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Let’s talk about sin of judging others


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I married into a family who talks a lot about being judged.  When I was young it got me thinking a lot abou this concept. 

My theory is this: when people use the word judge, often they are really saying “dislike.” I don’t think it’s realistic to like everything.

The following is just my point of view: 

(Sin:)  she drives a beat up car.  She must be trashy. I don’t like her. 

(Opinion, not a sin:) that is a beat up car.  I don’t like beat up cars. 

(Sin:) He  is wearing hiked up dad jeans.  He must be a complete dork.

(Opinion, not sin:) I’m turned off by that dudes hiked up dad jeans. 

 

I think it’s asking too much of humans to not have opinions about liking or disliking isolated behavior or appearance.  I think we sin only when we make assumptions. 

I know this is a weird post but I think about this a lot. Interested to discuss this more deeply. 

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I don’t know where I heard this, maby I made it it up.

“We are able to judge others as long as it is a righteous judgement and not a permanent one at that, only God can make permanent judgements.”

judging someone by the type of car they drive is not a righteous one.

someone that is drinking beer is righteous one, but what makes it righteous is that you forgive them and try and help.

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Looking for the Best in others.

 

A young boy is sitting in class and his teacher asked him to come to the front and answer the five math questions on the board, 

 

1+2 = 3

1+3 = 4

1+4 = 5

1+5 = 6

1+6 = 9

 

After he finishes the kids start to laugh and tease him for getting one of the questions wrong.

The boy stands there with feelings of shame and inadequacy.

Then the teacher stands up and tells the children to quite down, and asked why are you guys teasing him, they all shout “Because he missed one of the questions” and they begin to giggle.

Then the teacher looks at the board and says “So he has, but did you notice he got 4 of them right”.

 

We are so quick to pass judgment on others for how they look, dress, talk, how much money they make, where they live, and the list can go on and on.

Why do we do it, is it to protect our ego?

 

The Lord has taught us in Matthew 7:1-2 “Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” 

And in Luke 6:37 “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.”

 

When we choose to judge one another we must do it with good intentions, and never with a permanent conviction upon them, only the Lord can do that. We should judge one another with a forgiving heart, and have hope that the other will grow from there experience.

 

The young man from the beginning story had gotten one problem wrong but 4 right,

All the other children should have help the young boy learn his error and help correct it so that he could have gotten them all right.

 

Brothers and Sisters I bear you my testimony that if we choose to strengthen our family and friends around us, instead of bringing them down, the Lord will greatly bless us and answer all our prayers, in the name of Jesus the Christ amen.

 

 

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14 minutes ago, Doctrine 612 said:

Looking for the Best in others.

 

A young boy is sitting in class and his teacher asked him to come to the front and answer the five math questions on the board, 

 

1+2 = 3

1+3 = 4

1+4 = 5

1+5 = 6

1+6 = 9

 

After he finishes the kids start to laugh and tease him for getting one of the questions wrong.

The boy stands there with feelings of shame and inadequacy.

Then the teacher stands up and tells the children to quite down, and asked why are you guys teasing him, they all shout “Because he missed one of the questions” and they begin to giggle.

Then the teacher looks at the board and says “So he has, but did you notice he got 4 of them right”.

 

We are so quick to pass judgment on others for how they look, dress, talk, how much money they make, where they live, and the list can go on and on.

Why do we do it, is it to protect our ego?

 

The Lord has taught us in Matthew 7:1-2 “Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” 

And in Luke 6:37 “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.”

 

When we choose to judge one another we must do it with good intentions, and never with a permanent conviction upon them, only the Lord can do that. We should judge one another with a forgiving heart, and have hope that the other will grow from there experience.

 

The young man from the beginning story had gotten one problem wrong but 4 right,

All the other children should have help the young boy learn his error and help correct it so that he could have gotten them all right.

 

Brothers and Sisters I bear you my testimony that if we choose to strengthen our family and friends around us, instead of bringing them down, the Lord will greatly bless us and answer all our prayers, in the name of Jesus the Christ amen.

