I Need a Discord Expert

[Jeanne]

6 minutes ago, MorningStar said:

Thank you, Jeanne.  My dad has cancer and is just starting a stem cell transplant.  That alone is overwhelming.  I really can't be keeping constant tabs on kids' electronics right now.  My mom isn't well either and won't be able to be my dad's caretaker.  He has to live in an apartment for months close to the cancer center because even a little cut from shaving could land him in the hospital.  He has two siblings who will trade off taking care of him 24/7.  I will only be able to help on the weekends if ever.   

Whatever you do...be sure and take care of my friend, MorningStar. I will be praying for you.

[The Nehor]

21 hours ago, MorningStar said:

I am concerned about that aspect of him trying to be more sneaky, but this is beyond just dropping a bad word here and there.  He is also talking to people who he doesn't know in real life, shared a photo of a girl who asked him out (which he shouldn't do without her permission), and then he got himself an ebay account without permission.  Oh yeah, started entering YouTube giveaways that aren't legit and require you to enter your email in the comments.  He is out of control!  He has to do homework on the computer, but the second I turn around, he's installing apps without asking and playing yet another game.  And it's always something that is a big time suck.  "I'm on a team!"  "We're in a tournament!"  

Last year he nagged and nagged and nagged that he found a PS4 on eBay for $40. I said, "It's a scam."   He said, "No, sometimes people are rich and just want to give people a great deal or they work for the company or something!"  I said, "No, that's not true."  He was acting like I was ruining Christmas, so I finally said, "OK.  Let's order it."  The next morning there was a message saying it wasn't legit and told him a refund had to be requested. I said, "Let that be a lesson to you that when things sound too good to be true, they are."  After that was when he started entering fake YouTube giveaways and I had told him he wasn't allowed to surf YouTube period!  He had begged me for permission to buy a laptop for months.  "I can do my homework on it!  I can help you edit your videos!"  Well, he got it and it was all about gaming and he wasn't following the rules. 

The human brain (particularly the male one) can get a reward buzz by playing video games. The best antidote is physical activity which gives an even better buzz.

Sounds like he is desperate for what he wants and is willing to believe others are willing to give it to him cheap.

21 hours ago, MorningStar said:

Another issue is that for some reason, my computer that was purchased at Best Buy doesn't seem to have a legitimate copy of Windows, so I can't do certain things with it because it's not registered.  Maybe my son screwed up when he set it up?  I don't know.  I wasn't in the mood to do anything with it at the moment because my dad had just barely been diagnosed with cancer.  The sticker with the license key was peeled off too.  >:(  My son keeps saying, "You can get them really cheap on Amazon."  "THEN IT'S NOT LEGITIMATE!"  

If he has a way to get money it is possible he sold the license key I suppose but the market for those is pretty weak from what I hear. It is more likely he installed another copy of Windows over the original to get around something, probably the ability for you to create multiple accounts. Maybe peeled off the registration key to prevent you noticing a difference?

21 hours ago, MorningStar said:

For my birthday, he went with my husband to pick out a computer for me, he unboxed it, set it up, and immediately asked to play games on it (because his laptop isn't powerful enough or something).  I said, "Did you pick this out for you or me?"  He started putting gaming apps on it and I told him, "Don't you dare install another thing."  I have Windows 10 and I'm trying to figure out if there's a way to set up a password in order to install anything.  His laptop hit the floor and it killed the hard drive, so now when he "needs to do his homework", he monopolizes my computer either by gaming or voice chatting loudly after maybe 5 entire minutes of homework.  I teach piano and can't constantly monitor him during homework hours.  If the library were close/safe enough to walk to, I would tell him that's where he's doing his homework from now on.  Time limit is an hour on library computers .

If you can get it working set up separate accounts and give yourself admin privileges and you can set the privileges to install programs based on account. Do not give him the password. Make sure you do not forget it though. I know of at least one way around this but it is time consuming to pull off. He will still be able to waste time on the web and play flash games on the web.

