Family struggles with an unbeliever

[theplains]

Just wanted to share.

Jim

[carbon dioxide]

We need to remember that we do not own our children.  They are not our property but they are agents unto themselves and ultimately they have to work out their own salvation just as we need to work out ours.  If some fall away, we just love them and accept their agency.  Some may return and some will not.  Don't blame ourselves for the choices of others.  If we have done our best in teaching and being a good example, our work is done in this matter and leave the rest to God. 

[Robert F. Smith]

14 hours ago, theplains said:

Just wanted to share.........

I don't agree that Jesus' siblings necessarily had to be resentful or embarrassed by him, Jim.  His brilliance, and kindly, gentle nature may have led them to admire him.  The younger brothers I have seen typically try very hard to be like their older brothers.  In the case of James the Just, his powerful reputation led the Sanhedrin to execute him in around AD 65, a fitting end to Jesus' younger brother.

[Rain]

Yes, I think there are a lot of assumptions in the article that are not found in scripture, but the advice is good - continue to pray about them and love them. 

[Jeanne]

6 hours ago, Rain said:

Yes, I think there are a lot of assumptions in the article that are not found in scripture, but the advice is good - continue to pray about them and love them. 

And listen.

[2PairsofCletes]

I always think about how Jesus never chased after those who turned and walked away from them. He never got in the way of their agency. He is always there, waiting, but He never thrusts Himself on anyone. 

[The Nehor]

The Torah explains what to do in these situations:

Quote

 

6 If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers;
7 Namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you, nigh unto thee, or far off from thee, from the one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth;
8 Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him:
9 But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people.

10 And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die; because he hath sought to thrust thee away from the Lord thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.
11 And all Israel shall hear, and fear, and shall do no more any such wickedness as this is among you.

 

 

[Stargazer]

On 2/18/2018 at 11:03 PM, 2PairsofCletes said:

I always think about how Jesus never chased after those who turned and walked away from them. He never got in the way of their agency. He is always there, waiting, but He never thrusts Himself on anyone. 

What then to think of His preaching about the shepherd who seeks out the lost sheep? 'Twere it as you say, the shepherd would have stayed with the 99 and let the 1 go its own way.

[Tacenda]

I guess this relates...I'm meeting with my new bishop of a ward we moved into since late January. Very nervous but I really want him to know of my situation. In my old ward people basically left me alone. So that made me feel like a doubt germ that is contagious. Where only my former bishop/stake president were aware of my issues basically, or so I thought. 

Any suggestions? Should I be totally honest in what's been happening to my belief for the last ten years? I really want to tell him everything and then leave it up to him whether I have visiting teachers or if I should even go visiting teaching with my doubts. How will I give a VT lesson, what can I say or not say to the RS presidency that wants to visit.

I'm thrilled with how they are actually asking my husband and I in for a visit to get to know us. That's more than my previous ward did even when the bishop knew of my struggles before he became the stake president and then totally left me to work it out. I know I could have met with him, on my own doing. Now realize I should have. That's why I want to speak with the bishop in my new ward. But I don't want to give the wrong impression or hurt my husband's chance at putting forth a good impression or losing friends before we even get the chance. I know for a fact that what is said in a bishop's office doesn't always stay there because I've been in ward councils before, they talk about a lot of people in the ward in order to help them.

Any advice out there?

Edited March 13, 2018 by Tacenda

[Jeanne]

22 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

I guess this relates...I'm meeting with my new bishop of a ward we moved into since late January. Very nervous but I really want him to know of my situation. In my old ward people basically left me alone. So that made me feel like a doubt germ that is contagious. Where only my former bishop/stake president were aware of my issues basically, or so I thought. 

Any suggestions? Should I be totally honest in what's been happening to my belief for the last ten years? I really want to tell him everything and then leave it up to him whether I have visiting teachers or if I should even go visiting teaching with my doubts. How will I give a VT lesson, what can I say or not say to the RS presidency that wants to visit.

I'm thrilled with how they are actually asking my husband and I in for a visit to get to know us. That's more than my previous ward did even when the bishop knew of my struggles before he became the stake president and then totally left me to work it out. I know I could have met with him, on my own doing. Now realize I should have. That's why I want to speak with the bishop in my new ward. But I don't want to give the wrong impression or hurt my husband's chance at putting forth a good impression or losing friends before we even get the chance. I know for a fact that what is said in a bishop's office doesn't always stay there because I've been in ward councils before, they talk about a lot of people in the ward in order to help them.

Any advice out there?

You be you.  Upfront and honest..and yet so open to new friendships and the spirit of the ward.  I wish you so much love and luck too!  Just go with no expectations and a hopeful surprise might wait for you.  You are loved...hugs and keep us posted!

[Tacenda]

4 minutes ago, Jeanne said:

You be you.  Upfront and honest..and yet so open to new friendships and the spirit of the ward.  I wish you so much love and luck too!  Just go with no expectations and a hopeful surprise might wait for you.  You are loved...hugs and keep us posted!

Thanks Jeanne!!

[Tacenda]

6 hours ago, Jeanne said:

You be you.  Upfront and honest..and yet so open to new friendships and the spirit of the ward.  I wish you so much love and luck too!  Just go with no expectations and a hopeful surprise might wait for you.  You are loved...hugs and keep us posted!

We just got back from the meeting with the bishop. He was awesome, and I told him everything. I told him what got me started on my faith crisis. We told him why my husband hasn't paid tithing in the last couple of years. Everything! And I told him I wanted him to be aware of what's happened in the last ten or so years. And told him I'd like to serve somewhere. So he asked if I'd like to be on the compassionate service committee and if we'd like to help clean the church on Thursday nights, my husband and I. So all in all it went really, really well. We moved to a ward that is all over the town, lots of homes but many inactives. So unlike what we left in our old ward, which was very active and only a few that weren't. This will be a whole different experience.

