 by Calm

[sheilauk]

Not sure what machine the American had, but we have some very good washer/dryer machines.   We also have small houses with small kitchens and no utility rooms.  On our little island space is at a premium.  Combined or small appliances are essential. I had a separate dryer and now have a combination washer/dryer and there's not much difference.  And I don't take my clothes out damp.   I just give it more time! There is a dry only programme to allow that.   I've had my machine for more than 5 years and it's hardly a top of the line machine.  I do have to air dry a lot of clothes, which aren't supposed to be tumble dried and a lot of people I know prefer to air dry their clothes, a culture thing I suppose.  But electricity costs are very high in the UK and wages aren't and air drying is free.  I find the article a little patronising tbh. 

[Calm]

12 minutes ago, sheilauk said:

Not sure what machine the American had, but we have some very good washer/dryer machines.   We also have small houses with small kitchens and no utility rooms.  On our little island space is at a premium.  Combined or small appliances are essential. I had a separate dryer and now have a combination washer/dryer and there's not much difference.  And I don't take my clothes out damp.   I just give it more time! There is a dry only programme to allow that.   I've had my machine for more than 5 years and it's hardly a top of the line machine.  I do have to air dry a lot of clothes, which aren't supposed to be tumble dried and a lot of people I know prefer to air dry their clothes, a culture thing I suppose.  But electricity costs are very high in the UK and wages aren't and air drying is free.  I find the article a little patronising tbh. 

Good to know.

I didn't mind airdrying back when I had energy, I generally just hang things on hangers on a rod above the dryer and it saves time.  Now I am lucky if the basket gets back to my bedroom.  And I buy crinkle cotton for Sunday clothes so little to no ironing in my life.

I like the idea of airdrying closets.

Edited April 13, 2019 by Calm

[The Nehor]

6 hours ago, Bernard Gui said:

And a full-sized mirror so you can see yourself in all your glory whenever you want.

Like I tell the deacons quorum when I see them, "I haven't seen such a concentration of intelligence and good looks in one place since I shaved this morning."

Wait, having a dryer is now a snob thing? I could have been lording it over the peasants all this time? Why did no one tell me? I have been missing out.  

[MorningStar]

Thanks for your comments, everyone! That paragraph alone wasn't the only thing that made me wonder. This is what comes right before it. 

Quote

Brethren, your first and foremost duty as a bearer of the priesthood is to love and care for your wife. Become one with her. Be her partner. Make it easy for her to want to be yours. No other interest in life should take priority over building an eternal relationship with her. Nothing on TV, a mobile device, or a computer is more important than her well-being. Take an inventory of how you spend your time and where you devote your energy. That will tell you where your heart is. Pray to have your heart attuned to your wife’s heart. Seek to bring her joy. Seek her counsel, and listen. Her input will improve your output.

And sorry I didn't include the link earlier. I was slowly posting on my tablet and then things got very busy here.  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2019/04/36nelson?lang=eng
 

Of course, I don't personally believe that one person can make another person be unfaithful, but there are circumstances that make it much more tempting. I shared with my friend that when we covenant to keep the Law of Chasity, that covenant is made with the Lord - not with our husbands. Don't make a mistake that will take away your own temple blessings. Would most of us have our breaking point while being ignored in a supposedly eternal marriage to someone who acts like they don't want to spend 5 minutes with us, let alone eternity? 

Speaking from the perspective of a woman who is close friends with women (not men), I see them doing everything they can to save their marriages. It reminds me of Fried Green Tomatoes where she's taking one self-help class after another so that her husband will notice her again. Dressing up pretty, making his favorite dinners, etc.. Many of my friends come second to video games, sports, or much worse. Many of my friends are the ones to plan dates or beg their husbands to go on dates. They're the ones who plan FHE, who get everyone up for church (including their husbands). And then eventually they're the ones who demand marriage counseling since expressing their unhappiness to their husbands themselves isn't good enough reason for him to listen. It took a therapist telling my best friend's husband that his video game playing was the problem and he wasn't happy about it. My husband came home furious after witnessing him telling the kids to go have Mom put their shoes on while he continued playing. She says he plays less than he used to since counseling, but I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen him not playing games when I go over there. Typically he's playing and she's dealing with all of the kids stuff while making dinner. She says if she asks him to do things, he's good about doing them. But that feels like having another child. It's not hard to just step in and help. 