21 hours ago, MorningStar said:

It's only added fun that I think he's telling a huge lie and he knows those chats come up for me to see, so why would he say such disgusting things?  I have grounded him for a week at a time, such as when he brought his laptop to his study hall and played csgo in there.  I was on the home computer and when I log in, it looks like he's on.  His friend messaged him and said, "Why aren't you at school?"  He said, "I am.  I played csgo during study hall."  I joined the chat and said, "This is your mother.  I do not approve."  This was against his teachers' rules, so I told them both (two of them were over that class) and he was banned from his laptop for a  week.  He had a meltdown over it, but I had told him for months before the laptop purchase that I didn't want it to become a source of contention, but is exactly what happened.  

Never having been a parent I have no idea how to deal with that kind of brinksmanship. Part of me wants to say a week is too short a time but that might have just made it worse.

21 hours ago, MorningStar said:

And then I have two other boys who want to play on the computer.  I was finally able to remove Steam.  I kept getting an error message.  One needs to focus on preparing for his mission and college.  He didn't get his Eagle like he supposedly wanted.  The other two want their Eagles, but we had a chat the other night where I told them they didn't have plenty of time like they think and they're not going to reach their goal if they're wasting time gaming.

Just be warned that it is very easy to put the Steam client back on a computer.

21 hours ago, MorningStar said:

My 13-year-old and I have been seeing a therapist at LDS Family Services because he's having his own issues and I don't know how to deal with him my boys right now.  They've been struggling especially since we moved.  We've been pulling the WiFi plug on Sundays, so that's one thing that's changed. I hate that my son feels like he has no social life unless he does online gaming.  

Good luck. That sounds hard.  

20 hours ago, MorningStar said:

I have been teaching him, but he's not getting it and he's putting himself at risk.   Here's an example of a conversation with my son.  He was absolutely furious because he opened up his laptop to try to fix it, left it on the kitchen counter with the tiny screws laying around, and started yelling that people keep losing the screws.  It's been sitting there for months.  

Him:  PEOPLE KEEP LOSING MY SCREWS!!!!

Me:  You should find a better place to keep that.

Him:  IT IS A GOOD PLACE TO KEEP IT, BUT PEOPLE KEEP ON TOUCHING IT!

Me: If people keep on touching it, then it's not a good place to keep it.  

Lather, rinse, repeat.  He will keep insisting it's a great place while claiming victim status.  He could just put the screws back in until he has the money to have it repaired.  That was another issue.  He started using it on the counter top and took it over with a giant mouse pad (for gaming) without asking. 

He can use email, school stuff, etc., but I don't want him talking to strangers online. 

Sounds like he could use some therapy. I'd be tempted to scoop up and hide all the screws. If he complained about them being gone I would point out that now that there are no screws to lose it is fine for it to be there. One more proof I am not a parent.  

19 hours ago, MorningStar said:

He knows the rules, but he blows us off.   My husband and I have both chewed him out for giving out personal info to people he doesn't know on voice chat on discord and Steam. He thinks as long as it's another teenage kid (that he knows of), it's fine.  The idea of giving him additional chances to possibly create a giant problem isn't something I can deal with right now.  I'm worried about him and I'm worried about him downloading malware through someone he can supposedly trust. 

Malware is probably not a huge issue if you run occasional checks. The danger is him trying to use a credit card or accidentally striking up a gaming relationship with a predator.

