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bsjkki

CNN article on Mormon dating issues

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CNN wrote an in depth article on Mormons seeking spouses. A dating app called Mutual is featured but the article contains a lot of anecdotes and statistics about single Mormons. Is the ratio of single women really as terrible as they say? Should women marry non members if statistically, the numbers dont work out? http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/20/living/mormon-dating-app/index.html

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14 minutes ago, bsjkki said:

CNN wrote an in depth article on Mormons seeking spouses. A dating app called Mutual is featured but the article contains a lot of anecdotes and statistics about single Mormons. Is the ratio of single women really as terrible as they say? Should women marry non members if statistically, the numbers dont work out? http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/20/living/mormon-dating-app/index.html

I think it is very wise to marry within the faith (within anyone's faith) but obviously when getting married, many variables need to be considered. Here one should pray for and allow the guidance of the Holy Spirit. If the Holy Spirit leads one to marry outside the faith then so be it. Even when guided by the Spirit one should readily recognize that marrying outside one's faith is inherently challenging to maintain an active role in that person's own faith. 

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2 minutes ago, Darren10 said:

I think it is very wise to marry within the faith (within anyone's faith) but obviously when getting married, many variables need to be considered. Here one should pray for and allow the guidance of the Holy Spirit. If the Holy Spirit leads one to marry outside the faith then so be it. Even when guided by the Spirit one should readily recognize that marrying outside one's faith is inherently challenging to maintain an active role in that person's own faith. 

I agree following the spirit is key. I know a lot of men and women who are members because they married a Mormon and then converted. I am curious if people feel it is better to stay single than marry outside the faith?

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I have said this before but where I live there are no LDS women around my age except for 2, one is dying apparently and the other one is mean but i found out she got engaged so hey, better that guy than me! So, my PB tells me to choose a woman who wants to be sealed in the Temple, well only members want that and I don't know what to do. I married a convert the last time and that blew up in the face big time and I don't want to see that show anymore. So, I sit and wait for someone to move here, that is my only option at this point.

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19 minutes ago, bsjkki said:

I agree following the spirit is key. I know a lot of men and women who are members because they married a Mormon and then converted. I am curious if people feel it is better to stay single than marry outside the faith?

I should also add that dating outside the faith nowadays can be tricky. Standards are different, expectations in dating are different, etc. Just navigating things sexually while dating can be a bit of a battle, let alone how you'll raise the proverbial kids and what role religion will play in your life. Dating in, particularly as you get older can be difficult. But dating out is not exactly a walk in the park either. Heck, dating at differing standards period (even if they are mormon) can be difficult. 

 

With luv,

BD

Edited by BlueDreams

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From the article:

Quote

Brown, 31, said he "often went on multiple dates a day" while a student at Brigham Young University. Nonetheless, he graduated single. 

Six years ago, he began flying cross-country in search of a wife. On weekends, he created elaborate dating strategies for new cities, filling his calendar with singles events he heard about through the social media grapevine. On Sundays, Brown attended multiple church congregations called "Young Single Adult Wards" that aim to help Mormons ages 18 and up socialize and, ideally, get married. 

"I literally flew all over the country to date. I was booking red-eyes just to attend church somewhere and meet new people. Some weekends, I would go to three, four, or if I was really ambitious, five wards in one Sunday," Brown said. "Singles wards often feel like meat markets. So much of church revolves around dating."

Dang! I can't help but to think Benjamin Brown could have spent more efficient time in his own area but I really do admire his dedication. 

Quote

Mormons today face longer tenures in singledom and a skewed gender ratio. There are 150 Mormon women for every 100 Mormon men, according to one study, creating a statistical dilemma that complicates church leadership's bold project to ensure all youth attain a temple marriage. In total, 51% of Mormon women over age 18 are single, according to internal statistics cited in a church public relations video, which leaked on the website "MormonLeaks." For these women, the dream of previous generations -- 87% of married Mormons have a Mormon spouse -- may not be statistically attainable. 

In late July, local church leader Wayne Janzen held a conversation with women in a Washington, DC singles ward, asking them to air their dating grievances. He validated their frustration with what one woman said was a "lack of options." Janzen said the regional church leadership was focusing on "reactivating single men" to balance the gender ratio of faithful, church-attending singles.

