It is amazing how each of us are pogrammed, or how we individually see the world. Faith is such a tricky thing. I could share multiple spiritual experiences I have had. Each demostrating to me in a very real way, that God lives and loves us. I have had some that dealt directly with the truth of Mormonism.... and yet I find myself almost daily asking "help thou my unbelief" and he does... and then a day later I am right back to the same problem. to me there is a spiritual and logical side to things.
- my life is blessed as I serve in the church
- I feel really good when active in the gospel
- I feel a real relationship with God
- answers to prayer do come and have been answered.
- real spiritual experiences such as audible answers to prayers, very specific dreams that had to be from God.
- see the direct correlation between moving towards God and blessing and happiness that come from it
- I could list dozens and dozens more
Logical (for me, I know some of you see this in an absolute opposite way)
- my expectations of the church are continually lowered to provide a faithful setting in which to continue (perhaps spiritual growth, perhaps nessacary, perhaps useful, but still hard and difficult, and troubling)
- while many evidences for me in the BOM, I also see major issues that must be shelved till later
- several failed prophesies by JS and other early leaders.
- doctrine is much, much more flexible then what I was taught and what I had come to understand still leaving much confusion in my mind over what a man must do to be saved.
- struggle with coming more and more to understand that while the church teaches a prophet is one thing, compares chruch president to Moses or Noah in the missionary discussions... that prophet in the sense of the president of the church is much less like an old testament prophet and more like how I would view Peter in the new Testament ... leading the apostles in moving the church forward with relatively small chunks of inspiration along the way. No mighty miracles that compare to those of Old testament prophets (parting red sea, killing Goliath, building an ark...ect....) though Peter had a few of them himself
- I could list dozen and dozens more
but in the end, it is all about faith.... I have always felt if I wanted to prove the church true to someone, I could put enough evidence together to at least make them think it was worth the investigation. But I also can prove the church false with just as many items so as to dissuade anyone from looking into it.
I wish it was easier, but that obviously is not part of the plan. and I wish I could simply rely on spiritual occurences, but my mind demands a reasonable framework to work within...... In otherwords while God reaffirms his existence and making known to me I am in the right place, I also struggle daily with fitting all the round pegs in the square holes.
My deepest desire would be to get to a place that didn't require such a daily struggle. It eats at me. It is hard. Lots of stress, anxiety, ..................
Edited by reelmormon, 03 May 2012 - 10:15 AM.