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poptart

Dating/marrying non-LDS

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Here's another one, how often does this work out, esp. when the non LDS partner/spouse won't convert?  I've read horror stories of Catholics/Non Catholic, how well does it work out? 
I know for me I'd be supportive, I know the child care and development is 2nd to none and if kids did come into the picture an LDS ward would be high on the list of places I'd feel comfortable having children in.  I know I have family that married into Catholic family and to this day it's been non stop infighting, the holidays are a nightmare.  I ask because mom went to BYUH, the first GF I had was LDS from Japan and looking back she was one of the best.  Even her friends were top notch.  About the only other people i've met here who've been that accepting were people from the local buddhist temples.  I'm kind of taking care of mom as it is, no way would I let someone in with bad values after what we've been through and well, out of respect for mom men are kinda out of the equation so with women I'm extra careful.  No offense to anyone here, just looking at my options and well, once again for all the cons the pros the LDS church has to offer are just outstanding even for a non member. 

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High divorce rates for mixed faith marriages when one is LDS unfortunately.

Do you want stats to verify?

There is at times resentment over the time commitment from what I have seen.  One woman worked it out as attending during winter while spending summer doing the outdoor activities her husband preferred.

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4 hours ago, Calm said:

High divorce rates for mixed faith marriages when one is LDS unfortunately.

Do you want stats to verify?

There is at times resentment over the time commitment from what I have seen.  One woman worked it out as attending during winter while spending summer doing the outdoor activities her husband preferred.

If you have em sure, I tend to save those things.

That's a shame, is what it is I guess.  I do know the LDS folks often have a lot of things assigned, you are a busy people.  Curious, did the husband participate at all with the activities, I know in Hawaii they'll often have activities that involve cooking and Hula.  Mom grew up doing it and was one of the best in the state.

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27 minutes ago, poptart said:

If you have em sure, I tend to save those things.

That's a shame, is what it is I guess.  I do know the LDS folks often have a lot of things assigned, you are a busy people.  Curious, did the husband participate at all with the activities, I know in Hawaii they'll often have activities that involve cooking and Hula.  Mom grew up doing it and was one of the best in the state.

He came to ward parties when we first moved there.  I don't remember seeing him at anything the last several years before we moved.  All their kids were teens by then, maybe that made a difference.

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This is an older one discussing several attributes, but has been used a lot over the years.

https://www.deseretnews.com/article/930586/Statistics-offer-good-and-bad-news-for-LDS.html

moee coming...need to take a break, just got a carb rush (warm cornbread, fruit, and cream as my bedtime...wait, that was dinner, missed a meal there...no wonder the rush) and need to put my head down, if I fall asleep, I will put more up tomorrow.

Edited by Calm

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Generally it stresses the marriage and something has to give quite a bit. Either the activity of the member spouse or the feelings and wants of the non-member spouse. Whether it is worth it is up to the individual.

I have enough pain in my life that I am not willing to try it absent revelation to do so.

Edited by The Nehor

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I think it’s doable but why add such stress?

im involved deeply with a hobby that my spouse doesn’t do.  He cannot do it.  My hobby requires travel.  I envy people who marry people who share the same passion.  But I don’t regret my marriage choice. 

But I don’t recommend it. 

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15 hours ago, poptart said:

Here's another one, how often does this work out, esp. when the non LDS partner/spouse won't convert?  I've read horror stories of Catholics/Non Catholic, how well does it work out? 
I know for me I'd be supportive, I know the child care and development is 2nd to none and if kids did come into the picture an LDS ward would be high on the list of places I'd feel comfortable having children in.  I know I have family that married into Catholic family and to this day it's been non stop infighting, the holidays are a nightmare.  I ask because mom went to BYUH, the first GF I had was LDS from Japan and looking back she was one of the best.  Even her friends were top notch.  About the only other people i've met here who've been that accepting were people from the local buddhist temples.  I'm kind of taking care of mom as it is, no way would I let someone in with bad values after what we've been through and well, out of respect for mom men are kinda out of the equation so with women I'm extra careful.  No offense to anyone here, just looking at my options and well, once again for all the cons the pros the LDS church has to offer are just outstanding even for a non member. 

LDS lady happily married to an Evangelical dude speaking here.  Such marriages can work great.  Things are built on respect and supporting each other, even if we don't have identical beliefs.

However, this is NOT something I would blanket recommend and put up many warning signs before hand.  It does add an entire new level of complications to marriage/family life and to spiritual life.  For example, I have to be ok attending church by myself and wrangling the little ones by myself -- no one is going to make me go at all, and I don't have that default backup helper.  We both need to deal with well-meaning "please convert" folks from both sides (folks which are not always well behaved).  We need to decide religious upbringing for the kiddos, and that's not the default children's path for either church.  And you really need to be ok 100% respecting and supporting things even when you don't agree with them. 

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11 hours ago, poptart said:

If you have em sure, I tend to save those things.

That's a shame, is what it is I guess.  I do know the LDS folks often have a lot of things assigned, you are a busy people.  Curious, did the husband participate at all with the activities, I know in Hawaii they'll often have activities that involve cooking and Hula.  Mom grew up doing it and was one of the best in the state.

My personal answer: husband will come to church when I ask very nicely (~1/yr) and to some activity ~1/yr.  He's finally warming up to doing some social things with friends I happen to have met at church. I'm very happy to go to any church thing he requests (~1/blue moon).

I've seen other couples do a variety of things.  It is very common for one spouse (of either faith) just to go inactive because they don't want to go alone and want to be with their spouse.  

 

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The bottom line is that love of spouse and family should always trump religion.  Should one fall in love with someone outside the religion or should the faith in any time change, there is  way to make it work when love of family is triumph over all.  Core values and goodness is key and the loving parenting is between two who are diverse and respectful can be a gift to children.

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I'll toss this out there, moms a local from maui who went to byuh and we're both looking to go back in a few years.  All.my first cousins are out there and are still quite wholesome, compared to families here anyway.  It's different there, anyone who's lived out there can attest to that, the locals tend to be quite religious and community focused, they're not perfect but due to the Hawaiian and asian influence the value set is quite different.  If the mormons here were like the ones mom knew i may well have converted, sorta.

Bottom line, im keeping mom and my own mental health in mind, life is full of compromises and what i have in mind will probably have me around a lot of religious people.  Moms side is also very religious, thing is they walk the walk so im just considering my options, simple cost benefit analysis.

Edited by poptart

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