 

 

What a lovely sentiment and testimony.  

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1 hour ago, MustardSeed said:

We are so quick to pass judgment on others for how they look, dress, talk, how much money they make, where they live, and the list can go on and on.

 Why do we do it, is it to protect our ego?

This is what I wonder about.  Is it really avoidable or even harmful? 

I know it’s scary to imagine someone looking at me and thinking, that’s an unflattering outfit. 

But is it perhaps actually MY ego being threatened? Sometimes I think people cry “don’t judge me” when really what they are saying is “don’t reject me” .  

To judge is biological.  I heard once in nature tv (sorry, no cfr) that when we first come upon another human we subconsciously assess whether the person is a physical threat, then if they are a sexual potential.  We interact accordingly from there. I think we have evolved to more nuanced levels of judging. 

I really like the directive to look for the best in others.  

I also think if we are less afraid of the reality that people aren’t all going to like us or our choices, and that THATS OK , we’ll be less likely to close doors that might otherwise bring us joy. 

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I struggle with people who complain about how people are always judging them because in my experience, it's not usually true.  I have an in-law who seemed to always feel that other people believed they were better than my in-law, but it just wasn't true.  There was no judging going on, not at all.  My in-law has a personality where they always struggle with thinking others are thinking badly of them, and because of that has a 'get them before they get me' personality.  

My in-law is also very judgmental of other people and that's one of the reasons that I think they think other people are that way too (we tend to see others as we are after all, and that's who this person is).

But of course the world could do with a lot less judging of each other (in those instances where we don't need to judge.  Sometimes we do, and when that's the case we need to judge in righteousness and with mercy.  I think those cases are fairly few and far between though).

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3 minutes ago, MustardSeed said:

I also think if we are less afraid of the reality that people aren’t all going to like us or our choices, and that THATS OK , we’ll be less likely to close doors that might otherwise bring us joy. 

My oldest son (he'll be 17 this week) has the amazing ability not to care what people think of him.  He does what he wants, wears what he wants, listens to what he wants, etc. and when his friends (and he has a lot of both male and female friends) tease or make fun of him, he just laughs it off.  When acquaintances or other kids at his school don't like him or are snarky, it just rolls off his back.

I have no idea how he does it but I wish I could be more like him!

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10 minutes ago, bluebell said:

I struggle with people who complain about how people are always judging them because in my experience, it's not usually true.  I have an in-law who seemed to always feel that other people believed they were better than my in-law, but it just wasn't true.  There was no judging going on, not at all.  My in-law has a personality where they always struggle with thinking others are thinking badly of them, and because of that has a 'get them before they get me' personality.  

My in-law is also very judgmental of other people and that's one of the reasons that I think they think other people are that way too (we tend to see others as we are after all, and that's who this person is).

But of course the world could do with a lot less judging of each other (in those instances where we don't need to judge.  Sometimes we do, and when that's the case we need to judge in righteousness and with mercy.  I think those cases are fairly few and far between though).

This is exactly my life experience. 

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Personally, I wouldn't consider "judging" and "disliking" to be synonyms. I think there are substantial differences between the two. I can dislike something and I can judge something. Sometimes the result is the same in that I assign a value to the person or think I judge or dislike, but disliking feels like more of a personal choice or opinion. Judging, on the other hand, seems to be rooted in pride, not just disliking someone or something, but lifting oneself up as better than the person being judged.

It's not just that I don't think the person with goofy jeans is cool or not, but that I think I'm better than them, or that they have less worth than me, because of the goofy jeans. And in the religious sense, judging carries with it weighty consequences. Not only do I think I'm better than another person, but I think I'm more righteous and therefore more loved of God and more likely to receive eternal glory, while the other person is more likely to receive eternal damnation.

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You remind me of a sacrament meeting a year or so ago.  One of the youth, who has not yet outed himself publicly, gave a talk about being judgmental, and was quite angry and dismissive of judgmental people.

