I Hate The Holidays, Anyone Else Feel The Same?

[poptart]

Due to having had a pretty miserable childhood and well, life I really tend to hate the holidays for the bad memories, and I'm starting to notice sacrament meeting adding to it.  Sorry to sound mean here, but I just have such a hard time relating to all the people so overjoyed at having happy holiday times with relatives, loved ones and friends, something i've never had.  Anyone else have this issue?  Debating just dropping out till after new years so I'm not just miserable on Sunday. 

[Calm]

My daughter is the same way as she feels pressure to be having a good time and in recent years hasn't been, but is unable to attend sacrament meeting anyway so doesn't have to make that decision.

[poptart]

My daughter is the same way as she feels pressure to be having a good time and in recent years hasn't been, but is unable to attend sacrament meeting anyway so doesn't have to make that decision.

Looking into psychotherapy tomorrow so I can finally start healing.  Nothing against the lucky people but I just feel so out of place.  Normally things like that don't bother me, but the holidays just make it worse. 

[ERayR]

Due to having had a pretty miserable childhood and well, life I really tend to hate the holidays for the bad memories, and I'm starting to notice sacrament meeting adding to it.  Sorry to sound mean here, but I just have such a hard time relating to all the people so overjoyed at having happy holiday times with relatives, loved ones and friends, something i've never had.  Anyone else have this issue?  Debating just dropping out till after new years so I'm not just miserable on Sunday. 

 

I have had the same problem over the years and with the passing of my wife and granddaughter this year it is difficult.  To counter this I have made it a practice to ignore the festivities and concentrate on him whose birth we celebrate.

[Garden Girl]

Hello Poptart...

I can relate to what you're saying, but I hope you won't drop out and not attend Church... I did have a very happy childhood, and I just came through the holiday that I miss the most and that is Thanksgiving because it was such a special time for our family.  Wherever I lived I always had to go "home" for Thanksgiving with my folks in my girlhood home.  Now my folks are gone, the house is sold, and my only sister and her children live 1200 miles away... I am alone... widowed... and have no children or family. 

I had been inactive for over 30 years when the death of my mom caused me to turn back to Church, and 18 years ago I reactivated.

So I became a part of a very family oriented Church where my sisters in RS oh and ah over their children as I stand by, feeling like I'm standing outside a bakery with my nose against the window.  Or in the snow, alone, outside a home where I can see in the windows at all the happy family gathered together around the fireplace... sharing...

To make things worse, my dear husband passed away 15 years ago on Dec 26th after nine days in intensive care so my Christmas holiday has never been the same.  I haven't had a tree or decorated since.

I confess, today I stayed home because it was the Primary children's program... and I never go to Church on Mother's Day.  But that's only one or two days... not weeks... so my hope is that you will continue in Church and just be thankful for the blessings you do have... and I know you have many... all of us have many... and that is what gets me through.  It is not easy to be a single sister, particularly without children or  family, in such a family oriented Church, but I go and participate and reflect on how Heavenly Father has blessed me personally.  It's the only way I can stand it...

 

from the beach on a cold, wintery evening, with only my cat as my companion... GG

Edited December 1, 2014 by Garden Girl

[rpn]

I have been in emotional places in which I hated holidays.    What I discovered is that listening to everything with the focus on celebrating the savior's birth and giving service, made a huge difference.    There is no reason that a single person has to feel left out of celebration of the atonement of Jesus Christ.    The christmas hymns rejoice in Him.   There are always people who just need someone to take them cookies and let them talk for a while.   If we can step out of ourselves, we can get great joy from being His hands in service to those who are lost.   And as we do that, we come to create our own groups of people who are LIKE family.   People who feel or who have felt lost are uniquely able to reach out to others who seek someone to acknowledge them.

[ERayR]

Hello Poptart...

I can relate to what you're saying, but I hope you won't drop out and not attend Church... I did have a very happy childhood, and I just came through the holiday that I miss the most and that is Thanksgiving because it was such a special time for our family.  Wherever I lived I always had to go "home" for Thanksgiving with my folks in my girlhood home.  Now my folks are gone, the house is sold, and my only sister and her children live 1200 miles away... I am alone... widowed... and have no children or family. 

I had been inactive for over 30 years when the death of my mom caused me to turn back to Church, and 15 years ago I reactivated.

