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Change To Missionary Communication Policy: Phone Home On P-Day!


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11 minutes ago, Bernard Gui said:

A question for those old timers who served missions...

Only three elders left my mission early and none because of anxiety. Two were for medical reasons and one for behavior. I don’t recall crippling anxiety being an issue then. Was it that way when you served or was our mission unique? It was not an easy place to serve.

I know it is an issue for our youth today, but it is a growing problem across our culture, not exclusively with church members. 

BTW, I am very familiar with its effects.

 

I saw what you just did! 😄

Edited by Tacenda
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1 minute ago, Tacenda said:

I saw what you just did! 😄

I hope not. I’m still in my jammies. What did I do?

Edited by Bernard Gui
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1 minute ago, Tacenda said:

Oh I'm embarrassed! I thought you enlarged the sentences gradually to show anxiety! But now see that it was that you quoted or c/p'd, I'm such a doofus! 

No worries. I’m relieved you didn’t see me in my jammies! Not a pleasant sight early in the morning. :)

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1 minute ago, Tacenda said:

Well, I sit here in my robe, thinking I should get going! 

Yep. Me too. Have a great day.

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8 hours ago, Calm said:

 My self reliance resulted in three minor health issues turning into three major, even crippling disabilities because it was clearly taught around my home those who expressed concerns about pain instead of just walking it off, so to speak, were wimps.  So now I can't walk with pain, can't sit without pain,can't sleep. Treating anxieties about life as they appear is no magic bullet, but my kid has never been hospitalized because of poor health management, mental or physical...though might have come close putting off an emergency room treatment for vomiting (stupid for diabetic, but she wanted her own bed).

Times have changed, quick and effective early treatment can in some cases prevent health issues from becoming chronic.

Our daughter Bellalindissima was somewhat of a drama queen when she was a kid (not so now), so when she was complaining about a stomach ache and didn’t want to go to school we rolled our eyes and said ok. When I came home for lunch, I found her writhing in agony on the floor...she had a ruptured appendix. A few years later when our next to the last son Bellicosso was complaining we whisked him to the emergency room right away. “Get in the car. Let’s go.” Oh...that was after Persistento also had appendicitis. All at the age of nine. And then our son Cellicocissmo recognized the symptoms when he had it at age 39. Our youngest son Talentissimo has lived in constant dread that he is next. It has exacerbated his struggles with anxiety.

Edited by Bernard Gui
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2 hours ago, Bernard Gui said:

Our daughter Bellalindissima was somewhat of a drama queen when she was a kid (not so now), so when she was complaining about a stomach ache and didn’t want to go to school we rolled our eyes and said ok. When I came home for lunch, I found her writhing in agony on the floor...she had a ruptured appendix. A few years later when our next to the last son Bellicosso was complaining we whisked him to the emergency room right away. “Get in the car. Let’s go.” Oh...that was after Persistento also had appendicitis. All at the age of nine. And then our son Cellicocissmo recognized the symptoms when he had it at age 39. Our youngest son Talentissimo has lived in constant dread that he is next. It has exacerbated his struggles with anxiety.

You blessed your children with such beautiful names.  I think they’re fantastic.  Bellalindissima is a double dose of beauty and Talentissimo might be one of my all time favorites.  Well done.

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13 hours ago, ERMD said:

Service missions are far from milquetoast.  For those who cannot serve proselyting missions, service missions provide a way for them to give meaningful service and to represent their Savior as best as they can.  Whether they be wheelchair bound, have intellectual challenges, or mental difficulties, there are many who want to share in the joys of missionary work, but heretofore have been unable to.

Service missionaries receive a call from the Prophet through a member of the Quorum of the Twelve.  They serve as close to full time as they can (and most can), anywhere from 6-24 months, with the goal being 24 months.  The First Presidency and the Twelve view service missions as being on par with proselyting missions, and their church record reflects that.

Some significant culture change needs to take place.  Service missions aren't going away, but rather they are paving the way for many more to serve in the Savior's way, and to contribute in a manner that will be successful for them.

