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I Need a Discord Expert


MorningStar

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5 hours ago, MorningStar said:

Now I'm trying to figure out how to report users on Discord. The kid who wants to run away posted images involving animals to my son. And I don't mean nice pictures of puppies. 😠 I don't know if there's another way to handle this, but this kid needs to be dealt with. 

It's possible this kid isn't a kid, but an adult posing as a kid for nefarious purposes.

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43 minutes ago, Stargazer said:

It's possible this kid isn't a kid, but an adult posing as a kid for nefarious purposes.

I hope not...but it would be a concern..this is how people meet others...in their skewed way.

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On 11/2/2017 at 6:20 PM, MorningStar said:

Thank you.  I'm doing my best. <3  

MS, I don't post much here, but if I may.

Stop jacking around with your son.  DROP THE BLOOMING HAMMER, HARD!!!!!

I highly recommend https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005LVR6UU/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

You have a full blown teenager on your hands and they can be extremely hard . . . if the right groundwork hasn't been laid and if you allow yourself to get into a power struggle with your child.  And that is what this has become . . .a power struggle between you and your son. Just as much as a power struggle between a 3-year old toddler.  

A teenager generally needs more freedom than parent wants to give, but not so much that they destroy their life.  And it sounds like he is on a path that is destroying his life. And it sounds like your son is addicted to video games-it is impacting his study habits, it is impacting his life, family life, etc.

If you really want to solve this problem, stop messing around.  No amount of blah,blah,blah,blah talk will get it through to your kid.  Banned from the laptop a week. . . big flipping deal.  That's like bringing a knife to a gunfight.  Solve the dang problem. 

No Computer period, no nothing for 3 months.  If he says he needs to do his homework, tell him TOUGH! Learn to use the Library. If his teachers say he needs to do work on a computer tell them NO!!  Stop screwing around and drop a nuclear bomb to get his attention.  He is totally grounded from computers for AT LEAST 3 months.  At the end of those three months if his attitude has improved maybe.  Anytime he sneaks a computer out the date gets pushed back again.  No going over to friends house, etc.  No devices, no computers period.

He wants a computer, then he can work, earn money and buy it himself.

Edited by YJacket
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It sounds like the library isn't an option.  I don't see how failing grades could be helpful either if teachers don't get it.  And home schooling is not an option either with the rest of the family's needs.

I can see giving one hour on the computer at most (talk to teachers about how long homework should be taking to get a time limit) in the kitchen where Mom is cooking or other prep work with rewards if he finishes early.  He has to shut it down if she leaves the room.

I would get a suitcase with a heavy duty lock to store the computer in when not in use (laptop right?).  

Getting it password protected seems like an essential step so he can only have access to the programs needed for school.

Edited by Calm
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9 hours ago, Stargazer said:

It's possible this kid isn't a kid, but an adult posing as a kid for nefarious purposes.

Yes, exactly.  I reported him to Discord, whoever he is.  My son insists he has a teenage voice.  Well, people think my brother-in-law is a woman on the phone! 

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On 11/1/2017 at 11:04 AM, The Nehor said:

Be careful. I think back to when I was a teenager. My well meaning parents tried to block web access to “bad stuff”. The blocks were so annoying that even though I was not looking for porn I quickly came up with a bypass. My parents were convinced modem gaming was dangerous so me and some of my church friends agreed to meet online at 2 in the morning to play Warcraft 2. Most blocks were easy to break and I was not even trying to do anything wrong. If you try to control things you are unlikely to be able to control it may lead to problems in the future.

You know your situation better then I do so sorry if I am way off here. Good luck.

I may be way off base here also,  but will share our story.

Back before online gaming, we bought our 15 year old son a radio for his room.  He soon became involved in heavy metal music.  He spent more time in his room.  When he came out, he had a visible chip on his shoulder and was mad at everyone-- argumentative and hyper critical.  We prayed about what to do.  We decided the problem was the heavy metal music.  We made a deal with him he could listen to heavy metal when outside the home with his friends. But if he wanted to keep his radio, heavy metal was off limits in the home.

A few days later he engaged us with an attitude.  I asked if he'd been listening to that music again.  He lied and said no.  Turning on the radio, there it was.  

The next day, I told him he had broken the agreement and I wanted the radio.  I told him I would trade him a new bike speedometer for the radio, or I would take the radio and give it back on his 18th birthday.  What did he want to do?  He said "I'll take the speedometer."

Great.  I took the radio, and we had noticeable peace for a week.  He approached me and said "Dad, this is too hard.  I need my radio back.  I'll pay you for the speedometer."