So I became a part of a very family oriented Church where my sisters in RS oh and ah over their children as I stand by, feeling like I'm standing outside a bakery with my nose against the window.  Or in the snow, alone, outside a home where I can see in the windows at all the happy family gathered together around the fireplace... sharing...

I confess, today I stayed home because it was the Primary children's program... and I never go to Church on Mother's Day.  But that's only one or two days... not weeks... so my hope is that you will continue in Church and just be thankful for the blessings you do have... and I know you have many... all of us have many... and that is what gets me through.  It is not easy to be a single sister, particularly without children or  family, in such a family oriented Church, but I go and participate and reflect on how Heavenly Father has blessed me personally.  It's the only way I can stand it...

 

from the beach on a cold, wintery evening, with only my cat as my companion... GG

 

I pray that you are well.  I hope it is not the 0 degree cold we had for a couple of weeks.

[ERayR]

I have been in emotional places in which I hated holidays.    What I discovered is that listening to everything with the focus on celebrating the savior's birth and giving service, made a huge difference.    There is no reason that a single person has to feel left out of celebration of the atonement of Jesus Christ.    The christmas hymns rejoice in Him.   There are always people who just need someone to take them cookies and let them talk for a while.   If we can step out of ourselves, we can get great joy from being His hands in service to those who are lost.   And as we do that, we come to create our own groups of people who are LIKE family.   People who feel or who have felt lost are uniquely able to reach out to others who seek someone to acknowledge them.

 

And after all we are all members of God's family.

[poptart]

I have had the same problem over the years and with the passing of my wife and granddaughter this year it is difficult.  To counter this I have made it a practice to ignore the festivities and concentrate on him whose birth we celebrate.

It's still miserable.  Also wow thats horrible.

 

I have been in emotional places in which I hated holidays.    What I discovered is that listening to everything with the focus on celebrating the savior's birth and giving service, made a huge difference.    There is no reason that a single person has to feel left out of celebration of the atonement of Jesus Christ.    The christmas hymns rejoice in Him.   There are always people who just need someone to take them cookies and let them talk for a while.   If we can step out of ourselves, we can get great joy from being His hands in service to those who are lost.   And as we do that, we come to create our own groups of people who are LIKE family.   People who feel or who have felt lost are uniquely able to reach out to others who seek someone to acknowledge them.

I have agoriphobia (spelling?) so being around people is kinda tricky for me as it is.  When I was in outpatient mental healthcare I was pretty much alone all the time and due to being treated badly trusting people with feelings is very very hard.

 

Hello Poptart...

I can relate to what you're saying, but I hope you won't drop out and not attend Church... I did have a very happy childhood, and I just came through the holiday that I miss the most and that is Thanksgiving because it was such a special time for our family.  Wherever I lived I always had to go "home" for Thanksgiving with my folks in my girlhood home.  Now my folks are gone, the house is sold, and my only sister and her children live 1200 miles away... I am alone... widowed... and have no children or family. 

I had been inactive for over 30 years when the death of my mom caused me to turn back to Church, and 18 years ago I reactivated.

So I became a part of a very family oriented Church where my sisters in RS oh and ah over their children as I stand by, feeling like I'm standing outside a bakery with my nose against the window.  Or in the snow, alone, outside a home where I can see in the windows at all the happy family gathered together around the fireplace... sharing...

To make things worse, my dear husband passed away 15 years ago on Dec 26th after nine days in intensive care so my Christmas holiday has never been the same.  I haven't had a tree or decorated since.

I confess, today I stayed home because it was the Primary children's program... and I never go to Church on Mother's Day.  But that's only one or two days... not weeks... so my hope is that you will continue in Church and just be thankful for the blessings you do have... and I know you have many... all of us have many... and that is what gets me through.  It is not easy to be a single sister, particularly without children or  family, in such a family oriented Church, but I go and participate and reflect on how Heavenly Father has blessed me personally.  It's the only way I can stand it...

 

from the beach on a cold, wintery evening, with only my cat as my companion... GG

Does the relief society atleast check on you?

 

I pray that you are well.  I hope it is not the 0 degree cold we had for a couple of weeks.

I'm sick and tired of the cold.  They say its going to be a really cold winter this year.

[Garden Girl]

I pray that you are well.  I hope it is not the 0 degree cold we had for a couple of weeks.

