LDS dating/marrying non LDS

[poptart 154]

So, been curious about this,

 

How often does this happen nowadays?  I heard once that many times its difficult for LDS sisters to find RM's to date/settle down with.  Friend was telling me that more often than not men leave the church more than women so the dating pool can be iffy.  Seen some of the mental shipwrecks people chose or end up with and I had to wonder if the LDS have the same problem and if so, how bad is it?  I'd imagine the pressure they have to settle down and get married has to be awful. 

[Robert F. Smith 13,559]

I have seen good women who cannot find a husband because there are too few men in a ward.  In some cases they do indeed marry outside the faith.  Some young women deliberately go to the big city to find more men available.  They make such good wives that a non-Mormon man should consider himself lucky to find one.

[poptart 154]

3 minutes ago, Robert F. Smith said:

I have seen good women who cannot find a husband because there are too few men in a ward.  In some cases they do indeed marry outside the faith.  Some young women deliberately go to the big city to find more men available.  They make such good wives that a non-Mormon man should consider himself lucky to find one.

.......Really?

[Maidservant 965]

I have always imagined that the person I marry would be a non-member.  If I marry at all?

[katherine the great 1,506]

I don't think a lot of women cave into social pressure to get married--that's more of a guy thing. I think women tend to get married because they fall in love or their biological clocks are ticking and they want a family.

[Glenn101 1,973]

15 minutes ago, katherine the great said:

I don't think a lot of women cave into social pressure to get married--that's more of a guy thing. I think women tend to get married because they fall in love or their biological clocks are ticking and they want a family.

I agree with your last sentence. But is social pressure more of a guy thing and not the love thing? I have met very few men that got married mainly because of social pressure and not love. I have met a lot of people both male and female who got married out of a short term infatuation though, but still most all were compelled by emotional pressures rather than social. Maybe your experiences have been somewhat different?

Glenn

[poptart 154]

13 hours ago, katherine the great said:

I don't think a lot of women cave into social pressure to get married--that's more of a guy thing. I think women tend to get married because they fall in love or their biological clocks are ticking and they want a family.

Uh, what social pressure? 

[katherine the great 1,506]

6 hours ago, poptart said:

Uh, what social pressure? 

Isn't this what you said?

"I'd imagine the pressure they have to settle down and get married has to be awful."

[katherine the great 1,506]

19 hours ago, Glenn101 said:

I agree with your last sentence. But is social pressure more of a guy thing and not the love thing? I have met very few men that got married mainly because of social pressure and not love. I have met a lot of people both male and female who got married out of a short term infatuation though, but still most all were compelled by emotional pressures rather than social. Maybe your experiences have been somewhat different?

Glenn

Oh of course many men marry for love! However, historically and cross-culturally, many men enjoy being single, love many women and will actually formally marry and settle down because of social and/or familial expectations. Strictly biologically speaking, there is really no great rush for a man to start a family. He can continue to father children into his old age. Women have a more limited timeline.

[poptart 154]

1 hour ago, katherine the great said:

Isn't this what you said?

"I'd imagine the pressure they have to settle down and get married has to be awful."

Ohh LDS pressure, ops.  Was thinking of pressure that might affect the likes of me, or lack of. 

1 hour ago, katherine the great said:

Oh of course many men marry for love! However, historically and cross-culturally, many men enjoy being single, love many women and will actually formally marry and settle down because of social and/or familial expectations. Strictly biologically speaking, there is really no great rush for a man to start a family. He can continue to father children into his old age. Women have a more limited timeline.

You forgot financial reasons to marry.  Marriage to well off families can equal power.

[The Nehor 17,085]

10 hours ago, poptart said:

Uh, what social pressure? 

Not becoming a menace to society such as myself. The Church in previous decades has taught that if a male member is single and does not possess any flaws that make marriage difficult or impossible and are unmarried then they are sinning or were at least falling short of their responsibilities and were regularly rebuked. Unmarried women were promised eternal life if they were faithful. In recent decades both genders now have that promise of eternal life.