[Duncan]

40 minutes ago, The Nehor said:

I was never that bad but most people grow out of video games whether through making them a reasonable hobby or stopping entirely. Unfortunately some stay almost addicted. I had a friend from High School who still lives at home with his parents and plays and "designs" games there. In other words he mostly just plays games and claims his game is almost done when his parents start bugging him about doing something with his life. I cut off contact over a decade ago and from what I hear from others the cycle seems unlikely to end.

that's sad, I hope life gets better for him! I have a friend who prior to getting married would go to Comic Con and dress up like Optimus Prime, made the whole costume himself. He neglected to tell his girlfriend about all this and when she became his wife she found all that stuff and was like whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?!!! how long has this been going on?! so that conversation happened! hahhahahahhaa! I said well......look on the brightside, if she kicks you out at least you 'll have your own truck to drive around looking for a new place

[The Nehor]

2 minutes ago, Duncan said:

that's sad, I hope life gets better for him! I have a friend who prior to getting married would go to Comic Con and dress up like Optimus Prime, made the whole costume himself. He neglected to tell his girlfriend about all this and when she became his wife she found all that stuff and was like whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?!!! how long has this been going on?! so that conversation happened! hahhahahahhaa! I said well......look on the brightside, if she kicks you out at least you 'll have your own truck to drive around looking for a new place

My brother-in-law is glad he married my sister. She already had a full set of Harry Potter wands and they can go to that geeky stuff together.

In my dating life I try to scare them off fairly early in terms of finding things deal-breakers and it has worked beautifully except for still being single.

P.S. Post a picture. I want to see this costume.  

[MorningStar]

1 hour ago, The Nehor said:

The human brain (particularly the male one) can get a reward buzz by playing video games. The best antidote is physical activity which gives an even better buzz.

Sounds like he is desperate for what he wants and is willing to believe others are willing to give it to him cheap.

If he has a way to get money it is possible he sold the license key I suppose but the market for those is pretty weak from what I hear. It is more likely he installed another copy of Windows over the original to get around something, probably the ability for you to create multiple accounts. Maybe peeled off the registration key to prevent you noticing a difference?

If you can get it working set up separate accounts and give yourself admin privileges and you can set the privileges to install programs based on account. Do not give him the password. Make sure you do not forget it though. I know of at least one way around this but it is time consuming to pull off. He will still be able to waste time on the web and play flash games on the web.

Never having been a parent I have no idea how to deal with that kind of brinksmanship. Part of me wants to say a week is too short a time but that might have just made it worse.

Just be warned that it is very easy to put the Steam client back on a computer.

Good luck. That sounds hard.  

Sounds like he could use some therapy. I'd be tempted to scoop up and hide all the screws. If he complained about them being gone I would point out that now that there are no screws to lose it is fine for it to be there. One more proof I am not a parent.  

Malware is probably not a huge issue if you run occasional checks. The danger is him trying to use a credit card or accidentally striking up a gaming relationship with a predator.

I just figured my toddler pulled the sticker off of the computer.    I don't think he did anything with it.  He was beyond annoyed that it was gone and is irritated by the thing in the corner that says windows isn't activated.  Lots of good thoughts.  Thanks, Nehor!  One window that popped up was a message from a guy asking if he had a PayPal.  I said, "What is this?"  "Some dumb scammer."  I don't know what to think!  I just need a ban on games for now (except ones without chat).  When I couldn't get Steam off due to an error, I removed the shortcut from the desktop and had told my oldest I didn't want those games being played, but there he was playing it.  Finally got it off and he came home to find it was gone.  As soon as I get windows activated somehow, I will definitely set up separate accounts and time limits too.  I wish I had set up the computer myself in the first place because maybe he skipped a step or entered the key incorrectly.  Someone also ripped the label off of my Photoshop case with the key.  

[MorningStar]

1 hour ago, Jeanne said:

Whatever you do...be sure and take care of my friend, MorningStar. I will be praying for you.

Thank you.  I'm doing my best. <3  

[MorningStar]

AH HA!!!!!  I went to choir last night and my husband must have been installing the light fixture upstairs when our precious little boy decided to log on to Discord and chat with his friends and whine about his loss of privileges.  Same nasty talk.  He is so busted and now I can present the evidence and let him know I know he's lying.  He was also talking to a kid who's planning to run away from home apparently and gave the kid his email address.  Talked about meeting him at the library and said, "If my mom caught wind of this, she'd hang me on a cross!"  Oh, is that so?  