 

I am ERR... thank you... and one of my blessings is that I have a lovely little cottage by the sea that is warm and cozy this evening in spite of the outside coldness... I have plenty of food, and everything that I need to be comfortable and secure.  And I do have a "ward family" that will call and check on me as my visiting teacher did this evening because she missed seeing me at Church today. 

You have been in my prayers because I know you are feeling your loss... be blessed...

 

GG

[Garden Girl]

Does the relief society atleast check on you?

 

Yes, poptart, they do... and did today because I wasn't in Church...

 

GG

[poptart]

Yes, poptart, they do... and did today because I wasn't in Church...

 

GG

Lucky you. 

So far the charity has been impressive.  Looks like they're putting me to work and hopefully in a few months will help me get in with an industry that matches my education.  It's horrible, its so hard to get a job and now I suspect the suicide rate is going up with so many unemployed youth, I think soon its going to skyrocket.  Everyone treats young unemployed millenials like garbage it seems, lets see what they say when the majority either kill themselves or are mentally damaged beyond repair.

[ERayR]

I am ERR... thank you... and one of my blessings is that I have a lovely little cottage by the sea that is warm and cozy this evening in spite of the outside coldness... I have plenty of food, and everything that I need to be comfortable and secure.  And I do have a "ward family" that will call and check on me as my visiting teacher did this evening because she missed seeing me at Church today. 

You have been in my prayers because I know you are feeling your loss... be blessed...

 

GG

 

Thank you.

[Darren10]

Due to having had a pretty miserable childhood and well, life I really tend to hate the holidays for the bad memories, and I'm starting to notice sacrament meeting adding to it.  Sorry to sound mean here, but I just have such a hard time relating to all the people so overjoyed at having happy holiday times with relatives, loved ones and friends, something i've never had.  Anyone else have this issue?  Debating just dropping out till after new years so I'm not just miserable on Sunday.

I have wonderful holiday memories with family. I am sorry to read about your situation. The point of the holidays really is to celebrate divinity. Christmas is particularly special to me since it places a special focus on Jesus Christ. Easter too. Holiday celebrations with family are of secondary importance in my opinion but still very worthy to have. Do you have any family now that you could celebrate with if that's your desire? The best Christmas celebrations I ever had was the Christmas I spent in the Missionary Training Center in Utah. All my family were in the Midwest so all I did the entire Christmas day was read scripture and sing Christmas hymns. I felt far closer to Jesus Christ then I ever had in previously Christmas celebrations with family.

[Darren10]

Looking into psychotherapy tomorrow so I can finally start healing.  Nothing against the lucky people but I just feel so out of place.  Normally things like that don't bother me, but the holidays just make it worse.

Therapy can really help. A lot depends on your therapist. My wife and oldest daughter go to therapy and both have benefited from it.

[poptart]

I have wonderful holiday memories with family. I am sorry to read about your situation. The point of the holidays really is to celebrate divinity. Christmas is particularly special to me since it places a special focus on Jesus Christ. Easter too. Holiday celebrations with family are of secondary importance in my opinion but still very worthy to have. Do you have any family now that you could celebrate with if that's your desire? The best Christmas celebrations I ever had was the Christmas I spent in the Missionary Training Center in Utah. All my family were in the Midwest so all I did the entire Christmas day was read scripture and sing Christmas hymns. I felt far closer to Jesus Christ then I ever had in previously Christmas celebrations with family.

None.

[pogi]

Therapy can really help. A lot depends on your therapist. My wife and oldest daughter go to therapy and both have benefited from it.

 

I like Bob Newhart's approach.

 

[poptart]

Therapy can really help. A lot depends on your therapist. My wife and oldest daughter go to therapy and both have benefited from it.

Have a lot of issues from an alcoholic parent and a messed up young adult life.  It screws me over a lot, the employment specialist could really see it.  This time of year its always the worst and the depression gets so bad sometimes its almost dangerous.

 

I like Bob Newhart's approach.

 

You know, I tried just stopping it after I had my old friends turn their back on me in my time of need, a few years later I was in outpatient care, being monitored for suicide risk after taking a lot of painkillers and on SSRI's.  Stop it didn't work too well on me.  THe burying me in a box part might work though.

[Rain]

I've been ready to commit suicide twice. I don't wish it on anyone and I hope never to be at that point again.

