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readstoomuch

Diagnosed with cancer on Tuesday

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I just watched I Can Only Imagine with my kids.  We all cried and it is an excellent show.  My dad died at my age 25 years ago.  Here I am his age and diagnosed with a cancer that can be slow and  I don’t think I should tell my kids.  I’m crying about the movie, my dad, my first wife and of course about me.

I’m really torn up about what I should be doing in my life.  I worked very hard this month in my business and my bishop was out of town this month two Sundays.  I really enjoy my calling but it takes a toll on me.  Energy is the thing I don’t have an endless supply of.  Also time. I don’t want to be nothing, but trying to figure out the balance is challenging.

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On 12/24/2018 at 2:32 AM, readstoomuch said:

I just watched I Can Only Imagine with my kids.  We all cried and it is an excellent show.  My dad died at my age 25 years ago.  Here I am his age and diagnosed with a cancer that can be slow and  I don’t think I should tell my kids.  I’m crying about the movie, my dad, my first wife and of course about me.

I’m really torn up about what I should be doing in my life.  I worked very hard this month in my business and my bishop was out of town this month two Sundays.  I really enjoy my calling but it takes a toll on me.  Energy is the thing I don’t have an endless supply of.  Also time. I don’t want to be nothing, but trying to figure out the balance is challenging.

Have you gone to the temple and had some prayer there yet? The Lord may have some insight for you in your situation

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Thats really good advice.  I did right after I was diagnosed six weeks ago, but not since then.  

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Readstoomuch, I have yet to respond to this post, I don't believe. I hope your health resumes back to normal quick. I'm glad that the "C" word is not always untreatable. Hope you're doing well!

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Thank you for asking.  I have gone to the temple a few times, the latest yesterday.  There has been quite a bit of peace about it all.  The biggest problem seems to be about who to tell.  I still have not told my children.  My older kids who lost their mother to cancer would probably just flip out.  I think the two of them have finally started to come to grips with the death of their mother.  That grieving that you try to do with them, but they were 6 and 9 when it happened.  They are now 29 and 32.  My younger kids are just getting out on their own.  My youngest just barely turned 18 and is planning on going on a mission next fall.  I don't want to do anything that would change her mind or cause a freak out about the possibility of me dying.  So, there are about 5 people on the earth that know this.  

As for the medical stuff.  I have to go into the oncologist every 2 months and have my blood drawn.  My immunoglobulins are low, so I can't get sick.  I have to be very careful and have about 20 containers of alcohol cleanser in every place you could think of.  My case seems to be complicated and I am supposed to go to Mayo Clinic or the University of Utah for another opinion.  There is the possibility of early treatment.  Not entirely without side effects.  There is an autoimmune condition that accompanies the leukemia.  Its all slow and you learn bits and pieces here and there.  There is a CLL support group and they have great information.  They all say they freak out and then they mostly do well.  Eventually their cancer becomes more advanced and then there can be some tough times.  I don't want to go through a bone marrow transplant even though it has the promise of a cure.  It has so many side effects and getting total body irradiation and a lethal dose of chemo does not sound fun.  My energy is decent, but I am only able to work about 3 days a week.  With my bishopric duties that is about all I can do.  Every one asks me what I have and I can honestly tell them that I have an autoimmune condition that suppresses my immune system.  I just don't tell them that the autoimmune condition comes from a cancer.    

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18 hours ago, readstoomuch said:

My energy is decent, but I am only able to work about 3 days a week.  With my bishopric duties that is about all I can do.  Every one asks me what I have and I can honestly tell them that I have an autoimmune condition that suppresses my immune system.  I just don't tell them that the autoimmune condition comes from a cancer.    

The radiation and chemo definitely sapped my energy.  I also gained 20 pounds, so most of the time I feel like a deflated blimp.  I also have an autoimmune condition, but it seems unrelated to the cancer.  Believe it or not, it has attacked my hearing.  I have lost all hearing in one ear, and it had started to impact the other ear before they figured it out.  I’m taking medication now that seems to be holding it at bay.  It’s the pits...which you already know all too well.

You are in my prayers.

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“still have not told my children.  My older kids who lost their mother to cancer would probably just flip out”

that is a huge burden.  I feel for you.  I hope you can talk to those 5 you trust to handle your news, often enough.  Hard stuff.  

You may very well live a long time.  I hope for that.