What I have observed is that people have left him alone to have sufficient space not to feel suffocated and confined, while at the same time inviting him to youth and priesthood activities.  He receives nothing but kindness, notwithstanding his prickliness, perhaps because his parents are so well regarded.  Perhaps because everybody's dealt with angry adolescents (or been an angry adolescent) and knows what it's like.

What do you think?  Who is the one doing the judging here?

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4 hours ago, MustardSeed said:

I married into a family who talks a lot about being judged.  When I was young it got me thinking a lot abou this concept. 

My theory is this: when people use the word judge, often they are really saying “dislike.” I don’t think it’s realistic to like everything.

The following is just my point of view: 

(Sin:)  she drives a beat up car.  She must be trashy. I don’t like her. 

(Opinion, not a sin:) that is a beat up car.  I don’t like beat up cars. 

(Sin:) He  is wearing hiked up dad jeans.  He must be a complete dork.

(Opinion, not sin:) I’m turned off by that dudes hiked up dad jeans. 

 

I think it’s asking too much of humans to not have opinions about liking or disliking isolated behavior or appearance.  I think we sin only when we make assumptions. 

I know this is a weird post but I think about this a lot. Interested to discuss this more deeply. 

I think the point of Yeshua was not to judge sins of others, but to let God do that. He charged us to forgive them instead. Our judgmental thoughts about how others look and act, and how we act to them in return is a sin on our part rather than theirs - and we shouldn't do that either.

Now obviously, society has to judge criminals, or it would become lawless. The Church has to judge whether someone has committed egregious enough acts to warrant excommunication, but these are not individual acts of judgment. One can be on a jury which finds a murderer guilty, and still forgive them. 

Forgiveness is good for the soul, and allows us to continue on with our work rather than holding grudges and the like. It allows us to remain in a state of love rather than hate or anger which are selfish emotions. It also allows us to keep Yeshua as our God, letting Him do His appointed work, rather than us trying to assume it for Him.

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23 minutes ago, HappyJackWagon said:

Personally, I wouldn't consider "judging" and "disliking" to be synonyms.

Yes, I think this is the problem we run into.  It’s so uncomfortable for people to be disliked or for people to perceive that their choice of behavior or clothing or smell is disliked that they claim it’s sinful judgement.  But I don’t think it is.  

I also read a story yesterday about a woman who recently lost a lot of weight and was taken aback by how people seemed to be so much nicer to her now that she was thin.  She felt judged and bitter... until she considered that perhaps her weight loss had changed her outlook and her self worth and therefore made her more receptive and inviting.... thus experiencing the niceness of people that was likely always there.  

I think in the concept of judging there is a ton of projection.  Any time I hear someone say don’t judge, I find it’s likely this is a highly critical person themselves.  I’m often nit disappointed.  This is anecdotal, an observation, and in my mind, not a sinful judgement :)

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30 minutes ago, USU78 said:

You remind me of a sacrament meeting a year or so ago.  One of the youth, who has not yet outed himself publicly, gave a talk about being judgmental, and was quite angry and dismissive of judgmental people.

(...)

What do you think?  Who is the one doing the judging here?

Poor young man.  He’s scared to death.  Sounds like your ward is doing right by him. 

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It is my personal belief that most of societal ills and bad behaviors stem from false beliefs about self which lead to certain behaviors.  If a person believes that they are bad, they will act the part.  If a person believes they are unlovable, they will act the part.  If a person believes they are worthless, they will act the part...  

This is why we have to be very careful in how we judge others, especially young children who are susceptible to the toxic judgments of others (especially parents) in forming their sense of self-worth.

My position is that judgment should only be about behavior, and not about the person.  To not judge behavior would be incredibly dangerous and would put us in harms way physically/emotionally/spiritually.  The Lord expects us to judge with a righteous judgment and we need to do so to protect us and our children.

