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readstoomuch

Diagnosed with cancer on Tuesday

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I just watched I Can Only Imagine with my kids.  We all cried and it is an excellent show.  My dad died at my age 25 years ago.  Here I am his age and diagnosed with a cancer that can be slow and  I don’t think I should tell my kids.  I’m crying about the movie, my dad, my first wife and of course about me.

I’m really torn up about what I should be doing in my life.  I worked very hard this month in my business and my bishop was out of town this month two Sundays.  I really enjoy my calling but it takes a toll on me.  Energy is the thing I don’t have an endless supply of.  Also time. I don’t want to be nothing, but trying to figure out the balance is challenging.

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On 12/24/2018 at 2:32 AM, readstoomuch said:

I just watched I Can Only Imagine with my kids.  We all cried and it is an excellent show.  My dad died at my age 25 years ago.  Here I am his age and diagnosed with a cancer that can be slow and  I don’t think I should tell my kids.  I’m crying about the movie, my dad, my first wife and of course about me.

I’m really torn up about what I should be doing in my life.  I worked very hard this month in my business and my bishop was out of town this month two Sundays.  I really enjoy my calling but it takes a toll on me.  Energy is the thing I don’t have an endless supply of.  Also time. I don’t want to be nothing, but trying to figure out the balance is challenging.

Have you gone to the temple and had some prayer there yet? The Lord may have some insight for you in your situation

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Thats really good advice.  I did right after I was diagnosed six weeks ago, but not since then.  

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Readstoomuch, I have yet to respond to this post, I don't believe. I hope your health resumes back to normal quick. I'm glad that the "C" word is not always untreatable. Hope you're doing well!

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Thank you for asking.  I have gone to the temple a few times, the latest yesterday.  There has been quite a bit of peace about it all.  The biggest problem seems to be about who to tell.  I still have not told my children.  My older kids who lost their mother to cancer would probably just flip out.  I think the two of them have finally started to come to grips with the death of their mother.  That grieving that you try to do with them, but they were 6 and 9 when it happened.  They are now 29 and 32.  My younger kids are just getting out on their own.  My youngest just barely turned 18 and is planning on going on a mission next fall.  I don't want to do anything that would change her mind or cause a freak out about the possibility of me dying.  So, there are about 5 people on the earth that know this.  

As for the medical stuff.  I have to go into the oncologist every 2 months and have my blood drawn.  My immunoglobulins are low, so I can't get sick.  I have to be very careful and have about 20 containers of alcohol cleanser in every place you could think of.  My case seems to be complicated and I am supposed to go to Mayo Clinic or the University of Utah for another opinion.  There is the possibility of early treatment.  Not entirely without side effects.  There is an autoimmune condition that accompanies the leukemia.  Its all slow and you learn bits and pieces here and there.  There is a CLL support group and they have great information.  They all say they freak out and then they mostly do well.  Eventually their cancer becomes more advanced and then there can be some tough times.  I don't want to go through a bone marrow transplant even though it has the promise of a cure.  It has so many side effects and getting total body irradiation and a lethal dose of chemo does not sound fun.  My energy is decent, but I am only able to work about 3 days a week.  With my bishopric duties that is about all I can do.  Every one asks me what I have and I can honestly tell them that I have an autoimmune condition that suppresses my immune system.  I just don't tell them that the autoimmune condition comes from a cancer.    

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18 hours ago, readstoomuch said:

My energy is decent, but I am only able to work about 3 days a week.  With my bishopric duties that is about all I can do.  Every one asks me what I have and I can honestly tell them that I have an autoimmune condition that suppresses my immune system.  I just don't tell them that the autoimmune condition comes from a cancer.    

The radiation and chemo definitely sapped my energy.  I also gained 20 pounds, so most of the time I feel like a deflated blimp.  I also have an autoimmune condition, but it seems unrelated to the cancer.  Believe it or not, it has attacked my hearing.  I have lost all hearing in one ear, and it had started to impact the other ear before they figured it out.  I’m taking medication now that seems to be holding it at bay.  It’s the pits...which you already know all too well.

You are in my prayers.

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“still have not told my children.  My older kids who lost their mother to cancer would probably just flip out”

that is a huge burden.  I feel for you.  I hope you can talk to those 5 you trust to handle your news, often enough.  Hard stuff.  

You may very well live a long time.  I hope for that.

Edited by MustardSeed
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