Jump to content

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

BCSpace

You Can't Afford Your Stay At Home Wife

Recommended Posts

Steve Nelms, of Plano, is a working father and his wife, Glory, is a stay-at-home mom to the couple’s 2-year-old son, Ezra.

In a March 20 blog post, Nelms set out to find the cost of all the duties his wife fills on a given day. What he found was alarming and gave him a new appreciation of his working wife.

“My wife stays home and takes care of our son every single day,” Nelms said in a blog post he wrote as a letter to his wife that has since gone viral. “She changes his diapers, feeds him, plays with him, puts him down for his nap, and comforts him when he’s upset. And that’s just the bare minimum.”

Nelms figured since every service in our life is now hireable, he’d calculate if he could afford his stay-at-home wife.

With just four services researched, Nelms had already racked up a $67,860 total. Adding minor services like finances and laundry brought the total up to $73,690 per year.

The blog post went viral, with over 1,200 comments, and turned into a feature by ABC’s Good Morning America on Tuesday morning.

He found that the national average weekly salary for a full-time nanny is $705. That’s $36,660 a year. According to the 2014 tax brackets, the family falls “nicely” in the second tier, right in the $12,951-$49,400 tax range.

Nelms’ research showed that a cleaning service would cost him $100 a week, or $5,200 a year. Shopping services to run errands for the family would cost him $13,520 a year. For someone to cook a few meals a week it would cost him $12,480 a year.

Of course, Nelms realized he could never afford this total. But he clarified that his exploration was not to put a price tag on his wife’s role as a mother, but instead to show how much she does for the family and the little recognition countless other moms receive.

The truth is, I’m ashamed of any time I’ve ever made (my wife) feel guilty or humored when she’s purchased something for herself,” Nelms writes in the blog. “I’m ashamed that she has ever felt like she doesn’t have just as much right to our income as I do.

“The fact of the matter is that our income doesn’t even come close to covering what she does for our family. I would have to make over 100K to even begin to be able to cover my living expenses as well as employ my wife as a Stay-At-Home Mom!”

Nelms recognizes that there is no paycheck involved but that his stay-at-home mom would make double his current income.

“She loves me, loves our son, and loves our family, so obviously she isn’t doing any of those things for a paycheck or even for recognition,” Nelms said. “But it certainly doesn’t hurt to know that as a Stay-At-Home Mom her appraised salary is nearly double my actual income. So in a very weird way, this is my way of saying how much I value my wife as the mother of my child and the one who always has my back no matter what. You are more precious than rubies. And I can’t afford you.”

The couple appeared on Fox & Friends on Tuesday morning as well to tell their story.

 

http://bizbeatblog.dallasnews.com/2015/04/plano-father-does-the-math-realizes-he-cant-afford-his-stay-at-home-wife.html/

 

 

 

Good little news clip to go with it. They appear to have only one child (not that there's anything wrong with that) so the cost of a stay at home mom in this case is at the low end of the spectrum.

 

Makes one feel like an unprofitable servant....

Share this post


Link to post

My wife was the stay-at-home mom of 5 kids. She wasn't just the CEO but management, sales, mailroom, and janitor, a lot of janitor. It cost her a lot physically and mentally. She would willingly do it all over again. Mind you, she might tweek a few things , like choice of husband. That said, any man who works 9 to 5 and comes home to be waited on hand and foot and not participate in the home chores, is not doing his duty and is not worth his salt.

Share this post


Link to post

I'm a SAHM. While I appreciate the thought behind this and am grateful that my husband has always treated me as a partner, I don't really like how things like this are done. If you line itemed things my husband does at work then the company would be unlikely to hire him. He is an engineer, but in his job he has recruited, repaired copy machines, answered the phones, written patents, bought coffee and tea for visitors, marketed his company, taken people to lunch as well as his main design computer chips role. At one time or another all of that and more has been part of his job.

So if we are going to put a price on SAHMs then we have to look at the job as a whole just as we do with most every other job. When you get hired as a SAHM then your duties include all those things.

And you can't count 24 hours a day either. When DH comes home from work he doesn't do a second "job". He parents. Personally, I feel I parent all the time, but just for comparison sake like for this article the "job" as SAHM can only be for as many hours a day as dad is at work unless you also say something of the costs of dad's second "job".