The boy is not learning.  He is going to completely lose it when he gets home later and I confront him.  

[bluebell]

1 minute ago, MorningStar said:

AH HA!!!!!  I went to choir last night and my husband must have been installing the light fixture upstairs when our precious little boy decided to log on to Discord and chat with his friends and whine about his loss of privileges.  Same nasty talk.  He is so busted and now I can present the evidence and let him know I know he's lying.  He was also talking to a kid who's planning to run away from home apparently and gave the kid his email address.  Talked about meeting him at the library and said, "If my mom caught wind of this, she'd hang me on a cross!"  Oh, is that so?  

The boy is not learning.  He is going to completely lose it when he gets home later and I confront him.  

Sounds like it's time for some good old fashioned consequences.  That sucks though.  It's hard when they just refuse to be obedient to the family rules no matter what you do.

[MorningStar]

If he's going to sneak on Discord when given the opportunity, he just can't be on my computer period.  Especially if he wants to plan meetings with strangers!

[mnn727]

I do know Discord requires a microphone and speakers/headset. Its easy enough to remove both of those from the computer

[MorningStar]

3 minutes ago, mnn727 said:

I do know Discord requires a microphone and speakers/headset. Its easy enough to remove both of those from the computer

Thanks!  They also do regular chats.  He never thought I would check the history and hack into his account that he logged into last night.  This weekend is going to be a nightmare. 

[MorningStar]

I'm learning some interesting facts from these chats.

My son apparently has a best friend who just died of cancer.  Hmm.  He actually has zero friends who died from cancer. 

He has a friend who was raped by a truck driver.  ?!?!?!

There is a girl he kind of dated who tried to seduce him.  That's concerning, but considering the cancer and truck driver stories, I'm not really inclined to believe that either.  

I already have a therapy appt. for one son.  I'm going to see if I can bring him instead.  What the heck! 

[Garden Girl]

1 hour ago, MorningStar said:

I'm learning some interesting facts from these chats.

My son apparently has a best friend who just died of cancer.  Hmm.  He actually has zero friends who died from cancer. 

He has a friend who was raped by a truck driver.  ?!?!?!

There is a girl he kind of dated who tried to seduce him.  That's concerning, but considering the cancer and truck driver stories, I'm not really inclined to believe that either.  

I already have a therapy appt. for one son.  I'm going to see if I can bring him instead.  What the heck! 

MS... I'm so sorry to read about this going on... his disobedience, or ignoring the rules you've established are disheartening I know... Bless you in your efforts to guide and/or discipline him... it's the lying that is the most hurtful because that affects trust... prayers... 

GG

[Kenngo1969]

I'm glad I'm still my only child.   

[Calm]

Sounds like he is trying to both fit in by having something to say and get attention by making that dramatic.

Therapy is definitely the way I would go, even just for yourself for dealing with the stress, maybe get ideas for help.

There may be an online support group for parents with computer addicted kids.

[Calm]

https://www.webroot.com/us/en/home/resources/tips/ethics-and-legal/family-internet-addiction-what-can-parents-do

"Internet addiction among children is a growing concern. Online access is a vital part of the modern world and an important tool in the education of our children. In addition, it is a highly entertaining and informative medium. However, these very qualities also make it an enticing escape for many children. They can be anyone in an online chat room, or play thrilling and challenging games against other players from all corners of the globe. With the click of a mouse, they can enter a different world where the problems of their real life are no longer present, and all the things one wishes he or she could be or experience are possible.

Like addiction to drugs and alcohol, the Internet offers children and adolescents a way to escape painful feelings or troubling situations. They sacrifice needed hours of sleep to spend time online and withdraw from family and friends to escape into a comfortable online world that they have created and shaped...."

http://time.com/3705794/8-ways-to-help-cure-your-teens-screen-addiction/

Edited November 4, 2017 by Calm

[The Nehor]

8 hours ago, MorningStar said:

I'm learning some interesting facts from these chats.