It's interesting when I look back to see what a big liar depression is. It told me that I wasn't worth anything, that this life was never going to get better, that it was best to leave this world because it only held pain. As I have pushed past those points I've found those were huge, debilitating lies.

A few years ago I found stress also lies and believing those lies are even worse for you than the stress is. Stress tells you, "eat a bunch of chocolate, cake, chips etc." Not only does the stress not go away, but now you have the additional stress of what the overeating has done to your body. The same can be said for alcohol or porn or video games.

Then stress lies and says you don't have time or it is too hard to exercise or pray or read scriptures - things that will help you to deal with the stress AND that will make you stronger overall.

So you can not go to church and maybe miss a message God has to help you or you can go with the question of "What does God have in mind for me?" Or "What does He want to know about the Savior and his atonement that will help me now?"

So you can leave this life and maybe miss out on good relationships later or you can stick around and find that life helps you to gain more understanding if you hold on to God through the tough times.

And I say all that knowing that it may not mean a thing to you - because when you are in your darkest moments it is almost impossible to trust there is light there. You've embraced the lies that depression, stress and anxiety have told. In fact those lies are with you so strongly or have been with you for so long that they feel comfortable and it is hard to let them go.

But the light is there and believing it is not does not mean it is gone. Find little ways to get it in your life through therapy, medications, exercise, prayer, scriptures, eating well - step by step in whatever order and amount you personally need. You won't believe it now, but some day you will feel joy. For now just look for the flicker of life waiting for you to find it.

Edited December 1, 2014 by Rain

[Garden Girl]

Lucky you. 

So far the charity has been impressive.  Looks like they're putting me to work and hopefully in a few months will help me get in with an industry that matches my education.  It's horrible, its so hard to get a job and now I suspect the suicide rate is going up with so many unemployed youth, I think soon its going to skyrocket.  Everyone treats young unemployed millenials like garbage it seems, lets see what they say when the majority either kill themselves or are mentally damaged beyond repair.

 

Hello poptart...

Yes it is hard to find a job...  I wish there was something I could say to help you have a more positive attitude... I can honestly tell you, because of my past experience of interviewing people for jobs, a person who has a positive outlook radiates that during an interview... and, the interviewer remembers that person more favorably than the person who was negative or sullen, etc.  It's not that you have to be bouncy or "pollyanna," but more a quiet confidence and demeanor... a sense that the person is actually interested in the job and company.   

When you like you, it makes it easier for others to do so...

 

Good luck and all good wishes... GG

[Kenngo1969]

Due to having had a pretty miserable childhood and well, life I really tend to hate the holidays for the bad memories, and I'm starting to notice sacrament meeting adding to it.  Sorry to sound mean here, but I just have such a hard time relating to all the people so overjoyed at having happy holiday times with relatives, loved ones and friends ...

Obviously, their burdens may not compare to yours in weightiness, but at least some of them are simply good at putting on happy faces.  However, despite that, more than a few of them are carrying burdens you can't see.  Even at its best, this life often leaves much to be desired for many of us.  It's still possible to feel completely alone in a roomful of seemingly-happy people.

Edited December 1, 2014 by Kenngo1969

[Darren10]

Have a lot of issues from an alcoholic parent and a messed up young adult life.  It screws me over a lot, the employment specialist could really see it.  This time of year its always the worst and the depression gets so bad sometimes its almost dangerous.

 

You know, I tried just stopping it after I had my old friends turn their back on me in my time of need, a few years later I was in outpatient care, being monitored for suicide risk after taking a lot of painkillers and on SSRI's.  Stop it didn't work too well on me.  THe burying me in a box part might work though.

Yes. Start therapy PRONTO!!! My wife and oldest daughter do therapy for suicide. It has helped a lot. Talk to your bishop as well to see if ward funds can be used for LDS social services. My wife currently does that and is the second time in her life she has done so. Both times have proven beneficial. Thoughts and prayers for you.

[Buzzard]

My lovely spouse used to feel the same way, because several hard things happened around Christmas.  Our son passed a few days after Christmas in 2003, I entered the hospital on December 27, 2004 and didn't come out for a month, having almost kicked the bucket a couple of times, and finally, I was diagnosed with cancer on December 26, 2007.  So for years after that time, she didn't want to decorate, didn't want gifts, it was the hardest time of the year for her. 

Interestingly enough, the past couple of years, she has almost been over the top in regards to Christmas, especially decorating for it. I'm glad that time has as least partially healed some of those wounds. 