WOW! Polygamy! Polygamy! Polygamy! Whoohoooooo! 

Juuuuuust kidding. ;) (Sort of, but that's probably a diffent topic)

I've always viewed the ration of singles in LDS culture stacked against females. It's unfortunate. 

Quote

Brown is determined to avoid this fate. He once skipped a flight home to extend a fruitless weekend scouting singles, buying a ticket on a last minute red-eye to visit a Mormon ex-girlfriend. Catching wind of his arrival, Brown said that his ex's previous boyfriend, who held a local church leadership position, came over to her house to disrupt their date. The night ended with punches thrown in the driveway.

Dang, Mormons fight for their women, don't they? I understand the conflict but no marriage, means it's a fee for all. But, be realistic about it.  

Quote

The prospect of mid-singles wards offers fatigued Mormons minimal incentive to stick with the church, but the appeal of Mutual brought Brown back to regular church attendance. Now, he says he has faith again that he will be able to find a Mormon wife.

Very true. I have had active Mormon family and friends reach the "mid-singles" age. It does have its challenges. I almost made it there myself. I know the feelings of disparity. 

 

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1 minute ago, BlueDreams said:

I should also add that dating outside the faith nowadays can be tricky. Standards are different, expectations in dating are different, etc. Just navigating things sexually while dating can be a bit of a battle, let alone how you'll raise the proverbial kids and what role religion will play in your life. Dating in, particularly as you get older can be difficult. But dating out is not exactly a walk in the park either. Heck, dating at differing standards period can be difficult. 

 

With luv,

BD

That's the issue, what do you do about intimacy? because most if not all non members can only hold out for so long. It's difficult enough for members but non members? After three dates Howard Wolowitz was expected to have relations with Bernadette, three dates!!!!! 

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You tend to marry who you date, and marrying outside your faith is bad planning, especially for Mormons. 

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I have a some friends getting divorced, members, married in the Temple. I wonder what the future will hold for them, datingwise.

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23 minutes ago, BlueDreams said:

I try not to think about it. But I'm 29, date men my age or older (I hate younger), and I have noticed that the ones well older than me start to have some - uhh - quirks that I'm not a fan of. Women (and men) should choose for themselves as to who they marry. For myself, that choice isn't super necessary since I live in UT. So far, I've never had a date with a non-mormon and it isn't likely to happen any time soon.

 I do use the dating app mentioned since about February. Because of it, I've gone on approximately a date a week. Sometimes less sometimes more. With several clumping around the same guys (not a bunch of singleton dates, in other words). Without the app my dating pool would be serious slim pickings for where I live in my age bracket. It's just a fact that the pool starts to shrink the older you get. And the relatively sane pool even smaller. It's still not super easy. But it's  pretty good. Currently I'm "slowly" dating a guy for the last few weeks who I really like, have a ton in common, and get along with super well. So if you asked this single lady it's not too bad. Get back to me in a month or so though...the single life can be notoriously volatile. :P 

 

 With luv,

BD

 

"Get back to me in a month or so though...the single life can be notoriously volatile."

Especially for a A Mormon in Utah. You could very quickly end up...not so single. Good luck with that dude you mentioned. Does he dance Samba too?  

"And the sane pool even smaller". LOL! Ain't that the truth? :lol:

"

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40 minutes ago, bsjkki said:

I agree following the spirit is key. I know a lot of men and women who are members because they married a Mormon and then converted. I am curious if people feel it is better to stay single than marry outside the faith?

I now a good number if them as well. One of which her husband converted after years of marriage and is currently in our bishopric. I refer to him as the most active non-Mormon I have ever known. :)

That said, statistically-speaking, I do not think most non-member marriages will result in the non-member converting. And even there, many I've known do not remain active for very long. 

Me personally I've no doubt I would have married a non member had I not met Niki or any other member to marry. I would have been prayerful about it but, frankly, also "desparate". That's how I roll I guess. 

Good inquiry. I look forward how this thread developes.  