I said the exalting of the service missions over proselyting is milquetoast. The service missions themselves are a viable and valuable method to provide service for couples and those young missionaries unable for whatever reason to serve a proselyting mission.

I do decry the pernicious idea that proselyting missions are inferior to service missions when they are the primary mode of missionary work in this dispensation and the most crucial to fulfilling the objectives of the Savior.

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3 hours ago, let’s roll said:

You blessed your children with such beautiful names.  I think they’re fantastic.  Bellalindissima is a double dose of beauty and Talentissimo might be one of my all time favorites.  Well done.

Thank you! Bernard Gui is not my real name....I invented those Italianesque names to preserve their anonymity when I talk about them here.

I am actually Polish, but it doesn’t work as well in Polish. Too many consonants and not enough vowels, plus no one would know what I’m talking about. 

 The names reflect who they are in a positive way. In real life they all have Biblical names. 

We will know the Millennium is beginning when we have a Polish General Authority.

Edited by Bernard Gui
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3 minutes ago, Bernard Gui said:

Thank you! Bernard Gui is not my real name....I invented those Italianesque names to preserve their anonymity when I talk about them here. The names reflect who they are in a positive way. In real life they all have a Biblical names. 

I’d love to be named Talentissimo and have Persistento as a descriptive nickname.  😇

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1 minute ago, let’s roll said:

I’d love to be named Talentissimo and have Persistento as a descriptive nickname.  😇

See my edit....

 

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8 hours ago, Bernard Gui said:

A question for those old timers who served missions...

Only three elders left my mission early and none because of anxiety. It was not an easy place to serve.

Two were for medical reasons and one for behavior. I don’t recall crippling anxiety being an issue then. Was it that way when you served or was our mission unique? I know it is an issue for our youth today, but it is a growing problem across our culture, not exclusively with church members. 

BTW, I am very familiar with its effects.

 

Off topic, but did you know (care?) that Steve Young did not serve due to crippling anxiety? CFR My Life Behind The Spiral, autobiography.

I believe ***opinion*** that rampant anxiety today is due to helicopter parenting which sends the message to the child that they are incapable , thereby undermining self confidence and resilience. 

Edited by MustardSeed
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17 hours ago, MustardSeed said:

Off topic, but did you know (care?) that Steve Young did not serve due to crippling anxiety? CFR My Life Behind The Spiral, autobiography.

I believe ***opinion*** that rampant anxiety today is due to helicopter parenting which sends the message to the child that they are incapable , thereby undermining self confidence and resilience. 

I didn't know that about Steve. Seems like having a bunch of monstrous defense players rushing at you with the intent to do grievous bodily harm would be more of an anxiety issue, but what do I know? I still get stage fright when I have to play violin solos.

My son Artisticosso visited today and we talked about this. He has mixed feelings about the new missionary contact policy. I share those feelings....that it is a sign of our times...overly protective parents that are always there to rescue can create dependency problems. Not the only reason, but IMO certainly part of the problem. As a school teacher of 42 years, I witnessed the gradual regression from "you got in trouble in school today so assume the position to "you got in trouble today so you're on restriction" to "you got in trouble in school today so I'm calling the principal and demanding that your teacher be fired." 

Edited by Bernard Gui
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I talked to a dad at basketball yesterday who has a son currently working on his missionary application  He was really struggling with the section asking about anxiety and homesickness when he got the email about the change.  He didn't feel he could honestly answer the questions before, but with the change, he now believes he can do it.  I'm proud of the kid.  He worked hard to lose 100 lbs.  He still wasn't ready to go so he went to college to give him some experience being away from home for the first time.  He only survived by calling his mom several times a week.  I don't understand why there are so many youth struggling today, but I'm proud this kid is making the effort to try.

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On 2/15/2019 at 6:57 PM, ALarson said:

I agree!

My first thoughts on this are that they have got to try some new things to stop the stream of missionaries coming home early.  In our area, it seems like more and more are coming home (or choosing not to go out at all).  If this helps a missionary who is struggling hold on and stay out (with more emotional support and contact from their families), that's great.  I do think it'll help.  