My response was "We made a deal and I'm sticking with the deal we made."  We had a few rough spots after that, but nothing like it was, and we had overall peace from then on.  Three months ago his oldest daughter married in the Seattle Temple.  Two months ago, his oldest son left on his mission.  Tonight he and his family were over for dinner.  What a joy it was.

They say time heals all wounds.  It's true in this case.  I hope it's true with two of his younger siblings who successfully hid their internet addiction from us.  We are hopeful, and are doing what we can.  But I agree with The Nehor that heavy restrictions can backfire.  No one likes to be controlled.  But we have seen that striking a bargain without being overly preachy can yield a positive effect.  On the other hand, one of our GA's (I think it was Elder Scott) said "Forced obedience yields no blessings."

Best of luck to you and your family.  Lord bless you.

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10 hours ago, Meerkat said:

I may be way off base here also,  but will share our story.

Back before online gaming, we bought our 15 year old son a radio for his room.  He soon became involved in heavy metal music.  He spent more time in his room.  When he came out, he had a visible chip on his shoulder and was mad at everyone-- argumentative and hyper critical.  We prayed about what to do.  We decided the problem was the heavy metal music.  We made a deal with him he could listen to heavy metal when outside the home with his friends. But if he wanted to keep his radio, heavy metal was off limits in the home.

A few days later he engaged us with an attitude.  I asked if he'd been listening to that music again.  He lied and said no.  Turning on the radio, there it was.  

The next day, I told him he had broken the agreement and I wanted the radio.  I told him I would trade him a new bike speedometer for the radio, or I would take the radio and give it back on his 18th birthday.  What did he want to do?  He said "I'll take the speedometer."

Great.  I took the radio, and we had noticeable peace for a week.  He approached me and said "Dad, this is too hard.  I need my radio back.  I'll pay you for the speedometer."

My response was "We made a deal and I'm sticking with the deal we made."  We had a few rough spots after that, but nothing like it was, and we had overall peace from then on.  Three months ago his oldest daughter married in the Seattle Temple.  Two months ago, his oldest son left on his mission.  Tonight he and his family were over for dinner.  What a joy it was.

They say time heals all wounds.  It's true in this case.  I hope it's true with two of his younger siblings who successfully hid their internet addiction from us.  We are hopeful, and are doing what we can.  But I agree with The Nehor that heavy restrictions can backfire.  No one likes to be controlled.  But we have seen that striking a bargain without being overly preachy can yield a positive effect.  On the other hand, one of our GA's (I think it was Elder Scott) said "Forced obedience yields no blessings."

Best of luck to you and your family.  Lord bless you.

That's a really good idea, offering access to something else that is more wholesome or less prone to problems, and also giving them options that you can live with.  

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14 hours ago, Meerkat said:

 

They say time heals all wounds.  It's true in this case.  I hope it's true with two of his younger siblings who successfully hid their internet addiction from us.  We are hopeful, and are doing what we can.  But I agree with The Nehor that heavy restrictions can backfire.  No one likes to be controlled.  But we have seen that striking a bargain without being overly preachy can yield a positive effect.  On the other hand, one of our GA's (I think it was Elder Scott) said "Forced obedience yields no blessings."

 

I think a difference may be that this instance involves more than just behavior at home, it is dangerous....potentially bringing unknown outsiders into the home. 

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16 minutes ago, juliann said:

I think a difference may be that this instance involves more than just behavior at home, it is dangerous....potentially bringing unknown outsiders into the home. 

Yep, that's what it boils down to.  I still can't be sure he won't find a way to contact that kid again, so I'm trying to get him booted off the site. 

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On 11/5/2017 at 8:41 AM, MorningStar said:

Now I'm trying to figure out how to report users on Discord. The kid who wants to run away posted images involving animals to my son. And I don't mean nice pictures of puppies. 😠 I don't know if there's another way to handle this, but this kid needs to be dealt with. 

If there is animal abuse I'd get the police involved. Serial killers usually start with abusing animals.

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On 11/5/2017 at 2:59 PM, YJacket said:

MS, I don't post much here, but if I may.

Stop jacking around with your son.  DROP THE BLOOMING HAMMER, HARD!!!!!

 

No Computer period, no nothing for 3 months.  If he says he needs to do his homework, tell him TOUGH! Learn to use the Library. If his teachers say he needs to do work on a computer tell them NO!!  Stop screwing around and drop a nuclear bomb to get his attention.  He is totally grounded from computers for AT LEAST 3 months.  At the end of those three months if his attitude has improved maybe.  Anytime he sneaks a computer out the date gets pushed back again.  No going over to friends house, etc.  No devices, no computers period.