[Rain]

7 hours ago, Tacenda said:

I guess this relates...I'm meeting with my new bishop of a ward we moved into since late January. Very nervous but I really want him to know of my situation. In my old ward people basically left me alone. So that made me feel like a doubt germ that is contagious. Where only my former bishop/stake president were aware of my issues basically, or so I thought. 

Any suggestions? Should I be totally honest in what's been happening to my belief for the last ten years? I really want to tell him everything and then leave it up to him whether I have visiting teachers or if I should even go visiting teaching with my doubts. How will I give a VT lesson, what can I say or not say to the RS presidency that wants to visit.

I'm thrilled with how they are actually asking my husband and I in for a visit to get to know us. That's more than my previous ward did even when the bishop knew of my struggles before he became the stake president and then totally left me to work it out. I know I could have met with him, on my own doing. Now realize I should have. That's why I want to speak with the bishop in my new ward. But I don't want to give the wrong impression or hurt my husband's chance at putting forth a good impression or losing friends before we even get the chance. I know for a fact that what is said in a bishop's office doesn't always stay there because I've been in ward councils before, they talk about a lot of people in the ward in order to help them.

Any advice out there?

Tell him. He can't help you where you best need it if he doesn't know.  Tell him how you felt alone. Tell him if you want VT or don't.  People lead best when they don't have to play guessing games. Give him the opportunity to be a strength to you. One good thing coming new into this ward is that bishops are generally more aware of how people have faith struggles now.

[Tacenda]

36 minutes ago, Rain said:

Tell him. He can't help you where you best need it if he doesn't know.  Tell him how you felt alone. Tell him if you want VT or don't.  People lead best when they don't have to play guessing games. Give him the opportunity to be a strength to you. One good thing coming new into this ward is that bishops are generally more aware of how people have faith struggles now.

That's what I did, told him everything. It turned out well and now I feel I can go to church and not feel like a fake, but that what you see is what you get. The bishop was amazing and I hope this will continue. He read my mind about being on the compassionate service committee. I remember speaking to someone in my old ward about helping with this but they didn't jump on me helping. Which really sucked that they didn't want me anywhere in the ward, just let me stay inactive for a year. I thought they knew that's how you get some members to come back to church. ETA: Rain, right above your post to me I updated Jeanne on what happened.

Edited March 14, 2018 by Tacenda

[Rain]

1 hour ago, Tacenda said:

That's what I did, told him everything. It turned out well and now I feel I can go to church and not feel like a fake, but that what you see is what you get. The bishop was amazing and I hope this will continue. He read my mind about being on the compassionate service committee. I remember speaking to someone in my old ward about helping with this but they didn't jump on me helping. Which really sucked that they didn't want me anywhere in the ward, just let me stay inactive for a year. I thought they knew that's how you get some members to come back to church. ETA: Rain, right above your post to me I updated Jeanne on what happened.

I'm so glad things went well!  So glad you were brave and talked with him and that he was understanding.  I hope things go well for you. 

[Tacenda]

21 minutes ago, Rain said:

I'm so glad things went well!  So glad you were brave and talked with him and that he was understanding.  I hope things go well for you. 

Thanks Rain!!

 

[Jeanne]

17 hours ago, Tacenda said:

We just got back from the meeting with the bishop. He was awesome, and I told him everything. I told him what got me started on my faith crisis. We told him why my husband hasn't paid tithing in the last couple of years. Everything! And I told him I wanted him to be aware of what's happened in the last ten or so years. And told him I'd like to serve somewhere. So he asked if I'd like to be on the compassionate service committee and if we'd like to help clean the church on Thursday nights, my husband and I. So all in all it went really, really well. We moved to a ward that is all over the town, lots of homes but many inactives. So unlike what we left in our old ward, which was very active and only a few that weren't. This will be a whole different experience.

You sound so excited and happy...I am so glad for you.  The ball is kind of in your court...and your service will speak volumes for your honest sincerity.  I love that you have put yourself out there..and with boundaries that  Bishop should understand so that you can go at your own pace as far as doctrine goes..and yet..ask questions to the man in charge!  Let me know how things go...as always Tacenda..as an ex-mormon good friend..I want what makes you happy!

Edited March 14, 2018 by Jeanne

[Tacenda]

20 minutes ago, Jeanne said:

You sound so excited and happy...I am so glad for you.  The ball is kind of in your court...and your service will speak volumes for your honest sincerity.  I love that you have put yourself out there..and with boundaries that  Bishop should understand so that you can go at your own pace as far as doctrine goes..and yet..ask questions to the man in charge!  Let me know how things go...as always Tacenda..as an ex-mormon good friend..I want what makes you happy!

Thanks Jeanne, I know I need to step up to the plate now. Service is what I miss about the church. And the social aspect is what I need, pretty lonely and don't know how otherwise, it's always helped me to have that.  

I'm glad I got the truth out without any guessing on anyone's part. My poor husband got roped into going poor guy, but he's okay now.  Oh, and Garden Girl will appreciate this, they get together for linger longers after Fast Sunday and people bring pot luck. It's a different type of ward for sure! 

[Jeanne]

2 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

Thanks Jeanne, I know I need to step up to the plate now. Service is what I miss about the church. And the social aspect is what I need, pretty lonely and don't know how otherwise, it's always helped me to have that.  

I'm glad I got the truth out without any guessing on anyone's part. My poor husband got roped into going poor guy, but he's okay now.  Oh, and Garden Girl will appreciate this, they get together for linger longers after Fast Sunday and people bring pot luck. It's a different type of ward for sure! 

You rock..you have my love and support.  Please share your experiences if you can.  Hugs!