186 replies to this topic

[blackstrap]

Don't worry guys,there will come a time when 7 women ....... will not want to go out with you either...yes ,I think that was the prophecy

[Gohan]

Haha, yes indeed, that does sounds scripturally accurate.

[Blah]

I believe it goes, "Seven women shall cleave unto one man and say, Havest thou any cute friends? And when shall they maneth up?"

[BlueDreams]

Yeah....great solution....look at what the women are doing wrong in the dating scene....on a thread about problematic trends in men.  Kinda ironic really

This thread reads like one large whine from guys about their crappy dating lives.

Honestly, women want to be single just about as much as men do...if not less so when they're mormon for a number of reasons....they're friends are all married, a large number of friends are having babies, and you just start feeling old around 24 or so. At least that's what I hear most often stated from the women I know in my ward full of "older" single adult women (around mid to late 20's. When you're in provo, surrounded by others who are marrying in their late teens, early twenties, trust me, you begin to feel older).

little grumpy....I'm studying physical science, which makes a terrible friday night date. So I'm not going to comment too specifically.

But here are my top reasons for why I've rejected dates (which I don't too often):
- I actually am extremely busy
- I'm not attracted to the person even a little (not that common right now)
- I don't feel anything for em (this is usually after the first or second date and honestly only recently.....there's an underlying problem about that which I'm working on)
- I like someone else
- I don't feel comfortable with them for some reason I can't immediately name (very important for me. Worst dating scenerio for most men: they're ignored after or their date goes sour. Worst dating scenerio for women: they're date raped/sexually assualted. Being honest here....smart women should listen to their gut more often)


Ironically, I don't have much to gripe about my dating life (except for physical science...that relationship is never going to work out). I'm at the moment perfectly at peace with where I am. I'm single. I'd prefer not to be. But I'm okay that this just isn't going to be my season for the bit. Nothing wrong with that. I trust God. I have plenty else He wants me to work on and become...so I work on what I can fix and relax about what's not in my hands.


one thing though: Duncan, the stache cannot overpower the wealth. being kissed by that is like getting a broom in your face. I agree with cinepro. The hat though....it's kinda trendy

With luv,
BD

Edited by BlueDreams, 16 March 2012 - 08:36 PM.

[BlueDreams]

repeat

Edited by BlueDreams, 16 March 2012 - 08:35 PM.

[Hamba Tuhan]

BlueDreams, on 16 March 2012 - 08:32 PM, said:

Yeah....great solution....look at what the women are doing wrong in the dating scene....on a thread about problematic trends in men.  Kinda ironic really

Er, in case you didn't notice, Cinepro's OP was an excerpt from a book entitled Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men Into Boys.

Edited by Hamba Tuhan, 16 March 2012 - 09:13 PM.

[frankenstein]

Here is my take......EVERYONE IS PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN SALVATION! (not yelling just emphasis)

If anyone wants to be out on a date, that person is responsible to keep asking for a date unrolled someone says yes.

To be very clear, if a female wants to be on a date it is her responsibility to ask until someone says yes.
To be very clear, if a male wants to be on a date it is his responsibility to ask until someone says yes.

If a female wants to be married it is her responsibility to ask someone to marry her.
If a male wants to be married it is his responsibility to ask someone to marry him.

The saints have learned very little from the scriptures, especially the saints have not learned to let go of foolish traditions.

I was single in the LDS church, and it is something I wish on no one and hope.never to repeat.

[Duncan]

BlueDreams, on 16 March 2012 - 08:32 PM, said:

Yeah....great solution....look at what the women are doing wrong in the dating scene....on a thread about problematic trends in men.  Kinda ironic really

This thread reads like one large whine from guys about their crappy dating lives.

Honestly, women want to be single just about as much as men do...if not less so when they're mormon for a number of reasons....they're friends are all married, a large number of friends are having babies, and you just start feeling old around 24 or so. At least that's what I hear most often stated from the women I know in my ward full of "older" single adult women (around mid to late 20's. When you're in provo, surrounded by others who are marrying in their late teens, early twenties, trust me, you begin to feel older).

little grumpy....I'm studying physical science, which makes a terrible friday night date. So I'm not going to comment too specifically.

But here are my top reasons for why I've rejected dates (which I don't too often):
- I actually am extremely busy
- I'm not attracted to the person even a little (not that common right now)
- I don't feel anything for em (this is usually after the first or second date and honestly only recently.....there's an underlying problem about that which I'm working on)
- I like someone else
- I don't feel comfortable with them for some reason I can't immediately name (very important for me. Worst dating scenerio for most men: they're ignored after or their date goes sour. Worst dating scenerio for women: they're date raped/sexually assualted. Being honest here....smart women should listen to their gut more often)


Ironically, I don't have much to gripe about my dating life (except for physical science...that relationship is never going to work out). I'm at the moment perfectly at peace with where I am. I'm single. I'd prefer not to be. But I'm okay that this just isn't going to be my season for the bit. Nothing wrong with that. I trust God. I have plenty else He wants me to work on and become...so I work on what I can fix and relax about what's not in my hands.


one thing though: Duncan, the stache cannot overpower the wealth. being kissed by that is like getting a broom in your face. I agree with cinepro. The hat though....it's kinda trendy

With luv,
BD

I don't have a stache! and what is more I am independantly wealthy-I am independant of wealth!

[BlueDreams]

Hamba Tuhan, on 16 March 2012 - 09:13 PM, said:

Er, in case you didn't notice, Cinepro's OP was an excerpt from a book entitled Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men Into Boys.