 

3 months is unrealistic. 1 week to begin with, 2nd offense 2 weeks, 3rd offense 3 weeks -- he'll get the idea.

If you make it too rough, you're setting yourself up for failure.

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One more thing, I would think it would be against the law for schools to require computer and internet to do school work. It would discriminate against low income households. Have you talked to the principal? or have you taken your sons word for it?

Edited by mnn727
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49 minutes ago, mnn727 said:

One more thing, I would think it would be against the law for schools to require computer and internet to do school work. It would discriminate against low income households. Have you talked to the principal? or have you taken your sons word for it?

It's the same for all of my boys.  There is a commons area with computers according to the school counselor.  He can do his homework there.  Sometimes they don't even bring their textbooks home.  They're online.  Our last school district required the kids to have school issues laptops and parents weren't admin, so we couldn't put passwords on them or filters.  >:(  Most of the teachers have you turn in assignments using Google classroom.  

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57 minutes ago, mnn727 said:

3 months is unrealistic. 1 week to begin with, 2nd offense 2 weeks, 3rd offense 3 weeks -- he'll get the idea.

If you make it too rough, you're setting yourself up for failure.

 

2 hours ago, mnn727 said:

If there is animal abuse I'd get the police involved. Serial killers usually start with abusing animals.

It's images of people doing "things" with animals.  Talked to my cop brother who deals with predators and other things.  He says there is no law against that or sharing explicit images with minors, but that there should be. 

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4 hours ago, mnn727 said:

3 months is unrealistic. 1 week to begin with, 2nd offense 2 weeks, 3rd offense 3 weeks -- he'll get the idea.

If you make it too rough, you're setting yourself up for failure.

Do you want to solve the problem or not?  Too many parents want to tinker around the edges instead of blowing the doors off.  If you give a kid an inch they take a mile and it is true.

I'll tell you what ends up happening when you don't drop the hammer.  First off the kid gets acclimated to the small discipline.  It's like being in a warm bath with the temperature slowly being turned up.  Kid has x discipline (not too bad, but just minor pain).  Kid breaks the rules pain threshold gets a little worse and a little worse and a little worse . . but as that happens the kid gets more and more used to the actual discipline.  It's like going from a temperature of 75,then 80, then 85, then 90, then 95, etc.  They get used to it.

But when you blow the doors off . . .i.e. go from 75-100, they say OUCH that hurt!!! And they remember it; it makes an impact.  What you want for this stuff is you want to make an impression.  You want to drop it so hard they will be talking about it and laughing about it when they are 40. And you can't do that if you slowly turn up the heat.  The reason for this is that a child's brain isn't fully developed . . .no they don't "get the idea" . . .if they got the idea ahead of time, they wouldn't be doing the bad stuff.  Their brains are immature, not fully developed and you've got to make an impact specifically so that they will remember it.

Because in the long run, it's not about the video games, it's about a lifelong attitude towards responsibility and self-discipline.

And honestly, I'd rather err on the side of being too strict than being milk-toast . . . .b/c at least if I'm strict they can later on in life say . . .you know dad you were right.  But if I'm milk-toast they won't come back and say I was right.

You tell me . ..how do you make an impact when you have slowly turned the heat up to 110, how do you go from 110 to 150 without some serious damage? You can't. But you can easily go from 65 to 95 without killing the kid.

I will amend that if a parent hasn't brought the pain when they were younger and tries to lower the boom when they are a teenager it's going to be real rough and especially with a teenager figuring out how to make an impact without being too controlling is absolutely vital.

And I think that is were you have to give them enough rope to hang themselves (i.e. give them freedom to fail and fail hard) and then when you've given them sufficient rope, let 'em hang (i.e. drop the ammer).  So don't be nit-picky, but when you are going to enforce discipline, let it be known.

Edited by YJacket
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3 hours ago, MorningStar said:

It's the same for all of my boys.  There is a commons area with computers according to the school counselor.  He can do his homework there.  Sometimes they don't even bring their textbooks home.  They're online.  Our last school district required the kids to have school issues laptops and parents weren't admin, so we couldn't put passwords on them or filters.  >:(  Most of the teachers have you turn in assignments using Google classroom.  

hate modern schooling.  There is absolutely no good reason why you can't just go back to books . . .(sigh the world is mad).  

I don't know if you know but Windows 10 does have some pretty nifty lock-out features.

https://www.howtogeek.com/225323/how-to-add-and-monitor-a-childs-account-in-windows-10/

It actually does a pretty good job, if you set it up right.  You can very literally lock the entire computer down. They have their own account, but then you can turn off everything and I do mean everything.  My son is pretty computer savy and it's locked down tight.  You can set it to where you can whitelist websites (i.e. only allow access to certain websites), whitelist programs, games, apps, etc.  You can see everything they are doing on the computer including screen time, you can set keep out time zones (i.e. computer can only be used for 2 hours a day or can't be used after 10pm, etc.) For family security, it's the best thing I've found that doesn't impose much burden on the rest of the family.  And it transfers across machines. If you haven't given them access to a website they need for school they can "request access" and then you get an e-mail to approve or not. 