My son apparently has a best friend who just died of cancer.  Hmm.  He actually has zero friends who died from cancer. 

He has a friend who was raped by a truck driver.  ?!?!?!

There is a girl he kind of dated who tried to seduce him.  That's concerning, but considering the cancer and truck driver stories, I'm not really inclined to believe that either.  

I already have a therapy appt. for one son.  I'm going to see if I can bring him instead.  What the heck! 

Standard bragging. Bad but not too bad.

9 hours ago, MorningStar said:

AH HA!!!!!  I went to choir last night and my husband must have been installing the light fixture upstairs when our precious little boy decided to log on to Discord and chat with his friends and whine about his loss of privileges.  Same nasty talk.  He is so busted and now I can present the evidence and let him know I know he's lying.  He was also talking to a kid who's planning to run away from home apparently and gave the kid his email address.  Talked about meeting him at the library and said, "If my mom caught wind of this, she'd hang me on a cross!"  Oh, is that so?  

The boy is not learning.  He is going to completely lose it when he gets home later and I confront him.  

Proof does not really change much. Difficult situation. Good luck. 

[Calm]

You might offer to go to the library to meet the kid who is planning to runaway.  Ask your son is he knows why and if it sounds reasonable, how would he choose to solve the problem why.

Maybe ask him what are the possibilities of the situation with the potential runaway.  Have him come up with the four or five most likely...real thing; kid feels a victim, but is  trying to manulate parents and others like your son; someone who likes to tell stories to get attention; a scammer who might have what motivations 1: prank, wants a patsy to take blame, wants to steal your tech you bring and other stuff, psychopath; wants to get him involved in illegal activity so he has something to hold over him.

Rather than you setting penalties, have you tried allowing him to construct them?  If that doesn't work, you might (aheadoftime of course) give him at least two options.  The point, my daughter's therapist explained, into make it their issue and not yours.  They set up the rules and penalties and you just validate or veto them as workable. Whilediscussing, you might helpguide by offering approving words for stuff that approaches what works and point out why some options might not work (not enough time for the necessary stuff, tech isn't available to make the checking stage workable)

I want my son to invent a program that allows you to input tasks (homwework gets scanned in for documentation) so that your kids or students can get rewards on partial and full completion....both online work from school and off such as chores and Scouts, other after school activities, offline sports and social could get more points...so it can give rewards even if no one is around, so there is a reason to do their homework right away even if the parent has no timetosupervise.  They earn time for games.  That way they are rewarding themselves. If they lie about doing offline stuff (have a checklist with time started, pauses, and finished...bonus points if early) and points get removed,they have to work double the points to earn them back, triple if two times falsereporting, 4 if three, etc.  make the video games work for you by the computer being the one that turns it on and off for you.  Give choices for frequent, but short game time for one small task at a time or give bo us time for completing all of a complicated task at one time.  Havethe system recognize, but not censor swear words...instead they lose playing time if they use them.  Theymight come up with their own variations, but those could always be added.

just wandering as I am following asleep

Edited November 4, 2017 by Calm

[MorningStar]

8 hours ago, The Nehor said:

Standard bragging. Bad but not too bad.

Proof does not really change much. Difficult situation. Good luck. 

It does help me because I've dealt with a lying addict before and it's a horrible feeling accusing someone of lying and hearing an emotional denial that makes you wonder if you're a jerk.

He still tried to dismiss some things as being written by his friend. I said, "You told this girl you own an AK47." "That was Jack." I scrolled up just a little bit.  "There's a picture you posted of you and your friends. You said you're third from the left. Yes, that's you." He said, "But it was Jack who said he owns an AK47." "Jack butted into a chat you were having with her and didn't state that he was now replying?"

He later sobbed and apologized, but I'm sure at this point the tears are more about saying good bye to his gaming/chats.

And yesterday I found out my dad now has cancer in his bones and he can't start stem cell. Just an awesome day. 

[bluebell]

I'm so sorry MS.  