[poptart]

Hello poptart...

Yes it is hard to find a job...  I wish there was something I could say to help you have a more positive attitude... I can honestly tell you, because of my past experience of interviewing people for jobs, a person who has a positive outlook radiates that during an interview... and, the interviewer remembers that person more favorably than the person who was negative or sullen, etc.  It's not that you have to be bouncy or "pollyanna," but more a quiet confidence and demeanor... a sense that the person is actually interested in the job and company.   

When you like you, it makes it easier for others to do so...

 

Good luck and all good wishes... GG

Unfortunatly for me over the years I had so much happen there are some things that can really trigger me, and with so many afraid of a single male losing it and doing something horrible everyone is on alert.  I worked hard my whole life for a business job, I did everything I was supposed to.  I tried, I did everything I could then mental problems sunk in.  It's not fair but the mentally ill and poor are just so marginalized in the USA.  They train HR people to spot people like me and with so many unemployed grads and a gov't that would rather outsource our futures to foreigners there's nothing I can do.  I scheduled an appointment to see a psychologist next week, we will see what happens.

 I'm going to laugh so hard when one state after another folds financially due to so many young people being out of work.  They sooo diserve the misery thats coming to them.

 

I've been ready to commit suicide twice. I don't wish it on anyone and I hope never to be at that point again.

It's interesting when I look back to see what a big liar depression is. It told me that I wasn't worth anything, that this life was never going to get better, that it was best to leave this world because it only held pain. As I have pushed past those points I've found those were huge, debilitating lies.

A few years ago I found stress also lies and believing those lies are even worse for you than the stress is. Stress tells you, "eat a bunch of chocolate, cake, chips etc." Not only does the stress not go away, but now you have the additional stress of what the overeating has done to your body. The same can be said for alcohol or porn or video games.

Then stress lies and says you don't have time or it is too hard to exercise or pray or read scriptures - things that will help you to deal with the stress AND that will make you stronger overall.

So you can not go to church and maybe miss a message God has to help you or you can go with the question of "What does God have in mind for me?" Or "What does He want to know about the Savior and his atonement that will help me now?"

So you can leave this life and maybe miss out on good relationships later or you can stick around and find that life helps you to gain more understanding if you hold on to God through the tough times.

And I say all that knowing that it may not mean a thing to you - because when you are in your darkest moments it is almost impossible to trust there is light there. You've embraced the lies that depression, stress and anxiety have told. In fact those lies are with you so strongly or have been with you for so long that they feel comfortable and it is hard to let them go.

But the light is there and believing it is not does not mean it is gone. Find little ways to get it in your life through therapy, medications, exercise, prayer, scriptures, eating well - step by step in whatever order and amount you personally need. You won't believe it now, but some day you will feel joy. For now just look for the flicker of life waiting for you to find it.

Honestly its that cheer up message that irritates me more than just about anything.  I tried everything and finally broke.  I just want to watch the swine of this world burn, they diserve it.

[poptart]

Obviously, their burdens may not compare to yours in weightiness, but at least some of them are simply good at putting on happy faces.  However, despite that, more than a few of them are carrying burdens you can't see.  Even at its best, this life often leaves much to be desired for many of us.  It's still possible to feel completely alone in a roomful of seemingly-happy people.

I can spot those people a mile off.  It's easy to put on a happy face when you have a good support network, something I lack. 

 

Yes. Start therapy PRONTO!!! My wife and oldest daughter do therapy for suicide. It has helped a lot. Talk to your bishop as well to see if ward funds can be used for LDS social services. My wife currently does that and is the second time in her life she has done so. Both times have proven beneficial. Thoughts and prayers for you.

I just received my medicaid card so I don't have to ask the Bishop.  I'll be seeing a psychologist, soon.

 

My lovely spouse used to feel the same way, because several hard things happened around Christmas.  Our son passed a few days after Christmas in 2003, I entered the hospital on December 27, 2004 and didn't come out for a month, having almost kicked the bucket a couple of times, and finally, I was diagnosed with cancer on December 26, 2007.  So for years after that time, she didn't want to decorate, didn't want gifts, it was the hardest time of the year for her. 

Interestingly enough, the past couple of years, she has almost been over the top in regards to Christmas, especially decorating for it. I'm glad that time has as least partially healed some of those wounds. 

Glad she pulled through.