[poptart 154]

8 hours ago, The Nehor said:

Not becoming a menace to society such as myself. The Church in previous decades has taught that if a male member is single and does not possess any flaws that make marriage difficult or impossible and are unmarried then they are sinning or were at least falling short of their responsibilities and were regularly rebuked. Unmarried women were promised eternal life if they were faithful. In recent decades both genders now have that promise of eternal life.

So grateful I don't have to deal with that.  Must suck, if you have family and business contacts tied up in the church i'd imagine you would tow the party line, I knew more than a few in WA who did.

[The Nehor 17,085]

3 hours ago, poptart said:

So grateful I don't have to deal with that.  Must suck, if you have family and business contacts tied up in the church i'd imagine you would tow the party line, I knew more than a few in WA who did.

I didn’t. More from lack of opportunity though.

14 hours ago, poptart said:

You forgot financial reasons to marry.  Marriage to well off families can equal power.

I know I need to sire an heir so I have someone on which to bestow my titles and to have someone to avenge my death if necessary.

I actually probably will inherit a hefty chunk of money at some point but there is no great prestige attached to my name (except the spiritual kind because my parents are amazing).

Edited September 14 by The Nehor

[Jeanne 3,450]

You love who you love.  Not one darn thing wrong with that in a world where love is hard to find.  Home, love, families should come first before religion anyways..IMO.  I know some priesthood holders that don;t hold a candle against some that are good husbands, fathers outside the church.

[poptart 154]

4 hours ago, The Nehor said:

I didn’t. More from lack of opportunity though.

I know I need to sire an heir so I have someone on which to bestow my titles and to have someone to avenge my death if necessary.

I actually probably will inherit a hefty chunk of money at some point but there is no great prestige attached to my name (except the spiritual kind because my parents are amazing).

Might want to check out artifical wombs.  I've considered making me that way, except removing all my genetic flaws, basically a super poptart. 

 

Oh, and as far as death goes, here's my plans.  If i'm too broke, soak my body in white gas then set me on fire, if i'm rich, mix my ashes with cement and make a statue out of me, the cornerstone of the poptart memorial. 

[Calm 26,697]

Me...bury my ashes under a tree.

Speaking of ash, our garden is getting covered in it.  We can see chunks floating down.  I tell myself it is good fertilizer.  

Edited September 14 by Calm

[The Nehor 17,085]

1 hour ago, poptart said:

Might want to check out artifical wombs.  I've considered making me that way, except removing all my genetic flaws, basically a super poptart. 

 

Oh, and as far as death goes, here's my plans.  If i'm too broke, soak my body in white gas then set me on fire, if i'm rich, mix my ashes with cement and make a statue out of me, the cornerstone of the poptart memorial. 

No, I have no interest in trying to raise a kid alone. I toyed with adopting but same concern.

I want to be stuffed by a skilled taxidermist and left on a rocking chair on a porch on a busy street.

[JLHPROF 8,542]

8 hours ago, Jeanne said:

Home, love, families should come first before religion anyways..IMO.

You are entitled to that opinion but it is exactly opposite to what our Savior taught.  IMO.

[Rain 4,605]

10 hours ago, Jeanne said:

You love who you love.  Not one darn thing wrong with that in a world where love is hard to find.  Home, love, families should come first before religion anyways..IMO.  I know some priesthood holders that don;t hold a candle against some that are good husbands, fathers outside the church.

This is one reason I believe we choose who we love:

"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.

Viktor E. Frankl"

 

I also find  since realizing love was a choice that it feels so much richer than it did before.

[nuclearfuels 57]

On 9/14/2018 at 12:21 PM, The Nehor said:

I didn’t. More from lack of opportunity though.

I know I need to sire an heir so I have someone on which to bestow my titles and to have someone to avenge my death if necessary.

I actually probably will inherit a hefty chunk of money at some point but there is no great prestige attached to my name (except the spiritual kind because my parents are amazing).

I think you mean: when necessary.  Let's not kid ourselves.

My wife has ancestors who walked with the Prophet Joseph, and much of my behavior is based on one day, earning their favor or even so much as a nod in the affirmative, at my final Judgement.  I see that ancestry as being of more value than my wife's finances which were zip when we got married, like mine.