I think the major problem is when people think that SAHMs do nothing at all or nothing of importance when everyone else is at work. Somehow they miss that while they are busy being a banker, construction worker, lawyer etc that a SAHM is being the day care worker etc they hired. If they really felt the day care worker did nothing with their children would they hire them? So why I often hear, "I do everything a SAHM does plus work" is beyond me.

Anyway, I appreciate the fact that articles like this help some to see that those who stay at home are doing much more than nothing. I just wish that it wouldn't inflate the numbers.

Share this post


Link to post

I'm a SAHM. While I appreciate the thought behind this and am grateful that my husband has always treated me as a partner, I don't really like how things like this are done. If you line itemed things my husband does at work then the company would be unlikely to hire him. He is an engineer, but in his job he has recruited, repaired copy machines, answered the phones, written patents, bought coffee and tea for visitors, marketed his company, taken people to lunch as well as his main design computer chips role. At one time or another all of that and more has been part of his job.

So if we are going to put a price on SAHMs then we have to look at the job as a whole just as we do with most every other job. When you get hired as a SAHM then your duties include all those things.

And you can't count 24 hours a day either. When DH comes home from work he doesn't do a second "job". He parents. Personally, I feel I parent all the time, but just for comparison sake like for this article the "job" as SAHM can only be for as many hours a day as dad is at work unless you also say something of the costs of dad's second "job".

I think the major problem (and part of what the author said was his intention) is when people think that SAHMs do nothing at all or nothing of importance when everyone else is at work. Somehow they miss that while they are busy being a banker, construction worker, lawyer etc that a SAHM is being the day care worker etc they hired. If they really felt the day care worker did nothing with their children would they hire them? So why I often hear, "I do everything a SAHM does plus work" is beyond me.

Anyway, I appreciate the fact that articles like this help some to see that those who stay at home are doing much more than nothing. I just wish that it wouldn't inflate the numbers.

Share this post


Link to post

Yeah, this accounting is fun but it disguises the fact that much of what we do in our lives is done because it is our life. If I itemized the cost of getting someone to go to the bank for me, buy food, do my callings, maintain my car, clean my home, and babysit my sibling's children instead of me it would be quite expensive even though I am single and my responsibilities more limited but I do these things because it is my life. It does not make me a super valuable member of society.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Similar Content

    • By nuclearfuels
      Kenya legalized polygamy in 2014.  Any readers here serve mission there and have to tell investigators they'd need to stop the practice before being able to be baptized? I understand in Latin America a lot of married people split up but forgo the legal part of making the divorce official and that has to be done before they can be baptized.
      Germany is trying to indirectly legalize polygamy for one of their migrant culture's beliefs. 
      My wife and I support our ancestors who practiced polygamy, to say nothing of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob practicing polygamy.
      Curious as to your thoughts:
      Will other African countries and European countries following suit? Will / Should people in Congress - Ilhan, Tlaib, Romney, Bishop, etc. allow migrants here to practice what their faith encourages?  Declining populations (Japan, Europe) really have two options: welcome in higher fertility populations from other countries or legalize polygamy. 
       
      Pushed by politicians, polygamy enjoys a heyday among Christians in ...
      Germany: Citizenship for Polygamous Migrants?  
    • By Maestrophil
      I am posting this here because this involves a non active member as well as myself and my wife, and I would appreciate all insights. 
      This litterally just happened and I am kind of sick about the current position I am in and what to do. 
      So, I drove my 14 yr old daughter to YW for a hike. My daughter, who has been very vocal about not liking YW or hikes, was not murmuring this time. On the way she says “oh, I guess my mom (my ex) is joining us.  I thought it was odd but wasn’t too bothered. 
      When i got home just now and told my wife, she got really angry and demanded I call the ex right away and tell her to go home.  My wife is fearful that the ex, who is vocally anti organized church, will pull my daughter away from socializing with the other girls, and will disparage us and the church. 
      When i refused to do that and told her I thought it would do more harm than good on many levels to tell my ex wife she was not welcome to attend our ward YW, she became furious with me and I not speaking.  She wants me to “do something about it “
      My questions for you are - what do I do?  Is it our place as members to deny anyone who is not a danger to attend a ward activity?  How can I even explain this to my ex wife in a way she would understand - and ask her to notify us if she wants to attend a ward function?  Is that my place?  And I also don’t want to do anything harmful to my daughter.  Yet, I want to honor and please my faithful wife.  
      All ideas are welcome - Sooner than later!!! 😩
       
      Thanks!
       