Too frequently however, we judge the person rather than the behavior.  This leads to toxic shame issues, especially in children.  Examples - "what is wrong with you?",  "You are a bad boy/girl"  "Good boys/girls don't do this..."  The judgment needs to be about behavior and not about identity.  Behavior can be easily changed when it is not tied to toxic self-identity.  It is not so easy once those beliefs are formed.  It is much healthier to believe that you made a mistake, and not that you are a mistake yourself.   It is healthier to believe that you did something bad, and not that you are something bad...  How we choose to judge other's can have a significant impact on that person who is susceptible to outside influence for good or bad. 

If God waits 'till the very end to judge the person, why are we so hasty to identify people (rather than behavior) as good or bad?  We are still in a probationary state, and will remain in a state of probation until the time of judgment.  Any judgment of person before that point is premature and harmful. 

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23 minutes ago, MustardSeed said:

Poor young man.  He’s scared to death.  Sounds like your ward is doing right by him. 

You get that "the angry homosexual" is a thing, right?

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2 hours ago, bluebell said:

I struggle with people who complain about how people are always judging them because in my experience, it's not usually true.  I have an in-law who seemed to always feel that other people believed they were better than my in-law, but it just wasn't true.  There was no judging going on, not at all.  My in-law has a personality where they always struggle with thinking others are thinking badly of them, and because of that has a 'get them before they get me' personality.  

My in-law is also very judgmental of other people and that's one of the reasons that I think they think other people are that way too (we tend to see others as we are after all, and that's who this person is).

But of course the world could do with a lot less judging of each other (in those instances where we don't need to judge.  Sometimes we do, and when that's the case we need to judge in righteousness and with mercy.  I think those cases are fairly few and far between though).

I have known many people like this. They are perpetually imagining everyone judging them because that is what they do to everyone. They do not realize that while most people do sometimes judge others most are too busy with their own lives to spend much time developing a comprehensive judgement of them. They do not think about them much at all.

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1 hour ago, pogi said:

It is my personal belief that most of societal ills and bad behaviors stem from false beliefs about self which lead to certain behaviors.  If a person believes that they are bad, they will act the part.  If a person believes they are unlovable, they will act the part.  If a person believes they are worthless, they will act the part...  

This is why we have to be very careful in how we judge others, especially young children who are susceptible to the toxic judgments of others (especially parents) in forming their sense of self-worth.

My position is that judgment should only be about behavior, and not about the person.  To not judge behavior would be incredibly dangerous and would put us in harms way physically/emotionally/spiritually.  The Lord expects us to judge with a righteous judgment and we need to do so to protect us and our children.

Too frequently however, we judge the person rather than the behavior.  This leads to toxic shame issues, especially in children.  Examples - "what is wrong with you?",  "You are a bad boy/girl"  "Good boys/girls don't do this..."  The judgment needs to be about behavior and not about identity.  Behavior can be easily changed when it is not tied to toxic self-identity.  It is not so easy once those beliefs are formed.  It is much healthier to believe that you made a mistake, and not that you are a mistake yourself.   It is healthier to believe that you did something bad, and not that you are something bad...  How we choose to judge other's can have a significant impact on that person who is susceptible to outside influence for good or bad. 

If God waits 'till the very end to judge the person, why are we so hasty to identify people (rather than behavior) as good or bad?  We are still in a probationary state, and will remain in a state of probation until the time of judgment.  Any judgment of person before that point is premature and harmful. 

The bolds (mine) in your post, made me think of this meme I had recently shared on FB:

Image may contain: text

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50 minutes ago, pogi said:

I'm not sure what you mean by "the angry homosexual" as opposed to "the angry heterosexual", but...

Anger is often a front for insecurity and/or fear.  Mustardseed is right, he is probably scared to death - hence his not outing himself yet.

Compassion.  Pass it on.

He's a 17-year-old doofus with terrible anger issues.  Used to be my HT companion.  Very unhappy boy.  And, yes, alas, "the angry homosexual" is kind of a bromide.  Has been for at least my adult life.  Can't speak for others' experiences. 

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3 hours ago, MustardSeed said:

Sometimes I think people cry “don’t judge me” when really what they are saying is “don’t reject me” .   

I think you hit it on the bullseye.

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