I do wonder about this.  Is there something with the upcoming generation that they aren't as emotionally resilient as previous generations?  I've been hanging out for many decades on this earth, and it didn't seem like a lot of missionaries were coming home early except for physical health reasons, and darned few of those.  I recall that about ten or fifteen years ago two of the sons of one of our stronger members in the ward had to leave their missions temporarily for emotional health issues, but after a few weeks they went back to finish their terms.  I worked with both young men as a scout leader and it never seemed that they had issues.  Except that their dad was quite wealthy and they had a lot of advantages that others didn't.  Maybe that was it.

How does it seem to you with those coming home early?  Perhaps they went out too early?  

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2 hours ago, gopher said:

I talked to a dad at basketball yesterday who has a son currently working on his missionary application  He was really struggling with the section asking about anxiety and homesickness when he got the email about the change.  He didn't feel he could honestly answer the questions before, but with the change, he now believes he can do it.  I'm proud of the kid.  He worked hard to lose 100 lbs.  He still wasn't ready to go so he went to college to give him some experience being away from home for the first time.  He only survived by calling his mom several times a week.  I don't understand why there are so many youth struggling today, but I'm proud this kid is making the effort to try.

Never thought of it until your post, but I guess this may not only deter those from coming home early but also make it so others will now want to go on a mission. And the numbers will go up again. 

But to the rest of the world this change will make the church look pretty culty by in the past not letting an adult male/female call home but twice a year!

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I think a lot of the appearance of anxiety had to do with how open they felt about sharing things.  In my peer group (not in Utah, but CA and IL) any guy admitting anxiety would have been teased at the very least, told to grit his teeth by teachers or parents, possibly bullied.

When your parents don't have time or inclinations to deal with anxieties, generally I think many kids just withdrew silently into their own hells and accepted that was going to be their life.  I managed by constantly being in the world of books or thinking about things rather than what was going on around me.

But also we as parents didn't have the tech our kids have, so aren't providing as effective modeling or support that is needed for teens to learn how to use tech.  How much effort do we put into teaching and then supervising driving?  At the very least we should be investing as much effort, but think of it as someone not that great at driving trying to teach someone else.

Edited by Calm
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1 hour ago, Stargazer said:

I do wonder about this.  Is there something with the upcoming generation that they aren't as emotionally resilient as previous generations?  I've been hanging out for many decades on this earth, and it didn't seem like a lot of missionaries were coming home early except for physical health reasons, and darned few of those.  I recall that about ten or fifteen years ago two of the sons of one of our stronger members in the ward had to leave their missions temporarily for emotional health issues, but after a few weeks they went back to finish their terms.  I worked with both young men as a scout leader and it never seemed that they had issues.  Except that their dad was quite wealthy and they had a lot of advantages that others didn't.  Maybe that was it.

How does it seem to you with those coming home early?  Perhaps they went out too early?  

I agree with your thoughts and I do think this is much more prevalent that it was in past generations.  I have seen more come home who went out right out of high school (at the age of 18).   Many of them seem more immature and have not ever been out on there own (vs. some who leave a year later and have experienced college away from home).  They are very attached to their phones and to social media too (the majority of them at least from what I see at youth activities, etc.).

I just learned yesterday from my brother that this last week there were 15 missionaries sent home early in his area (all missionaries working in his ward were included) .  They (the 15 missionaries) had a group text message that had been going for some time and it was mostly negative and derogatory texts about the mission president.  The president found out, read the texts and called all of the Elders in who were in the group text and they are all home now.  I do think that most missionaries have phones now if I'm not mistaken (all do in my area and my brother said they all do in his area now too).  I have mixed feelings over that, but know many were struggling without phones.

Edited by ALarson
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1 hour ago, Stargazer said:

Really chatty, is he?

:lol: Yes. Sometimes he calls his parents every 3 months instead of once a year. 

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Anxiety: hovering parents, increased pressure to perform, social media, and awareness of mental illness, and false labeling. Everyone’s a therapist or self diagnoser.

And the latter being the cause of a excess of “narcissism “.  Ever notice that while every ex wife is “crazy”, every ex husband is a “narcissist?” ;)

Edited by MustardSeed
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