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26 minutes ago, Duncan said:

That's the issue, what do you do about intimacy? because most if not all non members can only hold out for so long. It's difficult enough for members but non members? After three dates Howard Wolowitz was expected to have relations with Bernadette, three dates!!!!! 

And three dates is a lot nowadays to expect relations. 

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Unfortunately divorce rates are pretty high for mixed faith marriages for Mormons.  Is taking the risk worth the heartache of when it breakdowns?  I have no clue never having that experience.

Edited by Calm

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10 minutes ago, The Nehor said:

I hate dating.

 

 

That is all. :) 

That's actually a pretty accurate summary right there.

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The only thing worse than dating as an older single Mormon would be marrying out of desperation.

I almost married out of desperation at 27, and it would have ruined my life. I waited a little longer and married someone great at 29. The mid-singles dating scene is truly horrifying. Anyone who has to navigate that landscape has my deepest sympathies. Going to a couple mid-singles wards with an older friend for a few Sundays is what ultimately led me to decide that there are worse things than remaining single. 

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I am a bit confused by this statistic

Quote

 

In total, 51% of Mormon women over age 18 are single, according to internal statistics cited in a church public relations video, which leaked on the website "MormonLeaks.


 

Does that mean that 49% of women under 18 are married??  That doesn't sound right.

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The taboo about interfaith marriage really needs to go. It's better to marry a good non-Mormon than to be alone your whole life.

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9 hours ago, bsjkki said:

CNN wrote an in depth article on Mormons seeking spouses. A dating app called Mutual is featured but the article contains a lot of anecdotes and statistics about single Mormons. Is the ratio of single women really as terrible as they say? Should women marry non members if statistically, the numbers dont work out? http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/20/living/mormon-dating-app/index.html

Just had to say...and I haven't had a chance to read this yet...but women should marry those they love...mormon or not..IMO. A lot of good kind men out there that would put wives/families above all else..with God.

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25 minutes ago, rongo said:

In another ward, one of my stalwart Laurels asked me earnestly if it would be wrong to marry outside the Church. She and her two sisters were living with a non-member guardian. Both parents were excommunicated, and her mother is in prison for life for serial murder (a series of babies over a decade while babysitting). Given this horrible background, it is amazing that she was in as good a shape as she was. I told her that there is really only one answer I can give as a bishop, and she knew what that was (you marry who you date; if you marry outside the church, you have no promise and cannot guarantee that your husband will join, etc.). She was dating a non-member pretty seriously (both she and he were students of mine). I told her, that said, she should marry a man whom she loves and who treats her right and loves her and who is a good man. I told her that marrying a good non-member would be better than marrying a bad member, but --- good, better, best. Best would be marrying a good member.

Turns out, she is sealed in the temple (thankfully). 

Given how many duds we are producing among the young men (and there are some duds among the young women, too), this is not cut-and-dried and not all that easy of a question or problem to solve. Especially looking forward. 

I recently told my laurels that marrying in the temple should be their goal because the temple blessings are worth it, and that there is wisdom in marrying in your faith, no matter what religion it is, but that I would never ask them to promise me that they would because I have no idea what God has in store for their lives.  Instead, i asked them to promise that they would pray and fast before marriage, so that they would know God's will and then to do what He told them to do.

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4 hours ago, california boy said:

I am a bit confused by this statistic

Does that mean that 49% of women under 18 are married??  That doesn't sound right.

I think it means 49% of women over 18 are married. 

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Something will have to change, I figure.   I doubt polygamy will come back, that'll sink the Church.  Maybe some teachings will have to be adjusted.  I know tons of single ladies who never married and have left the Church.  It seems most would suggest they did for various reasons, but one seems to be there really isn't much of a place for them. 

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1 minute ago, stemelbow said:

Something will have to change, I figure.   I doubt polygamy will come back, that'll sink the Church.  Maybe some teachings will have to be adjusted.  I know tons of single ladies who never married and have left the Church.  It seems most would suggest they did for various reasons, but one seems to be there really isn't much of a place for them. 

My wife and I are friends with a single LDS woman. She's a great person, very intelligent, has served as RS president, has a PhD, etc. But she's barely hanging on. It's very hard to be a single adult in the church.

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