[MorningStar]

On ‎4‎/‎13‎/‎2019 at 10:48 AM, Teancum said:

I think it is good advice.  However, I wonder why they never bring up one of the biggest time takers for active men in the church and that is the church itself. When my family was growing I rarely watched sports. I had no outside hobbies. I neglected my own physical well being by not exercising and not eating well, which was my own fault.  It took a major illness in my early 40's for me to start to make my own health a priority. That was my own fault as I said. But between a family of four children, a very demanding career and church calling, activities and events it was hard to find the time. We also limited our children's outside activity to one musical activity and one sport at a time plus church activity. I really don't regret how we raised our kids nor the time and activity that tha church took for both me and my wife.  I think we managed it well.  But my children will tell you that I was gone, a lot, for church callings.  From EQ president, to ward mission leader, to counselor in a bishopric, YM president, bishop and HC twice I was gone many many hours a week, Add home teaching and other church activities, and well, you get the picture. In the comment that no other interest in life should take priority over a man's relationship with their wife I wish that they would say that includes church service as well.

 

I think with shortening church and a focus on simplifying, hopefully fewer families will suffer from too much time devoted to callings. "Inordinate church service" was mentioned in this talk and it's one of my favorites!  https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/1994/10/our-strengths-can-become-our-downfall?lang=eng

 

 

 

[MorningStar]

On ‎4‎/‎11‎/‎2019 at 11:14 PM, Maidservant said:

 

My first overwhelming swell of emotion when my husband passed away was, "Now I don't have to be lonely anymore."

I've been lonely my whole life, and I still am (despite that initial emotion), but having been married lonely and single lonely, married lonely is far, far, far, far, far worse.  (To me.)

This is heartbreaking. Prayers for you, Maidservant. ❤️ 

[poptart]

On 4/11/2019 at 6:22 PM, MustardSeed said:

Just here to say that I assumed from the get go he was referring to dating. 

Then again, lots of married swingers out there, more than most know. 

Ohh boy, never forget when I got dragged to a swinger party.  I behaved myself while watching the whole thing go down.  I just sat in the corner and watched, wow....

After that, really started being careful around the guy who took me there, was supposed to be a humble gathering.  Amazing how degenerate some people are...

[Jeanne]

52 minutes ago, poptart said:

Ohh boy, never forget when I got dragged to a swinger party.  I behaved myself while watching the whole thing go down.  I just sat in the corner and watched, wow....

After that, really started being careful around the guy who took me there, was supposed to be a humble gathering.  Amazing how degenerate some people are...

Wow poptart...you really get around..😊

[poptart]

5 minutes ago, Jeanne said:

Wow poptart...you really get around..😊

Soo, there's a story behind that.  Those were during the WA days, one of the many lessons learned was when you're poor and almost homeless, good friends are very, very scarce.  This guy wasn't as bad but he had some very sketchy morals, one of those don't judge me types, whatever.  Anyway, I had no idea just what it was he drug me to, wasn't even there an hour before the crazy started.  Like I said, I just sat back and watched the chaos unfold.  Weirdest part was how the next day we all went to breakfast and everyone acted like nothing happened. 

Needless to say, don't really talk to him that much now that i'm gone.  This is why I stick to the outdoors, less crazy...

[cinepro]

On 4/12/2019 at 6:28 AM, stemelbow said:

no it's not.  He's being a bit too misogynistic for my tastes.  If a woman who I know breaks the law of chastity that is not necessarily on the men in her life, perhaps except for the man (or woman) with whom she breaks the law with.  It is on her.   

To the OP:

No.  I don't think so.  Mostly I think he's thinking of younger folks who are dating.  If they break it together the fault is more on the man than the woman--because the man has the priesthood and it is on him to make sure the woman remains chaste.  To me it's simply an old-style misogynistic perspective which has been repeated in the Church many times.    

I think the flaw in your reading is that he was speaking in the Priesthood session (i.e. to an audience of men and young men).  It's not misogynistic to address your audience.

Sometimes young men pressure girls to do unchaste things.  Sometimes young women pressure young men to do unchaste things.  Sometimes they both dive in together with no pressure needed.  Apparently Nelson felt like cautioning about the first situation.  That doesn't mean he is unaware of the other scenarios.

I only hope he delivers a similar message in the women's conference and tells the women not to pressure the men so the entire ex-Mormon crowd can have the internet's first collective group aneurysm.

Edited April 14, 2019 by cinepro

[Maidservant]

On 4/12/2019 at 12:02 AM, Hamba Tuhan said:

God bless you!

 

On 4/12/2019 at 6:41 AM, USU78 said:

Then I found the gift He brung me. I finally woke up.

I pray you do, too.

 

On 4/13/2019 at 11:33 AM, Jeanne said:

I have the biggest hug for you....I hope you will accept it. 

 

On 4/13/2019 at 11:12 AM, Teancum said:

I am so sorry and sad that this was your situation.  Blessings for you and to you going forward.

 

8 hours ago, MorningStar said:

This is heartbreaking. Prayers for you, Maidservant. ❤️ 

You are all so kind.  Thank you.  I have a blessed life.