Edited by MustardSeed
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Posted (edited)

Your business is probably almost like another child, hard to let go especially when you can see disaster looming. You don’t want the people you employ to get hurt through the carelessness of others. 

Edited by Calm

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Readstoomuch, when my husband had cancer it took me awhile to tell people. It was harder when I did because I got too many intrusive questions, but it was also easier because people don’t expect as much. Maybe give yourself a break?

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On 8/18/2019 at 1:22 AM, readstoomuch said:

So, I am now about nine months into my diagnosis of chronic leukemia.  Not much has changed as far as my health and I am grateful for that.  I saw a CLL specialist at the Huntsman Cancer Center and will still wait for treatment.  My youngest son got married at the end of June and my youngest daughter is going on a mission in November.   I feel a number of losses and so many changes.  When our ward was split the bishop asked me to be released from the bishopric and be the ward mission leader.  Trying to figure that out.  

Of all the stress that I experience right now, the most severe is from work.  I am part of a big business and the other owners are younger and can be naive as well as impulsive.  They might be so demanding that our manager may leave.  I seem to be the glue that holds it together and I just want to have peace and quiet.  When I went to the temple the strong impression I got was that I need to get control of my life.  If I retired tomorrow a business that I built might just fall apart.  I have tried to set an example of how to be an owner and grow talent.  One partner in particular is micromanaging our manager to death.  He’s also very critical and constantly trying to “fix” things.  The other owners bring talent and good qualities as well.  You can imagine sitting in a meeting and just thinking “I have cancer, good luck with the mess you have created.”

So, I am trying to get control of my life.  I know the problems that I am explaining are that of business and not exactly the same that the every day person has to face.  It has always been a challenge to live the gospel and run an organization.  Ethics constantly tested.  Thanks for the rant.  Not sure who else to talk to.  

If you need a legal shoulder to spout-off from and bounce thoughts off, send me a message and I'll give you my personal contact info.  And your money's no good here, so don't worry about that.

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Well, thanks every one.  The meeting with my partners when much better than I thought.  It’s not over yet, but I will update as to the decisions I end up making and how it goes.  

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Never boring around my house.  My daughter was waiting to go into the MTC in mid-November.  She has had abdominal problems and diarrhea for about 6-8 weeks.  Right after she got her call they developed.  The work up is pointing to inflammatory bowel disease such as Crohn`s or Ulcerative Colitis.  A colonoscopy is scheduled for Wednesday morning.  She is wondering why God would call her on a mission and then let her get sick.  We don’t know if she can go on a mission or not given the circumstances.  Certainly not a country without good medical care.  So we are praying and she got a blessing tonite.  

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I'm sorry about your daughter's situation... I'm glad she had a blessing... Don't forget to place her name on the nearest temple prayer roll... Blessings on her...

GG

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4 hours ago, readstoomuch said:

She is wondering why God would call her on a mission and then let her get sick.  

Better before than when already gone, especially if in a country without the best of care.  It will likely take much less time to diagnose and adapted to as it can be the full focus of her life right now.  Not a very fun project, but in the long run she may realize it worked better for her to be able to pull completely back to deal with it.

If it is a serious disorder, her life was at a natural break between assuming responsibilities.  She can focus on getting better, without feeling she is making things complicated for others.

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My daughter does indeed have Crohn`s Disease and has been on oral corticosteroids for about 5 days.  She is starting to do much better. Her garments had come off because of the diarrhea and bloating.  At least she wore them yesterday.  Some of the positive blessings such as being diagnosed early and being at home instead of school or a mission have been brought up by her.  What is surprising is how badly she wants to go on a mission, but how little she is doing as far as reading the scriptures or praying.  We were going to take her to do initiatory work, but she declined to go with us.  She is meeting with the stake president tomorrow.  We are hoping that helps.  Her name is on the temple roll and we pray for her all the time.  She is a pretty petulant child right now.  

My wife had surgery 10 days ago, so I am the “healthy” one right now.  August was a rotten month for me.  Here’s to September being an improvement.  

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4 hours ago, readstoomuch said:

She is a pretty petulant child right now.  

Finding out you have a disorder you will have to deal with for the next 70 years is overwhelming. Give her time. If she is like our daughter, there may be a lot of “why bother to try as life does what it wants with me anyway”.

Edited by Calm

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