Nope, didn't. Physical science is a demanding and unhealthy partner who kept insisting I not ignore it. I just read what he had posted and some of the responces. Later I'll probably have another list of problems based on that title.

With luv,
bd

[rodheadlee]

BlueDreams, on 16 March 2012 - 11:00 PM, said:

. Later I'll probably have another list of problems based on that title.

With luv,
bd

The list doesn't disappear after 38 years of marriage.

[Mormonme]

If the church were to change its stance on Gay marriage...  They'd be tying the knot in droves! lol

[Saints Alive]

Mormonme, on 17 March 2012 - 03:30 AM, said:

If the church were to change its stance on Gay marriage...  They'd be tying the knot in droves! lol

besides completely giving up its ethic andoral values, how would that help straight single people get married?

[Mormonme]

Saints Alive, on 17 March 2012 - 04:55 AM, said:

besides completely giving up its ethic andoral values, how would that help straight single people get married?

The title of this topic is: Single Men, Marriage And Pre-Adult Limbo. Not: Straight Single Men, Marriage And Pre-Adult Limbo
Prior to 1978 the church banned interracial marriage as part of its 'ethic andoral values' - the post 1978 change was most welcome.
How exactly would allowing Gay Marriage hinder straight single people from getting married?

Don't derail the thread.

[Saints Alive]

BlueDreams, on 16 March 2012 - 08:32 PM, said:

Yeah....great solution....look at what the women are doing wrong in the dating scene....on a thread about problematic trends in men.  Kinda ironic really
BD

I find it ironic that the first woman to post automatically deflects the issue back on men.

I was single in the church once... My problem was that I had been inactive and joined the military rather than going on a mission.

I usually didn't have any problems getting dates but it seem that when ever the subject of where I went on my mission came up and I told them i did a lot of "missions" in Afghanistan, they seemed to see red lights. It was almost as if no matter what I did for the church now ( i.e. I was an endowed and respectable member of the church) wasn't good enough because I went on a mission for uncle Sam instead of heavenly father.

In any case, fast forward a few years and I found my self a wonderful (and extremely beautiful I may add) woman, taking lesson from the missionaries, untainted form all the "only marry a returned missionary" baggage. We are now happily married.

I guess the moral of the story is that sometimes we need to be open to others and sometimes we need to look outside the box if we want to find a partner.

[LDSToronto]

I'm getting the impression that a couple of you in this thread feel that men are entitled to dates, perhaps even view dating as a right, not a privilege. Just because a girl is single doesn't mean she is obligated to date anyone who asks her.

H.

[LDSToronto]

cinepro, on 16 March 2012 - 02:03 PM, said:

In the past few years, Church leaders have started being a little more vocal about the increase in unmarried LDS in their 20s.   Today's Wall Street Journal has a good overview of the trend in society in general that has led to this:

Where Have the Good Men Gone?



While there are obviously cultural and doctrinal influences on LDS men that set them apart from their non-LDS single peers, they could share common influences that have led to this trend.

Other than pleading with these men from the pulpit, what more can the Church do?

How about 'do nothing'? Is the church responsible for people getting married?

H.

[Hamba Tuhan]

LDSToronto, on 17 March 2012 - 07:49 AM, said:

Just because a girl is single doesn't mean she is obligated to date anyone who asks her.

I agree 100%. I didn't fight to secure the gift of agency in the pre-existence only to tread on another's agency here.  I'm quite happy for everyone else, single women included, to make whatever choices work for her/him.  I am, however, a bit weary of the whole blame-men-for-the-decline-in-marriage shtick and find it refreshing that social commentators are starting to take a more-balanced approach.

Edited by Hamba Tuhan, 17 March 2012 - 07:59 AM.

[LDSToronto]

LeSellers, on 16 March 2012 - 02:24 PM, said:

My observation is that it's no more likely that a young man is guilty of not wanting to marry tha for a young woman to refuse to accept his proposal.

The people I know who are in this position lament the fact that when they ask sisters out, the girls say, essentially, "Fine, but we can't become serious. I want to finish school" or some such excuse.

Further, when asked, most LDS girls, even at age 10 or 12, have decided they do not want any more than one or two children (sub replacement rate), and they do not change their minds.

What is wrong with women who want to finish an education or take control of their own reproductive agency? I would say that this is nobody's business, but I don't believe that - in a world where there are attitudes that tell women they have to put marriage and children before education and career, I believe that society is obliged to interfere and teach girls and women that they should put themselves first, get educations, and determine for themselves when, with whom, and how many, children will enter into their lives.

H.

[LDSToronto]

Hamba Tuhan, on 17 March 2012 - 07:59 AM, said:

I agree 100%. I didn't fight to secure the gift of agency in the pre-existence only to tread on another's agency here.  I'm quite happy for everyone else, single women included, to make whatever choices work for her/him.  I am, however, a bit weary of the whole blame-men-for-the-decline-in-marriage shtick and find it refreshing that social commentators are starting to take a more-balanced approach.

There should be no blame put on women or on men. The LDS Church, in my experience, has always put that burden on men - in fact Thomas S. Monson laid the 'blame' squarely on the shoulders of men a couple of years back, if I recall correctly.

At the same time, I don't think this is a ***-for-tat issue. Shifting blame to women is not an answer (and I don't think that's what you are saying, Hamba). What might work is to listen to what both genders want in relationships and then take a modern approach to teaching both genders how to satisfy those needs.

H.

[thesometimesaint]

My wife was the one who asked me for our first date. So if a person(Male or Female) is interested they need to ask.