[MorningStar]

6 hours ago, Calm said:

You might offer to go to the library to meet the kid who is planning to runaway.  Ask your son is he knows why and if it sounds reasonable, how would he choose to solve the problem why.

Maybe ask him what are the possibilities of the situation with the potential runaway.  Have him come up with the four or five most likely...real thing; kid feels a victim, but is  trying to manulate parents and others like your son; someone who likes to tell stories to get attention; a scammer who might have what motivations 1: prank, wants a patsy to take blame, wants to steal your tech you bring and other stuff, psychopath; wants to get him involved in illegal activity so he has something to hold over him.

Rather than you setting penalties, have you tried allowing him to construct them?  If that doesn't work, you might (aheadoftime of course) give him at least two options.  The point, my daughter's therapist explained, into make it their issue and not yours.  They set up the rules and penalties and you just validate or veto them as workable. Whilediscussing, you might helpguide by offering approving words for stuff that approaches what works and point out why some options might not work (not enough time for the necessary stuff, tech isn't available to make the checking stage workable)

I want my son to invent a program that allows you to input tasks (homwework gets scanned in for documentation) so that your kids or students can get rewards on partial and full completion....both online work from school and off such as chores and Scouts, other after school activities, offline sports and social could get more points...so it can give rewards even if no one is around, so there is a reason to do their homework right away even if the parent has no timetosupervise.  They earn time for games.  That way they are rewarding themselves. If they lie about doing offline stuff (have a checklist with time started, pauses, and finished...bonus points if early) and points get removed,they have to work double the points to earn them back, triple if two times falsereporting, 4 if three, etc.  make the video games work for you by the computer being the one that turns it on and off for you.  Give choices for frequent, but short game time for one small task at a time or give bo us time for completing all of a complicated task at one time.  Havethe system recognize, but not censor swear words...instead they lose playing time if they use them.  Theymight come up with their own variations, but those could always be added.

just wandering as I am following asleep

Thanks, Cal.  I just read the entire conversation with that kid and am livid, but actually sent him a rather nice message while explaining that he will never meet or talk to my son again. 

[MorningStar]

He got mad and left for his friend's house while I was upstairs.  I'm sure he's going to try to delete his profile or change his password at his house, so I got in first, changed his email for the account and password.  He wants me to stop reading his conversations because I keep finding worse things.  I'll delete the profile when I'm done.  

[Stargazer]

On 11/3/2017 at 2:23 PM, MorningStar said:

AH HA!!!!!  I went to choir last night and my husband must have been installing the light fixture upstairs when our precious little boy decided to log on to Discord and chat with his friends and whine about his loss of privileges.  Same nasty talk.  He is so busted and now I can present the evidence and let him know I know he's lying.  He was also talking to a kid who's planning to run away from home apparently and gave the kid his email address.  Talked about meeting him at the library and said, "If my mom caught wind of this, she'd hang me on a cross!"  Oh, is that so?  

The boy is not learning.  He is going to completely lose it when he gets home later and I confront him.  

One of my Freshman-age sons took my lecture about boys protecting and not endangering girls a little too seriously, and when a young lady who lived kitty-corner across from us decided to run away from home, he went with her to make sure she was safe!  We live in Olympia, Washington, and they were finally found in the Tri-Cities area (about 200 miles away), having hopped onto a freight train with open boxcars.  That was a very scary thing for us, but it all turned out OK.  

I guess I should have gone down the list of things he should do instead of haring off into the blue with a girl to keep her "safe"!  Like tell her parents, or tell us so we could tell her parents.

It all ended well, fortunately.

[MorningStar]

Now I'm trying to figure out how to report users on Discord. The kid who wants to run away posted images involving animals to my son. And I don't mean nice pictures of puppies. 😠 I don't know if there's another way to handle this, but this kid needs to be dealt with. 

Edited November 5, 2017 by MorningStar

[Calm]

This has a link to report abuse:

https://discordapp.com/guidelines

If not marked adult content or showing minors, it looks like they may step in.