I would highly recommend looking into it.  But while I recommend looking into it; honestly I think if you are having to approve of every site for a 15 year old that is probably going to cause more problems (i.e. too controlling).  That's why I say, just remove the laptop for 3 months . . .otherwise you get into a control battle and that is not good.

Edited by YJacket
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29 minutes ago, YJacket said:

hate modern schooling.  There is absolutely no good reason why you can't just go back to books . . .(sigh the world is mad).  

I don't know if you know but Windows 10 does have some pretty nifty lock-out features.

https://www.howtogeek.com/225323/how-to-add-and-monitor-a-childs-account-in-windows-10/

It actually does a pretty good job, if you set it up right.  You can very literally lock the entire computer down. They have their own account, but then you can turn off everything and I do mean everything.  My son is pretty computer savy and it's locked down tight.  You can set it to where you can whitelist websites (i.e. only allow access to certain websites), whitelist programs, games, apps, etc.  You can see everything they are doing on the computer including screen time, you can set keep out time zones (i.e. computer can only be used for 2 hours a day or can't be used after 10pm, etc.) For family security, it's the best thing I've found that doesn't impose much burden on the rest of the family.  And it transfers across machines. If you haven't given them access to a website they need for school they can "request access" and then you get an e-mail to approve or not. 

I would highly recommend looking into it.  But while I recommend looking into it; honestly I think if you are having to approve of every site for a 15 year old that is probably going to cause more problems (i.e. too controlling).  That's why I say, just remove the laptop for 3 months . . .otherwise you get into a control battle and that is not good.

Good info!  His laptop actually bit it months ago when it fell.  :lol: I tried not to look ecstatic because he bought it with money he earned.  The only computer we have now is my desktop and it's in the kitchen.  So if I allow one child on, I have to watch like a hawk and make sure they don't walk away and leave it available to him.  So annoying!  

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12 hours ago, YJacket said:

 

I'll tell you what ends up happening when you don't drop the hammer. 

And I'll tell you what happens when you do "drop the hammer"  the parent usually caves, I've seen it happen in more than one family.

Make the punishment fit the crime. Escalating punishment it the way to go.

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16 hours ago, mnn727 said:

One more thing, I would think it would be against the law for schools to require computer and internet to do school work. It would discriminate against low income households. Have you talked to the principal? or have you taken your sons word for it?

My kids have been in school in Wyoming, Montana, North Dakota and Utah and they all required computers and iPads to do homework.  It's insane.  And I think that it does cause some unnecessary hardships.  Not to mention, it forces kids online where they get into bad things.

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5 hours ago, mnn727 said:

And I'll tell you what happens when you do "drop the hammer"  the parent usually caves, I've seen it happen in more than one family.

Make the punishment fit the crime. Escalating punishment it the way to go.

You need to be able to work with what the parents can do, what works for the other kids in the home as well as what works for the kid having issues.  Sometimes what can work for all three won't be the best solution forjust one, but we are talking about life at home, not solitary confinement.

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He just had a full blown tantrum because I told him he can't do his homework on our computer. Screamed at the top of his lungs that I'm ruining his life. I said he can do it after school and take the activity bus home. He screamed that he wasn't going to do that because he wasn't going to get home at 5pm. He says he'll just fail high school. 

Sounds reasonable. 

I told him things will relax a little bit when he comes clean about everything and stops playing the it was my friend defense.  

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I just have to say that I did the best I could with my kids at teenagers...but this was all before computers and stuff...I don't know that I would have fared as well and held up as well as you have MorningStar...tough love takes courage.  You have it.  May all be well soon.  Please keep us posted.  There seems to be something he fills he is missing in life to succumb to such rebellion and maybe trying to find out how much you love him.  He will know..because you do.

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19 hours ago, Jeanne said:

I just have to say that I did the best I could with my kids at teenagers...but this was all before computers and stuff...I don't know that I would have fared as well and held up as well as you have MorningStar...tough love takes courage.  You have it.  May all be well soon.  Please keep us posted.  There seems to be something he fills he is missing in life to succumb to such rebellion and maybe trying to find out how much you love him.  He will know..because you do.

Thank you.  Not sure how long it will take him to come clean, but he won't have Internet access at home at all until he does.  

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