      MP
       
       
    • By nuclearfuels
      So now that President Nelson has shown us how he roles and how the inspiration he receives roles, I can't help but ask/ponder aloud with my cyber-ward-family/friends (I don't know any of you well enough to consider our relationship to be that of frenemies, my apologies):
      - I figure we have maybe two years until the BSA program (love it or hate it) will be replaced
      - Several years ago, maybe 10+ years, there was talk about mini-Temples being created in levels other the main entry level of stake centers; wondering if this idea might come back?  Really I'm just looking for an excuse to goto Ireland and a Temple openhouse seems to be that opportunity; slainte!
      - Wondering if any of you have written to General Authorities and asked about topics like these; anyone received a response?  Since "marriage" has been legally "redefined," I'm curious to ask the GA's if redefining marriage in the vein of Abraham, Issac, Jacob, Moses, Joseph Smith, Brigham Young and many others defined marriage.  Waiting for SCOTUS to "redefine marriage" again (before reinstituting), would be more palatable no doubt, but aren't we on kind of an accelerated time schedule/ last days etc.?  And when you attend the Temple, don't the Sisters outnumber the Brothers by a factor of 3 to 1, on average?
    • By MeeMee
      My question as I am still a new convert is how many times can you be sealed to someone or others. Say for example you were sealed to your current husband but he pass away. Years later down the line you meet someone and want to get sealed with the new husband instead. How does it work in the end. I never understand this and every time I ask someone nobody seems to really want to explain it. Please clarify only if you truly have the answer.
      Thank You
       
    • By Five Solas
      Related to the “Baptisms for the Dead in the Second Temple?” thread – but now the question is whether LDS-style “temple marriages”/”eternal marriages” were performed in the Second Temple (prior to its destruction in 70 AD).
      In the previous thread we established vicarious ordinances for the dead were not authorized until after Christ’s resurrection.  Therefore it would have been a very short window of opportunity (from a historical perspective) for any such proxy work to have been performed in the ancient temple.  And no one on that thread made any argument in favor of such work being done there.  So I think we succeeded in getting that answer.
      So now I want to shift gears and focus on ordinances for the living, using marriage as an example.   Is there any evidence to suggest temple marriages/eternal marriages were performed in the Second Temple?
      If so, what is that evidence?  What do folks think?
      --Erik
      PS.  I remember a stake fireside, back in my LDS days, where the recently-released temple president (Seattle temple) came and spoke.  (This would have been early in the last decade.)  He was old and frail and strikingly tall and thin – but he had a strong voice and expressed himself clearly.  He had held the position for a long time and was much admired and respected, and I recall a sort of hushed reverence in the room.
      I came motivated by some mix of loneliness (I didn’t have anything else to do on a Sunday evening) and some curiosity (I had never met a temple president before).  So I didn’t have quite the same sentiment as others.  And as a result, I undoubtedly gave his words a more critical reception.
      He talked about being asked numerous questions in his capacity at the temple, participating members sometimes looking to him for guidance and clarity on difficult questions—and how he would always admonish questioners to seek out the answers themselves through a combination of prayer and meditation while there.  He didn't answer questions, he redirected questioners--that was an important part of his calling. 
      But what really caught my attention was his expressed belief the temple was carrying on “the same” practices and tradition that had been done at the time of Christ—and indeed all the way back “to Adam.”  How exactly that last bit was possible—no one asked, and I dismissed it as a bit of hyperbole (although he gave us no reason to think he considered it such).  The LDS temple and what transpired therein was connected to antiquity.  He wanted us all to understand he had played his part in a truly ancient play.
      Afterwards with a few folks who were left I made a small joke that the City of Bellevue (where the “Seattle” temple is actually located) probably wasn’t appreciating their growing herd of feral goats (referring to the ancient Israelite practice of “scapegoating” – where one goat would be sacrificed and the other banished to the wilderness, Leviticus 16:8).  But as was not infrequently the case, my humor fell flat.  (Yet another spiritual moment soiled, dang it!)
      So it was particularly interesting to me to read the replies on that other thread.  The old gentleman would have disapproved.
×
×
  • Create New...